Greedy, prideful, arrogant, disrespectful, lazy and petty that’s exactly what you are!!
When I see you I get Anxious, frustrated, annoyed, awkward and insecure! I'm so justified against your filth but I can't escape the shadows of your 7 billion replicas! It's never me it's always you and that’s the way the world runs. But Why???? OOPs a question against the Ego. To late to reverse my lips for the antidote was injected upon my inquiry...Truth.....This whole time I’ve been the object and the subject! I'm a MIRROR! I hated you because I hated me! My inner reflection appeared in a different face and I wouldn't allow myself to make the connection! It was just to painful....Now I see dimly but a lot clearer...I see a token of my self....please allow me a moment to cry.......We are all mirrors for each other! We Reflect deeper images of our identities in the places our carnal sense simply fail. Each reflection upon a reflection provides an individual a deeper meaning of their unique image. Each interaction gives us the chance to grow. The catch is that growing is awfully painful and terrifying so we reject it. These reflected internal images dwarf the limited physical realm that only dies with our bodies. "We who are many" (Romans 12:5) in reflection are all attached into one single body created for eternity in the ultimate reflection of God. "Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12..............Peace and righteous action starts with the claiming of our painful and sinful reflections that we see in others............

I wonder if we could swallow the universe with the cosmos of our internal struggle. I’d rather not delay in chewing a few morsels while the galaxy devours us. Still my stomach gnawed chicken bones against my advice. My woeful digestion salted my compromise in the bliss of juicy delicacy. Complacent and  alone a full stomach consumed my flesh in the unlimited dimensions of matter. In this darkness my name is a mist noted on the prequel of my death. In your gaze I revived on the bridge of your frayed lashes. You dropped me a line on your tacit glances and I remembered who I was. Soaked in emotion the earth was faded in the lines of my palm. With each internal keystroke I feasted on the victory of my invisible eternity.
Thank you Jesus

I feel stupid and scared when my insecurity exposes What I am. My environment, biology, and temperament make the perfect storm to What I am. What I wear, what I look like, what I do, what I enjoy, what I buy, all lead me to these tangible ideas of what I am. The most dangerous ideas are the ones that make me look and feel good. They get addicting……But how horribly great is it to be rescued with the humility of a juicy failure? I can see this best when my actions slow down to keystrokes. In hindsight my biggest failures are my greatest successes. Now only if I could conquer the great quest to be a great failure. Then I’d be free to be What I Am with no vices or pain! But alas the ideas of perfection keep scuffing my ego. I’m getting better at failing and maybe one day I’ll be perfect at it! So you see my dilemma? Well I wish it stopped there but alas there’s another variable in the mix that makes my dilemma turn barbaric: and it is the Who I AM (Soul). What I am (Body) is not the Who I Am (soul). So the paradox begins “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”(Galatians 5:17) Sworn enemies now inhabit the same space and it’s impossible to separate them through this process called humanity. Their like roommates who hate each other to the point of ******! Now the key word in the scripture is "battle" which means two things:
1. I can win a battle-I can lose a battle
2. I can be lazy-I can be prepared.
For you see the Earth touches the What I am (body) with temptation and fears that many times distracts me from manifesting the full potential of Who I Am (Soul).

I’ve spent my whole life fighting for the identity of What I Am (body) when in the end the whatever I am dies with my body. The What I am can not continue to rout my soul. In our culture there is an infinite amount of ways to build on the perishing What I Am and only a few for recognizing the who I am. But I must fight back on the side of Who I am (soul) which is eternal. This is scary and definitely unpopular to the What I am is what makes me happy Yolo culture but let’s get serious. Here’s some indicators of a losing battle: Insecurity, pride and jealousy are great signatures on the victory flags of the What I Am (body) camp. Here is where you can ask yourself deeper questions and reconsider. This will be far more scary and painful than you can ever imagine because this deals with what you have always perceived as your identity for your entire life. This is the road less traveled. The time is now!!!!! My battle cry is: “Jesus by your strength only do I claim victory of Who I Am!”…………………. If anyone wants to talk I'm here to learn and grow:)

The clock struck mid-night London on the cheeks of her rosy smile. Glancing at Big Ben her high heels shined posh over the moon. Bold, intelligent and independent she stood at the corner of Westminster and Margret upon a shadow that faded her invisible to the alley of the ******* door. She wanted a walk on the wild….. so with crimson lips the brazen beauty blew a kiss that knocked deaths door three times firm.
Beauty: Hello sweetheart. Could you be a doll and crack the bolt. She playfully inquired.

