As I write these words, I'm falling down to my knees.
I put my hands together and pray.
I'm projected out my body where I can dance and play.
I feel so free and blissful.
I can only rejoice that I have made it to another day.
I'm on a new journey and path that will take me beyond this day.

I was looking at old pictures.
I asked myself the important question.
"Do I miss you?"
I sat and thought about it.
Scrolling through endless pictures.
I didn't feel the need to cry.
I didn't feel my heart sputter.
I didn't get the butterflies.
I didn't get anything.
I guess it finally ended.

I was given a pen to write my story.
But little did I know, I was the ink.

I'm finally free.
It feels good.
My heart no longer hurts when I think of you.
My mind is no longer at war with my words.
I've finally sailed to the eye of the storm.
I'm calm and collected.
I thought you would be happy.

Love was the game.
I got finessed.
Followed my heart.
'Til I realized it was too late.

'Til this day I wonder where I went wrong with you.
I hope our paths never cross again.
I've been hurting for months and I have no idea how long it will be.
Before I actually feel fine.
I've been killing myself with all this downtime.
Wondering about you and how you're doing.
This will be my last poem about you.
I lived to see 23 and I'm happy for that.
A year ago I had you.
This month in a couple of days.
This will sproute new memories.
For myself so I can see my life completely without you.
I wish I could turn into a door so you can walk in and see my life.
'Til you realize how many locks you have to go through just to open the door.
I've had so many people tell me just to let it go.
Even you said "it is what it is."
And you're right.
'Til this day.
It will be "it is what it is."
You even told me happy birthday and it was awkward for me.
You don't really care about me.
Nevermore should I care about you.
'Til this day.
We walk separate paths.
Shall it stay like that.

I should have walked away from you.
I knew it was ending when you said we were drifting apart.
I could have saved myself from this hurt.
That one night I had my chance.
I should have just got up and left.
Walked until my feet bled.
Maybe then my feelings would've died for you.
Now I'm just choking my life away.
Little by little.
Day by day.
Month by month.
My healing time is ******.

This loneliness is just bitter.
To cold for my heart to bear.
The freezing point that I can barely stand.
Freeze my soul and just leave me be.
In time someone will warm it back up.

You don't miss them.
You miss the way they made you feel.
You miss their company.
You hate being alone.
Well I do to....
It's a lonely world out there...

Just remember when you want me.
It'll be too late.
I will have moved on.
I got tired of waiting.
When you didn't want me,
The universe had my back.
It sent me someone who did.

At times like this I wish I could fill this void.
But during times like this all I can do is think of you.
You were once my binding for my heart.
You kept everything structured.
Once you pulled the pin, everything just fell.
Back into this abyss that feeds on my pain.
It's like feeding myself poison little by little.
Expecting to build an immunity to it.
Just to turn around and find out I'm dying faster than normal.
I can't remember that last time that I actually genuinely smiled.
Believe it or not I'm actually running out of fake smiles.
I've tried shopping around for them but I couldn't find any.
I looked up how to be happy again on my browser and you popped up.
I cleared my cache and cookies in hopes of it being a joke but you were still there.
Next to the word happy.

To think about you is like a tattoo.
You forget you have memories.
You forget you have tattoos.
Eventually the memories fade.
Just like tattoos.
It's up to you if you want to touch them up.
Bring color back to them.
Do you.

I've deleted all our pictures.
I've burned all our memories.
Yet I still can't escape what has been etched.
Forever into my brain.

Maybe I did fall in love with you too fast.
Maybe I should've just stayed friends with you so this could last.
Now I'm sitting here thinking about the past.
How I knew this wasn't going to last.
Jokes on me, I'm just a loser.
Now my heart is a bruiser.
It takes hits all day.
I walked around and carried all this weight.
Just to show you that I will end up sky.
Now I'm beneath the ground.
6 feet deep.
Now I can finally sleep.
Its time to count these endless sheep.

I'm not happy...
I'm miserable...
I lied to people...
This shadow weighs...
Like the ****** souls...
That go into the abyss...
I'm not happy...
Its time to take a nap...
Forever...

We reach our limit as soon as we fall...
The sky calls out our name...
The clouds go where ever the wind takes them...
The breeze is where I wanna be...
Just let everything go and float away...
Take that journey...

What are the cheat codes to life.
Can I get an extra man?
How many points do I need?
Can I make the leader board?
Can I be #1?
Do I get to put my initials?
Will I have a ghost?
Take my place and wipe my memory.
Claim my spot and be at the top.
You have to be good at it.
Otherwise life will always win.

I don't believe in love anymore.
I'm hurting and it doesn't even matter.
My soul has left my body and I feel nothing.
It went into that dark abyss.
Love is not what I thought it would be.
It chewed me up and spit me back out.
That line to hell seems a bit shorter now.
I would rather die than to be in love again.
I was a good guy.
Now I'm just a guy that feels horrible all the time.

I can't wait til the leaves fall...
The change in color...
The atmosphere lightens...
Walking alone to mend your mind...
That nice breeze while you hear the leaves...
You can smell that faint hint of rain...

When rain comes, I form a boundary.
These grey gloomy clouds have feelings.
Rain pours down like a never ending rain forest.
The only time I feel warmth is with your smile, your eyes, your presence, your thoughts. There is more to this list.
You overcome the thunder that is in my head.
You turn any occasion into a bright day.
Your brown honey eyes make my hands sticky.
I miss holding your emotions like they were my own.
This is supposed to make me feel better but all I can feel at this moment is pure sadness.
I will carry your burdens anywhere.
I know you didn't ask for this.
I see you.
Please...

Be carful when you walk on my path...
There are cracks that haven’t been fixed...
There are holes that need to be filled...
I’m working on it don’t worry...
I don’t want anyone to fall like I do...
Those are my mistakes and my responsibilities...
My relationship with myself will get better...
If you see me working don’t halt me...
Help me with your encouraging words...
Let me know I can do this..
If you give up on me I’ll continue to fix myself...
I’m doing this for me so I can better my life...
Please do the same with yours...

You were Aphrodite...
Had the stare of Medusa...
But had the power of Helios...
At night you turned into Apollo...
In rage you were Athena...
You became Hera...
So many gods and goddesses in one...
Multiple reason why no one can contain you...

Crying is what I do when I think of you...
My sunflower is no longer with me...
I need to trim my leaves and leave you in the roots...
This will help me grow and nurture myself...
Since you are no longer here to do that...
Plant your seed else where and watch it grow...
Watch how the soil will be different...
Watch how they take care of you...
I will miss watering you everyday...
I now have to watch you grow from a distance...
Bloom into that flower no one expects...
Eventually people will seek your seeds for guidance...
Help bloom other flowers...
Help wilted flowers rise again...
You are my sunflower and now I must let you go...