I'm telling myself to wish you the best,
But the worst could mean so much more for me.
I can't stand the thought of you leaving.
Because your words still echo in my thoughts:
'Maybe'
'Someday'
'Need'
The things you say to make me hold on,
Make me hate you.
Make me love you.
Is it worth it?
I'm hanging on your every move.
And I feel helpless.
And I miss your face.
But I know,
If you wanted to see me you would.
And that's what kills me.
Because you haven't.
You give me just enough,
So I'm there every time you look.
You're just like all the others.
And I'm so easy to use.
Everyday, I lose a little more faith,
That what I saw in you was real.
But maybe you're just scared.
Someone told me once,
Every man is a coward until he's not anymore.
So that's what I think.
I think you're a coward,
Who can't face me;
Who can't love me;
Who can't save me.
Because you're not willing to leave any of yourself behind.
And baby, I get that.
Which is why I wont call you out.
I'll just wish you the best.
And show you what real love is.
And pray to God, you're not too dumb to see it.
And that it wont be so late,
When you wake up and realize you need me,
And you want me,
And you want me to need you,
That I've decided I no longer want you

**At all.

The sky is pink with the sunset and,
The clouds look like cotton candy.
I want to eat popcorn at carnivals,
or spend all day by riverbanks soaking up the atmosphere.
The air is tinged with sun tan lotion, freshly mowed grass and,
the laughter of children playing in puddles
left over from afternoon showers.
The breeze is thick and warm, flowing through the skirts of lovers
And kissing bare shoulders.
Daisies and dandelions tilt their faces towards the sun,
Proudly pretending they each deserve to be picked and
braided into chains, adorning necks and hair.
Little girls dressed in sunshine
dance in the evening glow, as
little boys catch fireflies in an attempt to captivate and impress.
I hold my breath as the sun dips below the horizon and,
sets the sky on fire one last time.
I could swear time stops
As everything transforms into silhouettes of what they were.
The clouds give way to a million stars, that still can't shine
as bright as your eyes.
The whole world tucks itself away, but not us.
We lounge in the cool grass and breathe in the moment when
all I can feel is your hand in mine, and
the earth still coming alive with summertime.

You make my heart fly like it's still whole,
like the bones in my wings aren't brittle and broken
and these palpatations actually follow some sort of a beat.

Like maybe my feathers are still beautiful,
even though I've made a habit out of flying too close to the sun.
Suddenly, it's heat just warms my skin,
and now I'm glowing.
Instead of bursting into flames.

You burn me from the inside out,
but it's a comfortable energy.
You play my strings so delicately,
I feed off the vibrations.

You make me feel like a song,
that missed a beat, but found it just in time for the crescendo.
And now I'm playing on
like nothing bad has ever happened in my life.

Just like a Dali painting --
Beautiful and ugly and brilliant
and no one's sure exactly what it means...
But you're the artist,
and in your eyes, every stroke makes sense and I'm perfection.

The world looked brand new today,
And I'd blame you if you would believe it.
The scales on my eyes wont change,
But you still make the sun shine a little more clear.
You know, it's too late for me.
We're drowning in bottles and faces and nothing.
But I caught you smiling,
And cursed every daydream and notion and fear.

Now that I'm involved, I'll be whatever you need,
Or sail with you to the end of the sea.
If you jump, I will follow you down.
The world is sick, and most days you feel unwell,
But I'll go with you through all hell.
If you jump, I will follow you down,
I will follow you down.

There's this place that I go at night,
And I'd take you if you would believe it.
Where I watched our souls collide,
In a shower of sparks and chaotic things.
One day, I know you'll see,
We're the disease that keeps us collapsing.
But sometimes our eyes will meet,
And when they light up I'll still want to sing.

Now that I'm involved, I'll be whatever you need,
Or sail with you to the end of the sea.
If you jump, I will follow you down.
The world is sick, and most days you feel unwell,
But I'll go with you through all hell.
If you jump, I will follow you down,
I will follow you down.

I will follow you down...
(if you jump, I jump, remember?)
I will follow you down...
(if you jump, I jump, remember?)
I will follow you down...

Splash out a moist printing impression,

Chiseling an angry replica god of clay.

Electric rhythm masticates waste in two.

Captured decay inspired death of poison desire.

Feel morass young essence that makes a masterpiece.

Dazzling black illusions above nefarious comedy,

Evoke dead wood to open an abstract symbol.

Those surreal senses draw a brazen icon to life.

