Handful of petals a dozen bleeding red shriveled at long past bloom and locked within my room….how I cried for the thorns of stems that never came to soon so still held hopeful locked within my room. A two year breathe put me at peace but was this divine promise or ruse? Praying still for flowers past sunlight on a mid-day noon that twisted them rootless locked within my room. Then lay gentle the bright white of a stormy winter all things different and all things new. A gust of breathe ran in cold stinging to the lungs from the window that knew about the handful of roses locked within my room….Dear Roses our time has past from the yesterday’s moons……. fly away never to be seen…..we will meet again soon……………..

A resting Child.....Asleep before the ball drops.......Sound asleep on the couch.....poor kid, when will he make it to midnight?...i can't seem to remember when i did...... but somewhere along the line time started moving faster...now it flies by....some where along the line i grew up and learned bitterness, pride and regret...i wonder what this child's dreaming over in this new years moon?...playing, candy and food i presume...he's asleep...yet i'm still awake.... pondering my chances at a clean slate........but this child doesn't need a new years kiss for he lives a new years eve each and every night..365 years to our 1 ...OOO Poor adult when will you fall asleep before midnight so to remember and reclaim what uv'e lost? ...A new year every night

I am alone every night, but I feel normal, I feel content. Yet, the nostalgia of Thanksgiving really makes me to crave the feeling of that day. That day from yesterday, that day of moments, food, care, love and togetherness. I am far away, this holiday goes by, but no one says a word. I am alone, and this time I feel alone. What a gift, because out of the merriment I realize that someone else might be alone, and I reach out to say I love you.

You know the highways, dark alleys, and short cuts of the fire. Dawn to dusk in an endless soufflé. When water hits boil I join to chop but I fall asleep, I am yet to be seasoned. When I awake I dine and dash. I apologize for treating you like digestion, for forgetting the grizzled spatula. My humility was famished my pride was stuffed. How ignorant to believe the pilot rose and fell like the sun. Spiritual starvation my consequence for self-righteous gluttony but now my plate is sparkling and I can see clear reflection, instead of a bite I desire to serve you both hand and foot as you have served me….Thank you……Jesus

I’ve been alive for 30 years but on sleep alone I’ve slept a decade. Life is a blink in the diapers of a toddler to the identity crisis of adolescences . In this short time I can remember a fraction of what I have experienced. Using biased emotions I make my decisions for today based on the distorted interpretations of those struggles. “I am my remembering self, and the experienced self but who does the living, is a stranger to me”. We are smoke in glass to our true reflections.
Why can’t we change others? Because we barely know ourselves……….an adult is a mathematical word in our culture, a magical number of ascension from youth. How often do we become sophisticated toddlers and adolescences? We acquire degrees, accomplish, travel and get bigger toys but all the while having hearts that wear pampers and zits. Then we die before we realize….. Our true potentials. We can never totally know Who We Are within the flesh of a human mind that is limited to such short time. But truth be told our memories alone will not bring you anywhere closer to understanding. At best you repeat a more successful childhood that never exactly feels fulfilling . Do you feel a void? “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
There is Someone who knows you fully and wants to help you break this cycle. He wishes to Eclipse your memory from the youth of yesterday to the thoughts of Eternity. We all need each other. No more youthful competition! Only union within a family to a Father that wishes to show us all what we all crave to know…….. Who we truly are………………...FLY……………………………………..Jesus

I feel stupid and scared when my insecurity exposes What I am. My environment, biology, and temperament make the perfect storm to What I am. What I wear, what I look like, what I do, what I enjoy, what I buy, all lead me to these tangible ideas of what I am. The most dangerous ideas are the ones that make me look and feel good. They get addicting……But how horribly great is it to be rescued with the humility of a juicy failure? I can see this best when my actions slow down to keystrokes. In hindsight my biggest failures are my greatest successes. Now only if I could conquer the great quest to be a great failure. Then I’d be free to be What I Am with no vices or pain! But alas the ideas of perfection keep scuffing my ego. I’m getting better at failing and maybe one day I’ll be perfect at it! So you see my dilemma? Well I wish it stopped there but alas there’s another variable in the mix that makes my dilemma turn barbaric: and it is the Who I AM (Soul). What I am (Body) is not the Who I Am (soul). So the paradox begins “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”(Galatians 5:17) Sworn enemies now inhabit the same space and it’s impossible to separate them through this process called humanity. Their like roommates who hate each other to the point of ******! Now the key word in the scripture is "battle" which means two things:
1. I can win a battle-I can lose a battle
2. I can be lazy-I can be prepared.
For you see the Earth touches the What I am (body) with temptation and fears that many times distracts me from manifesting the full potential of Who I Am (Soul).

