I've become what i've most feared
But maybe, just maybe, I can fool myself.
Quite possibly I can lie
And trick myself into thinking,
I was this all along.

There comes a moment, in ones efforts
To finally accept the reality in which they find themselves
Some run from it
Others ignore it

But all eventually open their eyes
Voluntarily or not
To see the setting in which they reside
Such volume sometimes breaks a person

But do not get caught in the traps of comparison
Jealousy breaks a person's journey
It can destroy your courage and steal your bravery
Deceiving you to believe that your efforts are...small

So now is the time.
The time to shed that brutish nature
Convincing yourself to be a smaller person
Find that voice that talks ill of your efforts
Who belittles your interests and laughs at your work

Call that voice out. Argue with it.
For it is that inner whisper that slowly eats away at you
And leaves an empty husk of what always could have been.
It is time to put that voice in its place.

And to know that you are stronger beyond measure
Stronger than any person even your own mind could conjure.

When we are alone
We hear ringing in our ears
Unbound yet shackled in the lonesome
Many hate to be alone
Alone is where the wolves get us
Alone is where nasty thoughts ****** us
Alone we feel a loner’s crushing weight
All alone, nothing scares us

When we are alone
We wander
Sometimes we wander places
Alone in the fog
Alone in the brambles
A thousand thorns pricking you
Alone with trumpets
Alone

When we are alone
We wish for the opposite
But not really
Alone is limbo
Alone is the balance act
Alone is infinity
When we are alone we panic
When alone, we choke

Master the loneliness
Feed on it as it fed on you
Grow to love to be alone
Tame those wolves
Fend off those thoughts
Toss off that weight
Embrace the solitude, breathe

In solitude we are perfect
For though the sun is alone
Still it shines

It takes a lifetime
To build the house you call yourself
Years of toiling through the times
To grow from the roots of an infant seed

And it takes only a second
To throw it away
No matter how long you sat growing it all
It takes only a second
For it all to be taken away

Do I burn the world?
Or burn my tongue?
With the sorrows that I have clung

For if I choose to keep them in
I shall surely burn within

But if I loose them on the world
To free them from me unfurled

I fear the world will burn away
So in my heart then they shall stay

Do I burn the world?
Or burn my tongue?
With this grief that I have won.

Precious orb of tan complexion
How are you perfect beyond comprehension?

Oh to be a cat
Nestled tightly in bed

No drop of anxiety in your head
I look to you with jealous eyes

If only we could just switch sides

Luminous rock to guide my will
Bloodying the hands of those that want
So greedily does power seep
In to the hands of men
Stone of power and righteous thought
To heal the wounds that mark my taut
Fragile body and weary mind
Are you worthy to be so sought?
Power of kings
And Power of Gods
When men fight men with battles fought
Doth happiness lie in unfathomed might?
I

Truly

Think

Not.

I understand how god feels

Call it divine insight

I lay in bed worrying

That 2am worry that nags

About all those who have been wronged

Who received the other side of the coin

Those who are tortured by others

For no reason at all

Those yearning for a break

A break that will never come

I worry about these people

I worry about you

I wish I could swoop right in

And make all your problems go away.

I'm not selfish in my actions.
But when I say,
that I do what I want
and enjoy what I do.
Can you really judge someone
for believing that?

The greatest men and women of our history
Never gave a **** what others thought
When wrought with the most sour of adversity
And maybe this notion is what separates us from them
When we've lost the confidence to fend for ourselves
Where:
A Nun cared for millions not for herself but for them
The Hopeless and Needy
A President guided a nation toward freedom and unity for them
The Lost and Enslaved
A Singer sang her heart out one step ahead of a racist world for them
The Broken and Battered
A **** defied evil itself to save those who needed it most for them
The Persecuted and Shattered
What we lack in this modern world is the sense to act
From me, to you, to everyone
Where the next one in line says the other will step up
Yet no one takes the stage, vacant, empty
And evil prevails for when good sits back and watches
The world gets ugly
People bicker and fight
Over ancient quarrels and forefather's sins
But for what
For themselves?
What we have forgotten is the ticking clock
And have been wasting the precious minutes
The seconds, the hours
Desperately digging for more in a barren land
Why not live a life not as a digger
A miner sent down into the dark lit caves
But as a human
A being capable of loving thy neighbor
And having a laugh here and there
Why not for once love more and judge less
Cause when we do that
Maybe just maybe
We could become the men and women of our pasts
Acting up as we see a dire problem in need of fixing
Not cause the people around you do the same
But because we choose to for ourselves for once.