I like to wear flowers in my hair and,
Robots around my neck.
They whisper to me stories of places I've never been,
And toxic lullabys when I can't sleep.
But they never tell me where to go,
Or what I should be doing instead.

They tell pretty lies (about me being friendly)
To unsuspecting people,
And assure them (at the very least),
I'm different.
And everyone wants to be my best friend,
Until they realize
It's not a mask, it's vanity.
I'll paint up my eyes but,
I wont paint on a smile.

So compliment my fashion sense,
But watch out for my disposition.
There's a bite to my bark that can leave scars
On places no one can even see.
I'll love you completely or,
I wont love you at all.

Just don't try to make me into something I'm not.
Because,
I'm done pretending that I'm anything else.
I'm a lovely little package with a "fragile" sticker.
But I'm wild,
Don't try to tame me.

Hello Poetry. Sad,
I Know. But there are
just too many things
I don't like. I hate to
be rude, or disappear
without notice. So I'm
posting this first,
and then, in a few days
will deactivate my
account. It's been a pleasure
knowing and reading
you all. I've been
very active on
DeviantArt, if you're
interested. I'll put
a link in the author's
comments. Follow me
there, and join me
too! It's a wonderful
community of
artists. Much love to
HP! No hard feelings,
please.

Oh,
The lessons that we learn at the bottom of a bottle.
Desperately 'loving,'
Attention starved,
Clinging to closeness,
'Memories.'
Blurry drunken happenings.
Escapism at it's finest.
Take these strangers,
Call them friends and lovers.
Lace these nights,
With flings and fleeting things.
And,
Pictures you just want to earase
The next morning.
But,
If we're being more honest,
The truth is I'd rather not be.
And between you, me and the buzz we've got going,
This can be real for just tonight.
And by the time we wake up tomorrow,
Sleep will have made it feel like a dream.
That,
We can live with.
Even though, it still leaves me empty.
I'd never admit that once I'm sober.
Because by then,
That poison-honesty-serum,
Will have worn off.

Your eyes tell of an insatiable hunger
for me,
my person, my body, my heart.
You will devour me,
If only in your dreams.

Dreams, nightmares, fantasies.
Your imagination takes off with my memory,
My scent, my smooth skin, my ragged breath...
The way our bodies fit together
just right.

Right, I was never right.
I was never the girl in the white dress.
I was never your angel.
But.you.had.me.tamed.
I was wild and free, and undeniably yours.

Your broken princess, your awesome disaster.
And in your arms I was beautiful.
And in mine,
You were free,
Calm, safe, whole, home.

Home was something we didn't recognize
anymore.
And I had a reputation that was never wholesome enough
To stand in front of a priest, or your mother.
But you still wanted me.

Me, who loved you every moment
With my sin stained hands and my broken halo
And my singed wings.
I never claimed to be perfect,
But I loved you perfectly.

Perfectly and ravenously,
We hunger for each other still.
So once the world has made you hideous
You'll come back to me.
And understand that

*perfect love makes you whole.

They say "the devil is a liar."
For spouting out hurtful things that we don't want to hear.
But if,
the-truth-hurts and most-people-want-the-lie.
Then maybe,
He's just being honest.
Instead of whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

To feel like my ribcage cannot contain
the tremendous racket that is my
heartbeat.

With flung venom and sharp fangs,
You berate me, endlessly.
And I cower.
Dig my fingernails into my palms until they bleed.
It doesn't stop the tears from burning my iris' black
(the boys I'll turn to someday for validation
will tell me that they're beautiful.
And I'll stay in bed with them all day,
Never bothering to mention why I'm so tired).

But right now,
My scars are open wounds,
And you've made a game out of pouring salt onto them.

The pain is so profound, it will stay with me
For years.
But you'll belittle that too.
Until, everytime I lose control,
I think of you.

It's no wonder I don't know what innocence is anymore.

I've been knocking on all the wrong doors,
So God flung open a window and told me to breathe.
"Be still," He whispered,
"You've forgotten all the things I ever taught you."
I fell onto the floor and didn't move;
I wore my shame like clothes that didn't fit right.
"It's just that, these lights have grown dimmer, Lord.
When I was no longer able to see, I died to feel instead."
My excuse was flimsy, but I clutched it to my chest;
It was all I had to replace my faltering heartbeat.
"You can't feel anything when you're dead,
And you're always learning everything the hard way."
I closed my eyes and let His words surround me;
They seeped into my skin, strengthening my sinew.
A spark caught in my soul, reigniting a fire I'd forgotten.
I opened up my eyes to see the walls were made of glass.
The world outside was beautiful,
But God told me not to move,
"A storm's coming, child. I'll let you watch,
but I wont let it touch you. And when it passes,
I'll open up the door."
He tested me with storms, but tempted me with freedom.
I put my trust in Him.
So when thunder rattled the walls and threatened my being,
I sat in silence and watched the storm roll in.
With every streak of lightning and every drop of rain,
I came back to life.