I’ve spent my whole life fighting for the identity of What I Am (body) when in the end the whatever I am dies with my body. The What I am can not continue to rout my soul. In our culture there is an infinite amount of ways to build on the perishing What I Am and only a few for recognizing the who I am. But I must fight back on the side of Who I am (soul) which is eternal. This is scary and definitely unpopular to the What I am is what makes me happy Yolo culture but let’s get serious. Here’s some indicators of a losing battle: Insecurity, pride and jealousy are great signatures on the victory flags of the What I Am (body) camp. Here is where you can ask yourself deeper questions and reconsider. This will be far more scary and painful than you can ever imagine because this deals with what you have always perceived as your identity for your entire life. This is the road less traveled. The time is now!!!!! My battle cry is: “Jesus by your strength only do I claim victory of Who I Am!”…………………. If anyone wants to talk I'm here to learn and grow:)

i have masks that hide me in plain sight! Masks….upon….. masks….. upon…. masks… woven in my flesh in a habitual binge of pain and pleasure….
i'm stripping down to reality…… a reality covered in lies!!  O how i’m living a lie!
i’m falling deeper into confusion and deeper into understanding….
How clever a coward like me to justify hypocrisy ...i can’t bare to know anymore and i cant bare or afford not to listen.. .. OOO Why can't i discard the mask that sings my name?!!  O Lord please make me invisible to the sight of yesterdays lies in those eyes that are envious and  jealous.....may i sing i was blind and now i see……..fill me with true identity

Lord can you teach me to gather my words so to speak in pure encouragement instead of vanity? Words are two faced coins flipped through internal struggles to the lips of external manifestations. Our mouth is the ultimate weapon of deception or peace. The maggots of hell and the righteousness of heaven dance on the vibration of syllables . The better we are at it the more these lines get blurred. So let’s start at day one… God created the world with a Word. “Words have the power of life and death.” So it is written. “What goes in does not define because it comes out but what comes out comes from within.” What do I feel when I speak? Do I speak to encourage Divine creation or do I speak to create my own world? Acceptance, manipulation, power are the polar opposites of Faith, Hope and Love and yet they can be expressed with the same words. One leads to a pit the other paradise. One feels like paradise for a moment but is ******* the other looks like ******* but is ever lasting liberation. Jesus help me weather the storm. I want to distinguish the two so I can build for your kingdom as I willingly destroy mine. I beg you to separate these words of vanity from my heart. Please forgive me for my misguided words. May I speak to embrace the sacrifice of your blood instead of embracing selfishness. May I speak from the embrace of Your peace in the humility of who You are because of who You are and what You’ve done and will to come. “Speak for your servant is listening”

To Be is to know but to know is not to Be….parts of me that will never be do to moments past dead...well now let it be! Another moment dead...Stroll our nemesis death face to cheek and feel the rooted guilt of our sin in it's manifestation of Eden… then you can call it friend.... eyes open to the doubled faced dreaded eyes shut. A face within a face gained not by natural acceptance or neglect but by knocking on the front door of fear..."though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me" believing not just in voice but in the death of silence..."Be still and know the I AM"

Death gives no rest to my cluttered mind. Death is my enemy! Even in slumber death claws to infect my dreams with its poison called nothingness! So I locked death in the depths of my heart in a chest marked fear. I put on different worldly masks… called college, travel, success, accolades, fiancé, money, ***….I used them to hide my shame but each one was cold blue and hypothermic. Yet in them I felt comfortable at the expense of lost potential and false identity. In frostbites pinnacle my only unbreakable mask shattered…..I lost my Love…………The wailing echoes of delusion shook me frigid till my raw bones shattered the question. Who am I? The undercurrent of desperation violently hydrated my reflection on the dark waters of my soul! I am faceless! Without a face who am I! Death take me now, for I am already nothing!   From below came a vibration that graced my reflection with an ear, a lash and a deep iris.. then windows to my soul sprang and a smile dripped in unabated rejoice…I’m alive!!!! Who has done this?! Show your face, for you are my dearest friend!  Without words death was shaken loose to the depressing reality of dipped anxiety. From behind my many masks I could see Death. For the first time I face you! Your eyes paint the familiar threat that casts me into the obis of nothingness but without you life was delusional meaninglessness! Because of your death threats my life has a face.  Death is my Enemy and my Friend……………..Jesus conquered death so through it I may learn the meaning of His Love and who I really am......now to take down more of my masks……easier said than done....Praise Jesus.........To be continued……………….

“Drip-Drop”

Fear will ****** your promises on a 33 degrees to ice ratio. Drip…Drip…Drip.. Drop…You can’t live on fear for it feeds on you. Fear blossoms like a stone and relaxes like the wind. Fear is comfortable when it runs into the arms of complacency. Fear can’t afford to lose so it will never win. Fear can’t make mistakes or be wrong. How clever and beautiful does ignorance make it self appear…fear… fear… fear.. Drip.. Drip.. Drop…..how fear settles on a soul calling it self happy. No! You have a promise that tugs at the condensation of each grain that settles on the egg timer of your human flesh and fear says STOP! I say your BIG FONT but little context! Fear is dead on the cross but we just don’t know how to leave the grave yard…Jesus is faithful…Don’t settle…Don’t settle for the Drip…Drop………….

