When I go
Take this body
Burn it to ash
Forget what I
Looked like
And suddenly
The world will be
Dustier,
But
Better

I can hear my life
Complaining
About all the things
I have not
Let it be

I can hear my potential
Chastising
My laziness and mediocrity
In a single
Breath

buried deep
inside
of me
this grief has
gravity
be gentle with my
memory
it’s the only piece you’ll
have
of me

I
will
quietly
slip unnoticed
out
of this broken
world

Depression means
I don’t swim in the ocean anymore
Because I’ve spent days drowning
In my own bed

Depression means
I don’t hug people anymore
Because every time I let go
I feel guilty for letting go
Too soon
Or too late

Depression means
I am difficult to love
Because I need you to be with me
But not too close or too long
But don’t stay away
Because I get lonely but also
Need isolation because I’m an introvert
Because my love language
Says I like receiving gifts
But whenever I get a gift
I feel like a burden
And I’m not worth whatever you paid for this
Because I have put a cost on myself
On my happiness
On my mind
Because anything more than $75 an hour
Won’t get me a return on my therapy investment
Because I sometimes see myself in the mirror
And wish I could disappear

Depression means
Life and death don’t feel all that different
Because they’re both terrible ******* options

I am not a Phoenix waiting for rebirth
I am a silly boy dressed in feathers
thinking that Mardi Gras could bring me joy
I am not trying to disguise a part of me
I am trying to become something new entirely

You will find no cross
There will be no stone
On the side of the road
On your way back home