I need a sedative.
Desperation never looked good on anyone.
But when I show a little skin and do my make-up just right,
I can make it more than passable.
I can make them fall in love with the way my body becomes music, and my hollow gaze, and my photo-shopped smile...
All before they even know my name.
Not that they will ever care to know it.

My emptiness is unbearable.
And my heart is running away with my mind,
So they can live in train cars
Or abandoned warehouses
Or maybe a nice treehouse somewhere.
If they're smart, they'll see the world before settling down.

Meanwhile,
What's left behind is walking along the streets in quiet neighborhoods,
Humming sad songs that sound like hallelujah and empty orchestras,
While the rain melts me into the cracks in the sidewalk.
I'll be nothing at all by morning.

I'm not a real girl anyways.
I'm a memory box.
Keep your best of times tucked away in me.
I'll gather dust in the garage, or the attic, or the basement.
Or maybe, if I'm really lucky, a shelf in your room,
Where, at least occasionally, you'll glance at me and smile.
But even that is aiming pretty high.

Oh, I wont pretend to know what you're thinking
Maybe you're drowning in the same waters as me
But I hate that I can't feel you thrashing there
At least before we were floating on the same sea

And yes, I knew our days may have been numbered
But zealous hearts tend to ignore logical thought
So I fell for you harder than the Trojans fell for that horse
And you sliped past my walls before I even fought

Now my heart is hiding behind a brand new set of bricks
But I left a key in a place that only you would know
And I hope that I'm the first place you'll come knocking
If you should ever grow tired of going it alone

I want to be shaken.
To feel {{ eternity, }}
and taste death.
To dip my feet in youth,
and           sandcastles         of
        build                     out       time.

I want to hold my life in the palms of my hands,
and watch it s.c.a.t.t.e.r. in the wind,
to see which moments light-up-like-stars
or lightning bugs,
And which ones only create ~ dust ~
on other people's keepsakes.
But I'm afraid,              (so afraid)
too much of it would just be ash
that blows ~ away...
And no one could call that beautiful.

If I knew every moment was precious,
I wouldn't spend another moment here.
I want to be moved;
I need to be
                     *shaken.

My subconscious owns me;
I have no control.

I am --
An explicit enigma.
A steadfast storm.
A controlled catastrophe.
A delicate disaster.
An awesome accident.
An intrepid injury.

I am --
Carefully.constructed.chaos.

And sometimes,
Even I don't know me.

If I were a tumbleweed,
I think I'd like for you to be the wind.
I wouldn't mind if maybe,
You'd just take me, and I could see
the world upon your whim.

But, I'm not a tumbleweed...
I like to think I'm wild as the jungle.
And you, Oh, precious you,
would never dare to cage me,
But tangle with me -
Bloom and over-grow.
Then together, we'd be rapturous and elusive.

I know, I know,
My disposition's fickle, love.
But you've got my heart beating
to your song.
I'm still a bird,
Whose only love is melody -
And my wings are growing weary;
I think I'd like to rest upon
your branches.

Pros:                                              Cons:
- I quit caffiene                              - I feel exhausted
- I stopped over eating               - I hardly eat
- I sleep better                                - I stay up all night and sleep all                                                              ­        
                                                        ­         day
- I dream again                               - They're nightmares
- I'm healthier                                 - Almost all I "eat" are those                                                          
 ­                                                                health smoothies I get at work
- I'm more social                            - I'll talk to anyone if it will                                                             ­   
                                                             ­     keep me from thinking about                                                            ­
                                                                ­  you
- I'm no longer numb                   - I feel so much pain I'm getting                                                          ­
                                                                ­  panic attacks again
- I no longer stress over              - I don't care about school at all
   school work
- I'm writing again                          - I only write about you

How do you think I'm doing?

I'd like to close my eyes and
breathe you in and
die.

