Diet Dr. Pepper
My saving grace
Keeps me from eating
Keeps me from disappointment
When i see all these wrappers around me

Razor crying out for blood
Comfort, like the comfort of a baby blanket
Tears roll down her emaciated cheeks
Turning to her razor
She has no friends left

Scared of love
Scared of hate
Don't deal in lies
Can't handle
Another loss
Go away
Before i have you first

I'm really scared
Shaking and sweating
Starving for food
I don't want to die
Help me before i lose my mind

Scars, my demons and emotions in
a pool of blood on my wrist.
So comforting, so soothing i don't
know how to explain it
Nothing matters except physical pain
that's why easier to deal with than
emotional pain
Lost in the comfort of blood
and burning cuts.
It's never enough, never enough.

Sting once
Sting twice
Bleed once
Bleed forever
Lovely scars

Searching for a higher power
Seems to be what we all seek
Nothing compares
To everlasting love
As long as we try
We will be saved

Cutting is my escape
From this ****** up world
Hurt more times than one
Heartbroken time and time again
Starved from familiar faces
Scarred from life
Malnourished from human interaction
No one wants to be around
The girl who cuts herself
"Eww gross" you say
None taken, i know
I'm gross
So much more
I'm disgusting
That's why people never stay
They leave before
I get to explain
People always leave
Starving for solid friends
I need my sister here
I want my original friends here
Much more solid
Alone here
Second guessing
The choices i've made
People i've met
Tears roll down my face
Another one leaves
I need nourishment from the ones
Who love me the most

Can't explain
What i want to say
Instead of speaking
To the voice in my head
That say don't
You're words aren't important

Losing control
Who are you trying to take away my secret?
It's more than a secret
It's my world
My salvation
My sanctuary
That is mine and mine only
*******
This is my caged and destructive world
Leave us alone
We don't want you here

My secrets are spun tight
My lies are deep as mud
You don't want to know
I'm to secretive
To ever let you
Step into my porcelain frame

Leave me be
To my secret world
Alone with my demons
Invisible friends

The blade
Creeps in my mind
Every once in awhile
Blood
Stinging
Burning
Comforting sensation
When i don't want to feel
Now
I don't feel the need
As often anymore
My ED helps me now
I know that's not the way to go either
How to be normal?
Don't know such a concept
Relating to my emotions
These are my security blankets
I need them to keep my alive

I'm a shameful secret
That you try with every ounce of your strength
To hide from the world
No sound
No breath
Invisible
Dead to the world
No point in hiding the facts
Despicable human being
I'm sorry
I don't know what to say

Food is a sin
Hunger is a gift
Evidence of my soul
That is shattered
Beyond repair
Food can wait
More than my heart can
Handle this crippling
Depression
That won't go away

Shrek
Ugly ogre
Happy villagers
Are so so happy
Shrek the play
Fiona a beautiful princess
Shrek and Fiona united together
What is meant to be will be

Jeans getting looser
Shirt falling off my shoulders
Skinny equals fragile
Have someone worry
They might break me
Stuck in a world
Where my secrets lie
Secrets are hidden
Like quicksand
You can't get out
My mind stuck
My soul drowning
Murphy disappeared
ED has the rope
His evil hands loosen his grip
Almost falling
Almost drowning
Begging him to stop
Tighten his grip
No use have to obey him
Or i drown
In the quicksand of life

Don't speak
Don't say one word
I realize i'm not good enough
Don't speak
You know nothing about me

Moments of silence
Quiet
Lost in my destructive mind
Thinking about what happened
Scared
Of what will happen next
Can't get out of my mind

One moment
One fleeting idea
One action
Is all it took
For me to realize
I need more
One thought of control
Three years go by
You don't even realize it
You've been numb for too long
Now, when you feel ashamed
Of eating 50 calories
Above your "limit"
You've set for the day
Only then will you realize
This is controlling me now
Can't get out of this torture
I want to cry
I want to cry in frustration
I want to cry for food
I'm hungry
I can't eat
I'm scared
I haven't succeeded yet
In this disease
Because there is no visible
Evidence of my hungry soul

Tired eyes
Weak hair
Ghost girl
Walking around

Society loves
Society hates
Society labels
Society needs to change
It's up to me to change

Someone hold me
Someone to carry me
Someone to tell me
You love me
Just tell me
You love me

