There once was a lady named Clare
Whose pregnancy gave me a scare
So just to be sure
I hid by her door
And gave her a shove down the stair

Goose bumps form
My skin crawls
In a good way

And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon england's mountains green?
And was the holy lamb of god
... On england's pleasant pastures seen?
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was jerusalem builded here
Among those dark satanic mills?

Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear: o clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariots of fire!
I will not cease from metal fight;
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand
Till we have built jerusalem
In england's green and pleasant land.

My head is filled with cheese
My mind is filled with lard
I have crusty rolls for knees
My boiled sweet eyes are hard

So hard I can't see you for what you really are!
So hard I can't really see very far!

But what does it matter
If you should get fatter

You don't delight me.......So bite me!

I’m fine at work, I’m me again
I don’t think of women when surrounded by men
All in this together, all in the same boat
But come Five O’clock, I’m cut loose to float
I’m sat in my dingy, alone once more
Just sat in my dingy, without an oar
Again cast adrift to float through this sea
Like life of Pi, yet no one but me
Bobbing around, sending up flares
But nobody notices, nobody cares
Hardly aware I’m feeling this pain
Then come Nine O’clock I’m needed again

Shame she didn't quite outlast Maggie,

My nan was nicer!

It was only the other day you fell asleep in your old chair
The one that was in your front room decades ago
You didn't see Andy Murray lose but you didn't care
You’d eaten well and heavy eyed you dozed

I’m sorry but when I lost the house it had to go
I know throwing it out was a bit wrong
But if chairs go to heaven though
At least you’ll have something there to sit on

I wish I’d never told you off for smoking by the pump
You looked so sad that I’d made you feel a fool
But imagine how you would have made those people jump
As they were all engulfed by a massive fireball

Enjoy your new lungs and try keeping them clean for a few hours
Enjoy your time with Granddad it’s been thirty years too long
Enjoy strolling through those heavenly gardens with all your favourite flowers
But in heaven, please don’t bag cuttings; I’m sure up there it’s wrong!

That's not right
Is that chicken? I mean I thought it was chicken
Doesn't feel like chicken
Is it worth checking

Doesn't taste like chicken.

Oh.... I swallowed.

Now I'm going to have live the rest of my days never knowing whether that was actually chicken!

Poetry ban, ****** abomination
Made error on poetic licence application

I wonder was your Tuesday fun
Mine has just begun

Largely loathing laborious loveless life
Lustless, listless lacking lady lifemate

For the second time in March we have snow
Could someone please wake spring from her slumber
She should be here by now fighting the good fight, wiping clean the wintersmiths frosty drawings

Last year she had tucked him away
She had read him his bedtime story
Last year we had seventeen, this year we have merely two

How he must be laughing, running amok through the hills and the valleys
Turning everything white with a wave of his hand
But where is she? Even he must miss her so, even he must be longing to dance

Still it is not his place to question
He can only do what is in him to do
With a sigh he exhales a bitter northerly wind and coats the confused daffodil with a jacket of ice

Then off he goes dancing alone
Spinning wildy through the towns like a leaf in a web
Stopping only to place his hands on those foolish enough to leave flesh exposed

Maybe she has forsaken us
Maybe she has resigned her post
Like when the last ice age hit and she took a sabbatical

I hope she has just slept in
Or maybe she is just getting ready for the grandest of entries
Yes let us hope she is just sorting through her vast collection of colourful dresses

Because if she does not appear and dance the dance of seasons change
If she doesn't take the wintersmith by the hand and sing him softly to sleep
Then that giant golden skinned adonis of a man summer will not come!

Without her he will not appear
Without her beauty we will not feel the warmth of his love
Oh someone please wake spring from her slumber

It’s not you son, it’s not your brother
It’s just between me and your mother

Then he left.......and everything changed

She once quivered at my touch
She once shivered oh so much
But now if I touched her skin she'd just recoil in horror
As if I was draping a sticky used ****** upon'er

Delicately you place your words, beautifully moulded, a true window too your soul
Exposed to the world courageously
Pegged out for all to see like silky knickers on the line

I envy such craft

My words are crudely hacked from the dictionary and flung from the shoulder like the carcass of some unwanted vermin
Left in the dust for the circling vultures to swoop down and pick to the bone

But I am just a chrysalis waiting in my cocoon

One day I shall become refined
One day I shall find the honey and not the sting
One day I shall sow my words like seeds
I shall watch them burst into a thousand different colours and dance playfully in the meadows breeze.

