The games changes, labyrinth unfolds.
i unfold, reveal, the depth, who is this?
The faded expectation, the eyes gone dim.
i rise, not for anything, it isn't anything.
It is being, it is becoming beyond the fetters of judgement.
Standards, standards, standards.
Running for the measure, the ideal, something...
Who knows the potential of eternity?
The *******, the fear tied to the circumstance of survival.
The shiver down the spine in dark places, the shadow of death.
The natural reaction, i am unfolding, from the habits.
Those burdens like stones holding me from thinking.
The worry, the perfection, the ruse, the lie, the prestige.
The game, the foe, the mirror, what did i see?
who did i chase? a mirage of eternity based on?
Its not for no one, its not for nothing, i unfold and so be it.
So see it, in all its mess, its imperfection.
i desire, i fly, i walk, no longer shackled, no longer bound.
The habits of the eye, the heart, they lie in the past and I step
Forward

I am alone every night, but I feel normal, I feel content. Yet, the nostalgia of Thanksgiving really makes me to crave the feeling of that day. That day from yesterday, that day of moments, food, care, love and togetherness. I am far away, this holiday goes by, but no one says a word. I am alone, and this time I feel alone. What a gift, because out of the merriment I realize that someone else might be alone, and I reach out to say I love you.

Transformation, transformation, Transformation,
Mantra, root, fins, Mantra, root, fins, Mantra, root, fins
repetition,   grounded, unlimited,
concentration, stability, malleability,
focus,  still,  movement
Transformation, transformation, transformation.....

It the competition bro, It’s the competition bro.
Its them against us, it us against them.
Reactions rooted in our brain stem, **** them means win.
We compete against our own human skin,
our own akin, Luke Anakin, I’m your father.
Competition have you Kane and Able, killing your own brother.
Competition is division, submission, inferiority, hierarchy, inequality, habituated, into a sophisticated jungle of pleasure and identity.  
Can’t realize equality within a system grounded in competitive mentalities,
the Olympics, our games, who you rooting for? Lebron James, it’s all the same.
You can stand against hate, you can hate injustice, throw you money and morals, type a tweet and rest on your laurels,
but till competition dies,  it matters not what's spoken oral.
It’s all a power struggle, its us against them, and somehow the ideal is everybody wins?
The hierarchy continues and you are a part of what's condemned. Lets not continue to pretend that its all racial,
competition accommodates all ends.    
This dynamic wont change, don’t hold your breathe, number one death is cardiac arrest.
Fatality by food, that’s fear and survival, too much is never enough….don’t be fooled or get political correct tough, competition is cannibal, makes us remain animals,
breeds one to see threat, to defeat and make victory one’s meat, to compete and civilly eat another person's heart beat.

One must not confuse the truth with distortion.
The best ruse always has some validity in its portion.
You can’t see the other side until you want to,
The fear of the ‘other’ is a reality that will haunt you.  
One reaps what they sow,
but its a mistake to think,   that whats peeped…. is what’s known.
There is more than what you see, all actions are convoluted in the unseen.
Not to mean that polluted actions shouldn’t be transcended,
but any social justice grounded in violence is upended.
An eye for an eye, is self-righteous anger, fire with fire.
If you hate fire, why more fire?
Death for death, breathe for breathe
Underneath it all its fear for fear.
That the person you curse is not different than the one you kiss and call dear.
, the Evil other is an extra-terrestrial,
Wholly  different from what you are….putting yourself on a moral pedestal.
That’s the throne of a Pharisee, with no-analysis to compile, just burn um at the stake, sinner, sinner its a witch trial.

Thief can steal, People work hard, gluttons eat the fruit of idleness, others diet, murders demolish temporary temples, others save a heart beat. the televisions disperses fear, a friend comforts, the greedy a mass riches, people give to what pulls heart strings, a culture loves euphoric pleasure in the horizon of dreams.  Yet all this is one in the same if it is for the world and the soil of it's earth and it's food that leaves you hungry. The  civilized war that sets brother against sister-husband against wife. Winner or loser. The haves and the have nots. It's all the same vanity!!! For where winners and losers dwell, so does pride and jealousy.  Another battle, producing fear that traps, mind, body and soul. Time is short..The victory is narrow-the victory is opposite emotion--- death and defeat, sacrifice and  service to one another, giving away worldly victory for eternal glory. The stone has moved not for one but for all through the One who saved us............Die and live.....................

How many ways can humans prove each other wrong? Let me skim the Library of “i know and i know” i can blow you kisses or punch your face, call you a loser or get you drunk with lips that pour sweet nothings. Sugary or bitter, with noise or dead silence, “your wrong” is the song to be sung. In a castle of pride locked and tortured by criticism, even a friend can turn foe in the realm of ‘i know, i know” But who can ever let go of the self-sacrificial blade that bloodies the soul into the sweetness of unseen pride? OOO our language is tainted with poisoned lips that drip gross mentalities of perfection on earth, something’s killing me in this world of ”i know” So here i go, eating bread crumbs that lead me back to where my heart once was and in that darkness so dank with tears, i found what i really KNOW…..NOTHINGGGGGGGG