Death’s Door: “****** off!” I’m tired and about to hit the rack!

Beauty: "Eee you cheeky monkey" Do not play coy! For you may be a Fit Bloke for most but I’m
Karen Wankerstien the sexiest women in England! Crack the bolt I say!!!

Death’s Door: Who?

Beauty: Don’t be a ******! I’m Karen Wankerstien, business women of the year and the toast of this year’s Queen Charlotte Ball! Crack the bolt I say!!

Death’s Door: Who?

Beauty: You Nitwit. You know me well. It’s me Karen!

Death’s Door: OOO  Hi Karen!!! You know I don’t recognize any of those fancy titles! For once you pass through these doors they all vanish. It’s best you live your life for the unseen beauty that never fades! “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (proverbs 31).

Then crack goes the deadbolt!  Fluttering her spine with the momentary thrill that danced upon the sun-rise of her temporal fairy-tale identity.

The unseen is so intangible to humanity that it screams Hersey in defense of limited carnal senses. Even if the womb could inhabit scientists in pre-birth form they could merely predict that the umbilical cord was the result of the big bang which was brought on by flatulence before the great earthquake of indigestion. The true miracle of birth is the unseen…how in the darkness of gestation a blind love is reflected through a heartbeat that is perceived only physiologically. They could never fathom the deeper water of love that a man has with a women! Conversely we are not immune to this fallibility within the new embryonic process called mother earth and its new limited senses that perceive love as tangible. Love is not a feeling like an umbilical cord or is it a marriage that brings beauty and personal happiness on earth. Love is bigger than the thick and thin of this imperfect dieing world! Marriage is the umbilical cord to a true love that is again unseen and reflected in the heartbeat of the Cross which eclipses all Physiological and cognitive impulses. Love never fades………………….

I see you fetus on radar struggle and heart beat sensors yet I don’t know your thoughts about your home! I see you form but you don’t see me. But what do you strive for? What do you believe you are? Do you have goals? If I had to guess they’d most likely be comical attempts at taming wind. As for me I know your destiny 9 months from conception. Your world is a world within a world called earth dependent on an inception that unknowingly feeds you maturated to the inevitable extinction of your entire world. This is called death and I know it’s scary. Why would you ever imagine leaving your tight spot comfortable? I feel that way about earth more often then I’d like to admit. Let me stop for now because I’m jumping the gun, I’ll discuss this new world after contractions. Have faith your birth is coming and with this death new life will emerge. I know it’s hard to grasp and even if knowing this was possible u’d still leave kicking and screaming but just wait and you’ll know what I mean in due time. So enough about you for a moment for I am in a paradox that I can’t explain! It started with my death from the womb (birth) which brought life on the sweetness of earth but upon that emergence started a countdown to a new death! Which leaves me to this moment. I am preparing like you but in different ways. I know you can’t give me answers but at least we are one in the same dilemma of subjectivity to our respective womb. I wish we could compare notes and come to a consensus that understands the futility of our worlds permanence. For I am a lot like you! I am a fetus in this world called man and my womb is mother earth. I want to learn from your mistakes! This world is dying like your womb and it’s just as hard for me to come to grips that this is not my home. Fetus thank you for allowing me to view your delusion so I can understand mine. Jesus gives me the truth because he sees me like I see you. Not to be hypocritical I must strive not to leave kicking and screaming. I know this is not my home but a place of active preparation for eternity! As for you fetus one birth at a time.

