We overestimate the probability of the improbable through eyes and ears that are susceptible to vivid imagery. Social media screams that 100 people died from poisoned cantaloupes instead of saying in less emotional terms 100 in 7,000,000,000 or .000000000001% of the population. Really It’s all about fear and manipulation. You viewed all the news interviews, watched YouTube videos and even read the compelling articles. Now you’re in the grocery store avoiding cantaloupes like the plague because you might be next! Conversely in positive outcomes this is the same rationalization that compels people to buy jack *** lottery tickets. Can you see how we extremely over weighting the probabilities of events based on the vividness and prevalence of the coverage? The news—the government---companies---all individuals have agendas but not everyone is looking out for your best interest. Many are “wolves in sheep’s clothing” that feed on these manipulations in regards to rare events with the sole purpose to covertly produce a particular behavior that prospers outcomes that are favorable to their own position.

Now her goes the paradox of overestimation and underestimation in regards to rare events. A strange thing happens when rare events are not being perceived vividly through our senses. They are simply ignored! We no longer over estimate probabilities but instead begin to under estimate probability! For example during Hurricane Katrina victims yielded to evacuate due to this under estimation. The probability of the rare event was neglected in part to lack of vividness. In hindsight they seemed foolish for not leaving but in actuality were quite human in their behavior that lacked the emotional experience towards the rare event (obviously the decision was intertwined with a myriad of other individual variables). In the aftermath the vividness of the Hurricane’s media coverage allows the opposite to occur once more---a heavy overestimation of a future storms probability. This produces disproportionate fears for many in regards to actual hurricane probabilities. Leaving the door open for exploitation.

What we see is a human nature that goes extremely over or under in estimations towards the outcomes of rare events compared to the events actual probabilities. The danger is that people know this!! They can pump your head with what they want you to overestimate and be silent on what they’d like you to neglect, all in the manipulation of their cause. The perceived good guy can easily be one in the same with the bad guy. The best sociopaths are quite charming. People can easily be manipulated with the news and Youtube videos for example. Often times the information provided has traces of truth that are used to spark emotions that lead an individual further away from actuality while simultaneously using them towards their own divisive agendas. They will stay silent to other matters---producing neglect till it’s time to play the good guy once the neglected issue (often created themselves) explodes. In the after math the information they provide makes you feel empowered but it's only manipulating you further into their own aspirations--they look like a hero for doing it --again they produce the overestimations of fear where they want while staying silent to what they wish for you to neglect. Whether it’s the government, a conspiracy theorist or a manipulating relationship partner be attuned to how we process information and the susceptibility to manipulation (overestiamation-underestimation). Although not every situation is a source of manipulation from others it would be unwise to neglect the fact that our own emotions can lead us to these same ignorances all by our selves. I give glory and honor to my Savior Jesus Christ for this knowledge in which Faith in Him alone helps me discern and weight the emotional information and there intentions

You know the highways, dark alleys, and short cuts of the fire. Dawn to dusk in an endless soufflé. When water hits boil I join to chop but I fall asleep, I am yet to be seasoned. When I awake I dine and dash. I apologize for treating you like digestion, for forgetting the grizzled spatula. My humility was famished my pride was stuffed. How ignorant to believe the pilot rose and fell like the sun. Spiritual starvation my consequence for self-righteous gluttony but now my plate is sparkling and I can see clear reflection, instead of a bite I desire to serve you both hand and foot as you have served me….Thank you……Jesus

Sweat dripping from my puke, trapped and chained by an IV..my inner stereo screamed from 102.9 and on top of my ride I felt totaled. Darkness and alone with empathy blind to my dungeon. Why do you treat me like this? You don’t even know me! You don’t really care! You only care about yourself! Give me a second of your time! Don’t you see my heart is bleeding?! I was justified and as usual my finger went to point but at that point I realized I’ve always been the MARK. HAHA did it take disease to realize the disease. You see from the outside and don’t we many look so pretty? Hip Hip Hooray they say to my accomplishment but inner drive selfish like the parasite. I could have lived my whole life white picket ignorant, world successful and none the wiser. But I can’t trade it for nothing I had to die through a sickness to see the re-mastering of my soul by His remedy… Blood........ Light on “Would you go again?” Are you kidding! I’d go again if it kills me!.... No half and half I’m all in… I understand and want to Love like my own marrow. I’m coming back to you kids..I love you and no circumstance matters for this man. My unseen finally got engaged to the fire of my actions and……………. I DO

The unseen is so intangible to humanity that it screams Hersey in defense of limited carnal senses. Even if the womb could inhabit scientists in pre-birth form they could merely predict that the umbilical cord was the result of the big bang which was brought on by flatulence before the great earthquake of indigestion. The true miracle of birth is the unseen…how in the darkness of gestation a blind love is reflected through a heartbeat that is perceived only physiologically. They could never fathom the deeper water of love that a man has with a women! Conversely we are not immune to this fallibility within the new embryonic process called mother earth and its new limited senses that perceive love as tangible. Love is not a feeling like an umbilical cord or is it a marriage that brings beauty and personal happiness on earth. Love is bigger than the thick and thin of this imperfect dieing world! Marriage is the umbilical cord to a true love that is again unseen and reflected in the heartbeat of the Cross which eclipses all Physiological and cognitive impulses. Love never fades………………….

