Sitting side by side
happiness not felt for a desolate while
As hand creeps around shoulder
causing silent giggle and nervous smile

A sigh of relief
as her head against him lean
Heart beating and eyes closing
feeling that what cannot be seen

Both unsure
from the pasts pain that has been dealt
But both eased
as the presence of the other is felt

And as the moments fade
laying there with nothing in their sight
They lay comfortably motionless
as day rapidly turns to night

For they are both nervous
that the wrong message they might send
So they quietly lay there against each other
begging for the day to never end

it hurts

no grand act of betrayal
but the magnitude of minor slices to my heart
found in the lacking of affection

claims of love
feel unbelievable
when overshadowed by actions of doubt

i fear to let go
but fall into the pit of comparison

the past has its claws deeply implanted
into my flesh
not deep enough to bring my end
but only enough to regularly deface my heart

torn
tattered

i forget what i want
but crave that which is lost

rational thoughts plagues my mind
how i attempt to dismiss it
when overwhelming me with the reminder
that the sacred times will never return

Waiting to hear from you
Every second I think of you is as if a shard was pushed into my stomach
I feel as if I need to try forget you
But a part of me doesn't want to give up
Times are cold and I can't help but feel alone
I can only hope you don't feel the same
I want you to want me
But not to suffer like this
I hope you are happy
And that you never stop smiling
I miss you

Murmur of ancestors
preconceptions we are taught
Even when the truth is all around us
still in shadows we shall walk

Listen,
just try to hear the beat
Of a heart so tired from breaking
Butchered and beaten
stabbed and walked on
So many times have I fell
yet this broken heart craves more
It may take the beating
but it does not see the tears
But being hurt
is better than being alone it cries
In moments of depression
even to myself my heart lies
It no longer is able to see it
but I would like something true
Before I hand it over
tell me why I should give it to you

I'm not perfect
I won't deny that
But I'll never back down from a fight
not even a tiny spat

I've made mistakes
lots, and I'm aware
I can no longer sleep at night
I'm overflowing with fear

I have some trust issues
because of what the past has done to me
I'm broken, just an incomplete kid
Struggling to decide on who to be

And in the darkness I loom
Because the light hurts so much more
When I look for comfort
I'm always just shown the score

For sleep evades me
and misery my best friend
But death keeps his distance
torturing me till the end

Reality is a realm
in which nothing is real
Tempts you with happiness
then takes it before you feel

Belonging is a myth
a memory that seems so far away
I can't help but think
that perhaps I was dreaming that day

For when you live in hell
it is rather hard not to burn
To turn psychotic
and give the others a turn

But let temptation rest
and lay my weapon down
I'll accept your torment
yet you still question my frown

But dreams I may hold
as distant as they seem
For individual accomplishments
the leader of my own team

For this world may push me down
don't think I won't try
I may not have wings
but that doesn't mean I can't fly

Sleepless nights
Left by a new reason
And my heart has changed
With the season

My arms are cold
It lacks our friction
I miss you so much
My beautiful new addiction

I wake up, as if it's any other day
Trying to remember what it was last night
which I heard you say
and while it feels the same, it's different
I sense that perhaps
today is a special day

So I jump out of bed,
with a sleepy smile
remaining on my face intact
Thoughts of you
beside half awake dreams
as I my memories recollect

Ah, what a glorious day
a wonderful reminder
of what we share
Of that first day I saw you
that perfect smile
and that beautiful hair

I'm reminded of the day
in which we each other
have confess
To each other love
and how we wish
to be together address

And it may surprise me
that since then
six months have past
With the amount
of happiness you give me,
I hope we shall always last

My dear angel
if happiness were a form of currency
no doubt I'd be rich
I only that you could be here
and that we have many more
anniversaries wish

Sleeping mornings
and backward time
Wealthiest of wealthy
hold not a single dime

Falling sunsets
and saddened sand
Broken completeness
within withered hands

Eery births
and cheered funerals
Hollow footsteps
and lost potential

Blind stares
and empty breath
Bloodied love
and gold-rusted death

And in that moment
time and space stretched
the ground below became uneven
tearing open and pulling me down
the sadist shadows
laughing and beckoning me
even the trees screamed and cried
the sun fled beneath its silken counterparts
as the world began to shift
and reality began to fade
the emptiness found
as the sky began to bruise
to my destruction
in my acknowledgement
that I don't belong with you

We walk these streets
while this city sleeps
Unaware of all its flaws
and countless disfunctions

This is our time
Let us burn this city down
And laugh
as their walls cry
and bleed

In the awakening inferno
We rip the sky into the earth
As the chaos unfolds
Upon the holy and unholy alike

