You'll weave pretty futures for us --
Promises you'll never keep,
Plans you'll never even attempt...
And I know it.

I'll stare at you and smile.

You'll decorate our tomorrows,
With dollar signs,
And wedding rings,
And a house where we can live.
Empty, empty...
And I know it.

I'll stare at you and smile.

You'll pack a bowl for us to smoke with your father.
We'll promise to watch television with your mother.
We'll pretend to make dinner plans with your sister.
We'll never leave your room.
And I know it.

I'll stare at you and smile.

You'll say how well you know me.
You'll claim how much you love me.
You'll try to read my thoughts.
You'll fail.
And I know it.

I'll stare at you and smile.

I don't have to travel 600 miles,
to know how this story ends.
I'm a better
liar
than I ever imagined.

I'll just stare at you and smile.

You ache, you ache, you ache;
Why wont you let me love you?
Why must you make me wait?
I cannnot wait forever...

Why wont you let me love you?
I would live to make your sun shine brighter;
I would die to take away your pain.

Why must you make me wait?
Each day is an empty promise;
Each night is an empty bed.

I cannot wait forever --
The more I know, the more I love.
And the more I love, the more I ache.

If I were a tumbleweed,
I think I'd like for you to be the wind.
I wouldn't mind if maybe,
You'd just take me, and I could see
the world upon your whim.

But, I'm not a tumbleweed...
I like to think I'm wild as the jungle.
And you, Oh, precious you,
would never dare to cage me,
But tangle with me -
Bloom and over-grow.
Then together, we'd be rapturous and elusive.

I know, I know,
My disposition's fickle, love.
But you've got my heart beating
to your song.
I'm still a bird,
Whose only love is melody -
And my wings are growing weary;
I think I'd like to rest upon
your branches.

Puddles of light are gathering under the street lamps.
If it were raining I wouldn't mind not being able to see the stars.
I'll just stare at the cracks in my driveway instead,
Or lay back on the hood of the car,
And watch the way my cigarette smoke dances in the air.
It's almost beautiful.

I'll remember times I had someone's hand to hold.
Music would be coming from the stereo.
He might even ask me to dance.
But back then, I never would have had smoke in my lungs.

I'll remember the nights it was really too cold to be outside,
So he would move a little closer,
And we would let sin keep us warm.
But back then, I never would have missed the stars.

I'll remember the times I never made it out of the car.
The conversation was too captivating,
His lips were too welcoming.
But back then, I never would have noticed the cracks in anything.

Now,
I'll light another cigarette,
Pretend I could splash around in the puddles of light under the street lamps,
Watch it glisten and fade into the cracks in my driveway.
Then, lay back on the hood of the car,
And watch the way the end of my cigarette burns hotter than any of the other flames I thought about tonight,
Still, it burns out just as quickly.
It's almost beautiful.

You see through me,
Know me.
Knock the breath
From my lungs.

Eyes that break me,
Shatter me.
I cannot even
Stand.

Words erase me,
Escape me.
There is nothing left
To say.

Except...
I am fading,
f.a.d.i.n.g.
Paint me black.

*I am nothing without you.

I want to know how you take your coffee.

I'd like to gather up all of your pieces
And pierce them with sewing needles.
I'll watch them bleed,
And scab and scar,
Until they result in you.

I'll shine a light into your darkest places,
And scribble down your secrets.
Let a feather duster explore the things long forgotten,
Until all of your sins have been uncovered.
Let a flaming wick alight your eyes,
Until your passions burst forth, uninhibited.

I'd like to trace your lines, your cracks,
Your every imperfection,
Until your mind unhinges completely.
I'll drive you mad with my probing.
You'll be crazy with me.
And I'll be lost somewhere inside of you.

And neither of us, will ever be the same.