To all Women: You are beautiful in places where eyes cannot swim, in the ocean of unseen eternity, no more or no less… without face, body or dress, you’re a Cinderella dancing in the image of God. “Looks and beauty are fleeting”

i love you, i love you, i love you!!! O wait i changed my mind. i was happy when i said yes but now the circumstances have changed. People change. You change, i change, they change, we change. We are together until we change and then, arguments ensue. But doesn’t everybody argue? Yeah, they do, they do…..behind closed doors in explosions of anger, that afterwards say O wow i’m sorry that wasn’t me! But yes it was! Yes it was! It’s all signs of the change that has begun. In a split second a relationship can be destroyed with the razor tip of a tongue. Weather change is 1month or 50 years it’s song will be sung! Change is the essence of humanity, change is the seed of all manipulation, the soil of fear. And you reap what you sow. And O how change will fool us with the most ideal circumstances then…goodbye…..Change is a lie! And i no longer wish to change myself or another, not even a fraction my sisters and brothers. i wish to die to this lie so to rise in the unchanging Love of Christ who never changes. Loving you, loving all, just as you are, in a love that’s never shaken even when its forsaken by a world that forever changes…..

smile…… Manipulate…..complements ...... Manipulate……act interested……manipulate…..show some tears….. manipulate…….white lies….manipulate…..it’s a drug, to manipulate….flirt and manipulate…. escape pain or consequence…manipulate …..socially acceptable to manipulate…to get what you deserve…manipulate….to get what you want….manipulate……to change some one’s mind manipulate…..to be successful manipulate …..O i hate manipulation! i rather have paid every speeding ticket, stood in every long line, gone to jail, paid more than full price for everything, not got the job and been broke…..never been kissed…failed at everything….then to have ever manipulated in my life! O God i hate manipulation and it’s subtleness.. a quiet vice…a secret soul killer…. Call it what you will….swag….cleverness….success…..it doesn’t matter manipulation wears any Word you choose…it’s all self-centered…. me me me me me….. hehehehe…..stop!!!!…. Manipulation must die! Especially in its most subtle and acceptable forms. Even if i have to struggle…even if i lose everything…it must die…”those who save there live will lose it, those lose their lives will find it…………Christ guide me

Can the Ax be more important than the one who swings it? Can the temporary be more important than the truth? Then why O why is death devalued and ignored by worldly dreams? Especially, when our physical bodies will spend far more time being dead then they ever were being alive. Why then spend a short life building a house of happiness on a foundation that will soon be destroyed? Life itself is but a dream, human bodies aren’t what they seem…. Temporary…. So why then live a dream within a dream? For i can’t press snooze when death wakes me up. Yet people die and i say why? i can stare at death with my emotions and then say, not me, not me, for my dreams will set me free. Free from any nightmares of truth….Fear… So i go on achieving this dream within a dream but when i wake up, what would any of that mean? “Those who save their lives will lose it, those who lose their lives will find it.”

Just a checkup and i’m feeling 30. i’m 30 minutes early and in a hospital that’s an eternity. So my restless eyes wander and my feet move till i step into the reflection of adulthood and youth. Separated by thin glass i stare with blood shot eyes at all the beautiful newborn babies!! “That was me, i was them, how could i have ever been that helpless?” In response to my question the lights flickered and there i was lying helplessly in the incubator! Mother earth looked at me through the glass, she more restless than i, bags under her eyes she said “that was me, i was them, could i have ever been that helpless?” Then darkness and i disappeared, mother earth was now **** naked helpless in the incubator. Through the glass God spoke with fire in His eyes“I Am”.

It almost seems like complements define who i am… ..whether i give myself the complement or someone else does….it’s so addictive…. “O baby your so ****…. smart… funny… successful…yada yada yada...maybe this is true…but it’s truth is only temporary and temporary truth is never really the truth at all….it’s but a stepping stone…to then live a complement as truth is to live a counterfeit… ….don’t believe me? Then ask a casket………Mirror Mirror on the wall……..complements aren’t what they say your are at all…..yet a complement still can help you grow…. they do have their purpose…but take a complement and leave it where it is…don’t wear it like skin…..don’t believe it is your identity….lest you wake up dead covered in lies…………..

Jerry’s soul is deeper than the galaxy….if you only had the courage to stare him in the eyes… If i could read a million books and acquire a million college degrees, i could still never attain what ive seen in Jerry’s eyes…...And ive seen what words cannot explain…… ive swam the depths of my own fears ---in Jerry’s eyes---in his eyes the world fades---tomorrow dies and eternity  begins…his emotions screams…his body fails….but my God his eyes!!…..my tears are falling….my tears are falling…not in pity but because in His eyes i saw the face of God……………i love you Jerry Happy Birthday…Christ is holding you.

A resting Child.....Asleep before the ball drops.......Sound asleep on the couch.....poor kid, when will he make it to midnight?...i can't seem to remember when i did...... but somewhere along the line time started moving faster...now it flies by....some where along the line i grew up and learned bitterness, pride and regret...i wonder what this child's dreaming over in this new years moon?...playing, candy and food i presume...he's asleep...yet i'm still awake.... pondering my chances at a clean slate........but this child doesn't need a new years kiss for he lives a new years eve each and every night..365 years to our 1 ...OOO Poor adult when will you fall asleep before midnight so to remember and reclaim what uv'e lost? ...A new year every night

Habitual hives under my skin…i don’t know where you come from…your cause pervades me even though I declared to figure you out 1,000 times….much like my emotions….