Death gives no rest to my cluttered mind. Death is my enemy! Even in slumber death claws to infect my dreams with its poison called nothingness! So I locked death in the depths of my heart in a chest marked fear. I put on different worldly masks… called college, travel, success, accolades, fiancé, money, ***….I used them to hide my shame but each one was cold blue and hypothermic. Yet in them I felt comfortable at the expense of lost potential and false identity. In frostbites pinnacle my only unbreakable mask shattered…..I lost my Love…………The wailing echoes of delusion shook me frigid till my raw bones shattered the question. Who am I? The undercurrent of desperation violently hydrated my reflection on the dark waters of my soul! I am faceless! Without a face who am I! Death take me now, for I am already nothing!   From below came a vibration that graced my reflection with an ear, a lash and a deep iris.. then windows to my soul sprang and a smile dripped in unabated rejoice…I’m alive!!!! Who has done this?! Show your face, for you are my dearest friend!  Without words death was shaken loose to the depressing reality of dipped anxiety. From behind my many masks I could see Death. For the first time I face you! Your eyes paint the familiar threat that casts me into the obis of nothingness but without you life was delusional meaninglessness! Because of your death threats my life has a face.  Death is my Enemy and my Friend……………..Jesus conquered death so through it I may learn the meaning of His Love and who I really am......now to take down more of my masks……easier said than done....Praise Jesus.........To be continued……………….

The homeless are blind to My unseen blessings for it is not the lack of dollars and cents. Their heart has gone bankrupt…defaulted on Hope……But I the Lord exalt the poor and meek for they are humbled and pure to be filled. But why aren’t the rich or comfortable exalted?
This is because their titles, comforts, degrees, accolades, possessions, beauty, and jobs become their identity. You say God is good but your faith is a phantom! Woe to you and your worldly masks that trick you into a faith dependant on your self, proclaimed in My name. I can’t fill you because your full of the world!” They are the hands of hope, empty and ready to be filled …..Distribute your wealth but I say distribute my Spirit for then they will see My light and I will anoint them in blood and from these ashes they will become Kings that will come to your rescue when the tribulation burns your masks to dust.

No taste for the aged body who fears the winter.
Their lot is a shinny robe of deceit.
To be destroyed in the fire of death.  

Spices so deeply seasoned in the soul who renews through the winter.
Their lot is the painful snapped bone revived in a veil of TRUTH.
In the fire of death you emerge refined in Faith..Hope and Love...trials are coming but......
He makes all things new....... Lord Jesus Christ

There was a rich man trapped in a dangerous pit along a less traveled path in the desert... another traveler heard the screams but did not move to help because it could possibly cause him harm… as he walked away he suddenly recognized the mans voice and remembered his bountiful wealth…in an instance he ran to the pit and extended his hand at much risk to his health—
He raised the rich man on his shoulders rejoicing as he carried him back to his land. Only a minute into their journey they stepped over a half eaten carcass contorted in the sand. What a disgraceful way to die they both agreed….. Changing the subject the rich man vowed to make a statue of his courageous rescuers face and in reply the traveler exploded “No need I’m just happy your safe!” But deep in the invisible dark silence of his soul he brooded violently about how much reward and recognition he could possibly receive…

The day before the rich man was rescued there was an elderly man that was blind and mute and for hours he frantically tried to track the location of desperate screams to their roots. He clapped his hands and stomped his feet risking his very life by chartering blind in unmapped terrain....Even in his greatest effort he missed the pit by 50 yards. The rich man in the pit heard his noisy attempts and all along cursed his name for not helping but still that didn't stop the blind and mute man from trying. Within his persistent attempts he critically gashed open his leg against a jagged stone and began bleeding out. Alone the old man cried himself to death as his blood soaked in the grains of the dessert. He could still hear the rebukes of the man in the pit cursing his soul as the coyotes fought over his wounded flesh....with his last bit of life the old man wished in his heart that the man in the pit would be safe..............................

A Rich man laid trapped in an evil desert obis.
Meanwhile a bounty hunter searched for a disabled elder a miss.
He heard the screams desperate deep and blurted.
He ignored his senses, weighting risk like none had heard it.

His body walked on but his nose smelt loot.
He risked his life and clawed him out honey to scoop.
Boosted on shoulders the triumph tasted lick on sweet!
A statue I will make in your honor for your courageous feet!

“No need I’m just happy your safe no need for honor!”
But deep in the invisible dark silence he brood for his daughter.
Then a stench of half eaten carcass ransomed the moment gross and misplaced.
Staring in disgust they agreed “What a pitiful disgrace!