This is a generosity check? Are you a generous or a selfish giver? You just might be surprised to find some answers within your laundry basket. This piece is called “Dry clean only”

Studies show that regions of the brain associated with frustration and pain were captured in FMRI images of individuals selling personal items that still held specific utility in their life . This frustration and pain was actually documented from items being sold at an above market value! Which got me to thinking. Imagine that same person giving the same item away for free! ” Their head might explode!! Well the bible says “It is better to give then to receive” but someone’s head exploding doesn’t seem better by any means? It made me think about myself and how generous I am. When I give I feel pretty good! So that must mean that I’m a true giver and the other person must be a materialists right? In the spirit of giving I feverishly grinned at my laundry pile and decided to do a little donating! In my gratuitous glow I notice a key difference between the two piles. There was not one sweater in the donate pile that I thought especially made me look ****! That’s just a coincidence I yelled as I arrogantly dangled my favorite sweater over the donate pile. My jaw clinched I felt like my head was in a pressure cooker! OOO NO to my favorite sweater! My head is about to explode!!! Quickly I rescued myself from doom by whisking my wardrobe to the bathroom mirror for a couple SELFIES!!! Hyperventilating on the floor I relaxed myself by posting the photos on Facebook. Shaking like an addict it finally hit me. I was never actually giving in the first place. I was only dumping off what I didn’t want! HHMM well that’s just cloths I screamed!! I’ve given plenty before to my friends, family and especially romantic interests! The threads from my sweater corrected me as it is written “It’s easy to Love people that Love you. Even the tax collectors love those who love them.” Upon it’s declaration the laundry pile came to the door and just stared at me in disgrace judging me with their sleeves and collars. My sweater spoke again “If it’s to painful to give your best to the poor, stranger, elderly, sick and lonely without getting anything in return then don’t pat yourself on the back for giving away your scraps. No I screamed I want to be able to give my best truly! I’m sorry I just never realized that I was such a novice giver after all! I know that I am not saved by what I give. I’m only saved by Jesus and His blood but yet I still have a craving to give my best because “It is better to give then to receive”. And I’m ready to truly find out what that means………………..

The unseen is so intangible to humanity that it screams Hersey in defense of limited carnal senses. Even if the womb could inhabit scientists in pre-birth form they could merely predict that the umbilical cord was the result of the big bang which was brought on by flatulence before the great earthquake of indigestion. The true miracle of birth is the unseen…how in the darkness of gestation a blind love is reflected through a heartbeat that is perceived only physiologically. They could never fathom the deeper water of love that a man has with a women! Conversely we are not immune to this fallibility within the new embryonic process called mother earth and its new limited senses that perceive love as tangible. Love is not a feeling like an umbilical cord or is it a marriage that brings beauty and personal happiness on earth. Love is bigger than the thick and thin of this imperfect dieing world! Marriage is the umbilical cord to a true love that is again unseen and reflected in the heartbeat of the Cross which eclipses all Physiological and cognitive impulses. Love never fades………………….

How beautiful to see eternal victory wrapped in the adolescence of the 21st century. Young minds blooming on the memories of old bodies reminds my stiff joints of a youthful yesterday and how my yesterday is now your tomorrow. What am I but you and what are you but me.. yesterday and tomorrow joining as one, eclipsing time in eternal paradise, Thank you Jesus. But how often do I forget and think that I am merely the wrinkles of my age? My pride of adulthood gets stuck in the fears of distorted memories and false aspirations.  Your youthful smiles have reminded me of who I am, and subconsciously you have reminded your self for a latter date of maturity. WE are all servants.  Thank you for your role in the ultimate play called life on the stage of Earth where together we rehearse for an eternal wedding with the most high God.

You lie and wait for me to stumble….To slip…to fall….to fail….in a face that says I love you….
you've exchanged my kindness for a plan to ruin me….my emotions rage and my mind keeps account …
O Lord settle me from variant emotions…from acting in passion….For have i not myself, once been this person?…..
Help me overcome the battle of body and spirit……OO my enemy just because your my enemy doesn’t mean i have to hate you back….Lord may your Will be done so when my enemies hate me i bless them even more……

i love you, i love you, i love you!!! O wait i changed my mind. i was happy when i said yes but now the circumstances have changed. People change. You change, i change, they change, we change. We are together until we change and then, arguments ensue. But doesn’t everybody argue? Yeah, they do, they do…..behind closed doors in explosions of anger, that afterwards say O wow i’m sorry that wasn’t me! But yes it was! Yes it was! It’s all signs of the change that has begun. In a split second a relationship can be destroyed with the razor tip of a tongue. Weather change is 1month or 50 years it’s song will be sung! Change is the essence of humanity, change is the seed of all manipulation, the soil of fear. And you reap what you sow. And O how change will fool us with the most ideal circumstances then…goodbye…..Change is a lie! And i no longer wish to change myself or another, not even a fraction my sisters and brothers. i wish to die to this lie so to rise in the unchanging Love of Christ who never changes. Loving you, loving all, just as you are, in a love that’s never shaken even when its forsaken by a world that forever changes…..

My mind held tight lock and key but what I found was only what’s safe. Afraid to perish when my minds nails dug deep into the polished oak of the coffin. A coward dies 1000 cycles before the first battle cry of reality. Safe inactivity rots the bones to the marrow of the infected anxiety! So instead my cowardice and selfish ambitions moved to a new vice. I was most dangerous when successful to worldly accolades and dreams. I could hide in the shadows of potential, invisible to the threats of our carnal realities. Only showing face when it was safe and sound. Death brews in a caldron froth with the luke warm stock of fear stirred by the seasoning of our sinful natures. You only live once is the name of the selfish game and I think I just flat lined. You won’t find eternity in the safety of that mirror mirror on the wall….I want to Love deeper than deeper and yet deeper again. I want to pick up the cross and follow Jesus.