Itching and burning under my skin...waking me from deep slumber…then gone without a trace….what a gift of irritation…what a gift of understanding… my truth was but a helpless mirage….

OOO Hives thank you for showing my ignorance but yet still your only scratching the surface of my………..helplessness…carry on

I am a man that understands…
  I write…I read….but I truly do not know….i only ask questions
                       And hope for what I cannot see …
                      I wish to love in the midst of hate…..
                   Kindness and patience as my embrace…
                         Neither in pride nor strength
      For greater is He who is within my understanding…
                                The He who Knows all…
                                   I pray blind Faith……..

I don’t need reality because i can hold eternity in my TOY CAR Forever….i don’t listen to wrinkles and aged bones… why should i? i drive from death in my toy car forever…..every day I make it look better…better….and better…….my toy car forever…..i could save the world!…with my toy car forever...it needs my time and im almost there….if I just keep working..working..working…it will be ready….i’ll give it all my life in exchange for the fountain of youth….a delusion echoed from a little boy in a picture frame…. ….a frame resting in a casket……..he was old and dead….buried in the rusting fender of his toy car forever…………..toy car forever… toy car forever………………………..

Emotions can love and hate….kiss or ****... ….emotions smile and frown…..going up and down, making decisions based on how they feel…… And just like that someone is IN or OUT…and just like that forever turns to goodbye…

Emotions have absolutely no principals…no integrity…no loyalty…no longevity…no control…not even to the one who makes the choice! YES can be NO and NO can be YES in the same breathe…..

It’s emotional Anarchy!!! And O how our emotional highs are thought to be success and ours lows we detest. Yet in this ruse they are one in the same…only confusion remains….still we have emotion and a brain for good reason………. but my dear i beg in distain to refrain from decisions made from the cannibalistic emotions that shift….but instead on God’s unchanging Words and His everlasting gift……..Christ

Words…… What are WORDS in the mouth of humanity?

What are Words but sophisticated toys for grown up boys that call themselves men.... let’s not pretend… …. we’ve made a ******* of the ideas born from earthly SYMBOLS….in the face of love or hate who can pull back the reigns of it’s inconsistent passion?….

But dare i not say that we even speak words at all but are only yacking the call of loud deafness…of madness… What are words anyway in the mouths of men? If we knew…. we wouldn’t be writing or speaking at all……..We’d all just be in constant Awe of Our Creator…….

You lie and wait for me to stumble….To slip…to fall….to fail….in a face that says I love you….
you've exchanged my kindness for a plan to ruin me….my emotions rage and my mind keeps account …
O Lord settle me from variant emotions…from acting in passion….For have i not myself, once been this person?…..
Help me overcome the battle of body and spirit……OO my enemy just because your my enemy doesn’t mean i have to hate you back….Lord may your Will be done so when my enemies hate me i bless them even more……

My love ill meet you  at your emotional two left feet and  i won’t ask you to dance …

i’ll just sit on your eyelashes till you ask me to slow dance with your memories…. till eternity or  glass slipper.……............------women-------

Love of my Love… my life… my very breathe.. Please show me where to meet you…at the place where i claimed to love You…where i said nothing was above You…a place beyond fairytales……..-----God-----  

i struggle, i struggle between prayers and cuddles im troubled how much more i long for one over the other………………..Father Guide me to Your acceptance

Our hungry world eats humanity like roasted delicacies… ooo how it loves the chase of its wild dreams especially when it smokes it’s passions in the furnace of a wild mouth…

O dear Father my lips have spoken....spoken in shame…in haste…. in pride….in fear….in lies….all from the throat of my demise.

i didn’t love You as i claimed… have mercy for i could not bite my tongue with my own tooth…
Or tame life and death on the edge of it’s blade… at what age can i raise its sword from the stone of pride?

OOO great magician of my jaw make my lies disappear and may I be deaf to worldly cheers, only drinking the tears of humility so to truly  cry a pure Halleluiah.

A picture says a 1000 words but poems speak where senses fail. I can’t remember or recall my awaked dreams scribbled with scattered penmanship.

Before ink dries I cry in the passionate silence of inner groaning till I exploded into the unknown. I don’t know my poems but they new me….
1 year later on the date I read them for the first time and saw the faces of yesterday’s fear in full ignorance. ….

OO poem you waited in my timid soul so to face my yesterday right now.
I wish to kiss you but you’ve passed on….leaving a poetic obituary of the human journey,, where present words fail…. Holy Spirit  guided me from death into life……..”seek and you will find” ……..