Easier to lie
Than to see the disappointment
In your eyes
Telling you my secret
Very dangerous
You wouldn't understand
The world i live in
Easier to lie

Over you
You don't even cross my mind
Anymore
I hate you
You will never be forgiven
I'm over you

Can we trade souls?
My soul is nowhere to be found
My soul is dark and scary
I would like to switch
With a soul
That is worth trading

Flowers blooming
Cool breeze
This is spring

Beneath the stars and skies
Is a world we often don't understand
Full of pain and heartache
And thoughts swirling around in my head
Filled with darkness
To remind me of how lonely and broken
I really am

We all love the term starting over
Seems to be what we all crave
What will happen next to everything else?
Everything we created is all lost
Why would we want to start over?
Our mistakes teach us
What it means to grow
Into a more wiser human being
Starting over
Erases all your hard work
In trying to survive life

Starving
Walking around
How i feel
Food is the chain
Starving away my sadness
Food is the key
My brain is in ED's hands
Never satisfied
Stuck in the mentality
That skinny is everything
All i want to be is normal

"Go away"
She cries
When she says that
She wants you desperately
To stay
To comfort her
And say everything will be okay

We stitch these wounds
They never did get fully repaired
Scars of the past
Bleeding my pain
We stitched these wounds
Hopefully they'll go away

Stop yelling
Stop crying
Stop questioning
I won't give you the key
To open my doors
My doors are ******* shut
By ED
ED is my father now
I obey him
For better or for worse
He helps me
More than anyone else

Stop i said
Trying to understand
You will never get into my head
You will never know the real me
Murphy is nowhere to be found
My demons are awake though
Waiting to take another
Innocent beings soul

Stop the world
For just a few days
So i can get a grasp
On what i'm supposed
To be doing in this crazy
Unpredictable world

Strip me from my soul
Strip me from evil
Need to leave
Move on
I can't stand this anymore
Somebody help me
Strip me from my demons
Evil hands
Scared of them
Yet again they're friends
Strip me from the doubt
That they're here to help
I know they're here to help
I know they're waiting
For my weakest moment
To slowly drain out the poison
And **** me

Stuck in this limbo
Can't get out
I'm your marionette puppet
Controlled by your evil hands
Can't get away
Try to rip a way from you
You just grip harder and harder

My subconscious mind
is a dark place...
but at the same time
beautiful like a cotton field
Happy.
Most of my subconscious is full
of my past and addictions.
It tells me what to do
and i do them.
I don't have a choice but to obey
My subconscious mind
is a very ****** up version of me

I don't want to die
But if i was in a life or death situation
I wouldn't choose life
I'm sorry i'm so difficult
So i'm going to save you all the heartache
And go peacefully

Hello, my name is Murphy
I'm a daughter
I'm a friend
I'm a lovatic
I'm a survivor
In more ways than you know

My words
Not my words
My eyes
Not my eyes
My soul
Definitely not mine
I've turned into ED
Call me Ana or Mia
That's what i've become

Terrified
That i will be like this
Forever
I don't want this to be real
At the same time
I love this
I like the feeling of numbness
Countless of other things
That make up anorexia
I just want to be fragile
Like a baby
I want to be baby

I don't care
If i die
Anymore
I wouldn't actually
Take my own life
I'm just not scared
Of death
Like most people are
I'm scared of living
For the rest of my life
With my thoughts controlling
Every move i make

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful
Thankful for all we have
Family, friends and even heartache
Because they shape us
Into who we are today

The empty park bench
and the stars bare branches
Reminded him of life
Being stripped of emotion
and being numb from them
He says that trees branch will be him
When he's not constantly numb

Hello, my name is Ana
Destroying lives
Right and left
Ana is all destroying
Don't let her consume
Your young soul

Scale refuses to move
Days go by
Number has dropped
Significantly
I still don't see
What i want to
When i will be able to see
What everyone else sees?

I like to say
That i know
My way around the world
The truth is
I can't find a reason to stay

You're my god
Obey as if i'll go to hell
I follow you like the ten commandments
Except yours is different
The thin commandments
Is what i follow

Funny thing you said
Isn't so funny anymore
Now i have a secret
That no one can find
It's written all over my body
Written in red
That's still pretty funny isn't it?
All love is broken
Hearts are broken
Love is so hard to find
Now it's all gone