Rain no longer makes me miss
you but instead creates an ache
in this vein running through my
left hand where you used to
absently trace with your fingers
while I let the sound of your tv be
drowned out by your heartbeat
thudding beneath my ear.

Its a little dark here
This illusion I created for myself.
This place I thought was perfect
Has turned into my nightmare.
My fears are bigger
And are haunting me as I cry.
I see a cathedral at the end of the road
With the three moons rising behind.
I walk down the lane
In shuffling steps of fright.
There's the creak of the gates
As I open and enter in to the night.
My life on halt
I'd like this to end
I no longer know myself.
The sky is clouded
There's lightening in the distance,
The only light, from the three heavenly bodies
Looming in the sky
I feel the eyes of a beast
Watching me as I enter.
I pull the door open
Oblivious to what lies inside
Feel the sweat down my back
And the lump in my throat .

A bright light bursts from inside
Blinding my eyes.
I catch myself from falling
From the mere impact.
There's an altar at the centre
I make my way through .
There lies my body
Lying like a living sacrifice.
I know not the meaning
Nor the reason
For the tears in my eyes.
All I know is my illusion was this light
The darkness outside trying to invade,
My only hope of being all I am.
I am not the darkness outside
Nor am I ruled by my fears.
My light prevails through all dark times
And keeps the faith in myself intact.
Here, where the light shines,
This is my Utopia.

Running down that Ecstasy Highway
as fast as my little legs can carry me
I'm blind as a bat with ear plugs
But we  were both
searching through this night time
skyway
reaching out to touch some one
and be touched.

All the guide books said this is the way,
turn right at Desire
turn left at Oblivion
and head on down
to the
neon lights, you can't miss it
as long as you are riding that
Ecstasy Highway.

I was told
some people find it at the end of a needle
others wait for the drop of the cards
and there are those who throw themselves
off that mountain side cliff looking for the winds to ride.
Some find it laying with you.

I've gone somewhere else I can't describe
made a wrong turn
thought it was a Transcendental highway
maybe
because I've been up and down,
made wrong turns right and left
made a wrong turn
at the corner of Sanctuary and Bliss.
I'd ask directions but there is not a soul around,
smacking my GPS
lost beyond words
with nothing familiar
in
neighborhoods looming
stark cracked out buildings
and
broken street lights
people with apocalyptic eyes
even the cops won't come down here any more
and the only help I've found
the only guide I have
is delusional and lost
though occasionally profound
dressed in piercings and tatoos
and she keeps yelling at me
something about going home to you.

Too tired to go on.

Had lost that bat back at the beginning of dawn
finally sat down at the coffee shop
at the corner
of
Love and Compassion
ordered up some hot self-acceptance
took a breath and looked around
still looking for the way back home.
I know it's just down the road
a stop light or so
maybe there's an on ramp
or a sign pointing out the way
to get back
on that
Ecstasy Highway.

I stopped at a gas station
talked to a guy
who told me lefts and rights
but my eye lids fluttered
fell asleep
right when he told me what I wanted to know
and when I opened my eyes
the station was closed
not a soul around
and I was running down
unfamiliar roads.

So if you hear a small lost voice
in the night
that's probably the sound of me
standing at the crossroads
of
Self-pity and Remorse
knocking at the Post Office
trying to mail these words
at a place that been long closed.
Please give me a hug or two
and send me on my way
if you give me any advice
I probably won't hear a word you say.
You see
I'm trying to make my way
back again
to that
Ecstasy Highway.

Those are your footprints
Dead center, smack dab in the
Middle of my heart