Flashbacks Feel like A thousand needles in my heart Lost all communication Thousand needles ******* My dark world Relived Feels like a thousand needles In my heart
Months after months Year after years Go by Filled with nothing But food Dominated by it's utter existence Sense of need Thinking your invincible Until your being threatened treatment I'm not weak I'm strong
The memories and lies eating me up inside Flashbacks one after the other I can't do this anymore I want all the voices to stop The afterlife seems so much easier Than the hell of life
You don't have to tell me I'm skinny Because i know i'm not You're trying to be nice I understand And i am thankful But you don't understand I don't do this for compliments I with my whole entire being Believe That i Am a fat lard that needs To be pretty I just want to be loved Have the affection of a human Wrapped around my finger To know for a fact That i am worth living
Anorexia, all consuming, so fearful So scared. A little girl afraid of the world A little girl afraid of gaining weight The fear in my eyes When i step on the scale Scared of the basics of life. Stuck in a deep, dark hole and i don't think I'll ever get out.
Ana that's her name She's my friend She's everywhere Inside my head Telling me to do things When will me and Ana Breakup? I used to like her Now i hate her Scared of her And i can't make her Go away Please help me Please make Ana go away
My subconscious mind is a dark place... but at the same time beautiful like a cotton field Happy. Most of my subconscious is full of my past and addictions. It tells me what to do and i do them. I don't have a choice but to obey My subconscious mind is a very ****** up version of me
The sting of the blade Comforting warm blood Blood pooling on my body Symbolizing my demons Draining out Lost in the moment Not thinking about pain Physical pain rises above Blood representing my soul Everything numb Blissful feeling
Cutting Blood flooding like rain Emotions slowly draining my mind Feel the sting of abandonment Burning off negativity Soft hands Cover them Band aids heal all wounds
I hold on to you like a lost lover So fearful to part with my only solace Just incase I need a hand to hold A shoulder to cry on I hold on to your captive embrace Just incase I'm to weak to break free Just incase
Christmas Santa Christmas cheer Lovely people all around Decorations Brightened the houses Food all around Doing naughty things I'm naughty with food Shouldn't get rewarded
I can't do this anymore I can't live life Seeking a invisible vision That will never come Three years later Still haven't gotten What i so badly crave I don't even remember What i'm searching for I can't stop Even though I will never be satisfied With what i so badly Once sought
Quality over quantity Always has been my motto Forever and always Love your friends for who they are Rather than wishing for something more Keep your friends close So they don't have a opportunity To slip away
Ringing doorbells "Trick or treat" Is repeated in your head All night long Pumpkins lighting up the night Kids paralyzed with sugar rushes Innocent fun
We all love the term starting over Seems to be what we all crave What will happen next to everything else? Everything we created is all lost Why would we want to start over? Our mistakes teach us What it means to grow Into a more wiser human being Starting over Erases all your hard work In trying to survive life
Want to get in bed Drown my head Shut the lights off Feel my bones Becoming more visible Open the drawer Eyes on the blade House dark Eyes closed Solid and still My demons fill the room My nocturnal evil friends Awaken the night Bleeding high Off the ground Now i can Clear my head Close my dark eyes Dream of happiness In my head
Head pounding With all the thoughts That are all encompassing No way out Stuck As if you have a ponytail Tied to tight Constant throbbing That can't be relieved
His words, his awful words Haunt me everyday Memories and flashbacks Are terrifying I spent a whole 9 months with you I don't need your flashbacks... Please, please get out of my head
Happy mothers day I know you will always stay You've been there with me Through everything I couldn't be more grateful Even when i am sometimes hateful You have taught me so much You are the rock You are a hard worker A great mother I love you Happy mother's day
I just want you to fix my broken heart Broken shards of my heart Are around the places That have destroyed my soul Fix the brokenness of my heart Put it back together again As if were Humpty Dumpty
Today i have consumed 460 calories Of disgusting layers Of chewy flavorless Fat and unnecessary calories Sitting in my stomach Containing fat and so much more On my "healthy" body As most say I'm not healthy in the slightest I'm weak For letting hunger power Me into eating Which is unnecessary and weak
No one should ever Want this demon To take over them It's evil Takes over Your entire being Something that I wish i knew Thin doesn't equal happiness Control doesn't give you power It makes you miserable In every sense of the word All it does Is have A deadly obsession With the scale That never changes Nothing ever satisfies Your starving soul
Losing control Who are you trying to take away my secret? It's more than a secret It's my world My salvation My sanctuary That is mine and mine only ******* This is my caged and destructive world Leave us alone We don't want you here
Lost in a vicious cycle Never leaves my mind, wanting to be alone. So i can be alone, with my addiction. Eat, eat, and eat Puke in the bathroom Bits of fingernails stuck in your throat Smell of bile, so unsanitary So repulsive but a much needed Necessity
My demons are secretive They creep out slowly and quietly So no one can have their devilish tongue rattle Slithering like a snake Into my veins Into my soul Ready to devour me Into a pile of flesh and bone