The heavens will open
and tear us apart
As we try to remember
who we once were

Their eyes now opened
They too cannot sleep
The mindless zombies
now too walk the street

As I lay here alone
Unable to sleep
My comfortable bed
Brings no peace to my mind
I lay paralyzed
Alone
with my thoughts

And as the hours flee
Lay my mind and I
Beside each other, imprisoned
I am trapped

There is nothing I can do
But lay helplessly
As I fight to escape these visions
Who force themselves in
And bring my mind no rest

These tormented memories
Hear not my sorrow
and will not accept my forgiveness
My fears remain restless
And tear at my mind
Until i can take no more
And in my utter desperation
They hear not my cries
They accept nothing
For the burdens of times passed
I can not rid this curse
Forever I lay uneasy
Cowering in my own fear
Crawling before the darkness
Which once promised to lift me up

I would pray for forgiveness
But within this darkness there is no light
How could I even consider that they would forgive me
When I can't even forgive myself
This helplessness
It is eternal

i beg of you
please help me

As battle rages
fight with what you choose
But don't underestimate the capability
of the man with nothing to lose

Oh glorious leader
king of noble birth
Wouldn't even walk upon
those burned within his greed's hearth

Stands so tall,
above all mortal men
While holding the darkness within
larger than those of ten

Shine in the sunlight
burning from the truths light
Born to roam back alleys
where even the shadows blight

For the evil you see
isn't one to fear
It's those which are hidden
and common ears can't hear

For no sound is more valued
than the sound of a coin drop
As they push another competitor down
on their path to the top

Their greed unmatched
Hearts blaring impure
As if there was an unknown force
the dollar being their lure

Men of these kind
care not, but rub it in our face
As the hungry become hungrier,
they purchase yet another porcelain vase

Oh but you modern demons
hearts blackened to the core
Love to give us a little taste
and then rip it from us, as we desire more

And yet now you question my loyalty?
Try hide my truth without sound
I shan't be happy
till each and everyone of you lays on the ground

Because the truth is all around them
and they love their ignorant lies
Buried in them,
happily blinded till the gold dies

Why not listen to reason
or listen to what I have to say
But ignore me they shall
until their dying day

And to this cause I abandon
like a dog that can no longer be trained
For you were born into selfishness
truly can't be blamed

Run your mouth forever
continue spewing more lies untrue
But know that sooner I'd have my legs break
than bow before you

I know there is a shadow
I know its watching over me
Watches me while I'm working
Watches me when I sleep

I never get a moment
of privacy or peace
Its just lurking over
Waiting for me to grant it release

How to banish this demon
How to set it free
I'd like to be alone now
I'd like to hear my plea

Suppose it is ironic
that I want to be alone
When the reason for its presence
is that I am on my own

But how I want my freedom
But how I want to scream
As this is my follower
As this is my dream

In the morning daybreak
I would want it directly see
For all my fears, insecurities
will allow this shadow to consume me

It never feels
how it used to
how it was meant to
how we wanted it

I died to let you go
killing myself over and over in your absence

but your return
did nothing more than **** my suffering

You have freed me from your torment
but in it's place left an emptiness

for I used to know what I wanted
but now I am truly left with nothing

A segment of a relation
which at times has happiness brought
But too each side has felt
the cold touch of her breath
and the question she poses
as warmth fades with comfort
and true feelings hide behind doubt

I never imagined that it was possible
that one could be in the presence of an angel
and feel so *****
For I am covered and dripping
in not my insecurities
but ours both

And in my suffering
I weep for two

For I lay beside a fading star
who's beauty is becoming hard to see

Who assures me I am loved
and tries to iron out our distress
But we will both remain tormented
with Misery as my mistress

What is one more,
just another sleepless night
With the vague touch of familiarity
into my sanity you bite

Beloved bed upon who I lay
rest body but not sight
Ask for one moon of forgiveness
or ask if free breath may be right

For just a simple exchange
a wink of sleep I fight
Even in those few moments
my dreams now raised to a new height

Forgive myself I cannot
continuing as lost souls their blight
Rolling back and forth
in my bed as winded kite

Your words roam in my mind
what you said holds so tight
But I beg of you
that one tormentless night you might

For it is darkness I seek
but you only provide white
Not knowing what can be done
to escape the inevitable and forth coming light

Sleepless nights
and dreams in shadow
Rolling over and over
forever lost in battle
Trying to open sleep's door
but someone has removed the handle
Memories of a *****
covered by golden mantle

Staring into her manipulative eyes
is as if to climb into my own hearse
For I have surrendered myself
and become victim to her curse