O Lord i don't know anything!
I know nothing of nothing----which is the something of my everything----It is my every being as a creature called man----
Yet all is dust for dust-----leaving me with a world of nothing.....
i think there for i am but i know nothing....yet i think nothing is everything----
i am therefore a living nothing doing nothing and everything dust could do----futile

i have masks that hide me in plain sight! Masks….upon….. masks….. upon…. masks… woven in my flesh in a habitual binge of pain and pleasure….
i'm stripping down to reality…… a reality covered in lies!!  O how i’m living a lie!
i’m falling deeper into confusion and deeper into understanding….
How clever a coward like me to justify hypocrisy ...i can’t bare to know anymore and i cant bare or afford not to listen.. .. OOO Why can't i discard the mask that sings my name?!!  O Lord please make me invisible to the sight of yesterdays lies in those eyes that are envious and  jealous.....may i sing i was blind and now i see……..fill me with true identity

O God tell me if my tears are crazy or if my memory has gone mad…

Ive tried to deny--- to argue--- to ignore my deepest longings for love…

I am ripping at the seams and now it seems I am eaten away by the patience I once denied…but where do I turn?

O mysterious wind of Thy Spirit you have me right where You need me……Helpless…….

Quiet… still…. Speechless…. Alone…. confused with Christmas carols…only 2000 miles off from where I once heard them… …I cry…I sigh…..i try… I try….i sigh….i cry… longing to be held, to touch… to kiss….OOOO how I tried to the extreme of frenzy and frigid…in ignorance and pride…oooo I tired….. ive cried…. ive died 1000 times…and time never slows….its just like yesterday only 10 years older…..wiser but ignorant…..OOO if I could only fade into the imagination of what I tried to attain…… drifting into what cannot be explained…… forever forgetting bad habits like bad dreams……..yet id never trade this lonely night for if I did I would have never met you……………..Faith, Hope and Love………..Jesus

I walk I walk the crowd is overwhelming so id rather stay in my mind running a marathon of thoughts. I'd run there forever if I could but life's finish-line is outside my inner world. " I get dizzy and start to faint my adrenaline kicks, then "I stumble but I do not fall because the Lords Mighty hands are holding me"  So against all instinct and disposition I come out to run with you my brothers and sisters! I know the race will wear us to the bone showing the weakness of our humanity but “we who are many make up one body and we belong to each other.”  When the impossible meets our fears we join at the cross and together we come alive in the intimacy of God's eternal Love.

How beautiful to see eternal victory wrapped in the adolescence of the 21st century. Young minds blooming on the memories of old bodies reminds my stiff joints of a youthful yesterday and how my yesterday is now your tomorrow. What am I but you and what are you but me.. yesterday and tomorrow joining as one, eclipsing time in eternal paradise, Thank you Jesus. But how often do I forget and think that I am merely the wrinkles of my age? My pride of adulthood gets stuck in the fears of distorted memories and false aspirations.  Your youthful smiles have reminded me of who I am, and subconsciously you have reminded your self for a latter date of maturity. WE are all servants.  Thank you for your role in the ultimate play called life on the stage of Earth where together we rehearse for an eternal wedding with the most high God.

My heart is inside out and yours is outside in…….. Push……..You wouldn’t come in and I wouldn’t come out….Push….. My mind and your body….Push…..My Ideas fly me far from your touch while your touch sails you out of my mind…..push………You shape the world with your eyes but I’m blind….my lips are the air of the unseen yet your breathless…..push……Your North tries to conquer my winter and my south tries to claim your Summer…push…opposites attract only if you let them…. Shaking I set my North to your southern sun….now were outside in from the inside out…. Eyes and ideas are joined to witness our minds meeting our bodies…I’m scared...But I see your smile……..I won’t push……..thank You Jesus for teaching me to Love deeper

Life will offer you a fork in the river that rages the veins of your soul. One path new the other old and familiar. Our habitual rapids have weathered emotional scars that cover thick skin. For how long will you travel this pain before you fork towards the congruent path? Your potential is waiting. It is your choice alone. Still many never leave the rapids of their youth. If you so choose Yesterday becomes Today, what was left is now right, up is down and who am I is a stranger. At first you want to change back and many do but every paddle will wish you to stay. Both riverbeds argue over the spirit. Opposites attract for this reason and if one stays till the swell settles the downstream becomes upstream within the adjoined depths of new life. What was old is new. What was dead is alive and you feel it in each heartbeat………………..The gift of baptism…………….Jesus

Dreams are soft upon pillow tops but nightmares in the subconscious are vicious wolves to our souls. Eyes shut to the outside world so they may open to inner galaxies. Yet the moon acts a stranger to a sunrise with amnesia. Two worlds dependent in one body, but are they indifferent or ignorant to each other? For we are awakened and asleep but at once asleep and awake depending on our eyelids positions. I want to wake up to goodnight and introduce my dreams to my dreams and my nightmares to my sins. Holy Spirit wake me up triumphant whether it be Good day or Goodnight…….For I want to know you deeper………Jesus