I'm choking on your heartbeat, but
who needs to swallow?
Your muscles wrap around me,
constricting my every move.
I'm caged in by beautiful happenings and
I'm in love with your tense-and-release.
My skin sticks to your lips as
My fingers get tangled in your hair.
Your body is a garden I am lost in;
Your vines tie me down and
I am ravaged. The air is
thick and salty as the ocean;
We could drown together
(and i would welcome it).
We saw eternity but forgot to
take any pictures, then we
traveled back in time to make sure
life couldn't go on without us.
Our battle scars will tell the
story better than we could.
The moment was so heavy
it almost crushed me,
(and i think i wouldn't have minded).
No one lives forever and
I'd like to die while I'm living.
We squeezed a lifetime into
one euphoric moment; I
wouldn't dare let ***** greed
ask for more.

I'd like to close my eyes and
breathe you in and

*die.

Our love was like
the quill you gave me for Christmas
that one year, that
I never learned how to use.
Aesthetically pleasing,
object of envy,
idea of perfection, but
sloppy and awkward in practice.

We could've been brilliant,
but we could never get it right.
So we gave up trying, to gather dust
on display.

But even that grew less appealing
(until it wasn't anymore).

Our affair was like
the bag of dark chocolate kisses
you gave me on our first Christmas
together.
I devoured the entire thing
in secret, and
threw away the wrappers
without a thought.

We were meant to be
expendable.
So we took all that was offered,
and gave nothing in return.

But all bad habits take time to break
(until they don't anymore).

I disassemble, unravel, deconstruct.

I am broken by
your changing whim...
The crushing weight of
your unpredicatable currents.

Because --
By love I was begun,
And,
By love I am undone.

(I will lose this fight)

Well, it all started harmlessly enough
We were just two kids with nothing better to do
And we never would have been together otherwise
But you were there, and so was I
At first it was like a bad movie
Or one of those ****** teen melodramas
But in between the alcohol and "hush hush" ***
And seeing other people
We saw something in each other that we wanted

That second-first-kiss was when it all started to go down hill
When your breath didn't smell like beer
And your lips were warm and soft
And your arms wrapped around me in the cold, happy to have an excuse
I felt that kiss for days
I can still see your eyes shining down at me
That was the moment we knew we were onto something

A couple weeks later was when it really went bad
You told me you had to leave and I actually cried
You held me and made me promise I'd hold on
You wiped my tears for the first time
And I knew I'd hold on
Those were the months we fell in love

When I reached the west coast, it became hopeless
You let me into a part of your world that was sacred
When we stayed up watching movies
And fell asleep in each others' arms
And you introduced me to all of your closest friends
You expanded my world
That was when we knew there was no going back

But it was when we came back home that it truly fell apart
With reality to face, we used each other to escape
And we got jobs and signed up for classes
And you taught me the difference between ******* and making love
And we were happy
That was when I knew I'd never want anyone else
Unfortunately, that was when you realized you wanted anyone else

The downfall of my motivation
Is my incesant indecision
And my lack of inspiration
Tinged by bitter criticism.

I try
and fail to fly.

I want the best of you but,
I want your worst.

I'll take all of your flaws and,
tie them into chains and call them beautiful.
I'll wear them in my hair and around my neck,
Until they begin to wilt, and then
I'll press them between the pages
of my favorite books.
So I'll always remember them fondly.

I'll take your imperfections and,
paint them into pictures for my walls.
I'll decorate the places that I dwell
with each and every one, and call it home.
Until the colors fade, and then
I'll press them into photo albums
that we can show our friends,
While we tell them all of our stories.

I want all of your strengths but,
I want your weaknesses too.
Because that is just how much I love you.

I want to know how you take your coffee.

I'd like to gather up all of your pieces
And pierce them with sewing needles.
I'll watch them bleed,
And scab and scar,
Until they result in you.

I'll shine a light into your darkest places,
And scribble down your secrets.
Let a feather duster explore the things long forgotten,
Until all of your sins have been uncovered.
Let a flaming wick alight your eyes,
Until your passions burst forth, uninhibited.

I'd like to trace your lines, your cracks,
Your every imperfection,
Until your mind unhinges completely.
I'll drive you mad with my probing.
You'll be crazy with me.
And I'll be lost somewhere inside of you.

And neither of us, will ever be the same.

You'll weave pretty futures for us --
Promises you'll never keep,
Plans you'll never even attempt...
And I know it.

I'll stare at you and smile.

You'll decorate our tomorrows,
With dollar signs,
And wedding rings,
And a house where we can live.
Empty, empty...
And I know it.

I'll stare at you and smile.

You'll pack a bowl for us to smoke with your father.
We'll promise to watch television with your mother.
We'll pretend to make dinner plans with your sister.
We'll never leave your room.
And I know it.