Thank you for being there
to know that you don't pretend
And listening to me you do contend
happy am I to call you a friend

Thank you for being there
your able to give without ask in return
From you I and many could learn
feels like life for the best has turn

Thank you for being there
without you couldn't possibly go on
Helped me out when all had gone wrong
making me feel as if there is somewhere I belong

Thank you for being there
without I most surely would break
For not taking my words as fake
for proving to me that I wasn't a mistake

My spirit is chained down
A caged monster
Unable to break free
From the prison I built
In blind attempts to flee

Imprisoned
by my coward'ness
A slave to my fears
In the darkest of nights
The shadows hide my tears

Victim to my own crimes
Truths which I can't deny
For as much as I push my demons away
At the end, on them I rely

Nights hold no compassion
Lay I,
Tortured by what is done
Within the courtyard of my mind
Countless laps I run

My heart may once have been fire
But those flames have surely perished
In the ashes of those ill-spoken
Rest true hearts
Beside those who are broken

Even in pure unforgiving silence
Torment is never far from sight
Eluding heartly conversations
But in my arms at the end of the night

Thoughts are
slaughtered by lost memories
My mind owns no rest
Enslaved to my demons
causing a vacancy in my chest

A man so hollow
who had let go of his dream
Awoke each day to a world
which had nothing left to share

A world
exploding with
what seemed similar to happiness
a distant feeling

But as time passed
he realized that
he could be brought brief moments
of joy
but still remained empty

What was lacking
was purpose

After years of observation
these tired eyes found an odd sight
an angel with wings broken
and a heart shattered at the core

This mystical creature
of such immense beauty
laying cold and alone
stained with blood and tears

With my rusted arms
I swooped her up
and supplied her with any warmth
I could possibly give
in my desperation to ease the pain
and try tend to her wounded heart

And in my occupation
of tending to her
I felt that emptiness whittle away
slowly and gently chipping
at the abyss within me

Months passed
and I can't begin to describe
the joy felt when she smiles
and while the marks never disappear
behind the smiles
they begin to fade

Good times,
there are a few now it would be seem
The painful thoughts and break downs
never seem far away

I'm trying
and it is tearing me apart
The attention required,
the countless nights of sleeplessness
over trying to comfort her.
But while it rips at me
I will never stop

For hearing the laugh
or seeing that beautiful smile
makes every moment worthwhile
It makes it worth living in this horrid world
this game with unfair rules and unbalanced sides
with players that would rather watch everyone else fall to their knees

..but this world can't be that bad
if it was the birth of you


I had no idea how to react
when I heard you say
"If it wasn't for you
I'd be probably be gone
long ago"

With this
I realized
my need to keep going
to keep pushing through every day
because now
I have found
my purpose

A man so hollow
who had let go of his dream
Awoke each day to a world
which had nothing left to share

A world
exploding with
what seemed similar to happiness
a distant feeling

But as time passed
he realized that
he could be brought brief moments
of joy
but still remained empty

What was lacking
was purpose

After years of observation
these tired eyes found an odd sight
an angel with wings broken
and a heart shattered at the core

This mystical creature
of such immense beauty
laying cold and alone
stained with blood and tears

With my rusted arms
I swooped her up
and supplied her with any warmth
I could possibly give
in my desperation to ease the pain
and try tend to her wounded heart

And in my occupation
of tending to her
I felt that emptiness whittle away
slowly and gently chipping
at the abyss within me

Months passed
and I can't begin to describe
the joy felt when she smiles
and while the marks never disappear
behind the smiles
they begin to fade

Good times,
there are a few now it would be seem
The painful thoughts and break downs
never seem far away

I'm trying
and it is tearing me apart
The attention required,
the countless nights of sleeplessness
over trying to comfort her.
But while it rips at me
I will never stop

For hearing the laugh
or seeing that beautiful smile
makes every moment worthwhile
It makes it worth living in this horrid world
this game with unfair rules and unbalanced sides
with players that would rather watch everyone else fall to their knees

..but this world can't be that bad
if it was the birth of you


I had no idea how to react
when I heard you say
If it wasn't for you
I'd be probably be gone
long ago

With this
I realized
my need to keep going
to keep pushing through every day
because now
I have found
my purpose

For your selfish actions
lay I with you the blame
while feeling guilty in knowing
that in your position
I would have done the same

Glaring at the pain-inspiring screen
Trying to come to terms with what I see
Motionlessly soaking in
As my mind tries to deceive itself
while filling itself with doubt, regret
and remorse

The tears begin to gather
and stream down the valley of my face
Dampening my shirt
and shattering my heart
Failing to breath
I am unable to look anywhere else
Staring uncontrollably
and trying to come up with some explanation

I see it before me
but am not able to accept it

Why did this happen
What did I do to deserve this

Hours later
Laying in my bed
Unable to sleep
Cannot shake the image
of what was seen on that feed

Just a short break

Her face
besides that of another man
Has done nothing more
than obliterate my heart
and ability to put my faith in anyone

Piercing your eardrums
Cower in fear as you hear
the deafening howl of a hellhound
Echoing of deathbrought crying
and screaming of banshees
Body burned from the inside
incineration by the infernal flames
burning from the black flames of hell
While being immobilized by
the cold lifeless kiss from death

Pain?