Sitting out on the porch with grandma, talking about winters past
Sitting out on the porch with grandma, wishing the summer would last
I remember when I would fit under her arm, as snuggly as she now fits mine
I remember when she would watch over me, I remember when she was just fine
But now it is her that is childish, now it is her that needs me
I will not judge, I will not scold, I will just let it be, let it be

For sometimes, she sits real quiet,
and says............'nothing'.........but sometimes that says it all!

Love:

How little she knows me, loves me all the same

Hate:*

If she knew more, would she hate me like before?

If I paint the perfect picture on the canvas of my heart
I'd have to keep things simple, I was never good at art
Yet with words, it seems, I'm easily led
I try too hard, I lose my thread

So in short

I do love you! I cannot have you, life is cruel
You do love me, you cannot have me, our time is due
Until that time, we must soldier on
You send mail and I'll write songs

It is what we do!

If fate permits, I and I, will be me and you!!! ***

Your soft caress, I can’t contain
Electrifies my skin and brain
Each single tingle fills me with bliss,
Like that extraordinary relief when you’re bursting for a ****!

You can read my text
You can like my text
You can comment on my text
You can even hate my text
But understand these compositions aren’t for you
They’re for me... and her.....but mostly me.

Sometimes I read them as if I was brave enough to send them
Sometimes I read them in her voice, in my head
Sometimes she smiles and laughs, still in my head
Sometimes she just sighs and fakes a laugh
If in my head I picture her with much scorn I tear it up and start again

I wonder if she’d like these thoughts
I wonder if she’d like me more
I wonder if she also writes
Her love letters were so beautiful, of this I am sure

Today she brought her lunch in a Tesco’s bag
She had Co Op cheese,
Waitrose rolls,
And Sainsbury’s basic butter

Does she not care that people see she shops around!?

At ten I got a bike
I grew to like

Clickety clack, clickety clack go the perfect white plastic teeth as they clip together
Reality bites like a pair of comedy dentures sprung from the pocket of a sad faced clown
Look again; are they plastic? Or are they waterloo teeth plucked from the warm corpse of a cold friend
Either way they are far too close to my face for this to be funny.
For redemption he squeezes his droopy flower between finger and thumb
But to no avail.....The comedy squirt is missing; it is as dry as the tears on his powder white cheek
Squeak, squeak, squeak goes the wheel on his unicycle as he painfully pedals away
But it is not he that failed you....No it is those that stole the part of you that used to be easily pleased
Like thieves in the night, feasting on your happiness and enjoying the thought of wonderful you falling from your erroneously perceived perch
Well let them take their pound of flesh, if they can rejoice in my pain it will only erode them from the inside out
I renounce such bitterness because before long I will find me again, I will be stronger and better
I will take flight and alight a pedestal far higher than the one they imagined I thought I was on


“Just words!” screams that child in my soul...Actions are stifled like the image of a five year old you with a cloth clasped to the face; breathing on the anaesthetic evil of life.
You want to help but you can only see him through the one way glass of time, what is done is done and can only be undone through reliving this terror and fixing the damage
His struggle is short lived and the monsters descend, dragging him by a foot naked and bruised, head banging the contours of this corridor of depravity
He cannot hear your screams but his fill your ears like the blood of a million paper cuts, not one measured but together a pain like no other
Where was his saviour? Or was he always considered as a low risk category a misconception of strength and need
Was his ***, the white of his skin, the bread on his table, the money in his mothers pocket and the education he received render him ineligible for salvation
In short...“Yes”...he was expected to save himself and learn to save others...Those less fortunate.
Little do they know in some ways, once you’ve scratched the surface, they were far luckier
Their vices were less harmful than his own devices, as a little knowledge is dangerous
With great power comes great responsibility but some can be responsible for others without learning to take care of themselves.