The day before walked the elder man whom was blind and mute.
He heard a cry from the soil and searched in earnest for the root
He clapped his hands and stomped his feet
Risking his very life in blind eyes deceit

Grabbing at the wind, tired broken in vain.
The rich man heard his noisy attempts and cursed his name.
That didn't stop the blind and mute man from trying.
Instead a jagged stone gashed open his leg leaving him bleeding and dying.

The grains of the dessert soaked the earth and cried for his rest.
As the coyotes fought over his wounded flesh....
The rich man claimed “my life I swear will be in your place!!”
With his last bit of life the old man wished the man in the pit would be safe................................

Chest stews jealous behind the sun-risen eyes of confusion.
Beaten and drugged to midnight without touching overt illusion.
Humility is shaken false when the sun set tallies.
I’m still subject to the vacillation of peaks too valleys.

My peak is but a broom in an infant’s hands.
Troubled by the dust of a valley’s demands.
That claims to sweep what I could never pain…
Paint me the wandered sheep that wore lion’s mane.

I feel the viper of ignorance in the bump of a stranger.
Venom through my pride peeks invisible danger.
Whose reflection is my shadow radiating a contusion.
Vanity is not fair till it's understood delusion.

For I knew not when I didn’t in prides hindsight sip
My Master will always humble silence to thy lip
Brings meaning to the scars of my landscape
Plowed, reaped and sowed for a son’s sake.
………….
I Love Jesus

Over push the current and you cause a rapid…Over push the current and you create a dam…don’t push the current and cause the drought….. Trust it only needs a clear loving nudge and then let it choose it’s path…easier said then done but finally patience shows that even the white water settles in gentle pools along the path….The fawn returns to quench thirst and the flutter of the robin will dance in your stomach…Hope is what I’m rowing and when this current finally settles, is it not clarity that we fish for? Gentle waters prove a new challenge because even the slightest ripple distorts the reflection…..and hasn’t reflection been everything on this journey? On the contrary the ravine is about finding intention and the reflection is merely the vague bucket used to draw on these deep waters of the soul…let the fawn sip until she is ready and with her eyes you will witness clarity feast over the silence of beauty…..Faith…Hope and Love….that’s the idea…… no matter the outcome everlasting Love will be the bounty of the unconditional ………………..Jesus

Dr. Love
My mind dripped condensation creating fog of future outcomes and mirages of past indulgences. How my ribs caged the prison of my heart forcing me to live amongst lions. How then could I love you? The past pounded the typewriter while the future put me on witch trial; all the while I stood at eternity’s doorstep within the present heartbeat. But only in a babies inhale did I get to suckle. What a bone dry decent into the well of the endless Spirit, which routinely was avoided with much malice. So it was then... but is not now... so truly I see the lions are indeed doves. How wonderful is lost love when free will chooses to purge and claim everlasting virtue. A new way to Love….to Love others….instead of survival….Love Jesus

You know the highways, dark alleys, and short cuts of the fire. Dawn to dusk in an endless soufflé. When water hits boil I join to chop but I fall asleep, I am yet to be seasoned. When I awake I dine and dash. I apologize for treating you like digestion, for forgetting the grizzled spatula. My humility was famished my pride was stuffed. How ignorant to believe the pilot rose and fell like the sun. Spiritual starvation my consequence for self-righteous gluttony but now my plate is sparkling and I can see clear reflection, instead of a bite I desire to serve you both hand and foot as you have served me….Thank you……Jesus

Handful of petals a dozen bleeding red shriveled at long past bloom and locked within my room….how I cried for the thorns of stems that never came to soon so still held hopeful locked within my room. A two year breathe put me at peace but was this divine promise or ruse? Praying still for flowers past sunlight on a mid-day noon that twisted them rootless locked within my room. Then lay gentle the bright white of a stormy winter all things different and all things new. A gust of breathe ran in cold stinging to the lungs from the window that knew about the handful of roses locked within my room….Dear Roses our time has past from the yesterday’s moons……. fly away never to be seen…..we will meet again soon……………..