i have masks that hide me in plain sight! Masks….upon….. masks….. upon…. masks… woven in my flesh in a habitual binge of pain and pleasure….
i'm stripping down to reality…… a reality covered in lies!!  O how i’m living a lie!
i’m falling deeper into confusion and deeper into understanding….
How clever a coward like me to justify hypocrisy ...i can’t bare to know anymore and i cant bare or afford not to listen.. .. OOO Why can't i discard the mask that sings my name?!!  O Lord please make me invisible to the sight of yesterdays lies in those eyes that are envious and  jealous.....may i sing i was blind and now i see……..fill me with true identity

smile…… Manipulate…..complements ...... Manipulate……act interested……manipulate…..show some tears….. manipulate…….white lies….manipulate…..it’s a drug, to manipulate….flirt and manipulate…. escape pain or consequence…manipulate …..socially acceptable to manipulate…to get what you deserve…manipulate….to get what you want….manipulate……to change some one’s mind manipulate…..to be successful manipulate …..O i hate manipulation! i rather have paid every speeding ticket, stood in every long line, gone to jail, paid more than full price for everything, not got the job and been broke…..never been kissed…failed at everything….then to have ever manipulated in my life! O God i hate manipulation and it’s subtleness.. a quiet vice…a secret soul killer…. Call it what you will….swag….cleverness….success…..it doesn’t matter manipulation wears any Word you choose…it’s all self-centered…. me me me me me….. hehehehe…..stop!!!!…. Manipulation must die! Especially in its most subtle and acceptable forms. Even if i have to struggle…even if i lose everything…it must die…”those who save there live will lose it, those lose their lives will find it…………Christ guide me

I see you fetus on radar struggle and heart beat sensors yet I don’t know your thoughts about your home! I see you form but you don’t see me. But what do you strive for? What do you believe you are? Do you have goals? If I had to guess they’d most likely be comical attempts at taming wind. As for me I know your destiny 9 months from conception. Your world is a world within a world called earth dependent on an inception that unknowingly feeds you maturated to the inevitable extinction of your entire world. This is called death and I know it’s scary. Why would you ever imagine leaving your tight spot comfortable? I feel that way about earth more often then I’d like to admit. Let me stop for now because I’m jumping the gun, I’ll discuss this new world after contractions. Have faith your birth is coming and with this death new life will emerge. I know it’s hard to grasp and even if knowing this was possible u’d still leave kicking and screaming but just wait and you’ll know what I mean in due time. So enough about you for a moment for I am in a paradox that I can’t explain! It started with my death from the womb (birth) which brought life on the sweetness of earth but upon that emergence started a countdown to a new death! Which leaves me to this moment. I am preparing like you but in different ways. I know you can’t give me answers but at least we are one in the same dilemma of subjectivity to our respective womb. I wish we could compare notes and come to a consensus that understands the futility of our worlds permanence. For I am a lot like you! I am a fetus in this world called man and my womb is mother earth. I want to learn from your mistakes! This world is dying like your womb and it’s just as hard for me to come to grips that this is not my home. Fetus thank you for allowing me to view your delusion so I can understand mine. Jesus gives me the truth because he sees me like I see you. Not to be hypocritical I must strive not to leave kicking and screaming. I know this is not my home but a place of active preparation for eternity! As for you fetus one birth at a time.

I feel stupid and scared when my insecurity exposes What I am. My environment, biology, and temperament make the perfect storm to What I am. What I wear, what I look like, what I do, what I enjoy, what I buy, all lead me to these tangible ideas of what I am. The most dangerous ideas are the ones that make me look and feel good. They get addicting……But how horribly great is it to be rescued with the humility of a juicy failure? I can see this best when my actions slow down to keystrokes. In hindsight my biggest failures are my greatest successes. Now only if I could conquer the great quest to be a great failure. Then I’d be free to be What I Am with no vices or pain! But alas the ideas of perfection keep scuffing my ego. I’m getting better at failing and maybe one day I’ll be perfect at it! So you see my dilemma? Well I wish it stopped there but alas there’s another variable in the mix that makes my dilemma turn barbaric: and it is the Who I AM (Soul). What I am (Body) is not the Who I Am (soul). So the paradox begins “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”(Galatians 5:17) Sworn enemies now inhabit the same space and it’s impossible to separate them through this process called humanity. Their like roommates who hate each other to the point of ******! Now the key word in the scripture is "battle" which means two things:
1. I can win a battle-I can lose a battle
2. I can be lazy-I can be prepared.
For you see the Earth touches the What I am (body) with temptation and fears that many times distracts me from manifesting the full potential of Who I Am (Soul).

I’ve spent my whole life fighting for the identity of What I Am (body) when in the end the whatever I am dies with my body. The What I am can not continue to rout my soul. In our culture there is an infinite amount of ways to build on the perishing What I Am and only a few for recognizing the who I am. But I must fight back on the side of Who I am (soul) which is eternal. This is scary and definitely unpopular to the What I am is what makes me happy Yolo culture but let’s get serious. Here’s some indicators of a losing battle: Insecurity, pride and jealousy are great signatures on the victory flags of the What I Am (body) camp. Here is where you can ask yourself deeper questions and reconsider. This will be far more scary and painful than you can ever imagine because this deals with what you have always perceived as your identity for your entire life. This is the road less traveled. The time is now!!!!! My battle cry is: “Jesus by your strength only do I claim victory of Who I Am!”…………………. If anyone wants to talk I'm here to learn and grow:)

Death gives no rest to my cluttered mind. Death is my enemy! Even in slumber death claws to infect my dreams with its poison called nothingness! So I locked death in the depths of my heart in a chest marked fear. I put on different worldly masks… called college, travel, success, accolades, fiancé, money, ***….I used them to hide my shame but each one was cold blue and hypothermic. Yet in them I felt comfortable at the expense of lost potential and false identity. In frostbites pinnacle my only unbreakable mask shattered…..I lost my Love…………The wailing echoes of delusion shook me frigid till my raw bones shattered the question. Who am I? The undercurrent of desperation violently hydrated my reflection on the dark waters of my soul! I am faceless! Without a face who am I! Death take me now, for I am already nothing!   From below came a vibration that graced my reflection with an ear, a lash and a deep iris.. then windows to my soul sprang and a smile dripped in unabated rejoice…I’m alive!!!! Who has done this?! Show your face, for you are my dearest friend!  Without words death was shaken loose to the depressing reality of dipped anxiety. From behind my many masks I could see Death. For the first time I face you! Your eyes paint the familiar threat that casts me into the obis of nothingness but without you life was delusional meaninglessness! Because of your death threats my life has a face.  Death is my Enemy and my Friend……………..Jesus conquered death so through it I may learn the meaning of His Love and who I really am......now to take down more of my masks……easier said than done....Praise Jesus.........To be continued……………….

