"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Don't let yourself go numb
or let yourself cry in empty parking lots
When you forget what its like when he used to hold your hand.
His hands are rough and strong, and it when you let yourself numb it's not poetic, it's letting him wrap his hands around your throat.

Don't find new ways to poison yourself
when the weight of the missing "I love you's" feels like it's going to crush you.
They were lies and they're going to crack your ribcage in half so they can puncture your heart, and it's only going to feel heavy a little longer so hang in there, it'll be okay.

Don't text him long unreadable messages when you're crying in your room at 1 in the morning because you remember the way he used to hold you and wipe your tears away with his thumb.
He is not that person anymore.
You shouldn't be either.

Do you think of me when you wake up at three in the morning and you can't fall back asleep? Do you wonder how I spent my day or if I'm wide awake, too? Do I ever cross your mind as you're drifting off, just like you always used to do? Am I your first thought in the morning, the image of me curled up next to you? Do I still haunt you in your dreams, do you still wake and whisper "I love you"?
I guess what I'm trying to ask is,
do you still love me like I love you?

I tried to write you a letter but the words I was writing could never properly explain how in love I am with the idea of us, but so utterly confused with the reality of me and you. I'm so tired, tired of me and tired of you and tired of us, but even in the complete exhaustion of you and I, I yearn for your arms.

You destroy me every ******* time
As soon as I think I've finally found a way to be happy, truly happy,
you find a way to bring me back down.
it's as if you don't even realize you're doing it, but I do.
and I still let you, every ******* time.

Monday 2:38 pm
I know you're sitting five feet away but I miss you so much.

Tuesday 4:56
At least pretend like you love me when my mom is here. You're breaking both of our hearts today.

Wednesday 9:03 am
I'm mad about what you said to me last night but for the sake of the holidays I'll pretend like I believe your broken apology.

Thursday 8:16 pm
Merry Christmas. This year my wish was for us to remember what the point of all of this was. Maybe next year.

Friday 12:39 am
You're laying right next to me and I can hear you breathing but I don't think either of us are really alive.

They come and go, the demons.
They scream in your ears but you can never understand what they're saying.
They claw at your back and you never quite heal.
They spend months and months destroying you, just to leave you.
They'll tell you they love you, but you never see it in their eyes.
But it's not the deafening screams or the blood dripping down your back or the lies that paralyze you that knock you down.
None of that really matters though, not when you see them staring back at you in the mirror.