She was 21 years in flesh.. an innocent victim of Time... her age is painted delusional through beauty rest disguised in stilettos...... sleep......Her eyes dawned and the sunlight rose to an awakened age of 14 after slumber--baby pictures in bumbled speech and wobbly legs sheltered in a nest for 8 years by mama bird at best ---------school felt like an eternity but our life feels like a blink. Going from bell to bell was our experience in between the confusion of forming an identity for eternity--6-- boys in girls in love on emotions that vibrate the potential of a reflection they feel but can't yet touch--Love letters sting through past hopes wished on a face that was destine to not have the answers---------- 21 we are adults right? Look at the numbers in Time instead of your body in age--that's why we blink-then die-  before we really even had a chance to Be...they say Be this....But Now the time is yours......Jesus Loves you----Forever 21.............................

I am a man that understands…
  I write…I read….but I truly do not know….i only ask questions
                       And hope for what I cannot see …
                      I wish to love in the midst of hate…..
                   Kindness and patience as my embrace…
                         Neither in pride nor strength
      For greater is He who is within my understanding…
                                The He who Knows all…
                                   I pray blind Faith……..

Quiet… still…. Speechless…. Alone…. confused with Christmas carols…only 2000 miles off from where I once heard them… …I cry…I sigh…..i try… I try….i sigh….i cry… longing to be held, to touch… to kiss….OOOO how I tried to the extreme of frenzy and frigid…in ignorance and pride…oooo I tired….. ive cried…. ive died 1000 times…and time never slows….its just like yesterday only 10 years older…..wiser but ignorant…..OOO if I could only fade into the imagination of what I tried to attain…… drifting into what cannot be explained…… forever forgetting bad habits like bad dreams……..yet id never trade this lonely night for if I did I would have never met you……………..Faith, Hope and Love………..Jesus

Just a checkup and i’m feeling 30. i’m 30 minutes early and in a hospital that’s an eternity. So my restless eyes wander and my feet move till i step into the reflection of adulthood and youth. Separated by thin glass i stare with blood shot eyes at all the beautiful newborn babies!! “That was me, i was them, how could i have ever been that helpless?” In response to my question the lights flickered and there i was lying helplessly in the incubator! Mother earth looked at me through the glass, she more restless than i, bags under her eyes she said “that was me, i was them, could i have ever been that helpless?” Then darkness and i disappeared, mother earth was now **** naked helpless in the incubator. Through the glass God spoke with fire in His eyes“I Am”.

O God tell me if my tears are crazy or if my memory has gone mad…

Ive tried to deny--- to argue--- to ignore my deepest longings for love…

I am ripping at the seams and now it seems I am eaten away by the patience I once denied…but where do I turn?

O mysterious wind of Thy Spirit you have me right where You need me……Helpless…….

Jerry’s soul is deeper than the galaxy….if you only had the courage to stare him in the eyes… If i could read a million books and acquire a million college degrees, i could still never attain what ive seen in Jerry’s eyes…...And ive seen what words cannot explain…… ive swam the depths of my own fears ---in Jerry’s eyes---in his eyes the world fades---tomorrow dies and eternity  begins…his emotions screams…his body fails….but my God his eyes!!…..my tears are falling….my tears are falling…not in pity but because in His eyes i saw the face of God……………i love you Jerry Happy Birthday…Christ is holding you.

Habitual hives under my skin…i don’t know where you come from…your cause pervades me even though I declared to figure you out 1,000 times….much like my emotions….

Itching and burning under my skin...waking me from deep slumber…then gone without a trace….what a gift of irritation…what a gift of understanding… my truth was but a helpless mirage….

OOO Hives thank you for showing my ignorance but yet still your only scratching the surface of my………..helplessness…carry on

Words…… What are WORDS in the mouth of humanity?

What are Words but sophisticated toys for grown up boys that call themselves men.... let’s not pretend… …. we’ve made a ******* of the ideas born from earthly SYMBOLS….in the face of love or hate who can pull back the reigns of it’s inconsistent passion?….

But dare i not say that we even speak words at all but are only yacking the call of loud deafness…of madness… What are words anyway in the mouths of men? If we knew…. we wouldn’t be writing or speaking at all……..We’d all just be in constant Awe of Our Creator…….

Chest stews jealous behind the sun-risen eyes of confusion.
Beaten and drugged to midnight without touching overt illusion.
Humility is shaken false when the sun set tallies.
I’m still subject to the vacillation of peaks too valleys.

My peak is but a broom in an infant’s hands.
Troubled by the dust of a valley’s demands.
That claims to sweep what I could never pain…
Paint me the wandered sheep that wore lion’s mane.

I feel the viper of ignorance in the bump of a stranger.
Venom through my pride peeks invisible danger.
Whose reflection is my shadow radiating a contusion.
Vanity is not fair till it's understood delusion.