A sinful habit is the result of negative actions in repetition.... negative actions are the result of trying to gain control because of negative emotions… negative emotions are the result of  negative thoughts and negative thoughts are the result of not feeling accepted and not feeling accepted is a result of having more faith in what other humans think of you instead of what God thinks of you.  Sin starts with a thought and it starts with acceptance and we all need acceptance. When we reject the acceptance of God we chose to be accepted by the world. The world’s acceptance is money, power and beauty and guess what it never lasts …High debt…greediness, divorce rates, anxiety, narcissism, pride, jealousy, eating disorders, depression…infidelity…drug abuse..alcoholism..violence …suicides …****** perversions…the quest for materials…..even religion being used for personal happiness….are all the results of choosing to be accepted by the world whose ruler is satan. It’s never ending and we always need more!  In this model we invite the invitation for negative thoughts , which produce negative emotions that create fear and confusion.. …. ….Hence these sinful actions become our habits and then our habits become our identities……. When enough peoples immoral actions become their identities it then becomes apart of our culture which then  becomes the law…which makes sin one of our rights making sin the norm………. Our nation’s current atrocities are reflections of our aggregate sins and compromises manifested as normal. The devil uses these deceptions to rob your life and always lets you think the blame is on others. My brothers and sisters make no mistake no one can avoid sin. We all sin and were condemned to death and that is why Christ died to forgive you of what we could not avoid. But make no mistake sin starts in the heart and if left unchecked leads to action. Sinful action is worse than sin that stays in the heart because sin in action hurts others. Don’t be over whelmed by this just pay attention to your actions and you may find sin being justified and trust me sin  always leaves a paper trail which means we can investigate them through God’s Words and strive to repent of our inevitable sins before they hit reality. Hence we can be forgiven without our sins further hurting others within our world…if enough people change the world changes…It’s easy to point fingers but it’s not easy to change but it all starts with Acceptance…where do you get acceptance? You might be rejected by the world but Jesus Accepts you…… just follow the paper trail……

Insecurity and emotions soaked the adolescences of youthful decisions. A quest marked by consequences of such actions that needed to be filled….I’m ready for Love!!!….then gone…..More of the same prescription same action, 4 years and 20 tries…I’m ready for love!!!….then torment….can’t sustain in debauchery even if my heart was a seamless victim…2years..…CHANGE…..I knew better from bruises then to clutch to many women or bottle instead Bible…5years….I’m strong but my bones are scared.….I’m ready for love!!!…..then gone…..why why? Hmm darkness revealed in hind light sip that I was then drinking a more deadly brew......Selfish Pride……2years….CHANGE……I’m ready for love!!….Then nothing……Selfish Pride is hard to purge it goes low in heart especially in maturation but light seeks it till it leaves it’s post of guarding fear which was the nemesis all along….now I face it……”perfect Love casts out all fear” hmmm……Love I’m not ready yet!!!…..to be continued…………Thank you Jesus

The clock struck mid-night London on the cheeks of her rosy smile. Glancing at Big Ben her high heels shined posh over the moon. Bold, intelligent and independent she stood at the corner of Westminster and Margret upon a shadow that faded her invisible to the alley of the ******* door. She wanted a walk on the wild….. so with crimson lips the brazen beauty blew a kiss that knocked deaths door three times firm.
Beauty: Hello sweetheart. Could you be a doll and crack the bolt. She playfully inquired.

Death’s Door: “****** off!” I’m tired and about to hit the rack!

Beauty: "Eee you cheeky monkey" Do not play coy! For you may be a Fit Bloke for most but I’m
Karen Wankerstien the sexiest women in England! Crack the bolt I say!!!

Death’s Door: Who?

Beauty: Don’t be a ******! I’m Karen Wankerstien, business women of the year and the toast of this year’s Queen Charlotte Ball! Crack the bolt I say!!

Death’s Door: Who?

Beauty: You Nitwit. You know me well. It’s me Karen!

Death’s Door: OOO  Hi Karen!!! You know I don’t recognize any of those fancy titles! For once you pass through these doors they all vanish. It’s best you live your life for the unseen beauty that never fades! “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (proverbs 31).

Then crack goes the deadbolt!  Fluttering her spine with the momentary thrill that danced upon the sun-rise of her temporal fairy-tale identity.

She was 21 years in flesh.. an innocent victim of Time... her age is painted delusional through beauty rest disguised in stilettos...... sleep......Her eyes dawned and the sunlight rose to an awakened age of 14 after slumber--baby pictures in bumbled speech and wobbly legs sheltered in a nest for 8 years by mama bird at best ---------school felt like an eternity but our life feels like a blink. Going from bell to bell was our experience in between the confusion of forming an identity for eternity--6-- boys in girls in love on emotions that vibrate the potential of a reflection they feel but can't yet touch--Love letters sting through past hopes wished on a face that was destine to not have the answers---------- 21 we are adults right? Look at the numbers in Time instead of your body in age--that's why we blink-then die-  before we really even had a chance to Be...they say Be this....But Now the time is yours......Jesus Loves you----Forever 21.............................

My mind held tight lock and key but what I found was only what’s safe. Afraid to perish when my minds nails dug deep into the polished oak of the coffin. A coward dies 1000 cycles before the first battle cry of reality. Safe inactivity rots the bones to the marrow of the infected anxiety! So instead my cowardice and selfish ambitions moved to a new vice. I was most dangerous when successful to worldly accolades and dreams. I could hide in the shadows of potential, invisible to the threats of our carnal realities. Only showing face when it was safe and sound. Death brews in a caldron froth with the luke warm stock of fear stirred by the seasoning of our sinful natures. You only live once is the name of the selfish game and I think I just flat lined. You won’t find eternity in the safety of that mirror mirror on the wall….I want to Love deeper than deeper and yet deeper again. I want to pick up the cross and follow Jesus.