I sit by the noon light
Watching runners go by
Sitting so still, sitting so quiet
The afternoon chill
Fended off by the thrill
Of the buzz that hums in the silence
I look down and a smile develops
No longer afraid, no longer despondent
For my love, my crush, and pure sense of joy
Has warmed my heart again and responded.

You say I wasted my time

But advice fell upon deaf ears

Ears that feared the truth

But now they have grown

And flooding in

I'm struck with fear again

Because perhaps

Perhaps you were right

Hatred is not evil
It is a spawn of evil
Born from it
Caused by it

Like a knife
It is wielded
By some who want peace
And others destruction

Do not hate hate
Grip it tightly
Master it
And let it set the fires

Within your soul

Humanity is complex
Like dirt
There is much more going on
Than meets the eye

But a fool will say
That dirt is dirt
Plain and simple
At first glance

There are no plain shades of man
No color is absolute
No blues or reds
No primary shades
But hues

Some hurt to protect themselves
Some lie to survive
Some **** to save their loved ones
Some save to help themselves

Humanity is like dirt
Simple looking
Easily written off
But closely inspected, they are much more

The ruthless may be kind hearted
The loving can be deceitful
The foolish can feign cunning natures
The shy can be malicious

We are who we choose to show
But beneath the guise
And the show they perform
Complexity is woven to make each man

We are like dirt
All part of the grand world
Yet complex beneath the surface
But still low and *****

Like Dirt

Here I stand again
as if I never had left
all alone once more

I realized many years ago
That only fools fall for love
For love is the curse of the human species
The pact we make before we cry
Before heartbreak and grief consume
Love is the binding contract
That only guarantees true sadness
So in this life I shall not love
For I am no slave to folly
And maybe just maybe
I shall rid myself
Of ever shedding tears
Again

Have you ever felt like the yellow light of a traffic stop?
Where you exist but only because you are neither
A failure or success story?

Please stand up my fellow middle men
Women who are average
Those who are there

I want to know there are others
Caught in the middle of existence
Whose efforts are good but not great

I feel like lukewarm water
Not too cold and not too hot
A drink that neither satisfies nor dissatisfies

Where are all the other middle grounders?
Because I'm feeling all alone these days
Where are all those caught in purgatory?

Between glory and foggy haze.

I like to think that deep inside,
All men want peace in the end.
But as I've seen, we can't coincide
Though same goals lie around the bend.

I like to think that all men use war
To greedily take that peace for him
With blood, sweat, and screams that roar
They secure that peace as they win

I ask why does man fight
An endless conflict in different forms
Why must there always be a right
Why must their always be war?

Sitting down next to an elderly man
His back was arched, countenance slow
Clean shaven with tailored suit
Yet slouched around the midsection

His quiet hands fumbled in a paper back
Lifting cheese and then a *******
He chewed with a painful sigh
I could see his socks as his pants road up his shins

He moved much like a sloth does crawl
Without a quick or jerky motion
But trudging along with a hint of hesitation
Staring out with vacant gaze

His furrowed brow made it look like he was squinting
Remembering a past event it seemed
A nostalgic time for this old man
A nostalgic time for me
Though I'd never sat here before.

I find myself twisting turning
thinking of some far off dimension that lies out of reach.
My countenance masks the emotions that swirl through my body and mind, converging into one endless stream.
The world is out to get me, to serve me the cold plate of reality, not even a drink to swallow this dry piece of life.
I want to scream, and rip the hair follicles clean off my scalp, for that pain may wake me up, from this dream I am held in.
This globe of spherical doom, these doldrums that haunt my brightest visions. They are but clouds that block the faintest  rays of hope.
I wish to tell you of my life, anyone who wishes to take a seat, I don't know when my tale will end but I'd get this burden off my heaving chest.
But I wish and want so many things and sit here like the child I am, not knowing what do next, I sit and wait for that person who will sit and listen to what my heart wants to sing.

