To all Women: You are beautiful in places where eyes cannot swim, in the ocean of unseen eternity, no more or no less… without face, body or dress, you’re a Cinderella dancing in the image of God. “Looks and beauty are fleeting”

i love you, i love you, i love you!!! O wait i changed my mind. i was happy when i said yes but now the circumstances have changed. People change. You change, i change, they change, we change. We are together until we change and then, arguments ensue. But doesn’t everybody argue? Yeah, they do, they do…..behind closed doors in explosions of anger, that afterwards say O wow i’m sorry that wasn’t me! But yes it was! Yes it was! It’s all signs of the change that has begun. In a split second a relationship can be destroyed with the razor tip of a tongue. Weather change is 1month or 50 years it’s song will be sung! Change is the essence of humanity, change is the seed of all manipulation, the soil of fear. And you reap what you sow. And O how change will fool us with the most ideal circumstances then…goodbye…..Change is a lie! And i no longer wish to change myself or another, not even a fraction my sisters and brothers. i wish to die to this lie so to rise in the unchanging Love of Christ who never changes. Loving you, loving all, just as you are, in a love that’s never shaken even when its forsaken by a world that forever changes…..

smile…… Manipulate…..complements ...... Manipulate……act interested……manipulate…..show some tears….. manipulate…….white lies….manipulate…..it’s a drug, to manipulate….flirt and manipulate…. escape pain or consequence…manipulate …..socially acceptable to manipulate…to get what you deserve…manipulate….to get what you want….manipulate……to change some one’s mind manipulate…..to be successful manipulate …..O i hate manipulation! i rather have paid every speeding ticket, stood in every long line, gone to jail, paid more than full price for everything, not got the job and been broke…..never been kissed…failed at everything….then to have ever manipulated in my life! O God i hate manipulation and it’s subtleness.. a quiet vice…a secret soul killer…. Call it what you will….swag….cleverness….success…..it doesn’t matter manipulation wears any Word you choose…it’s all self-centered…. me me me me me….. hehehehe…..stop!!!!…. Manipulation must die! Especially in its most subtle and acceptable forms. Even if i have to struggle…even if i lose everything…it must die…”those who save there live will lose it, those lose their lives will find it…………Christ guide me

Can the Ax be more important than the one who swings it? Can the temporary be more important than the truth? Then why O why is death devalued and ignored by worldly dreams? Especially, when our physical bodies will spend far more time being dead then they ever were being alive. Why then spend a short life building a house of happiness on a foundation that will soon be destroyed? Life itself is but a dream, human bodies aren’t what they seem…. Temporary…. So why then live a dream within a dream? For i can’t press snooze when death wakes me up. Yet people die and i say why? i can stare at death with my emotions and then say, not me, not me, for my dreams will set me free. Free from any nightmares of truth….Fear… So i go on achieving this dream within a dream but when i wake up, what would any of that mean? “Those who save their lives will lose it, those who lose their lives will find it.”

Just a checkup and i’m feeling 30. i’m 30 minutes early and in a hospital that’s an eternity. So my restless eyes wander and my feet move till i step into the reflection of adulthood and youth. Separated by thin glass i stare with blood shot eyes at all the beautiful newborn babies!! “That was me, i was them, how could i have ever been that helpless?” In response to my question the lights flickered and there i was lying helplessly in the incubator! Mother earth looked at me through the glass, she more restless than i, bags under her eyes she said “that was me, i was them, could i have ever been that helpless?” Then darkness and i disappeared, mother earth was now **** naked helpless in the incubator. Through the glass God spoke with fire in His eyes“I Am”.

It almost seems like complements define who i am… ..whether i give myself the complement or someone else does….it’s so addictive…. “O baby your so ****…. smart… funny… successful…yada yada yada...maybe this is true…but it’s truth is only temporary and temporary truth is never really the truth at all….it’s but a stepping stone…to then live a complement as truth is to live a counterfeit… ….don’t believe me? Then ask a casket………Mirror Mirror on the wall……..complements aren’t what they say your are at all…..yet a complement still can help you grow…. they do have their purpose…but take a complement and leave it where it is…don’t wear it like skin…..don’t believe it is your identity….lest you wake up dead covered in lies…………..

Jerry’s soul is deeper than the galaxy….if you only had the courage to stare him in the eyes… If i could read a million books and acquire a million college degrees, i could still never attain what ive seen in Jerry’s eyes…...And ive seen what words cannot explain…… ive swam the depths of my own fears ---in Jerry’s eyes---in his eyes the world fades---tomorrow dies and eternity  begins…his emotions screams…his body fails….but my God his eyes!!…..my tears are falling….my tears are falling…not in pity but because in His eyes i saw the face of God……………i love you Jerry Happy Birthday…Christ is holding you.