Lord can you teach me to gather my words so to speak in pure encouragement instead of vanity? Words are two faced coins flipped through internal struggles to the lips of external manifestations. Our mouth is the ultimate weapon of deception or peace. The maggots of hell and the righteousness of heaven dance on the vibration of syllables . The better we are at it the more these lines get blurred. So let’s start at day one… God created the world with a Word. “Words have the power of life and death.” So it is written. “What goes in does not define because it comes out but what comes out comes from within.” What do I feel when I speak? Do I speak to encourage Divine creation or do I speak to create my own world? Acceptance, manipulation, power are the polar opposites of Faith, Hope and Love and yet they can be expressed with the same words. One leads to a pit the other paradise. One feels like paradise for a moment but is ******* the other looks like ******* but is ever lasting liberation. Jesus help me weather the storm. I want to distinguish the two so I can build for your kingdom as I willingly destroy mine. I beg you to separate these words of vanity from my heart. Please forgive me for my misguided words. May I speak to embrace the sacrifice of your blood instead of embracing selfishness. May I speak from the embrace of Your peace in the humility of who You are because of who You are and what You’ve done and will to come. “Speak for your servant is listening”

Chest stews jealous behind the sun-risen eyes of confusion.
Beaten and drugged to midnight without touching overt illusion.
Humility is shaken false when the sun set tallies.
I’m still subject to the vacillation of peaks too valleys.

My peak is but a broom in an infant’s hands.
Troubled by the dust of a valley’s demands.
That claims to sweep what I could never pain…
Paint me the wandered sheep that wore lion’s mane.

I feel the viper of ignorance in the bump of a stranger.
Venom through my pride peeks invisible danger.
Whose reflection is my shadow radiating a contusion.
Vanity is not fair till it's understood delusion.

For I knew not when I didn’t in prides hindsight sip
My Master will always humble silence to thy lip
Brings meaning to the scars of my landscape
Plowed, reaped and sowed for a son’s sake.
………….
I Love Jesus

Greedy, prideful, arrogant, disrespectful, lazy and petty that’s exactly what you are!!
When I see you I get Anxious, frustrated, annoyed, awkward and insecure! I'm so justified against your filth but I can't escape the shadows of your 7 billion replicas! It's never me it's always you and that’s the way the world runs. But Why???? OOPs a question against the Ego. To late to reverse my lips for the antidote was injected upon my inquiry...Truth.....This whole time I’ve been the object and the subject! I'm a MIRROR! I hated you because I hated me! My inner reflection appeared in a different face and I wouldn't allow myself to make the connection! It was just to painful....Now I see dimly but a lot clearer...I see a token of my self....please allow me a moment to cry.......We are all mirrors for each other! We Reflect deeper images of our identities in the places our carnal sense simply fail. Each reflection upon a reflection provides an individual a deeper meaning of their unique image. Each interaction gives us the chance to grow. The catch is that growing is awfully painful and terrifying so we reject it. These reflected internal images dwarf the limited physical realm that only dies with our bodies. "We who are many" (Romans 12:5) in reflection are all attached into one single body created for eternity in the ultimate reflection of God. "Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12..............Peace and righteous action starts with the claiming of our painful and sinful reflections that we see in others............

“Drip-Drop”

Fear will ****** your promises on a 33 degrees to ice ratio. Drip…Drip…Drip.. Drop…You can’t live on fear for it feeds on you. Fear blossoms like a stone and relaxes like the wind. Fear is comfortable when it runs into the arms of complacency. Fear can’t afford to lose so it will never win. Fear can’t make mistakes or be wrong. How clever and beautiful does ignorance make it self appear…fear… fear… fear.. Drip.. Drip.. Drop…..how fear settles on a soul calling it self happy. No! You have a promise that tugs at the condensation of each grain that settles on the egg timer of your human flesh and fear says STOP! I say your BIG FONT but little context! Fear is dead on the cross but we just don’t know how to leave the grave yard…Jesus is faithful…Don’t settle…Don’t settle for the Drip…Drop………….

The lines around your crow’s feet make me laugh and cry in the same second. Yesterday's memories often pervade me but old letters crystallize these moments in the hindsight of a tight chest. I wanted you to know that I’m sorry for how I acted. I was tricked by the world. Acceptance, I know that you’re not greedy but this person trying to get it was formed to be. Beauty, power and success equals acceptance in this world and as I age the price tags keep rising while the fads continue to fill the grave yards. And every ones watching right?! Did you ever slow down to ask why? Get good grades, a good job, a pretty wife, big house, money, the good life… Well how do we do that and says who? Acceptance is acquired through our eyes and ears that are manipulated by ideas that exploit insecurities and fears for profit. Why do think 1% has all the money? The crisis isn’t about lack of money but the lack of acceptance! We are born at sunrise and are over the hill by noon and by sunset we wait for the midnight train. Life is short! Heathens know this and will trick you to enslave your life through their overpriced materials that reduce your true talents to a novelty that works for them. Ahh yes a controlled slavery but what for?! Why give your life to this when you’re dead tomorrow? Did you know that Jesus already accepts us for who we are, without exploitation! He hates sin but Loves us! Listen I am who I am and you are who you are and I like that. I don’t need a red bow. We will have disagreements on things but I don’t want to change you. I don’t want what the world says acceptance is. Now with all this free time I can embrace my limits without ignoring my impending death as I allow my temporary masks of security to hit the floor. Jesus died on the cross to give you this freedom He wants to know you but again it’s your choice. 'The truth will set you free"

Intuition, facts and ambiguity never not but always accepted at every lottery ball that falls in their care. A balance of intelligence and humility is their blood draw and it’s been tested ….You’ve seen emotion at its pinnacle and worn red to the bull fight but your mouth would never tell it because your eyes speak vitals. That was the assurance my mind needed and you were always right on the button…. the clock couldn’t tick to the schedule and the daily planner yearns for the leap year. That’s what I saw but my gowns perspective is shaded from any dream of totality. Thank you for being registered it’s time for me to check out…thankful for the excellence.

