Where do I search? I don't know how.
Looking here and there and in the now.
Grasping for answers I can not understand,
Failing to hear them from my fellow man.
Circles I draw in my mind,
Not seeing the harm it's caused me from behind.
Fires burn and gardens left untended
walls brought down and towers left undefended.
Not understanding why I can't hear the call
too distracted in fighting to hear it at all
Simple answer is to live in the and not ask how,
Searching close to home in the here and now.

The Understanding

I scream but make no sound,
I tear at the walls but they hold solid.
With all my rage I scream again and show it my fangs
But, it is unimpressed.
It looks at me without blinking or expression,
It acknowledges that time does pass but it will never yield.
It is both monolithic and miniscule in size and determination,
And never once will it allow me to gain an inch.
What is this foes name and why do we all fear it?
Will its long talons never ease their unyielding grip?
Will I wake up and start all over again, or just start a new?
I can ask but I will never know until it happens.
Tomorrow is indeed another day and another battle to win and loose of my own free choice.
So tomorrow we begin anew, and fresh.
A parley of terms agreed upon by two embattled foes.
Where will we start?
When will it end?
Why do we dance?
Will this be my life?
Will this be my legacy?
All of this is the same and different keeping us at our wits end.
Depression is your name, hope is my only sword.
Come let us embrace again!

Full of love and hate,
Parts of souls it takes
Empty promises it makes
Sacred vows it breaks
List of names it utters
Faithless words it mutters
Anger and war it starts
Like arrows it can pierce a heart
Into the wind you can yell
Only to live in your hell
Reactions to yours will deploy
Other reacted and feel annoyed
And all for this just simple words
Simple words simple words hurting horrible words.

Sometimes you must ask yourself
When is it time to worry?
Is it when the lights turn off
Or when the well runs dry
When the barking stops
Or when the baby cry’s
When the wind starts to howl
When the moon won’t shine
When is it time to worry?
When there is no sound
Or too much around
When you miss the train
Or can’t play the refrain
When you catch the ball
Or you jump off the wall
When is it time to worry?
I can’t begin to tell you
Or make you believe
It’s when there is stillness
And nothing to retrieve
It is at the journeys end
And not at the door step at all
It’s when you can see the light
Or finishing the fall
That is the time to worry…..





MEH

She calls me every day and I try not to hear her,
She lures me with memories that where not sweat but where soothing,
She reminds me of how I felt and what she did for me,
I so want to feel her embrace.

She would **** me if I let her,
She would wound me if I was still with her,
She could be a very kind lover,
But she wants so much and gives back so little.

She washed over my body,
Made me numb to other sensations,
Filled my mind with images,
And still I know she will end my life.

Why can I not silence her call?
Why am I drawn to her danger?
Why am I helpless in her presence?
I hear her, I want her, I obey her,
Nicotine……….