None come close
to that feeling
when you find out
that your loved one
loves someone else

In heartbreak season
sought I an exception
to which I dare not bring despair

For in her absence
my reflection is missing,
without who I could not bare

As I am a shadow
left out in the sun
hoping not to bring you a scare

And burning within the inferno
I'd let your hand go
scorch your hand, I would never dare

Hidden in the moonlight
lie all cast in shadow
while you shine as bright as a flare

Light drips
on a gothic dark portrait
Bringing sour warmth
to a lonely dark night

Over the screams of silence
lay the burdens of truth
Upon the bodies which lay
beside shrines forgotten

Purity within darkness
grows sadder each moment
Manifesting what was
into what now is lost

Empty glares
forget their owners
As the world spins
into a meaningless collage

Misery approaches
in her post-angelic dress
Bringing fear and compassion
to those left to rest

Forgiveness and Understanding
will never make themselves present
In the rusted hearts of those
left hidden and forgotten

The morbid painting
drenched in the blood of its owners
Rests easy
in the legacy of those passed

While specters remain restless
The distant sound of tears crashing
Gently drowns that
of a glass heart shattering

My dear
I know you might not think that this is right
That I don't mean to give you a fright
Or into your conscience bite
While often we may have fight
This is not for guilt to create or for you spite
But I remember the times when we were tight
Before you couldn't stand me in your sight
And with me smile or laugh you might
In memory your face was always bright
And within the darkness you were always the light
Unfortunately these good times have faded and blight
And with my best wishes that this for you I write
You will always be in my heart, but I shall not be coming home tonight

Swift little spider
trapped by ***** bath walls
Helplessly scrambles against the edges
in a fatigue attempt at escape

In comes a giant
proportions of that of a titan
And even with size on his side
he cannot bare comfort with its presence

Filling a glass of water
drained above its clueless head
The innocent spider slides down
towards its inescapable peril

But to the giants surprise
the critter skitters along
Fighting furiously against the tides
desperately attempting to escape

Its miraculous escape
does more than just surprise
It summons irritation
and a fraction of concern

Another glass is filled
and yet another is flung
Without fail the tiny warrior
continues to battle against the odds

Glasses and glasses fly
the endless river within the air
And in all failed attempts
the arachnid continues to fight

Exhausted from the effort
a larger bucket is obtained
Flooding the entire plain
and ensuring the fighters death

It's within a sigh of relief
that realization is born
That the giant had grown so distracted by its fear
that it had not observed

The reason for the continuous efforts
the motive to never give up
Was discovered in one single glance
upon the baby left untouched

The tiny creature
left all alone
An orphan
to a world so cruel

The fault was never theirs
it was in our fear
Causing violent actions and assumptions
without observing the surroundings

All that spider wanted
was to protect its child
Not to harm anyone
but to bring their offspring to safety

Such a foul ******
for piece of mind
With opened eyes
I see that
we are the monsters.

I cannot forget
the time which we held
Years went passed
as together our hearts did meld

Remembering
always brings back a tinge of fear
But I can not let you go
my other half, you were beauty dear

She was perfection
and I'll never forget the time we had
I loved her always
even at the times she was mad

But I cannot forgive myself
for letting her go
Losing her
feels as a knife has struck a deep blow

Ignore me she shall
she'll try me forget
But even if two years have passed
still nothing I regret

For I'd do anything to be with her
anything to be part of her plan
But the bed I once laid in
is now shared with another man

Those of glory
and those within light
Those of moonshine
and those out of sight
Those with memories
and those with none
Those who hide
and those who fear what's done

Those who cry
and those who weep
Those who break hearts
and those who sleep
Those that lie
and those of truth
Those who break
and those who soothe

Those who construct
and those who destroy
Those who are real
and those who are decoy
Those who mix
and those who curd
Those who can speak
and those who can't be heard

Lost within the process
of opening my mind
As the doors open
leave everything else in shadow
Collapse to the floor
the corpses
of hopes
held up by
desolate fears

My eyes grow wider
but tire with each day
As I seek forgiveness
in the lost remains
Regret,
weighs heavily
on this worn soul
Tearing deeper,
feeling satisfaction
and despair
in the discovery
of unanswered questions

Baring and spawning
more doubt
than there was fore

Now address I,
To whom
it may concern.
That I ought
to admit
that
I've become
afraid
of all that I have learned

My dear
please
I urge you to stop
While I love that you try
to show weight the door
and while I'm happy to see you motivated
this obsession
is beginning to hurt you

and
I care more
about your happiness
than how you look

No matter what happens,
or how you look.
I will always be here for you.