I don’t need reality because i can hold eternity in my TOY CAR Forever….i don’t listen to wrinkles and aged bones… why should i? i drive from death in my toy car forever…..every day I make it look better…better….and better…….my toy car forever…..i could save the world!…with my toy car forever...it needs my time and im almost there….if I just keep working..working..working…it will be ready….i’ll give it all my life in exchange for the fountain of youth….a delusion echoed from a little boy in a picture frame…. ….a frame resting in a casket……..he was old and dead….buried in the rusting fender of his toy car forever…………..toy car forever… toy car forever………………………..

Just a checkup and i’m feeling 30. i’m 30 minutes early and in a hospital that’s an eternity. So my restless eyes wander and my feet move till i step into the reflection of adulthood and youth. Separated by thin glass i stare with blood shot eyes at all the beautiful newborn babies!! “That was me, i was them, how could i have ever been that helpless?” In response to my question the lights flickered and there i was lying helplessly in the incubator! Mother earth looked at me through the glass, she more restless than i, bags under her eyes she said “that was me, i was them, could i have ever been that helpless?” Then darkness and i disappeared, mother earth was now **** naked helpless in the incubator. Through the glass God spoke with fire in His eyes“I Am”.

You were a glutinous 24 feasting on my anxiety and confusion. Where Art thou?! Where art thou!? I yelled begging for the pebble to hit my bed side. My sweat pondered so quiet due to the wheels from the warden. A drip sparked the alarm…. the I-V signals to move my hopes to the Montague. Fresh gown and a half bath slightly disheveled and lightly shaking…. a white cape..... a deep breath and a few beats marked his prestige. It felt so right until night..... when his words cycled out with the shift. How could I betray my Love for a moment’s hope of the Montague!! I knew better but only when I was better but now worse and how quickly my mind reversed. OOO Romeo OOO Romeo where art thou my Romeo! Behind your pride and obstructed by your fear… what I-V were you dripping? Didn’t even remember to grasp the brown spine? AHH the top drawer... Slow to anger and don’t fret.... be patient and wait cooled me off from luke warm to ember …Welcome Montague, I now understand where my emotion meets your position and by your smirk I can see you knew I was never a Capulet to begin with…..Trust Romeo.......Jesus

A Rich man laid trapped in an evil desert obis.
Meanwhile a bounty hunter searched for a disabled elder a miss.
He heard the screams desperate deep and blurted.
He ignored his senses, weighting risk like none had heard it.

His body walked on but his nose smelt loot.
He risked his life and clawed him out honey to scoop.
Boosted on shoulders the triumph tasted lick on sweet!
A statue I will make in your honor for your courageous feet!

“No need I’m just happy your safe no need for honor!”
But deep in the invisible dark silence he brood for his daughter.
Then a stench of half eaten carcass ransomed the moment gross and misplaced.
Staring in disgust they agreed “What a pitiful disgrace!

The day before walked the elder man whom was blind and mute.
He heard a cry from the soil and searched in earnest for the root
He clapped his hands and stomped his feet
Risking his very life in blind eyes deceit

Grabbing at the wind, tired broken in vain.
The rich man heard his noisy attempts and cursed his name.
That didn't stop the blind and mute man from trying.
Instead a jagged stone gashed open his leg leaving him bleeding and dying.

The grains of the dessert soaked the earth and cried for his rest.
As the coyotes fought over his wounded flesh....
The rich man claimed “my life I swear will be in your place!!”
With his last bit of life the old man wished the man in the pit would be safe................................

So if lust and adultery is same why can't I act out my lusts? God says there is no difference between lust and adultery."I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). Sweet so since I'm already in trouble can I have *** now? Well hold on first it should be duly noted that temptation is not a sin. People often mistake lust for being physically attracted to someone. Even more importantly it should be understood that it is impossible to avoid sin. We will all sin in action which means hurting others is inevitable to our human nature (which is definitely not good and hurts God) but it happens. Non deserving and all that is exactly why Jesus died on the cross so we can actively repent from the sins we can't avoid (external and internal). If we could somehow avoid all sin the death of Jesus would not be needed. Really we would not need God at all because we'd be like God. But since we sin daily it's important that we are speaking with God everyday . That is what makes any relationship tight. And that is exactly what He wants. He is preparing you for His kingdom! That's why we have His Spirit within us so we can speak to Him direct at any time. Sin in action becomes scarey when God gives you knowledge over a sin and you decide to reject your relationship with him for a sinful action that you know will hurt someone else (happens with *** all the time). "As a dog returns to its *****, so fools repeat their folly" (provers 26:11).But why do we return to ***** ( I know I have in the past)? Most of the time it’s because we fear rejection of people more than God. The world is very tricky and can eat you alive. We must have acceptance by God alone and a relationship with Jesus is the way..... no book,poem, thing,****** act,money, or person can give you that acceptance. He died for you…He wants you!!! May Jesus bless and protect your heart.

A shooting star hopeful burns my soul as quick as it’s majestic motion cracks my wish bone. A promise by flesh is smoke, A promise by darkness is vanity but a promise by light is everlasting. Patience pays dividends in the galaxy of my heart.. My flesh stumbles to the hopeful soul that is held tight from the black hole that stands in fearful awe of Yahweh. Clash from a comet oo yes I’ve drank my share till smoked chest burned to the echoes of a different dimension. My flesh said I can’t go on.. and the world said I was hopelessly delusional but my soul cries Hallelujah. Meteor showers of Love came from the mercy of my mistakes speaking fire that weights the scales of a mans heart…”I make all things new” .…When He speaks its forever…..Jesus is Faithful.