Maybe we are the incessant voices crying out for change
Individuals who voice their thoughts
Who give their ideas a color
Adding to the collage of passions that piece together this dying world
Maybe we have a thought which we hold on to no matter what
This passion guiding us to the future we do not fully understand
But know is right,
An idea which shapes our minds and souls
Maybe we are the weak and weary
Whose voices will be carried on the faintest of rhythms
But to those who hear will snuggle under the warm idea we share with the world
And under this quilt of patchwork interests we find solitude in one another
Maybe we want to have an impact on the future
Where perspective will no longer buffer our progress
But accumulate into an unstoppable flood
Where one idea will be carried on the shoulders of his son
Or cradled so lightly in the arms of her daughter
Maybe we wish to see a world where you can be who you are
And be a glowing beacon to your kin
Where your memory will shine for generations to come
Without being forgotten or lost in the eternities of time
Maybe we wish to be heard, rather than standing back
Beneath the arrogance of man
Who clamor upon one another to be listened to
Trampled like newborns to their mother
Leaving behind the ones who are not as strong
Maybe we want something more
Yet not know what that may be
And so we wait here
As this cruel world decrees
Waiting for our turn to be heard

Like an insatiable hunger
I desperately want to find my place in the world
Yet, I never know where to look
Looking at a menu of different paths
Too afraid to pick just one entree
Do I want to always be known as the burger guy?
The steak sirloin?
Or do I want shrimp scampi?
I know I can only have one but...
Everything looks so appetizing
So delicious

I never know what to get myself
It's a mix between
What do I want ?
And what do I think I deserve?

You always know when a room needs cleaning
When you sit up in bed while slowly dreaming
And you say those words
Those awful words
"I should really. clean. up."
From clothes to papers
Trash and toys
To all you girls and (lets be honest) mostly boys
That frightful moment when all stands still
Where your room goes under the surgeons knife…
And for me
Its easy
But very odd to explain
Am I the only one who can't ever decide
If I 'll ever need this tiny thing again?
From the trinkets to the binders
From trivial to the important
It is simply impossible for me to decide
What to keep or throw away
But!
Don't call me a hoarder
I much prefer the title planner
For what I keep may possibly be used again
In the end I shove it all away
In the drawers and behind closet doors
Gathering dust
And turning to rust
Waiting to be used again.

Strip away what I have read
What I have seen and what I've said
Tear down the fears I have led
And all the ideologies bled

Reveal the pale and fleshy skin
Beneath the armor I am within
Scrape off the scabs of rotting sin
Unveil the fragile state I'm in

I am a reflection
And nothing more
An echo coming through the door
I am a mirror
And nothing less
I am what you say, I must confess.

I believe that evil comes about when man is hurt
A type of hurt that burrows far beneath the skin
And straight into the heart.
As anyone knows, when a man is cast out
He will do anything to prove himself to those who hate him
Perhaps that is where the greatest of evil men came from
At what point was such a deep hurt cast upon them
That broke them to a point of proving themselves again
From there, that anger would bubble into vengeance
Vengeance to violence, violence to the ends of all those he wished to prove himself to from the beginning.
An evil man is a broken man
Broken from the moment he accepted he would never be held
Accepted he would rather be feared than loved
Because from that same fear, that is where he had found his strength
For that is all he ever knows
Driven on by the coals of his own self deceit
This once broken man stitches the parts of himself together again
And from the ruins of his own soul he pours his cruelty and madness
Madness to force the world to accept him as he creates his own role
Uncaring, he grows numb toward the death
The destruction he causes becomes his creations
Because those who broke him never let him believe
That his hands could ever conjure something great
So he brings his wrath upon them instead
And dies a little more inside every day
Possibly without knowing it any longer
That he became the very thing he hated most
And like any evil man
His actions must be accounted for
Because though he had been broken and battered to the floor
It was he who let himself sink below and let anger fester
Feeding the demons that nipped at his ankles
Perhaps he is as guilty as the doubters of his gifts
Perhaps the world creates these men for a reason
To show the people just how dark it can truly be

I saw the moonlit paradigm
Bestow a shining glare
  Upon the seas and tempest
   At which I did stare
    Below the calmness of the skies
     The waters churned and growled
      But still above the deafening cries
       The moon sat still like owls
        The wisdom of the moon
         A shimmering reminder to the sea
           That though it churns and destroys
            Commanded by the moon it shall always be

I feel my power waning
Like the Amazon
So lush
Yet cut down so slowly
By the cruel hands of men
Why me?….