For I knew not when I didn’t in prides hindsight sip
My Master will always humble silence to thy lip
Brings meaning to the scars of my landscape
Plowed, reaped and sowed for a son’s sake.
………….
I Love Jesus

The lines around your crow’s feet make me laugh and cry in the same second. Yesterday's memories often pervade me but old letters crystallize these moments in the hindsight of a tight chest. I wanted you to know that I’m sorry for how I acted. I was tricked by the world. Acceptance, I know that you’re not greedy but this person trying to get it was formed to be. Beauty, power and success equals acceptance in this world and as I age the price tags keep rising while the fads continue to fill the grave yards. And every ones watching right?! Did you ever slow down to ask why? Get good grades, a good job, a pretty wife, big house, money, the good life… Well how do we do that and says who? Acceptance is acquired through our eyes and ears that are manipulated by ideas that exploit insecurities and fears for profit. Why do think 1% has all the money? The crisis isn’t about lack of money but the lack of acceptance! We are born at sunrise and are over the hill by noon and by sunset we wait for the midnight train. Life is short! Heathens know this and will trick you to enslave your life through their overpriced materials that reduce your true talents to a novelty that works for them. Ahh yes a controlled slavery but what for?! Why give your life to this when you’re dead tomorrow? Did you know that Jesus already accepts us for who we are, without exploitation! He hates sin but Loves us! Listen I am who I am and you are who you are and I like that. I don’t need a red bow. We will have disagreements on things but I don’t want to change you. I don’t want what the world says acceptance is. Now with all this free time I can embrace my limits without ignoring my impending death as I allow my temporary masks of security to hit the floor. Jesus died on the cross to give you this freedom He wants to know you but again it’s your choice. 'The truth will set you free"

I see you fetus on radar struggle and heart beat sensors yet I don’t know your thoughts about your home! I see you form but you don’t see me. But what do you strive for? What do you believe you are? Do you have goals? If I had to guess they’d most likely be comical attempts at taming wind. As for me I know your destiny 9 months from conception. Your world is a world within a world called earth dependent on an inception that unknowingly feeds you maturated to the inevitable extinction of your entire world. This is called death and I know it’s scary. Why would you ever imagine leaving your tight spot comfortable? I feel that way about earth more often then I’d like to admit. Let me stop for now because I’m jumping the gun, I’ll discuss this new world after contractions. Have faith your birth is coming and with this death new life will emerge. I know it’s hard to grasp and even if knowing this was possible u’d still leave kicking and screaming but just wait and you’ll know what I mean in due time. So enough about you for a moment for I am in a paradox that I can’t explain! It started with my death from the womb (birth) which brought life on the sweetness of earth but upon that emergence started a countdown to a new death! Which leaves me to this moment. I am preparing like you but in different ways. I know you can’t give me answers but at least we are one in the same dilemma of subjectivity to our respective womb. I wish we could compare notes and come to a consensus that understands the futility of our worlds permanence. For I am a lot like you! I am a fetus in this world called man and my womb is mother earth. I want to learn from your mistakes! This world is dying like your womb and it’s just as hard for me to come to grips that this is not my home. Fetus thank you for allowing me to view your delusion so I can understand mine. Jesus gives me the truth because he sees me like I see you. Not to be hypocritical I must strive not to leave kicking and screaming. I know this is not my home but a place of active preparation for eternity! As for you fetus one birth at a time.

Greedy, prideful, arrogant, disrespectful, lazy and petty that’s exactly what you are!!
When I see you I get Anxious, frustrated, annoyed, awkward and insecure! I'm so justified against your filth but I can't escape the shadows of your 7 billion replicas! It's never me it's always you and that’s the way the world runs. But Why???? OOPs a question against the Ego. To late to reverse my lips for the antidote was injected upon my inquiry...Truth.....This whole time I’ve been the object and the subject! I'm a MIRROR! I hated you because I hated me! My inner reflection appeared in a different face and I wouldn't allow myself to make the connection! It was just to painful....Now I see dimly but a lot clearer...I see a token of my self....please allow me a moment to cry.......We are all mirrors for each other! We Reflect deeper images of our identities in the places our carnal sense simply fail. Each reflection upon a reflection provides an individual a deeper meaning of their unique image. Each interaction gives us the chance to grow. The catch is that growing is awfully painful and terrifying so we reject it. These reflected internal images dwarf the limited physical realm that only dies with our bodies. "We who are many" (Romans 12:5) in reflection are all attached into one single body created for eternity in the ultimate reflection of God. "Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12..............Peace and righteous action starts with the claiming of our painful and sinful reflections that we see in others............