I’ve been alive for 30 years but on sleep alone I’ve slept a decade. Life is a blink in the diapers of a toddler to the identity crisis of adolescences . In this short time I can remember a fraction of what I have experienced. Using biased emotions I make my decisions for today based on the distorted interpretations of those struggles. “I am my remembering self, and the experienced self but who does the living, is a stranger to me”. We are smoke in glass to our true reflections.
Why can’t we change others? Because we barely know ourselves……….an adult is a mathematical word in our culture, a magical number of ascension from youth. How often do we become sophisticated toddlers and adolescences? We acquire degrees, accomplish, travel and get bigger toys but all the while having hearts that wear pampers and zits. Then we die before we realize….. Our true potentials. We can never totally know Who We Are within the flesh of a human mind that is limited to such short time. But truth be told our memories alone will not bring you anywhere closer to understanding. At best you repeat a more successful childhood that never exactly feels fulfilling . Do you feel a void? “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
There is Someone who knows you fully and wants to help you break this cycle. He wishes to Eclipse your memory from the youth of yesterday to the thoughts of Eternity. We all need each other. No more youthful competition! Only union within a family to a Father that wishes to show us all what we all crave to know…….. Who we truly are………………...FLY……………………………………..Jesus

She was 21 years in flesh.. an innocent victim of Time... her age is painted delusional through beauty rest disguised in stilettos...... sleep......Her eyes dawned and the sunlight rose to an awakened age of 14 after slumber--baby pictures in bumbled speech and wobbly legs sheltered in a nest for 8 years by mama bird at best ---------school felt like an eternity but our life feels like a blink. Going from bell to bell was our experience in between the confusion of forming an identity for eternity--6-- boys in girls in love on emotions that vibrate the potential of a reflection they feel but can't yet touch--Love letters sting through past hopes wished on a face that was destine to not have the answers---------- 21 we are adults right? Look at the numbers in Time instead of your body in age--that's why we blink-then die-  before we really even had a chance to Be...they say Be this....But Now the time is yours......Jesus Loves you----Forever 21.............................

In the shadows of death I did not know …Yet I found a written letter that held a latter towards divinity. Upon a glace the letter burned my life from ignorance into the sinful ashes of reality. Empty and full of transgressions my mind was now incapable of unknowing the difference between darkness and light. So I climbed towards a lost eternity mapped within my heart. Alas my hands always slipped from a body worn down to the limits of a mind trapped in the flesh of effort. This latter condemned me through the letter written by a God that by definition I could never see or touch. The light of the Law shines bright on our sins while leaving yet another shadow on our shadows. In the darkest of darkest a Morning Star rises to climb the latter!! Drenched in anger the shadows tore the latter apart and fashioned it’s pieces into a cross. In perfection the Morning Star willingly came in the dimmest hours to redeem the shadows destined for an infinite nightfall. God’s Son came as a man and climbed the latter as one of us---For us He died and rose by the power of the Holy Spirit A Spirit which he left to carry us to which we could never climb. Jesus knew your sins and suffered your punishment to bring you safely to the Father. The Laws of the Bible are not a climb to Heaven like most think. They are instead a humbling reminder to us of the inevitable transgressions which we all could not escape. By the cross we were redeemed and given a Spirit that builds a relationship of eternity bathed in the blood of righteousness…The Laws can now bring light to salt reborn to reject sin not as a way to Heaven but as a path to a confession that sanctifies us closer to our Savior. All because we want to know Him more and more….May we love as we have been loved and use the law for what the law is for. Spread the Word………Jesus

The average person sleeps 1/3 of their life!!! So by the time you hit the age of 30 you would have already been asleep for a DECADE! That would make a 30 year old only 20 years young in awake years! Haven’t you realized , as we get older that the time starts flying more and more?!! Here is a list of averages that shows where the majority of people spend their time .

1. Eating--- 32,098 hours translates to 3.5 years of our lives spent going “yummy yummy yummy”
2. Driving---The average person spends 37,935 hours behind the wheel. That’s 4 years! Depending on the commute and of course city driving good luck.
3. TV---The average American watches 2.8 hours (quite conservative I’d say) of Television each day equaling over 85,000 hours which equals 9 years of a person’s life!! ( not to mention video games)
4. Working---from age 20-65 a person with 2 weeks vacation per year will average 90,360 hours----10years of the 9-5!
5. The internet----28,300 hours surfing the net (that number will rise)----equaling 3.2 years of life! That’s a lot of Facebook updating and youtube videos!
6. On average a women takes 40 minutes to get ready to go to work/going out---30,000 hours adds to 3 years of life. LOL get in the car already!

Did you know it has been widely studied that it takes approximately 10,000 hours to be an expert in something? Imagine if we didn’t have to sleep 1/3 of our lives. Over the course of a 75 year life we would have roughly 219,000 extra hours at our disposal! Enough to be an expert in 22 different fields!! Well not sleeping is obviously ridiculous because we know everyone needs his or her beauty rest and eating of course is a must. But what about the rest of our time? TV is cool don’t get me wrong but to give a decade of my life to watching “CSI and dancing with the stars!” I mean I’m already giving up 1/3 of my life to sleep. How about work? Do you love your job? Does it just pay the bills or maintain your level of luxury? Do you really want to spend another 10 years just paying bills or acquiring materials in between sleep? How much time do we spend angry, jealous, getting drunk, or gossiping? Really here is the big question, how much time do we spend caring about what others think of us? Women I hate that our culture makes you feel that you have to look like a god. You are beautiful just how God made you and your heart is what a man should spend time on. Life is short. What are your dreams and gifts? How can you use them to bless the world? Where do you spend your time and how can you spend it wiser? All glory an honor to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He died for you to give you time to know Him for an eternity. Jesus teach me to spend my life and time wisely so I may Love as You have Loved me.

