The people you love
(A poem from my teenage years)

Why is it always the people you love the most,
Are the ones to Hurt you the most?
Do they mean it?
Do you ask for it somehow?
Do you deserve it?
Everyone i love and hold dearest to my heart,
Has somehow hurt me deep down.
From friends, boyfriends, and,
Even those who are closer, family.
Why do we allow our selves to get close to one another?
We know that one day what ever we have will come to an end.
Words will be exchanged,
Threats will be made,
Tears will be cried and,
Fights will be fought.
Revenge will be planed and,
Names will be called.
Why do we put our selves through this?
Sometimes I just don’t understand.
But to not experience this and,
To never know what it's like to be close to someone,
To have friendships,
To be loved and to love in return,
To not know love or hate.
What would life be like?
Lonely?
Depressing?
Maybe,
 But unhurt by the ones you hold close in your heart at least
A pain I’d rather spare

In this life I have experienced many things
many joys,
many losses that hit hard
happiness that made life a high
sadness and sorrow that bought me to my knees
pain,Pain in my heart that cuts deep down insid
It runs thru my veins
Pain is me
On the paths I've walked I've cut and grazed and shredded my feet
No easy path way was ever paved for me
I have created and given life
Watched first breaths and first steps
First everything at least once around
I've seen death up close
I've held my breath as last breaths were taken
Body's that have given up
Became Frail,
old,broken and beat down
I've seen loss in life and not just mine
Loss is every where in our world
Loss of money
Lost children, loved ones
In this life of mine
I've been used, we all have at one time
I let it happen time and time again
I've let people take advantage of me
Lie to me,get caught and still pretend like there's nothing wrong
I've seen right done in life and also the wrong
And sadly as life goes on the wrongs begin to become more
Morals keep walking out the door
And as for empathy and sympathy
Words better left for the dictionary
Ive seen hell on earth as these politicians
Keep making the wrong discisions
And the threat of war becomes more imminent
I’ve watched as family become foes
Foes that have fallen after so long
And time become nothing as it melts away in your arms after years of not being
I watch,I listen,l learn
I feel more than anything
And more than anything I long not to feel

My mum always has a clean house
I never have to worry about my friends coming over
Sometimes I go to their house and it's a mess
But mine is always clean,even my room
Everything at my house has a place for something
It's very organised and neat
Every night at my house we have an awesome home cooked dinner
Sometimes I don't like the food mum cooks
But she tells me it's good for me
After dinner I always have a bath,Then I get to watch to for a bit
The I get a milo and go to bed at 8.30
I'm scared of the dark
There's something in here that scares me at night
Scared me so much I can't move
I don't know what it is yet
But I don't like it
I can't go to the toilet at night
So I have to call my mum
She gets out of bed and takes me so I feel safe
At my house we have rules like most houses
Sometimes my home is fun
We have people over
And they drink and laugh
I get to play with The othere kids
It's always a great time
Sometimes at my house
I get left alone for a while
Mum and her boyfriend
Have gone to the pub for a round
They have a drink
Some fun,Then come home
At my house sometimes, There isn't any love
There is furniture all over the place
And the house is a complete mess
I have learned at my house
That weekends are not all fun
Drinks with friends
Always leads to a bad end
At my house there's a lot of yelling
And things being misplaced
And thrown around
Things get broken and holes appear in the walls
At my house people turn ugly
The wrinkle up their face
And scream and shout words that aren't nice
I know what's gonna happen from here
It happens all the time
I wish I wasn't here right now
Any where but here
I make myself invisible and stay out of the way

The manly one

I hear the loud voices coming up the street
It's late and dark
I've been alone in this house for hours now
Scared and lonely
But enjoying the silence at least
But it's over now
I feel my heart race my palms get sweaty
And my breathings is soft and shallow
You get closer
I run to my bed and cover my head
I'm safe in my bed
Wrapped in my blankets like a protective layer
Hiding behind my dear old friend dragon to protect me
From what always happens next
It starts before the door opens
He grabs you by the throats and gets in your face
A twisted mangled mess it is right now
He's mad and it's your fault....again
Like every weekend
I lay in my bed and listen to the accusations
I listen to you saying no and whimpering
Your so desperate in these times
Desperate for peace I guess
Desperate not to fight
Desperate not to be slapped again
But you always have a defensive desperation in your voice
We know he's angry
But nothing you say or do is going to make him stop
His rant of manly power followed by
A few manly hands on her thin
Frail body
You must of felt so empowered
How could you stand over a crying defenceless
Woman on the flooor
Cowering into a cupboard
Begging for you to stop
But you have no mercy for her
You're angry and going to teach her a lesson
Silence
That's what I hear now
Nothing but the sound of a **** being smoked
And the sounds of my crying beaten mother
My heart sinks
I feel sad and begin to cry
I want to check her but I know I can't
I can't move my body I lay there paralysed
Trying to breath through the pain
When all I wanna do is hug you and tell you it's going to be ok
The pain will go away
But I don't
I'm 9 and just a kid
Scared and lonely crying in my bed