The best made plans of mice and men often go awry
So why make plans you cannot keep, why d’we even try?
Why does man seek comfort in familiarity?
When familiarity breeds contempt
Why do we miss this unsubtle hilarity?
Within all the things we’ve dreamt

I’m not giving in just giving up
I’m going to let life wash over me and overflow my cup
I’m going to take all that it offers, even if it’s not expected
And live each day as they come as if they’re not connected
I won’t get what I want, I’ll get what I need
I shall cast off the shackles, unbridled and freed

I shall walk bare foot through the grass and savour the cool crisp air
I shall live only for the moment as if I just don’t care!

Time's on my side if I don't let it burn.
Though it keeps slipping by and I won't ******* learn!

I lost my full time lover, sadly to another, just as my mother, rightly predicted
Maybe he was boulder, I was just older, I didn't hold her, like this **** did
It was one night only, but now she's lonely, he can't dethrone me, after eight long years
She should know better, I suppose I let her, she was wetter, than a fish behind the ears
So she took flight you know, I didn't fight it though, she was right to go, because she cheated
From the truth she'd hide, she always lied, but with friends by my side, I was not defeated

It's been four days since she hated me
Five nights since she cut me loose
I was angry, she had ditched me
But she was playing by her rules

My phone buzzed with her preset tone
"I'm home soon are you about x"
I don't like being all alone
But it's late to be going out

I found myself sat on her bed
Discussing how my text was wrong
How her drunken antics are in my head
I wasn't staying long

Yet although this girl is wrong for me
As I am wrong for her
She looks so **** angry
And something starts to stir

"friends can kiss" we kiss
"friends can touch" we touch
After a frantic hour of bliss
Doing stuff friends don't do much

I leave

Once again testing the boundaries of friendship.

On the road of true love is this just a dip?

There was a young man from Goodwood
Who's ***** hung much more than they should
His ****** was so slack
It could stretch round the back
And over his head like a hood

She lived so effervescently, so vivid, so iridescent
The brightness of her life force knew no equal
She burnt like oxy acetylene a blinding, blazing, brilliance
But once extinguished there can be no sequel

For soon her radiant light grew dim
Like the flame of a candle dancing in a cold draft
Though vulnerable her spirit lingers
She knew her days were numbered
Like the doors in the hospital corridors
Her flame went out, like it was pressed between wetted fingers

That final goodbye, that last salute
Is the hardest thing a man can do
You've lost her love, she's lost your trust
Moving on is now a must
The world will turn, the leaves will fall
Spiders spin and birds will call
The past is set and time won't freeze
These wounds will heal just not with ease

What once was us, is only I
Where once we walked, now I fly
No words like bullets, tipped with violence
Just emptiness, a world of silence

Where once there was a homely we
In it's place a lonely me
Where once was love and joy and need
There's nothing, all because of greed

I'll never forget those despairing eyes the very last time ours met
Washed away as my love was drained but that's not why her cheeks were wet
She knew it could not be the same, she knew our time had passed
On her lips, another's name, despoiled I stood aghast
How could a love so sweet ruin so quick
What was once thought everlasting, die without being sick
How could she be so reckless with a kinship deemed so hallow
Burdened with the weight of love on shoulders far too narrow
I begged her to share her woes, alas her tongue held fast
I bargained with a currency of joyous days gone past
Her mind was set, where plentiful lakes of passion once sprung from her heart
Lay a baron desolate wasteland, two extremes, poles apart
I had to close my eyes and curse the stars above
I couldn't watch her wash away in a flash flood of my love.

And all the fishes in the sea,
They swim around but they don't swim as fast as me
And all the birds that are in the skies,
They swoop and dive but then you've never seen me fly
It's because I'm Superman, It's because I'm Superman

Tell me darling it’s all true, I’ve not flipped tonight
I’d do anything for you, I’d eat kryptonite!

Sometimes I look through walls,
I’ve seen you through your clothes
I’ll catch you if you fall,
I'll fly you round the world
I’m just a man of steel,
Can stop a speeding train
I’ve told you how I feel,  
Won’t you be my Lois Lane,  
Won’t you be my Lois Lane.

Tell me darling it’s all true, I’ve not flipped tonight
I’d do anything for you, I’d eat kryptonite!

Sarcasm, the lowest form of wit
Yet if the highest form is wasteful, the lowest form could fit