We overestimate the probability of the improbable through eyes and ears that are susceptible to vivid imagery. Social media screams that 100 people died from poisoned cantaloupes instead of saying in less emotional terms 100 in 7,000,000,000 or .000000000001% of the population. Really It’s all about fear and manipulation. You viewed all the news interviews, watched YouTube videos and even read the compelling articles. Now you’re in the grocery store avoiding cantaloupes like the plague because you might be next! Conversely in positive outcomes this is the same rationalization that compels people to buy jack *** lottery tickets. Can you see how we extremely over weighting the probabilities of events based on the vividness and prevalence of the coverage? The news—the government---companies---all individuals have agendas but not everyone is looking out for your best interest. Many are “wolves in sheep’s clothing” that feed on these manipulations in regards to rare events with the sole purpose to covertly produce a particular behavior that prospers outcomes that are favorable to their own position.

Now her goes the paradox of overestimation and underestimation in regards to rare events. A strange thing happens when rare events are not being perceived vividly through our senses. They are simply ignored! We no longer over estimate probabilities but instead begin to under estimate probability! For example during Hurricane Katrina victims yielded to evacuate due to this under estimation. The probability of the rare event was neglected in part to lack of vividness. In hindsight they seemed foolish for not leaving but in actuality were quite human in their behavior that lacked the emotional experience towards the rare event (obviously the decision was intertwined with a myriad of other individual variables). In the aftermath the vividness of the Hurricane’s media coverage allows the opposite to occur once more---a heavy overestimation of a future storms probability. This produces disproportionate fears for many in regards to actual hurricane probabilities. Leaving the door open for exploitation.

What we see is a human nature that goes extremely over or under in estimations towards the outcomes of rare events compared to the events actual probabilities. The danger is that people know this!! They can pump your head with what they want you to overestimate and be silent on what they’d like you to neglect, all in the manipulation of their cause. The perceived good guy can easily be one in the same with the bad guy. The best sociopaths are quite charming. People can easily be manipulated with the news and Youtube videos for example. Often times the information provided has traces of truth that are used to spark emotions that lead an individual further away from actuality while simultaneously using them towards their own divisive agendas. They will stay silent to other matters---producing neglect till it’s time to play the good guy once the neglected issue (often created themselves) explodes. In the after math the information they provide makes you feel empowered but it's only manipulating you further into their own aspirations--they look like a hero for doing it --again they produce the overestimations of fear where they want while staying silent to what they wish for you to neglect. Whether it’s the government, a conspiracy theorist or a manipulating relationship partner be attuned to how we process information and the susceptibility to manipulation (overestiamation-underestimation). Although not every situation is a source of manipulation from others it would be unwise to neglect the fact that our own emotions can lead us to these same ignorances all by our selves. I give glory and honor to my Savior Jesus Christ for this knowledge in which Faith in Him alone helps me discern and weight the emotional information and there intentions

This is a generosity check? Are you a generous or a selfish giver? You just might be surprised to find some answers within your laundry basket. This piece is called “Dry clean only”

Studies show that regions of the brain associated with frustration and pain were captured in FMRI images of individuals selling personal items that still held specific utility in their life . This frustration and pain was actually documented from items being sold at an above market value! Which got me to thinking. Imagine that same person giving the same item away for free! ” Their head might explode!! Well the bible says “It is better to give then to receive” but someone’s head exploding doesn’t seem better by any means? It made me think about myself and how generous I am. When I give I feel pretty good! So that must mean that I’m a true giver and the other person must be a materialists right? In the spirit of giving I feverishly grinned at my laundry pile and decided to do a little donating! In my gratuitous glow I notice a key difference between the two piles. There was not one sweater in the donate pile that I thought especially made me look ****! That’s just a coincidence I yelled as I arrogantly dangled my favorite sweater over the donate pile. My jaw clinched I felt like my head was in a pressure cooker! OOO NO to my favorite sweater! My head is about to explode!!! Quickly I rescued myself from doom by whisking my wardrobe to the bathroom mirror for a couple SELFIES!!! Hyperventilating on the floor I relaxed myself by posting the photos on Facebook. Shaking like an addict it finally hit me. I was never actually giving in the first place. I was only dumping off what I didn’t want! HHMM well that’s just cloths I screamed!! I’ve given plenty before to my friends, family and especially romantic interests! The threads from my sweater corrected me as it is written “It’s easy to Love people that Love you. Even the tax collectors love those who love them.” Upon it’s declaration the laundry pile came to the door and just stared at me in disgrace judging me with their sleeves and collars. My sweater spoke again “If it’s to painful to give your best to the poor, stranger, elderly, sick and lonely without getting anything in return then don’t pat yourself on the back for giving away your scraps. No I screamed I want to be able to give my best truly! I’m sorry I just never realized that I was such a novice giver after all! I know that I am not saved by what I give. I’m only saved by Jesus and His blood but yet I still have a craving to give my best because “It is better to give then to receive”. And I’m ready to truly find out what that means………………..