I wonder if we could swallow the universe with the cosmos of our internal struggle. I’d rather not delay in chewing a few morsels while the galaxy devours us. Still my stomach gnawed chicken bones against my advice. My woeful digestion salted my compromise in the bliss of juicy delicacy. Complacent and  alone a full stomach consumed my flesh in the unlimited dimensions of matter. In this darkness my name is a mist noted on the prequel of my death. In your gaze I revived on the bridge of your frayed lashes. You dropped me a line on your tacit glances and I remembered who I was. Soaked in emotion the earth was faded in the lines of my palm. With each internal keystroke I feasted on the victory of my invisible eternity.
Thank you Jesus

I grasp for prosperity when smoke kicks from a stumble…I can be scared and inconsistent but forever be forgiving….. so patient when I should move and how no action in fear I could justify for an eternity…..My ears listen to the sound of the beat of my drum and it’s my favorite…..My heart burns but my mind battles and yet I never leave my side even when my life is on the line…I don’t always like the mirror but it’s so captivating…mirror mirror on the wall whose the most sinful of them all?……Iv’e gone back and forth too and fro between these reflections……some I hate and some I love…..but still I never stop trying …even when flat lined I’ll CPR till cracked ribs. Ignorant, defiant, confused, happy, depressed, excited, hopeful or wise….. my favorite subjects if it started with “I”. Now that’s how I’ve loved my flesh….and through the fire I learned how to make sweet action but my soul never strayed to far from myself but you could never see it not even with a spy glass. How I didn’t know that my spirit was blind to the physical and that it actually was in famine even when my eyes and others feasted on my accomplishments. No wonder I lost so much…… I lived for myself!!!!………not anymore I was twice dumb…. thrice defiant and now once wise…… I want to love you like I’ve always loved myself . You might not notice the difference, you might not bat an eyelash…but I’m letting my soul wonder with the intention to love you like the essence of my spirit….much apologizes for the former…..but now it’s time for poetry in motion and I'm reaching for the latter of thick
in thin……Jesus thank you for loving me and humbling me……………..Ready…………………Set……………….

With every page turned its old wisdom reclaimed on new pens of questioning minds. A question a mere question underlined unknown transition in the permanence of dried ink. I didn’t realize till I reviewed my letters from decades ago. A bumped head couldn’t match the past with the present but ever did I try. I wish we could have faded together like ripped jeans. The disparity of this shadow, I painfully claim. It’s not you it’s me. I know this cliché all too well. The scape goat of a coward but the champion of the righteous. I’d hope in this case to be purely the latter. But while I purge can I let you know that I love you? Ha I guess the hope for my purity was exposed false upon the intrusion of this idea. Can you see this foolishness? It is indistinguishable through the invisibly visible emotion of fear that can often seem composed but more often not. It is otherwise expressed under the misunderstood ambiguity of the infamous phrase…”I Love you.” How can we grow when these disguised words of pride and selfishness either spoken or silent are desperately occupying the places of our hearts that need to be filled with truth? ….. Let these futile interpretations fall at the wayside alone from yesterday in the deepness of the soul reborn from its depths dripping wet in the NOW in the relentless quest to Love not for a moment in the past but for an eternity. I’m far from perfect and in this moment my words are far from where I’ve fallen. I resisted righteously but I can’t forget the vertigo lest my words forget who I was….Jesus show me how to Love in action…………Authority……………

The games changes, labyrinth unfolds.
i unfold, reveal, the depth, who is this?
The faded expectation, the eyes gone dim.
i rise, not for anything, it isn't anything.
It is being, it is becoming beyond the fetters of judgement.
Standards, standards, standards.
Running for the measure, the ideal, something...
Who knows the potential of eternity?
The *******, the fear tied to the circumstance of survival.
The shiver down the spine in dark places, the shadow of death.
The natural reaction, i am unfolding, from the habits.
Those burdens like stones holding me from thinking.
The worry, the perfection, the ruse, the lie, the prestige.
The game, the foe, the mirror, what did i see?
who did i chase? a mirage of eternity based on?
Its not for no one, its not for nothing, i unfold and so be it.
So see it, in all its mess, its imperfection.
i desire, i fly, i walk, no longer shackled, no longer bound.
The habits of the eye, the heart, they lie in the past and I step
Forward

Emotions can love and hate….kiss or ****... ….emotions smile and frown…..going up and down, making decisions based on how they feel…… And just like that someone is IN or OUT…and just like that forever turns to goodbye…

Emotions have absolutely no principals…no integrity…no loyalty…no longevity…no control…not even to the one who makes the choice! YES can be NO and NO can be YES in the same breathe…..

It’s emotional Anarchy!!! And O how our emotional highs are thought to be success and ours lows we detest. Yet in this ruse they are one in the same…only confusion remains….still we have emotion and a brain for good reason………. but my dear i beg in distain to refrain from decisions made from the cannibalistic emotions that shift….but instead on God’s unchanging Words and His everlasting gift……..Christ

In the shadows of death I did not know …Yet I found a written letter that held a latter towards divinity. Upon a glace the letter burned my life from ignorance into the sinful ashes of reality. Empty and full of transgressions my mind was now incapable of unknowing the difference between darkness and light. So I climbed towards a lost eternity mapped within my heart. Alas my hands always slipped from a body worn down to the limits of a mind trapped in the flesh of effort. This latter condemned me through the letter written by a God that by definition I could never see or touch. The light of the Law shines bright on our sins while leaving yet another shadow on our shadows. In the darkest of darkest a Morning Star rises to climb the latter!! Drenched in anger the shadows tore the latter apart and fashioned it’s pieces into a cross. In perfection the Morning Star willingly came in the dimmest hours to redeem the shadows destined for an infinite nightfall. God’s Son came as a man and climbed the latter as one of us---For us He died and rose by the power of the Holy Spirit A Spirit which he left to carry us to which we could never climb. Jesus knew your sins and suffered your punishment to bring you safely to the Father. The Laws of the Bible are not a climb to Heaven like most think. They are instead a humbling reminder to us of the inevitable transgressions which we all could not escape. By the cross we were redeemed and given a Spirit that builds a relationship of eternity bathed in the blood of righteousness…The Laws can now bring light to salt reborn to reject sin not as a way to Heaven but as a path to a confession that sanctifies us closer to our Savior. All because we want to know Him more and more….May we love as we have been loved and use the law for what the law is for. Spread the Word………Jesus