In this whole wide sphere
Do you make a mission to commission me
for decay
Like a city I lay pristine and pure
Yet within my choked out pipes
I pump my veins in sewage glop
***** roads
They part
so many paths winding
So stars may twinkle and beams of the future
May sparkle with arrogant smiles
Be mine

Or be gone
Whichever suits you best
Don't toy with my thoughts
Nor meddle with my soul
I wish to be alone
Yet I yearn for company around me
Shaking hands
Scheming plans
Smiling with rotted teeth
And now…

Now, such a funny little word
A slimy word, a detestable word
For it describes the moment at hand
Though, with salivating lips, only desire the "then"
The kettle screams with steam built up
A child runs from home

(Enough)
A word so sweet so pure to taste
For it means to stop to cease
To end a trail of present things
A happy word
Where I throw my work down to the floor
Responsibility is away on vacation retreat
I want to be alone
But I don't
So maybe stay a while
With my indecisive tendencies...

Pictures fly through a white sheeted screen
Colors blast past my eyes
Plots unfold and characters dance
Across the movie set
Entranced whilst enveloped we fell in love
With the characters flittering on that wall
But many do fall to that dream
That life is like the movie screen
And when all hell is suppressed
When we can rest
The credits will roll and we'll be done
Villains seldom keep away
Reality makes it so
Life is like a never ending dream
Remembered to the mercy
Of the Dreamer

My Korean grandma told me a story
Of many years ago she lived in the North
A time when her country was changing
A chaotic time when her nation was poor

She remembers seeing the airplanes
With their metal hulls and red white and blue
They left in a formation of 5,

And she cried when they returned only 2.

Puzzle pieces of fumbled assortment
A smell of cardboard chips
Bedlam ensues
When scattered and afraid

But a piece thinks it unselfish
To join hands with another neighbor
A myriad of frightened fragments
Can surely make for a beautiful picture

Walk a mile in my shoes
Feel the pain that I endure
For some it will feel like snowflakes
Caressing their cheeks and soothing their soul
For others it will be hell
A tumultuous storm that rages
Furious flames beneath their feet

Walk a mile in my shoes
Before you spit out your words
Unable to hold down your drink
Sick with anger
Anger directed at smoke
You really know nothing about them
Your anger falls to the floor
And you wait for someone to pick it up

Walk a mile in my shoes
Feel the worn out soles
How loose they bind against your skin
You know nothing of the pebble between my toes
Yet you beckon me to run a marathon with you
Let's run to the sunset
My shoes you wear are too big for you to fill
No blisters form
You are untouched

Walk a mile in my shoes
You wish to hike a mountain
I'm sorry, I cannot follow you there
Like cinder blocks to me
I have my own burdens to bear
Like the car with a flat tire
Or boat with a hole in its hull

Walk a mile in my shoes?
You scoff
You laugh
But my shoes feel tight around my feet
And you'll never know how they feel on me.

A cloud brushed past where I sit.
It floated across the window pane
Billowing past my roof
And over head it slowly shrunk until it twas no more

A second cloud came and flew on by
Slower than the first yet still
It wafted right thru the gusty sky
And dissipated close to where the other left

A third cloud came but never reached the spot
Where the last clouds had reached before
And this one died without ever leaving
The cozy view from the window

A fourth cloud sighed and carried on
The slowest of the set
But as it wandered above my roof
It grew to massive size

Finally, the fifth cloud came
And looked at me and cried
Perhaps it cried because it knew all to well
That like clouds, we were all the same

Like clouds we all floated away in time

As our lives push onward
Trotting forward with the currents of time
The winding paths and curving roads
That everyone around me tends to take
In despair I stay put
Fortified in place where my mistakes have bound me
People pass by and grow
But yet I am frozen
Petrified and unable to advance
For I have no plan
No place to call home
With a touch of jealousy
And some guilt of realization
I stand here
Not knowing what to do with myself
Not knowing why I stand at all.