I'll stare at you and smile.

You'll say how well you know me.
You'll claim how much you love me.
You'll try to read my thoughts.
You'll fail.
And I know it.

I'll stare at you and smile.

I don't have to travel 600 miles,
to know how this story ends.
I'm a better
liar
than I ever imagined.

I'll just stare at you and smile.

I think my rules went out the window
When I said, "I like you."
(like that's so monumental)
I fall in love with every boy I meet,
If only for a moment,
Anyways.
And rules are meant to be broken.
And I'm nothing if not a rebel.

But you,
Oh, sweet you,
You'll think you're something special.
And maybe you would be,
If I knew how to care.
But all I really want is love when,
it.doesn't.want.me.

Still,
I was struck when you said,
"YOU deserve flowers and candy."
Because really,
No one does,
And you know it.

So maybe,
It's your obnoxious arrogance,
Or your strong opinions,
Or the way you constantly disagree with me
Seemingly
just.for.the.hell.of.it.
But
When you said I was something special,
I believed you.

And truly,
You'vegotmehangingonyoureveryword.

He told me not to leave my heart in San Francisco.
I told him
My heart wasn't mine to leave.
But,
The cold wind
Was already blowing in off the bay,
And it chilled him to the bone.

So when he slipped my heart
Back into my pocket,
I put it on my sleeve to get some sun.
And it painted pretty pictures
Of the place it first began to beat.

There's no denying,
From the beginning and,
In the end,
My heart always belonged to California.

Your words captivate me.
And I'm a sucker for words...

I have the strangest urge
To just watch you do anything.
You fascinate me.

I want to memorize the way you move --
Because I've never seen it before,
And I don't want to forget.

I want to know your scent.
Close my eyes and breathe...
I'll imprint you in my memory.
You're intoxicating.

I want to fight against you --
Feel your passion,
Anger?
Strength.
It's palpable; It's suffocating.

I want to lay in bed
And listen to you talk
For hours.

Your words captivate me.
And I'm a sucker for words.

I think I'll let you hold me for a little while longer,
Because I love the warmth
As much as you love me.
And you might think I'm cruel for letting you hold me together,
But you need to feel strong
Like I need to breathe.

Baby, be my savior in an empty parking lot;
Be my laughter in the evening,
And my strength when I am not.
Honey,
You can drown my every care and keep me warm at night,
But I'm never gonna need you, 'cause you're not who's on my mind.

I think I'll let you use me for a little while longer,
I love to feel needed
Like you love to feel free.
And you might think I'm blind for thinking we might get together,
But I need the lie
As much as you need me.

Baby, be my savior in an empty parking lot;
Be my laughter in the evening,
And my strength when I am not.
Honey,
You can drown my every care and keep my warm at night,
But I'm never gonna need you, 'cause you're not who'd on my mind.

And you can tell me
That it's empty
And it doesn't mean a thing.
Well, I'm hoping
Just for your sake
That is what you really think.
'Cause the truth is
We're all users
In a drug infested life.
Where the cause
Of the effect
Is being lonely and alive.

You see through me,
Know me.
Knock the breath
From my lungs.

Eyes that break me,
Shatter me.
I cannot even
Stand.

Words erase me,
Escape me.
There is nothing left
To say.

Except...
I am fading,
f.a.d.i.n.g.
Paint me black.

*I am nothing without you.

The way you lace wonderful words together
to form stellar sentences
leaves me    {{ breathless.}}
You say the most heavy words, like it's effortless
and I am moved.

They slip gracefully
                                  off
                                        your
                                                 tongue
to rest in my marrow,
decorating my brainwaves and
bringing light to all my darkest places.

They meet me in my nightmares
and
lace their fingers through mine
        like it's where they were meant to be,
              ...like they'll never leave my side again,
                       ...like a promise.

And you know I believe in you so much,
                                                                    (so much.)
But
mybed'sstillemptyeverynight.

And even though your words meet my eyes
After bouncing off satalites,
I can only thank them for traveling - so far - to
tickle my finger tips and
                                                                  ed.
                                                              rn
                                                          tu
make the corners of my mouth up

They're still only meteors burning up
                                                                before
                                                                             i.m.p.a.c.t.
(and they could never hold me)

But, my fingers will whisper a reply,
Give it a second to bounce around in space
(It may get distracted by a few stars on the way),
You'll still light up upon reading,
"I love you."

(even.badly.)