Over push the current and you cause a rapid…Over push the current and you create a dam…don’t push the current and cause the drought….. Trust it only needs a clear loving nudge and then let it choose it’s path…easier said then done but finally patience shows that even the white water settles in gentle pools along the path….The fawn returns to quench thirst and the flutter of the robin will dance in your stomach…Hope is what I’m rowing and when this current finally settles, is it not clarity that we fish for? Gentle waters prove a new challenge because even the slightest ripple distorts the reflection…..and hasn’t reflection been everything on this journey? On the contrary the ravine is about finding intention and the reflection is merely the vague bucket used to draw on these deep waters of the soul…let the fawn sip until she is ready and with her eyes you will witness clarity feast over the silence of beauty…..Faith…Hope and Love….that’s the idea…… no matter the outcome everlasting Love will be the bounty of the unconditional ………………..Jesus

Dr. Love
My mind dripped condensation creating fog of future outcomes and mirages of past indulgences. How my ribs caged the prison of my heart forcing me to live amongst lions. How then could I love you? The past pounded the typewriter while the future put me on witch trial; all the while I stood at eternity’s doorstep within the present heartbeat. But only in a babies inhale did I get to suckle. What a bone dry decent into the well of the endless Spirit, which routinely was avoided with much malice. So it was then... but is not now... so truly I see the lions are indeed doves. How wonderful is lost love when free will chooses to purge and claim everlasting virtue. A new way to Love….to Love others….instead of survival….Love Jesus

Dreams are soft upon pillow tops but nightmares in the subconscious are vicious wolves to our souls. Eyes shut to the outside world so they may open to inner galaxies. Yet the moon acts a stranger to a sunrise with amnesia. Two worlds dependent in one body, but are they indifferent or ignorant to each other? For we are awakened and asleep but at once asleep and awake depending on our eyelids positions. I want to wake up to goodnight and introduce my dreams to my dreams and my nightmares to my sins. Holy Spirit wake me up triumphant whether it be Good day or Goodnight…….For I want to know you deeper………Jesus

smile…… Manipulate…..complements ...... Manipulate……act interested……manipulate…..show some tears….. manipulate…….white lies….manipulate…..it’s a drug, to manipulate….flirt and manipulate…. escape pain or consequence…manipulate …..socially acceptable to manipulate…to get what you deserve…manipulate….to get what you want….manipulate……to change some one’s mind manipulate…..to be successful manipulate …..O i hate manipulation! i rather have paid every speeding ticket, stood in every long line, gone to jail, paid more than full price for everything, not got the job and been broke…..never been kissed…failed at everything….then to have ever manipulated in my life! O God i hate manipulation and it’s subtleness.. a quiet vice…a secret soul killer…. Call it what you will….swag….cleverness….success…..it doesn’t matter manipulation wears any Word you choose…it’s all self-centered…. me me me me me….. hehehehe…..stop!!!!…. Manipulation must die! Especially in its most subtle and acceptable forms. Even if i have to struggle…even if i lose everything…it must die…”those who save there live will lose it, those lose their lives will find it…………Christ guide me

Can the Ax be more important than the one who swings it? Can the temporary be more important than the truth? Then why O why is death devalued and ignored by worldly dreams? Especially, when our physical bodies will spend far more time being dead then they ever were being alive. Why then spend a short life building a house of happiness on a foundation that will soon be destroyed? Life itself is but a dream, human bodies aren’t what they seem…. Temporary…. So why then live a dream within a dream? For i can’t press snooze when death wakes me up. Yet people die and i say why? i can stare at death with my emotions and then say, not me, not me, for my dreams will set me free. Free from any nightmares of truth….Fear… So i go on achieving this dream within a dream but when i wake up, what would any of that mean? “Those who save their lives will lose it, those who lose their lives will find it.”

It almost seems like complements define who i am… ..whether i give myself the complement or someone else does….it’s so addictive…. “O baby your so ****…. smart… funny… successful…yada yada yada...maybe this is true…but it’s truth is only temporary and temporary truth is never really the truth at all….it’s but a stepping stone…to then live a complement as truth is to live a counterfeit… ….don’t believe me? Then ask a casket………Mirror Mirror on the wall……..complements aren’t what they say your are at all…..yet a complement still can help you grow…. they do have their purpose…but take a complement and leave it where it is…don’t wear it like skin…..don’t believe it is your identity….lest you wake up dead covered in lies…………..