How many ways can humans prove each other wrong? Let me skim the Library of “i know and i know” i can blow you kisses or punch your face, call you a loser or get you drunk with lips that pour sweet nothings. Sugary or bitter, with noise or dead silence, “your wrong” is the song to be sung. In a castle of pride locked and tortured by criticism, even a friend can turn foe in the realm of ‘i know, i know” But who can ever let go of the self-sacrificial blade that bloodies the soul into the sweetness of unseen pride? OOO our language is tainted with poisoned lips that drip gross mentalities of perfection on earth, something’s killing me in this world of ”i know” So here i go, eating bread crumbs that lead me back to where my heart once was and in that darkness so dank with tears, i found what i really KNOW…..NOTHINGGGGGGGG

With every page turned its old wisdom reclaimed on new pens of questioning minds. A question a mere question underlined unknown transition in the permanence of dried ink. I didn’t realize till I reviewed my letters from decades ago. A bumped head couldn’t match the past with the present but ever did I try. I wish we could have faded together like ripped jeans. The disparity of this shadow, I painfully claim. It’s not you it’s me. I know this cliché all too well. The scape goat of a coward but the champion of the righteous. I’d hope in this case to be purely the latter. But while I purge can I let you know that I love you? Ha I guess the hope for my purity was exposed false upon the intrusion of this idea. Can you see this foolishness? It is indistinguishable through the invisibly visible emotion of fear that can often seem composed but more often not. It is otherwise expressed under the misunderstood ambiguity of the infamous phrase…”I Love you.” How can we grow when these disguised words of pride and selfishness either spoken or silent are desperately occupying the places of our hearts that need to be filled with truth? ….. Let these futile interpretations fall at the wayside alone from yesterday in the deepness of the soul reborn from its depths dripping wet in the NOW in the relentless quest to Love not for a moment in the past but for an eternity. I’m far from perfect and in this moment my words are far from where I’ve fallen. I resisted righteously but I can’t forget the vertigo lest my words forget who I was….Jesus show me how to Love in action…………Authority……………

I grasp for prosperity when smoke kicks from a stumble…I can be scared and inconsistent but forever be forgiving….. so patient when I should move and how no action in fear I could justify for an eternity…..My ears listen to the sound of the beat of my drum and it’s my favorite…..My heart burns but my mind battles and yet I never leave my side even when my life is on the line…I don’t always like the mirror but it’s so captivating…mirror mirror on the wall whose the most sinful of them all?……Iv’e gone back and forth too and fro between these reflections……some I hate and some I love…..but still I never stop trying …even when flat lined I’ll CPR till cracked ribs. Ignorant, defiant, confused, happy, depressed, excited, hopeful or wise….. my favorite subjects if it started with “I”. Now that’s how I’ve loved my flesh….and through the fire I learned how to make sweet action but my soul never strayed to far from myself but you could never see it not even with a spy glass. How I didn’t know that my spirit was blind to the physical and that it actually was in famine even when my eyes and others feasted on my accomplishments. No wonder I lost so much…… I lived for myself!!!!………not anymore I was twice dumb…. thrice defiant and now once wise…… I want to love you like I’ve always loved myself . You might not notice the difference, you might not bat an eyelash…but I’m letting my soul wonder with the intention to love you like the essence of my spirit….much apologizes for the former…..but now it’s time for poetry in motion and I'm reaching for the latter of thick
in thin……Jesus thank you for loving me and humbling me……………..Ready…………………Set……………….

Over push the current and you cause a rapid…Over push the current and you create a dam…don’t push the current and cause the drought….. Trust it only needs a clear loving nudge and then let it choose it’s path…easier said then done but finally patience shows that even the white water settles in gentle pools along the path….The fawn returns to quench thirst and the flutter of the robin will dance in your stomach…Hope is what I’m rowing and when this current finally settles, is it not clarity that we fish for? Gentle waters prove a new challenge because even the slightest ripple distorts the reflection…..and hasn’t reflection been everything on this journey? On the contrary the ravine is about finding intention and the reflection is merely the vague bucket used to draw on these deep waters of the soul…let the fawn sip until she is ready and with her eyes you will witness clarity feast over the silence of beauty…..Faith…Hope and Love….that’s the idea…… no matter the outcome everlasting Love will be the bounty of the unconditional ………………..Jesus

There was a rich man trapped in a dangerous pit along a less traveled path in the desert... another traveler heard the screams but did not move to help because it could possibly cause him harm… as he walked away he suddenly recognized the mans voice and remembered his bountiful wealth…in an instance he ran to the pit and extended his hand at much risk to his health—
He raised the rich man on his shoulders rejoicing as he carried him back to his land. Only a minute into their journey they stepped over a half eaten carcass contorted in the sand. What a disgraceful way to die they both agreed….. Changing the subject the rich man vowed to make a statue of his courageous rescuers face and in reply the traveler exploded “No need I’m just happy your safe!” But deep in the invisible dark silence of his soul he brooded violently about how much reward and recognition he could possibly receive…

The day before the rich man was rescued there was an elderly man that was blind and mute and for hours he frantically tried to track the location of desperate screams to their roots. He clapped his hands and stomped his feet risking his very life by chartering blind in unmapped terrain....Even in his greatest effort he missed the pit by 50 yards. The rich man in the pit heard his noisy attempts and all along cursed his name for not helping but still that didn't stop the blind and mute man from trying. Within his persistent attempts he critically gashed open his leg against a jagged stone and began bleeding out. Alone the old man cried himself to death as his blood soaked in the grains of the dessert. He could still hear the rebukes of the man in the pit cursing his soul as the coyotes fought over his wounded flesh....with his last bit of life the old man wished in his heart that the man in the pit would be safe..............................

