Doctor after doctor says "How are you feeling?' Watch schizophrenics go to the quiet room Where they don't hear the voices I shouldn't be here I'm not that crazy You try not to say out loud Then again your mind Becomes rational For just a split second And my mind goes "You need to be here" When you realize You cut your emotions skin deep Purge up all my sanity And starve away all the names I suddenly realize That i belong here In a mental ward ED is silent he re I like this place He has no control over me Here Skin and bones Hunger is a lovely feeling Messed up i know This is what i crave
Staring At the skinny legs Wishing i had those Gorgeous legs That everyone is jealous My legs are covered In fat and cellulite I just want to be pretty Is that too much to ask? Too see what everyone else Sees in me
People think they know me Do you know about My abuse, friendships, life ED, cutting, Aspergers Depression and anxiety? No, don't you dare judge me You don't know my story
Applause The crowd goes wild For their children to perform A flawless routine "This is my daughter, the cheerleader" They say Enjoy it now You never know When your "Cheerleader", "athlete" title Will be ripped away By words of poison
My eyes are open Another sleepless night Picking apart my body Peeling away my insecurities In my head You say to yourself "I promise i won't eat tomorrow" Suddenly you can lie your head On your soft quilted pillow Just remember your promise You can't break a promise
Hearing my heartbeat Beating like i know it should But sometimes i don't want it to I often wonder what does death feel like? I imagine it peaceful Your problems are nonexistent Hearing my heartbeat Is a blessing But also a nightmare
Starving Walking around How i feel Food is the chain Starving away my sadness Food is the key My brain is in ED's hands Never satisfied Stuck in the mentality That skinny is everything All i want to be is normal
I'm starving So very hungry "You can't eat" says Ana Me- "oh yeah i forgot" Ana- "you can eat but when i say you can!" Me-"okay" Wallowing in hunger Scared that if i disobey Ana I will get punished The punishment Is gaining weight "Can't gain weight" i say "Good girl" says Ana
***** this evil soul That is me Disappointment To everyone Unloved Unappreciated Please help me I'm done with my own evil soul Don't want to be the monster That everyone hates
Broken mirror on the wall Tell me what is real And what is not Pick up the pieces of glass On the floor And fix My distorted image Or can you even Pick up the pieces of glass Broken mirror?
Depressed From life From the cold stares Mean voices Feeling invisible in every room I turn I'm done With trying my hardest I'm all alone With no one to turn to When i need distractions
I want to exercise I'm too fat to run I can't do anything It's probably good That i don't workout I need to get My mind and body Healthy again So i can live Happy, healthy and free
People telling me Day after day Stop this Stop that Shut up you're not worthy I'm sorry I'll just shut the **** up I try with my whole being To think i'm worthy of love I was wrong **** it, I'm done
I hate myself I'm such a disgrace to the world I'm sorry mom and dad I know you don't like me Who would want A cutter and anorexic as a wife? I'll never be loved and accepted
As the first, crisp breeze of autumn blew... Kids playing Happily in the leaves No worries about anything Just playing in the leaves Without a care in the world Cold air all around Cool breeze blowing in our faces Fall is leaves and cold air Pretty soon it will be winter Fall is cool Fall is in between winter and summer Not to hot not to cold That's what i love about fall
Applause Chanting "Demi, Demi'" You are my nightingale Singing voice of an angel Lovatic's screaming For their idol To step onto the stage Demi will always be there Her love is like a star
Criticizing bodies Every where i turn Feel like a judgmental fool This disorder Has changed the way I perceive other humans I'm embarrassed I care so much I realize I'm a abnormal creature Why do i care so much? I don't understand Why the devil choose To ruin my body and soul
Words he said to me Brought me down like cement So afraid, so scared Don't know what to do Words he spoke Oh, those awful words He spoke The memories are a dagger In my heart The only way to get rid of Those awful words Is to dive into my world Of self-destruction And drown in my own pain.
Ana's in my head Raging at my rational mind Fighting a world war 3 About to explode In my brain Thoughts please go away I can't stand each day With you by my side
Unbearable pain Unbearable emotions This is where the blade comes in Draining the toxins Slowly but surely Now feel numb Like when you're put under the surgery
The blade Creeps in my mind Every once in awhile Blood Stinging Burning Comforting sensation When i don't want to feel Now I don't feel the need As often anymore My ED helps me now I know that's not the way to go either How to be normal? Don't know such a concept Relating to my emotions These are my security blankets I need them to keep my alive
Drowning in guilt once i realized what i've done All those wrappers around me Have no idea how they got there Then i realize what those wrappers Were filled with Terrified and disgusted with myself I'm so fat I have no self-control
Invisible Invisible but yet living How can that be? When she's physically alive Her soul dead The people who don't care Enough to notice Her broken soul
I'm invisible Wanting my light to shine As soon as someone Has access to my light I suddenly want to be invisible Did you forget everything we ever had? Don't forget Please don't forget about me