You will always be beautiful.

Razor sharp teeth
swiftly through my neck they glide
For a dark night like this
there is no use in hide

For they will find you
no matter where you confine
The moon is at full size
and the stars have align

Hiding in you closet
an eye you stick for them you peek
to catch a glimpse of the shadows
that for you faultlessly seek

For you fright
and curse below your breath
Their hearing abnormal, but what they want
is more than simply your death

Moments still
seem to go on eternal
****** are these souls
with objectives infernal

As hidden teeth sink in from behind,
With no plea or chance of dispute
Heartless creatures of the under
have recently gained a new recruit

And as fear fades
and hate them you might
But with skin pale and fang sharp
You are destined to roam the night

Perhaps
what was lost
was never meant to be found

And after all my efforts
to forget
Here, now,
you stand before me

No longer
do I desire you
more than I do to exist
No longer
do I need you
to be with happy with my every decision

Heaven before me,
yet I remain untouched.
Considering
what I know to be inconsiderable.
Soaking in the moment
thinking of the potential
Smiling,
and then walking away.

Sating my broken desire
on this innocent moment of insanity.

I prefer to walk in the dark
Thinking that I will not need to fear
what I am not able to see
But to surround yourself in darkness
is to walk blind
And while you may be surrounded
by both compassion and torment
You will neither absorb nor fear
what is out of sight
And I'm sorry to say
that being a shadow
does not provide you with immunity
And does not mean
that what you cannot see
will not hurt you

A burning sunset
Waving trees
The sky cries
but let nothing dampen the mood
This world, my existence
has been replaced
by the warmth
of you in my arms

drenched in a blanket of flames
burning in the unforgiving immolation of disappointment
I reach out into the vacant space before me
through the embers I see scorching eyes
held in place by their own blistering inferno
imprisoned by the flames which hold them within
crying out as all which was cold within me burns
those eyes of compassion, love and jealousy
watch as the fire engulfs me completely

Oh, you're new here
Let me show you around
This here is the room of heartbreak
And that's where you will break down

You'll need to register at the office
Pick up a few new issues and perhaps some pills
Let your eyes gray a little
And leave behind your social skills

Now don't look at me with such distrust
I know this may sound absurd
This phase is a little complicated
And perhaps a little disturbed

No need to be confused
Many have gone through the same
It's just a matter of time before you forget yourself
And can't remember your own name

And on the right side
you will find your new room
Left within the previous stains
perhaps now it is white, but that's never how it remains

This may be going fast
But you'll get the hang of it quick
If insanity doesn't get you first
And you try tear down this room brick by brick

Fear will befriend you
And try grab you while you sleep
It will turn all happiness against you
The sadist ******* just wants you to weep

And now that you're all acquainted
This is your new home
Take your medication, and don't trust anyone
Remember, you're now on your own

This will have to conclude our tour
At reception please leave all of your hopes
Welcome to Misery
I'll gladly show you the ropes

It's funny how much I missed you
And then years later when I was given another chance
I laughed at it
I couldn't seem to understand why I wanted this
So I neglected it
And not long after
We ceased

A month later
I've come to miss her again
And 'realize' what a fool I was
to let what I always wanted
to slip away between my fingers

Such an odd feeling.

I think I simply crave
what I know I can no longer have

Torn flesh
chest shredded
Your knife has found its mark
and brutally defiled
my broken heart

I'm sorry
I can't be
I'm not what you wanted
I can't be that
I'm not willing to destroy myself any more
I will never be him

A tender kiss
a blade in my back
Whispering confessions
as the sharpened nails retract
Temporary satisfaction
allows our misery distract

It wasn't meant to be this way
I don't know what to do
It was meant to be perfect
I cried with soaked remorse
It was meant to be worth the sacrifice
I knew it wasn't

These expectations
Our hopes were just lies
We gave up living
For our broken dream
Lost our freedom
In the hopes to be free
So easily did we fall
to find something true
I faintly remember
a time
when
i loved you