My heart is inside out and yours is outside in…….. Push……..You wouldn’t come in and I wouldn’t come out….Push….. My mind and your body….Push…..My Ideas fly me far from your touch while your touch sails you out of my mind…..push………You shape the world with your eyes but I’m blind….my lips are the air of the unseen yet your breathless…..push……Your North tries to conquer my winter and my south tries to claim your Summer…push…opposites attract only if you let them…. Shaking I set my North to your southern sun….now were outside in from the inside out…. Eyes and ideas are joined to witness our minds meeting our bodies…I’m scared...But I see your smile……..I won’t push……..thank You Jesus for teaching me to Love deeper

No taste for the aged body who fears the winter.
Their lot is a shinny robe of deceit.
To be destroyed in the fire of death.  

Spices so deeply seasoned in the soul who renews through the winter.
Their lot is the painful snapped bone revived in a veil of TRUTH.
In the fire of death you emerge refined in Faith..Hope and Love...trials are coming but......
He makes all things new....... Lord Jesus Christ

Handful of petals a dozen bleeding red shriveled at long past bloom and locked within my room….how I cried for the thorns of stems that never came to soon so still held hopeful locked within my room. A two year breathe put me at peace but was this divine promise or ruse? Praying still for flowers past sunlight on a mid-day noon that twisted them rootless locked within my room. Then lay gentle the bright white of a stormy winter all things different and all things new. A gust of breathe ran in cold stinging to the lungs from the window that knew about the handful of roses locked within my room….Dear Roses our time has past from the yesterday’s moons……. fly away never to be seen…..we will meet again soon……………..

I wonder if we could swallow the universe with the cosmos of our internal struggle. I’d rather not delay in chewing a few morsels while the galaxy devours us. Still my stomach gnawed chicken bones against my advice. My woeful digestion salted my compromise in the bliss of juicy delicacy. Complacent and  alone a full stomach consumed my flesh in the unlimited dimensions of matter. In this darkness my name is a mist noted on the prequel of my death. In your gaze I revived on the bridge of your frayed lashes. You dropped me a line on your tacit glances and I remembered who I was. Soaked in emotion the earth was faded in the lines of my palm. With each internal keystroke I feasted on the victory of my invisible eternity.
Thank you Jesus

It almost seems like complements define who i am… ..whether i give myself the complement or someone else does….it’s so addictive…. “O baby your so ****…. smart… funny… successful…yada yada yada...maybe this is true…but it’s truth is only temporary and temporary truth is never really the truth at all….it’s but a stepping stone…to then live a complement as truth is to live a counterfeit… ….don’t believe me? Then ask a casket………Mirror Mirror on the wall……..complements aren’t what they say your are at all…..yet a complement still can help you grow…. they do have their purpose…but take a complement and leave it where it is…don’t wear it like skin…..don’t believe it is your identity….lest you wake up dead covered in lies…………..

My love ill meet you  at your emotional two left feet and  i won’t ask you to dance …

i’ll just sit on your eyelashes till you ask me to slow dance with your memories…. till eternity or  glass slipper.……............------women-------

Love of my Love… my life… my very breathe.. Please show me where to meet you…at the place where i claimed to love You…where i said nothing was above You…a place beyond fairytales……..-----God-----  

i struggle, i struggle between prayers and cuddles im troubled how much more i long for one over the other………………..Father Guide me to Your acceptance

Lost in the double clicks of my minds inbox I stand numb at the breach. The new years banner of past and present dripped a surrender deep into the gray matter of my consciousness. Beguiled frozen and depleted I lay captured in overwhelming emotions divided forever in the blocks of my heart's spread sheet. Sure my Birthday marks my age but the new year marks the world's. In this moment more than ever do I realize that my life is falling quicker than the confetti….I am dying! I have spent my whole life building this empire and on this day I find my self alone with the truth. I can’t stand and turn to delusion anymore! The resolutions of-Money-Health-Finances-Etc- only deceived to rescue me to  false masks of success that are engraved with deluded promises of happiness. That’s how our world speaks through its endless peer pressure. How these hopeless actions painted false lines of empty wisdom. I’m done  working for this body..... it's now time to peer into the deep waters of the heart…… With phone in hand I fired these thoughts through the tip of my trembling left index.…..Instead of this years resolution to the flesh, I make the call to my soul……. ring…ring…ring..ring..…...and finally I pick up……………….Now………………………Jesus calling

The homeless are blind to My unseen blessings for it is not the lack of dollars and cents. Their heart has gone bankrupt…defaulted on Hope……But I the Lord exalt the poor and meek for they are humbled and pure to be filled. But why aren’t the rich or comfortable exalted?
This is because their titles, comforts, degrees, accolades, possessions, beauty, and jobs become their identity. You say God is good but your faith is a phantom! Woe to you and your worldly masks that trick you into a faith dependant on your self, proclaimed in My name. I can’t fill you because your full of the world!” They are the hands of hope, empty and ready to be filled …..Distribute your wealth but I say distribute my Spirit for then they will see My light and I will anoint them in blood and from these ashes they will become Kings that will come to your rescue when the tribulation burns your masks to dust.

The average person sleeps 1/3 of their life!!! So by the time you hit the age of 30 you would have already been asleep for a DECADE! That would make a 30 year old only 20 years young in awake years! Haven’t you realized , as we get older that the time starts flying more and more?!! Here is a list of averages that shows where the majority of people spend their time .

1. Eating--- 32,098 hours translates to 3.5 years of our lives spent going “yummy yummy yummy”
2. Driving---The average person spends 37,935 hours behind the wheel. That’s 4 years! Depending on the commute and of course city driving good luck.
3. TV---The average American watches 2.8 hours (quite conservative I’d say) of Television each day equaling over 85,000 hours which equals 9 years of a person’s life!! ( not to mention video games)
4. Working---from age 20-65 a person with 2 weeks vacation per year will average 90,360 hours----10years of the 9-5!
5. The internet----28,300 hours surfing the net (that number will rise)----equaling 3.2 years of life! That’s a lot of Facebook updating and youtube videos!
6. On average a women takes 40 minutes to get ready to go to work/going out---30,000 hours adds to 3 years of life. LOL get in the car already!