So if lust and adultery is same why can't I act out my lusts? God says there is no difference between lust and adultery."I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). Sweet so since I'm already in trouble can I have *** now? Well hold on first it should be duly noted that temptation is not a sin. People often mistake lust for being physically attracted to someone. Even more importantly it should be understood that it is impossible to avoid sin. We will all sin in action which means hurting others is inevitable to our human nature (which is definitely not good and hurts God) but it happens. Non deserving and all that is exactly why Jesus died on the cross so we can actively repent from the sins we can't avoid (external and internal). If we could somehow avoid all sin the death of Jesus would not be needed. Really we would not need God at all because we'd be like God. But since we sin daily it's important that we are speaking with God everyday . That is what makes any relationship tight. And that is exactly what He wants. He is preparing you for His kingdom! That's why we have His Spirit within us so we can speak to Him direct at any time. Sin in action becomes scarey when God gives you knowledge over a sin and you decide to reject your relationship with him for a sinful action that you know will hurt someone else (happens with *** all the time). "As a dog returns to its *****, so fools repeat their folly" (provers 26:11).But why do we return to ***** ( I know I have in the past)? Most of the time it’s because we fear rejection of people more than God. The world is very tricky and can eat you alive. We must have acceptance by God alone and a relationship with Jesus is the way..... no book,poem, thing,****** act,money, or person can give you that acceptance. He died for you…He wants you!!! May Jesus bless and protect your heart.

Our natures are naturally selfish and what we desire is oft times not what Divinity desires. Deep within we know that this disparity is real and throughout time we have tried to justify what we intrinsically know is wrong. If this statement was untrue Philosophy would cease to exist, it would have no utility. Our own happiness would be an unquestioned Truth. Digressing from that matter it is realized that our questions are often confounded from true Divinity because it's Truth can not be molded into what we individually desire. Hence we turn ourselves into philosophers that are repulsed by philosophy. It is importantly noted that people also confound others because they distort Truth of Divinity by selfishly forcing their religious beliefs through sinful actions which are only  fears  disguised as righteousness. Life is good and bad and so are  the actions that war within our chest but a sin is a sin and no good action justifies even the smallest of sins. Our sinful natures only wants to feel good but alas we can't escape the burden of the bad... But in this darkness a light shines... Jesus takes this burden and washes our sins. You may of heard of Him and most likely you've  had someone foolishly distort His name  in selfishness (like I've been guilty of) but please leave that be. This truth I proclaim is not demanded of you but it is only an  invitation to a relationship of freedom which my words or  sinful nature cannot offer...."Knock and the door will open, seek and you will find"

A sinful habit is the result of negative actions in repetition.... negative actions are the result of trying to gain control because of negative emotions… negative emotions are the result of  negative thoughts and negative thoughts are the result of not feeling accepted and not feeling accepted is a result of having more faith in what other humans think of you instead of what God thinks of you.  Sin starts with a thought and it starts with acceptance and we all need acceptance. When we reject the acceptance of God we chose to be accepted by the world. The world’s acceptance is money, power and beauty and guess what it never lasts …High debt…greediness, divorce rates, anxiety, narcissism, pride, jealousy, eating disorders, depression…infidelity…drug abuse..alcoholism..violence …suicides …****** perversions…the quest for materials…..even religion being used for personal happiness….are all the results of choosing to be accepted by the world whose ruler is satan. It’s never ending and we always need more!  In this model we invite the invitation for negative thoughts , which produce negative emotions that create fear and confusion.. …. ….Hence these sinful actions become our habits and then our habits become our identities……. When enough peoples immoral actions become their identities it then becomes apart of our culture which then  becomes the law…which makes sin one of our rights making sin the norm………. Our nation’s current atrocities are reflections of our aggregate sins and compromises manifested as normal. The devil uses these deceptions to rob your life and always lets you think the blame is on others. My brothers and sisters make no mistake no one can avoid sin. We all sin and were condemned to death and that is why Christ died to forgive you of what we could not avoid. But make no mistake sin starts in the heart and if left unchecked leads to action. Sinful action is worse than sin that stays in the heart because sin in action hurts others. Don’t be over whelmed by this just pay attention to your actions and you may find sin being justified and trust me sin  always leaves a paper trail which means we can investigate them through God’s Words and strive to repent of our inevitable sins before they hit reality. Hence we can be forgiven without our sins further hurting others within our world…if enough people change the world changes…It’s easy to point fingers but it’s not easy to change but it all starts with Acceptance…where do you get acceptance? You might be rejected by the world but Jesus Accepts you…… just follow the paper trail……