To Be is to know but to know is not to Be….parts of me that will never be do to moments past dead...well now let it be! Another moment dead...Stroll our nemesis death face to cheek and feel the rooted guilt of our sin in it's manifestation of Eden… then you can call it friend.... eyes open to the doubled faced dreaded eyes shut. A face within a face gained not by natural acceptance or neglect but by knocking on the front door of fear..."though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me" believing not just in voice but in the death of silence..."Be still and know the I AM"

“Drip-Drop”

Fear will ****** your promises on a 33 degrees to ice ratio. Drip…Drip…Drip.. Drop…You can’t live on fear for it feeds on you. Fear blossoms like a stone and relaxes like the wind. Fear is comfortable when it runs into the arms of complacency. Fear can’t afford to lose so it will never win. Fear can’t make mistakes or be wrong. How clever and beautiful does ignorance make it self appear…fear… fear… fear.. Drip.. Drip.. Drop…..how fear settles on a soul calling it self happy. No! You have a promise that tugs at the condensation of each grain that settles on the egg timer of your human flesh and fear says STOP! I say your BIG FONT but little context! Fear is dead on the cross but we just don’t know how to leave the grave yard…Jesus is faithful…Don’t settle…Don’t settle for the Drip…Drop………….

A shooting star hopeful burns my soul as quick as it’s majestic motion cracks my wish bone. A promise by flesh is smoke, A promise by darkness is vanity but a promise by light is everlasting. Patience pays dividends in the galaxy of my heart.. My flesh stumbles to the hopeful soul that is held tight from the black hole that stands in fearful awe of Yahweh. Clash from a comet oo yes I’ve drank my share till smoked chest burned to the echoes of a different dimension. My flesh said I can’t go on.. and the world said I was hopelessly delusional but my soul cries Hallelujah. Meteor showers of Love came from the mercy of my mistakes speaking fire that weights the scales of a mans heart…”I make all things new” .…When He speaks its forever…..Jesus is Faithful.

My mind held tight lock and key but what I found was only what’s safe. Afraid to perish when my minds nails dug deep into the polished oak of the coffin. A coward dies 1000 cycles before the first battle cry of reality. Safe inactivity rots the bones to the marrow of the infected anxiety! So instead my cowardice and selfish ambitions moved to a new vice. I was most dangerous when successful to worldly accolades and dreams. I could hide in the shadows of potential, invisible to the threats of our carnal realities. Only showing face when it was safe and sound. Death brews in a caldron froth with the luke warm stock of fear stirred by the seasoning of our sinful natures. You only live once is the name of the selfish game and I think I just flat lined. You won’t find eternity in the safety of that mirror mirror on the wall….I want to Love deeper than deeper and yet deeper again. I want to pick up the cross and follow Jesus.

Insecurity and emotions soaked the adolescences of youthful decisions. A quest marked by consequences of such actions that needed to be filled….I’m ready for Love!!!….then gone…..More of the same prescription same action, 4 years and 20 tries…I’m ready for love!!!….then torment….can’t sustain in debauchery even if my heart was a seamless victim…2years..…CHANGE…..I knew better from bruises then to clutch to many women or bottle instead Bible…5years….I’m strong but my bones are scared.….I’m ready for love!!!…..then gone…..why why? Hmm darkness revealed in hind light sip that I was then drinking a more deadly brew......Selfish Pride……2years….CHANGE……I’m ready for love!!….Then nothing……Selfish Pride is hard to purge it goes low in heart especially in maturation but light seeks it till it leaves it’s post of guarding fear which was the nemesis all along….now I face it……”perfect Love casts out all fear” hmmm……Love I’m not ready yet!!!…..to be continued…………Thank you Jesus