Did you know it has been widely studied that it takes approximately 10,000 hours to be an expert in something? Imagine if we didn’t have to sleep 1/3 of our lives. Over the course of a 75 year life we would have roughly 219,000 extra hours at our disposal! Enough to be an expert in 22 different fields!! Well not sleeping is obviously ridiculous because we know everyone needs his or her beauty rest and eating of course is a must. But what about the rest of our time? TV is cool don’t get me wrong but to give a decade of my life to watching “CSI and dancing with the stars!” I mean I’m already giving up 1/3 of my life to sleep. How about work? Do you love your job? Does it just pay the bills or maintain your level of luxury? Do you really want to spend another 10 years just paying bills or acquiring materials in between sleep? How much time do we spend angry, jealous, getting drunk, or gossiping? Really here is the big question, how much time do we spend caring about what others think of us? Women I hate that our culture makes you feel that you have to look like a god. You are beautiful just how God made you and your heart is what a man should spend time on. Life is short. What are your dreams and gifts? How can you use them to bless the world? Where do you spend your time and how can you spend it wiser? All glory an honor to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He died for you to give you time to know Him for an eternity. Jesus teach me to spend my life and time wisely so I may Love as You have Loved me.

Did my thoughts touch reality today?
Did I question in unadulterated Philosophy to the reality of my being or was I swept in the fear mongering deluge of productiveness. I know What but not Why or Who’s doing it. The trap is set on a materialism that sits on the sheets of the American dream. You either have and want more or can’t get out but still want in. This is a fraudulent joke of false individualized eternity spinning on an axis of evil that feeds delusional happiness to our sinful perspectives. How many thoughts and lives are wasted on the will of willingly submitting to the selfish hoarding of monetary prosperity? “Eye’s but no sight, ears but no sound”  I guess we rather willingly enslave each other than to unclutch an idol. But can I ask a question for the sake of asking a question? Can I ask a question for you to ponder and only answer to yourself without its relevance being associated with the happiness of a 5 year plan?............. Who are you?...........

This is a generosity check? Are you a generous or a selfish giver? You just might be surprised to find some answers within your laundry basket. This piece is called “Dry clean only”

Studies show that regions of the brain associated with frustration and pain were captured in FMRI images of individuals selling personal items that still held specific utility in their life . This frustration and pain was actually documented from items being sold at an above market value! Which got me to thinking. Imagine that same person giving the same item away for free! ” Their head might explode!! Well the bible says “It is better to give then to receive” but someone’s head exploding doesn’t seem better by any means? It made me think about myself and how generous I am. When I give I feel pretty good! So that must mean that I’m a true giver and the other person must be a materialists right? In the spirit of giving I feverishly grinned at my laundry pile and decided to do a little donating! In my gratuitous glow I notice a key difference between the two piles. There was not one sweater in the donate pile that I thought especially made me look ****! That’s just a coincidence I yelled as I arrogantly dangled my favorite sweater over the donate pile. My jaw clinched I felt like my head was in a pressure cooker! OOO NO to my favorite sweater! My head is about to explode!!! Quickly I rescued myself from doom by whisking my wardrobe to the bathroom mirror for a couple SELFIES!!! Hyperventilating on the floor I relaxed myself by posting the photos on Facebook. Shaking like an addict it finally hit me. I was never actually giving in the first place. I was only dumping off what I didn’t want! HHMM well that’s just cloths I screamed!! I’ve given plenty before to my friends, family and especially romantic interests! The threads from my sweater corrected me as it is written “It’s easy to Love people that Love you. Even the tax collectors love those who love them.” Upon it’s declaration the laundry pile came to the door and just stared at me in disgrace judging me with their sleeves and collars. My sweater spoke again “If it’s to painful to give your best to the poor, stranger, elderly, sick and lonely without getting anything in return then don’t pat yourself on the back for giving away your scraps. No I screamed I want to be able to give my best truly! I’m sorry I just never realized that I was such a novice giver after all! I know that I am not saved by what I give. I’m only saved by Jesus and His blood but yet I still have a craving to give my best because “It is better to give then to receive”. And I’m ready to truly find out what that means………………..

Our natures are naturally selfish and what we desire is oft times not what Divinity desires. Deep within we know that this disparity is real and throughout time we have tried to justify what we intrinsically know is wrong. If this statement was untrue Philosophy would cease to exist, it would have no utility. Our own happiness would be an unquestioned Truth. Digressing from that matter it is realized that our questions are often confounded from true Divinity because it's Truth can not be molded into what we individually desire. Hence we turn ourselves into philosophers that are repulsed by philosophy. It is importantly noted that people also confound others because they distort Truth of Divinity by selfishly forcing their religious beliefs through sinful actions which are only  fears  disguised as righteousness. Life is good and bad and so are  the actions that war within our chest but a sin is a sin and no good action justifies even the smallest of sins. Our sinful natures only wants to feel good but alas we can't escape the burden of the bad... But in this darkness a light shines... Jesus takes this burden and washes our sins. You may of heard of Him and most likely you've  had someone foolishly distort His name  in selfishness (like I've been guilty of) but please leave that be. This truth I proclaim is not demanded of you but it is only an  invitation to a relationship of freedom which my words or  sinful nature cannot offer...."Knock and the door will open, seek and you will find"

To Be is to know but to know is not to Be….parts of me that will never be do to moments past dead...well now let it be! Another moment dead...Stroll our nemesis death face to cheek and feel the rooted guilt of our sin in it's manifestation of Eden… then you can call it friend.... eyes open to the doubled faced dreaded eyes shut. A face within a face gained not by natural acceptance or neglect but by knocking on the front door of fear..."though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me" believing not just in voice but in the death of silence..."Be still and know the I AM"