The lines around your crow’s feet make me laugh and cry in the same second. Yesterday's memories often pervade me but old letters crystallize these moments in the hindsight of a tight chest. I wanted you to know that I’m sorry for how I acted. I was tricked by the world. Acceptance, I know that you’re not greedy but this person trying to get it was formed to be. Beauty, power and success equals acceptance in this world and as I age the price tags keep rising while the fads continue to fill the grave yards. And every ones watching right?! Did you ever slow down to ask why? Get good grades, a good job, a pretty wife, big house, money, the good life… Well how do we do that and says who? Acceptance is acquired through our eyes and ears that are manipulated by ideas that exploit insecurities and fears for profit. Why do think 1% has all the money? The crisis isn’t about lack of money but the lack of acceptance! We are born at sunrise and are over the hill by noon and by sunset we wait for the midnight train. Life is short! Heathens know this and will trick you to enslave your life through their overpriced materials that reduce your true talents to a novelty that works for them. Ahh yes a controlled slavery but what for?! Why give your life to this when you’re dead tomorrow? Did you know that Jesus already accepts us for who we are, without exploitation! He hates sin but Loves us! Listen I am who I am and you are who you are and I like that. I don’t need a red bow. We will have disagreements on things but I don’t want to change you. I don’t want what the world says acceptance is. Now with all this free time I can embrace my limits without ignoring my impending death as I allow my temporary masks of security to hit the floor. Jesus died on the cross to give you this freedom He wants to know you but again it’s your choice. 'The truth will set you free"

Lord can you teach me to gather my words so to speak in pure encouragement instead of vanity? Words are two faced coins flipped through internal struggles to the lips of external manifestations. Our mouth is the ultimate weapon of deception or peace. The maggots of hell and the righteousness of heaven dance on the vibration of syllables . The better we are at it the more these lines get blurred. So let’s start at day one… God created the world with a Word. “Words have the power of life and death.” So it is written. “What goes in does not define because it comes out but what comes out comes from within.” What do I feel when I speak? Do I speak to encourage Divine creation or do I speak to create my own world? Acceptance, manipulation, power are the polar opposites of Faith, Hope and Love and yet they can be expressed with the same words. One leads to a pit the other paradise. One feels like paradise for a moment but is ******* the other looks like ******* but is ever lasting liberation. Jesus help me weather the storm. I want to distinguish the two so I can build for your kingdom as I willingly destroy mine. I beg you to separate these words of vanity from my heart. Please forgive me for my misguided words. May I speak to embrace the sacrifice of your blood instead of embracing selfishness. May I speak from the embrace of Your peace in the humility of who You are because of who You are and what You’ve done and will to come. “Speak for your servant is listening”

With every page turned its old wisdom reclaimed on new pens of questioning minds. A question a mere question underlined unknown transition in the permanence of dried ink. I didn’t realize till I reviewed my letters from decades ago. A bumped head couldn’t match the past with the present but ever did I try. I wish we could have faded together like ripped jeans. The disparity of this shadow, I painfully claim. It’s not you it’s me. I know this cliché all too well. The scape goat of a coward but the champion of the righteous. I’d hope in this case to be purely the latter. But while I purge can I let you know that I love you? Ha I guess the hope for my purity was exposed false upon the intrusion of this idea. Can you see this foolishness? It is indistinguishable through the invisibly visible emotion of fear that can often seem composed but more often not. It is otherwise expressed under the misunderstood ambiguity of the infamous phrase…”I Love you.” How can we grow when these disguised words of pride and selfishness either spoken or silent are desperately occupying the places of our hearts that need to be filled with truth? ….. Let these futile interpretations fall at the wayside alone from yesterday in the deepness of the soul reborn from its depths dripping wet in the NOW in the relentless quest to Love not for a moment in the past but for an eternity. I’m far from perfect and in this moment my words are far from where I’ve fallen. I resisted righteously but I can’t forget the vertigo lest my words forget who I was….Jesus show me how to Love in action…………Authority……………

Did my thoughts touch reality today?
Did I question in unadulterated Philosophy to the reality of my being or was I swept in the fear mongering deluge of productiveness. I know What but not Why or Who’s doing it. The trap is set on a materialism that sits on the sheets of the American dream. You either have and want more or can’t get out but still want in. This is a fraudulent joke of false individualized eternity spinning on an axis of evil that feeds delusional happiness to our sinful perspectives. How many thoughts and lives are wasted on the will of willingly submitting to the selfish hoarding of monetary prosperity? “Eye’s but no sight, ears but no sound”  I guess we rather willingly enslave each other than to unclutch an idol. But can I ask a question for the sake of asking a question? Can I ask a question for you to ponder and only answer to yourself without its relevance being associated with the happiness of a 5 year plan?............. Who are you?...........

Lost in the double clicks of my minds inbox I stand numb at the breach. The new years banner of past and present dripped a surrender deep into the gray matter of my consciousness. Beguiled frozen and depleted I lay captured in overwhelming emotions divided forever in the blocks of my heart's spread sheet. Sure my Birthday marks my age but the new year marks the world's. In this moment more than ever do I realize that my life is falling quicker than the confetti….I am dying! I have spent my whole life building this empire and on this day I find my self alone with the truth. I can’t stand and turn to delusion anymore! The resolutions of-Money-Health-Finances-Etc- only deceived to rescue me to  false masks of success that are engraved with deluded promises of happiness. That’s how our world speaks through its endless peer pressure. How these hopeless actions painted false lines of empty wisdom. I’m done  working for this body..... it's now time to peer into the deep waters of the heart…… With phone in hand I fired these thoughts through the tip of my trembling left index.…..Instead of this years resolution to the flesh, I make the call to my soul……. ring…ring…ring..ring..…...and finally I pick up……………….Now………………………Jesus calling