I run in circles making sense of us.
But I still don't get it, and it's only making me hate you.
It's not your fault that I still think about you every night,
or that the smell in the air makes me want to point out constellations
with you.
And spend all day in your bed watching bad tv.

But really, the rain is to blame.
Because every time it falls I think of the day you walked away and how,
I couldn't cry until it stopped.
Like I was waiting my turn.
And by the way, I actually quite liked seeing you in my dreams.
At least then I was seeing you.

And honestly, I'm really sorry
that when you believed in me the most,
I just didn't know what to say.
So I lied until we stopped talking,
Like a get out of jail free card, except now,
You probably hate me.

While I'm here confessing, you should know,
You never meant a **** thing.
Not even a little.
And you never will.
I-was-using-you and you-were-a-mistake.

I heard somewhere "the truth will set you free,"
At least, that's what you taught me.
But I never believed in you because,
You always hated me.
And I hate the way you talk about me when you think I'm not around.
Yea, you're not fooling anyone.

Still, I love the way you say you love me,
Like I'm the best thing since getting high.
Because I could float around on your words all day.
But sometimes I think, we're getting closer to a problem,
Than we are to the solution.
And that chills me all the way into my marrow.

Also, baby, you should know, I love your arms around me and,
the way you make me feel like I'm the sun.
But I hate the way you lie,
and need, and sometimes disappear.
And I could never ever love you quite enough.
So please don't try and make me.

By the way, I think you're wonderful.
But sometimes I get scared that you don't love me anymore.
Because you're tired and I've been hanging on for far too long,
You can't drown with me anymore.
I guess, it's time to swim.
Or at the very least, tred water.

Have I mentioned yet that you're my hero?
I really wish I could be more like you.
But the thing is, I always thought I was.
And hearing what you really thought about me
broke my heart.
Maybe someday, I'll learn how to try harder.
Or care.

Before I go I need to clarify, I hate you just as much as
I love you.
But the love is the only part that will go on forever.
And I know,
The feeling is mutual.

There are days I wake up and realize I'm dead;
I'm rotting from the inside as my
Muscles and my sinew and my heart
All go the way of my mind --
Lost-lost-lost.
I move at the pace of breathing,
But even that isn't fast enough to
Wade through all the ******* in time to come up for air,
Or slow enough to stop.
My feet weren't made for running
Like my heart wasn't made for loving,
And I only know how to dance in place anyway.
Still, I cling to my own skin and my fire,
My apathy, zeal, destruction,
My chaos and contradiction,
And all the ****** up things that make us human.
I'd take as much as I give, but no one's offering, so I'll
take-take-take
Until there's no one left to use.
My sweet smile will cover the abuse,
And you'll still give me your heart, or your bed.
I'm not convinced anyone knows the difference anymore.
But I'm holding out for the day I wake up to the sun,
Throw open my windows and breathe.
The day I transcend the dirt to feel alive
With wild abandon and a wicked passion for
more-more-more.
Breathe in the sky and inject stars into my veins,
Never stopping and never satisfied
Because this is what it's like to be alive.
I'm not settling and I wont settle down,
We're all dying everyday,
But my clock is still ticking away.
My bones will become dust, yet,
And someone will cry over my shattered life.
But we're all just waste w.a.s.t.i.n.g. away,
And if you're lucky,
Someone will smile when it's over and
promise-promise-promise
It was your life that made them live.
And in the end, I couldn't ask for more.

I missed you yesterday.
So I started folding paper planes,
But I knew they'd never reach you.
Aerodynamics         paper              really         up.
                          and            doesn't            a­dd

I switched to folding boats instead,
And they looked strong and sharp.
But they sank even
                                  faster
                   ­                         than
                                   ­                  my
                                                            he­art.
And, no one ever taught me how to sail.

Then, I tried my hand at paper cranes,
Because, I read somewhere,
"One thousand cranes are good for one true wish."
But I stopped after forty-three,
When I ran out of square paper and band-aids.

So, I folded up some stars instead,
But they weren't any good.
They didn't twinkle and they couldn't
                                                        ­          even
                                                  ­                          fall...
(and i stopped wishing on stars years ago).

I gave up on origami; I was never very good.
Paper only likes me when with pen.
Instead, I'll try to reach you
with the words I love to write --
poetry [and] promises [and] dreams
(and maybe a few apologies for loving you all wrong).
All I really wanted to say was,

"Baby, run away with me."

But I didn't think - the words alone - would move you.