Our hungry world eats humanity like roasted delicacies… ooo how it loves the chase of its wild dreams especially when it smokes it’s passions in the furnace of a wild mouth…

O dear Father my lips have spoken....spoken in shame…in haste…. in pride….in fear….in lies….all from the throat of my demise.

i didn’t love You as i claimed… have mercy for i could not bite my tongue with my own tooth…
Or tame life and death on the edge of it’s blade… at what age can i raise its sword from the stone of pride?

OOO great magician of my jaw make my lies disappear and may I be deaf to worldly cheers, only drinking the tears of humility so to truly  cry a pure Halleluiah.

Insecurity and emotions soaked the adolescences of youthful decisions. A quest marked by consequences of such actions that needed to be filled….I’m ready for Love!!!….then gone…..More of the same prescription same action, 4 years and 20 tries…I’m ready for love!!!….then torment….can’t sustain in debauchery even if my heart was a seamless victim…2years..…CHANGE…..I knew better from bruises then to clutch to many women or bottle instead Bible…5years….I’m strong but my bones are scared.….I’m ready for love!!!…..then gone…..why why? Hmm darkness revealed in hind light sip that I was then drinking a more deadly brew......Selfish Pride……2years….CHANGE……I’m ready for love!!….Then nothing……Selfish Pride is hard to purge it goes low in heart especially in maturation but light seeks it till it leaves it’s post of guarding fear which was the nemesis all along….now I face it……”perfect Love casts out all fear” hmmm……Love I’m not ready yet!!!…..to be continued…………Thank you Jesus

O Lord i don't know anything!
I know nothing of nothing----which is the something of my everything----It is my every being as a creature called man----
Yet all is dust for dust-----leaving me with a world of nothing.....
i think there for i am but i know nothing....yet i think nothing is everything----
i am therefore a living nothing doing nothing and everything dust could do----futile

I walk I walk the crowd is overwhelming so id rather stay in my mind running a marathon of thoughts. I'd run there forever if I could but life's finish-line is outside my inner world. " I get dizzy and start to faint my adrenaline kicks, then "I stumble but I do not fall because the Lords Mighty hands are holding me"  So against all instinct and disposition I come out to run with you my brothers and sisters! I know the race will wear us to the bone showing the weakness of our humanity but “we who are many make up one body and we belong to each other.”  When the impossible meets our fears we join at the cross and together we come alive in the intimacy of God's eternal Love.

We overestimate the probability of the improbable through eyes and ears that are susceptible to vivid imagery. Social media screams that 100 people died from poisoned cantaloupes instead of saying in less emotional terms 100 in 7,000,000,000 or .000000000001% of the population. Really It’s all about fear and manipulation. You viewed all the news interviews, watched YouTube videos and even read the compelling articles. Now you’re in the grocery store avoiding cantaloupes like the plague because you might be next! Conversely in positive outcomes this is the same rationalization that compels people to buy jack *** lottery tickets. Can you see how we extremely over weighting the probabilities of events based on the vividness and prevalence of the coverage? The news—the government---companies---all individuals have agendas but not everyone is looking out for your best interest. Many are “wolves in sheep’s clothing” that feed on these manipulations in regards to rare events with the sole purpose to covertly produce a particular behavior that prospers outcomes that are favorable to their own position.

Now her goes the paradox of overestimation and underestimation in regards to rare events. A strange thing happens when rare events are not being perceived vividly through our senses. They are simply ignored! We no longer over estimate probabilities but instead begin to under estimate probability! For example during Hurricane Katrina victims yielded to evacuate due to this under estimation. The probability of the rare event was neglected in part to lack of vividness. In hindsight they seemed foolish for not leaving but in actuality were quite human in their behavior that lacked the emotional experience towards the rare event (obviously the decision was intertwined with a myriad of other individual variables). In the aftermath the vividness of the Hurricane’s media coverage allows the opposite to occur once more---a heavy overestimation of a future storms probability. This produces disproportionate fears for many in regards to actual hurricane probabilities. Leaving the door open for exploitation.

What we see is a human nature that goes extremely over or under in estimations towards the outcomes of rare events compared to the events actual probabilities. The danger is that people know this!! They can pump your head with what they want you to overestimate and be silent on what they’d like you to neglect, all in the manipulation of their cause. The perceived good guy can easily be one in the same with the bad guy. The best sociopaths are quite charming. People can easily be manipulated with the news and Youtube videos for example. Often times the information provided has traces of truth that are used to spark emotions that lead an individual further away from actuality while simultaneously using them towards their own divisive agendas. They will stay silent to other matters---producing neglect till it’s time to play the good guy once the neglected issue (often created themselves) explodes. In the after math the information they provide makes you feel empowered but it's only manipulating you further into their own aspirations--they look like a hero for doing it --again they produce the overestimations of fear where they want while staying silent to what they wish for you to neglect. Whether it’s the government, a conspiracy theorist or a manipulating relationship partner be attuned to how we process information and the susceptibility to manipulation (overestiamation-underestimation). Although not every situation is a source of manipulation from others it would be unwise to neglect the fact that our own emotions can lead us to these same ignorances all by our selves. I give glory and honor to my Savior Jesus Christ for this knowledge in which Faith in Him alone helps me discern and weight the emotional information and there intentions