I grasp for prosperity when smoke kicks from a stumble…I can be scared and inconsistent but forever be forgiving….. so patient when I should move and how no action in fear I could justify for an eternity…..My ears listen to the sound of the beat of my drum and it’s my favorite…..My heart burns but my mind battles and yet I never leave my side even when my life is on the line…I don’t always like the mirror but it’s so captivating…mirror mirror on the wall whose the most sinful of them all?……Iv’e gone back and forth too and fro between these reflections……some I hate and some I love…..but still I never stop trying …even when flat lined I’ll CPR till cracked ribs. Ignorant, defiant, confused, happy, depressed, excited, hopeful or wise….. my favorite subjects if it started with “I”. Now that’s how I’ve loved my flesh….and through the fire I learned how to make sweet action but my soul never strayed to far from myself but you could never see it not even with a spy glass. How I didn’t know that my spirit was blind to the physical and that it actually was in famine even when my eyes and others feasted on my accomplishments. No wonder I lost so much…… I lived for myself!!!!………not anymore I was twice dumb…. thrice defiant and now once wise…… I want to love you like I’ve always loved myself . You might not notice the difference, you might not bat an eyelash…but I’m letting my soul wonder with the intention to love you like the essence of my spirit….much apologizes for the former…..but now it’s time for poetry in motion and I'm reaching for the latter of thick
in thin……Jesus thank you for loving me and humbling me……………..Ready…………………Set……………….

Sweat dripping from my puke, trapped and chained by an IV..my inner stereo screamed from 102.9 and on top of my ride I felt totaled. Darkness and alone with empathy blind to my dungeon. Why do you treat me like this? You don’t even know me! You don’t really care! You only care about yourself! Give me a second of your time! Don’t you see my heart is bleeding?! I was justified and as usual my finger went to point but at that point I realized I’ve always been the MARK. HAHA did it take disease to realize the disease. You see from the outside and don’t we many look so pretty? Hip Hip Hooray they say to my accomplishment but inner drive selfish like the parasite. I could have lived my whole life white picket ignorant, world successful and none the wiser. But I can’t trade it for nothing I had to die through a sickness to see the re-mastering of my soul by His remedy… Blood........ Light on “Would you go again?” Are you kidding! I’d go again if it kills me!.... No half and half I’m all in… I understand and want to Love like my own marrow. I’m coming back to you kids..I love you and no circumstance matters for this man. My unseen finally got engaged to the fire of my actions and……………. I DO

You were a glutinous 24 feasting on my anxiety and confusion. Where Art thou?! Where art thou!? I yelled begging for the pebble to hit my bed side. My sweat pondered so quiet due to the wheels from the warden. A drip sparked the alarm…. the I-V signals to move my hopes to the Montague. Fresh gown and a half bath slightly disheveled and lightly shaking…. a white cape..... a deep breath and a few beats marked his prestige. It felt so right until night..... when his words cycled out with the shift. How could I betray my Love for a moment’s hope of the Montague!! I knew better but only when I was better but now worse and how quickly my mind reversed. OOO Romeo OOO Romeo where art thou my Romeo! Behind your pride and obstructed by your fear… what I-V were you dripping? Didn’t even remember to grasp the brown spine? AHH the top drawer... Slow to anger and don’t fret.... be patient and wait cooled me off from luke warm to ember …Welcome Montague, I now understand where my emotion meets your position and by your smirk I can see you knew I was never a Capulet to begin with…..Trust Romeo.......Jesus

Intuition, facts and ambiguity never not but always accepted at every lottery ball that falls in their care. A balance of intelligence and humility is their blood draw and it’s been tested ….You’ve seen emotion at its pinnacle and worn red to the bull fight but your mouth would never tell it because your eyes speak vitals. That was the assurance my mind needed and you were always right on the button…. the clock couldn’t tick to the schedule and the daily planner yearns for the leap year. That’s what I saw but my gowns perspective is shaded from any dream of totality. Thank you for being registered it’s time for me to check out…thankful for the excellence.

NEED TO LEAVE A PIECE OF YOUR PAST BEHIND AND IT'S HARD? I WROTE THIS FOR YOU.... I CALL THIS PIECE 'TIME CRISIS"
Pocket full of clocks ringing music big hand to little on a slow motion free fall to the right. They know the time but still this one cuckoo clock stays frozen. My heart moves with the present ….. but cuckoo why don't you get going! Eye's shut then in a moment eye's open my two hands strangle hold chocking the minute and the second. Indeed it was fear swollen holding them back so subtle. Release and pop goes the birdie and it's singing your not who used too be ….I'm singing I'm not who I used to be sorry to the past I still love you and you can move where you wish but I got to get going…That's not who I am anymore……Time to tick with Time's best buddy ................................……………………….Eternity…………………….Loving­ Jesus