Hi, I'm (insert name here).
And I'm an [addict] to addiction
or
whichever drug will hit the hardest,
take me highest,
make me numb,
[or occasionally feel alive] --
(like you, your love, good ***, caffeine and sleep)
or maybe,
(online shopping, charming smiles, loud music and doting words).
But never
c.h.e.m.i.c.a.l.s.
I wouldn't touch the stuff.
Like it matters...
They're all pain killers and sedatives,
to me.

Oh, insomnia, thou art a heartless *****.
And yet, I embrace thee --
For staying with me every night,
When no one else does.

My bed is quite the companion.
He keeps me warm,
When it's too cold to walk away.

So, wrap your arms around me and we'll wait for the sun to rise together.

The winter months are the harshest --
The nights are far too cold,
The days are far too short,
And every minute I'm awake is never-ending.

I hardly ever see the sun.

I'll swallow something bitter;
Let my stomach catch on fire...
And sing silent songs to the stars --
They listen to me every night,
When no one else does.

I am a drop,
Creating a ripple.
I fall and I fade, before I'm a wave;

Still,
I aspire to move you.

I am a seed,
A thought, or a tree.
I aim to implant an interminable rant,

And
Grow into passions unmoving.

I am a light,
Aglow in the night.
Just like a star, so faint and so far;

It's a
Miracle you see me at all.

I am so small,
So inconsequential.
But if I shine pure, I can be quite sure,

You'll
See my light after I'm gone.

My emotion hides.
Your eyes, your smile, your laugh...
Suffocate me in,
Every single thing you are;
I will love you from afar.

You ache, you ache, you ache;
Why wont you let me love you?
Why must you make me wait?
I cannnot wait forever...

Why wont you let me love you?
I would live to make your sun shine brighter;
I would die to take away your pain.

Why must you make me wait?
Each day is an empty promise;
Each night is an empty bed.

I cannot wait forever --
The more I know, the more I love.
And the more I love, the more I ache.

I took a walk along the beach to see a wicked sight
The waves were eating up the shores with all their strength and might
The sand was weak to such distress, it washed away with ease
Until the oceans' appetite had been fully appeased

The stars were shinning beautifully as if it were a game
Of who could shine the brightest, so the world might know it's name
But as the sun began to peak it's head above the earth
The stars were lost, so envious of sunshine and it's worth

I saw the moon ****** the waves and knew what lust looked like
The oceans didn't stand a chance,or even care to fight
They swung their hips and licked the shores, a dance to tempt the moon
But he just turned his face away, so fleeting and so soon

The sun rose hot, so filled with pride, to shine another day
Her light was fierce and all too bright, she made the people pray
For too much sun can burn at times and they so needed rain
And all too soon they turned their backs to blame the sun for pain

I looked up at the moon tonight to see it rich and full
I sighed for thoughts of vanity I knew the moon to hold
It's greed would be it's downfall for it's stolen light can't last
And sure enough it disappeared after a few nights past

The clouds rolled in so thick and slow, they slid across the sky
Unsure of their direction, they just floated there so high
Lazily they drifted, changing shape upon a whim
Until they fell in raindrops or blew off on the wind

I tried to count the rain drops as they drilled into the ground
A million once, a million twice, I got lost in the sound
Of angry claps of thunder and the most wrathful of wind
So I counted back the seasons and found all the deadly sins

Don't you love the rain?
Reminicent of a place,
That could be heaven.
And you find comfort in that,
Now that you have escaped hell.

All my fondest memories are dreams.
Days I've painted over and re-written.
Like that time we spent all night talking and,
I had to sneak in before my parents woke up.
Or that time he took me to the city and,
We held hands as we walked the golden gate.
Or that time we went up on the parkway and,
He kept me warm as we looked at the stars.
Such pretty scraps of paper for my keep-sake box.

Today is foggy with sleep and underuse.
I'm an old toy that got lost and then everyone forgot about.
I can breathe in fresh air until my lungs ache,
But that wont clense me of my need for numbing pollutants;
I can soak up sunshine until my skin is black,
But that wont rid me of my unquenchable thirst for rain.
Yesterday's smile isn't getting me through today;
I slept too long last night.

Tomorrow, tomorrow
is just another day I'll spend asleep,
Waiting, always waiting
for my ship to come in,
So I can go sailing.
But that doesn't really add up.
And I know ships don't even have sails.

Tomorrow,
Kasey will pick me up around noon.
And he will save my life,
                                                 for a day.

You make breathing more difficult.
My stomach contracts.
I think I might be sick,
But only with your disease.
If something is wrong with me,
At least I know it's the same thing that's wrong with you.
That has to mean something.
But that gives me little comfort.
You tie me into knots.
If I remember correctly,
This feeling is described as anxiety.
Or maybe it was love?
I think I hate you.
Oh yes, it must be love.

My thoughts are always buzzing.
And they are always about you.
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
It was only a few weeks before it was over.
But that was enough.
No one has ever seen me the way you do.
I wish they could.
Your eyes made me feel new.
Not alive, not beautiful, not special.
New.
And old.
You saw the me I wanted to see in myself.
The girl I knew I was.
That has to mean something.
But then you stopped looking.

It isn't fair.
You could have just used me,
And then let me hate you.
Like a decent man would have.
Instead you decorate our one-way relationship,
With the word "friends."
You are not my friend.
Because the little pieces of myself that I gave to you,
Are already forgotten.
Hidden away; They were never there at all.
And all I asked for was right now.
But I can't shake you.
That has to mean something.
So, I'll be your friend,
Until you don't need me anymore.
Because that's what I'm good at.
But oh, I'd **** to just be wanted.

You gave me that look.
You know the one.
It had been so long.
And I got lost in those eyes of yours.
I was a goner before I could stop it.
When you asked me why,
I already had a list a mile long.
I liked everything about you and I hardly knew you.
But I knew it wouldn't change.
And it hasn't.
That has to mean something.

I wanted to save you,
But more than that,
I wanted you to save me.
Because for the first time in my whole life,
I actually felt like you could.
By just being around me.
Like a piece that was always missing,
It just makes the picture that more beautiful,
When it's there.
I hope you'll always need me.
Because,
Everyone needs someone,
And I've never needed anyone.
But I need you.
That has to mean something.

My hands are tied behind my back, and
I've swallowed more keys than I can count.
The devil himself couldn't pick these locks and,
God's still on a sabbatical.
I slept for a thousand years but,
Still woke up just in time to see you leaving.
You kissed me awake with no intention of saving me,
Even though you knew my fears were dragons holding me back.
They don't breathe fire; they just burn me up.
I tried to scream, but opened my mouth to
realize my vocal chords were out of tune.
The sound came out as scratches and
I choked on the flecks of rust.
You walked away while whispering, "You never moved me,"
But the sound waves couldn't reach my ears in time;
I dove from the lone window in my tower,
And as I fell, I prayed that I could fly.

You should know, everyday it's harder to breathe
And I'd give up forever to see your face
Because somewhere I came to the conclusion
Without you it's not worth being awake
Maybe I'm still too young to understand it
Or maybe I just need to have a bit more faith
But if you and I are so **** perfect together
Then ask your God why He's taking you away
I know, it's wrong for me to act like you're not hurting
I guess it just feels as though I've been betrayed
Because to me, genuine love is worth fighting for
But you seem so willing to just throw it all away
So this must be the part where I grow bitter
In all fairness you did ask from me hate
But you should know, that's not what keeps me up at night
I can't sleep because you're so far away
And did I mention when I said "I need you"
I meant it with my heart and mind and strength
And when I said that I would always love you
I meant no matter what might come our way
So you should know, although we're not together
There is no life without you in my day
California may get you for some time
But tell that God of yours that I can wait

I get this feeling about you --
One that stretches beyond explination.
Almost like the feeling of home,
but different.
Like being around you would make things okay
that aren't okay.

You make me feel safe...
Like the breeze on a summer day,
Comfortable and warm.
I want to lounge around with you
                                                             ­     forever.

He suffocates me as you
watch; callous and indifferent, he will
chew me up and spit me out.
I breathe tar into my lungs and call it
love; my spine turns into paste,
oozing through my pores and into his
mattress. And even if you could
scoop me up, I'd still be * pliable* -
putty in your hands.
You believe in saving, like I believe in
being saved, but I'm still just
treading water while you
swim. And my dawn hasn't scared away
my darkness. He's holding me under while I
thrash; My bones may turn into
pearls, but I wont develop
gills in time to breathe, and
there's a good chance I've been
dead for years already anyways. Let me
slip through your fingers like
sand or time, God knows I've never
been worth saving. Yesterday I was
beautiful, today I'm shooting stars, but
tomorrow I'll just be the
blood you can't seem to
wash from under your fingernails. I'm
unforgettable for no other reason than
you can't rinse my taste from your
mouth; I like to leave
scars - So save your energy for yourself and
let him take me; the truth is,
We deserve each other.