He suffocates me as you
watch; callous and indifferent, he will
chew me up and spit me out.
I breathe tar into my lungs and call it
love; my spine turns into paste,
oozing through my pores and into his
mattress. And even if you could
scoop me up, I'd still be * pliable* -
putty in your hands.
You believe in saving, like I believe in
being saved, but I'm still just
treading water while you
swim. And my dawn hasn't scared away
my darkness. He's holding me under while I
thrash; My bones may turn into
pearls, but I wont develop
gills in time to breathe, and
there's a good chance I've been
dead for years already anyways. Let me
slip through your fingers like
sand or time, God knows I've never
been worth saving. Yesterday I was
beautiful, today I'm shooting stars, but
tomorrow I'll just be the
blood you can't seem to
wash from under your fingernails. I'm
unforgettable for no other reason than
you can't rinse my taste from your
mouth; I like to leave
scars - So save your energy for yourself and
let him take me; the truth is,
We deserve each other.

My days are filled with,
Poetry and Pandora --
Read and write and sing...
(I'm nothing if not lonely)
Bug me anytime you want.

The storm outside is little comfort.
It rattles my windows and pounds my roof.
The walls creak with exhaustion.
I am not relieved.
I thought such rain and wind
Might make these four walls
More comforting than they are confining.
To no avail.
I am as caged as ever.
And I'm not singing.

I think I'd like to be outside,
Amidst the disaster.
Maybe it would make me feel more whole.
The way so much destruction can make you feel small,
But in a good way.
The way the uncontrollable can make you feel secure.
Because you, at least, are grounded.
But then,
What if I don't want to be grounded?
I think I'd like to soar.

The storm outside is little comfort.
Because the storm inside is still far more distracting.
I'm enveloped by it and swept away.
Until,
I lift my head and see these four walls.
But I am not relieved.
My own disaster spills across the floor and,
Is contained.
I am as caged as ever.
And I am not singing.

Splash out a moist printing impression,

Chiseling an angry replica god of clay.

Electric rhythm masticates waste in two.

Captured decay inspired death of poison desire.

Feel morass young essence that makes a masterpiece.

Dazzling black illusions above nefarious comedy,

Evoke dead wood to open an abstract symbol.

Those surreal senses draw a brazen icon to life.

They say "the devil is a liar."
For spouting out hurtful things that we don't want to hear.
But if,
the-truth-hurts and most-people-want-the-lie.
Then maybe,
He's just being honest.
Instead of whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

I'd like to close my eyes and
breathe you in and
die.

I'm choking on your heartbeat, but
who needs to swallow?
Your muscles wrap around me,
constricting my every move.
I'm caged in by beautiful happenings and
I'm in love with your tense-and-release.
My skin sticks to your lips as
My fingers get tangled in your hair.
Your body is a garden I am lost in;
Your vines tie me down and
I am ravaged. The air is
thick and salty as the ocean;
We could drown together
(and i would welcome it).
We saw eternity but forgot to
take any pictures, then we
traveled back in time to make sure
life couldn't go on without us.
Our battle scars will tell the
story better than we could.
The moment was so heavy
it almost crushed me,
(and i think i wouldn't have minded).
No one lives forever and
I'd like to die while I'm living.
We squeezed a lifetime into
one euphoric moment; I
wouldn't dare let ***** greed
ask for more.

I'd like to close my eyes and
breathe you in and

*die.

I'm telling myself to wish you the best,
But the worst could mean so much more for me.
I can't stand the thought of you leaving.
Because your words still echo in my thoughts:
'Maybe'
'Someday'
'Need'
The things you say to make me hold on,
Make me hate you.
Make me love you.
Is it worth it?
I'm hanging on your every move.
And I feel helpless.
And I miss your face.
But I know,
If you wanted to see me you would.
And that's what kills me.
Because you haven't.
You give me just enough,
So I'm there every time you look.
You're just like all the others.
And I'm so easy to use.
Everyday, I lose a little more faith,
That what I saw in you was real.
But maybe you're just scared.
Someone told me once,
Every man is a coward until he's not anymore.
So that's what I think.
I think you're a coward,
Who can't face me;
Who can't love me;
Who can't save me.
Because you're not willing to leave any of yourself behind.
And baby, I get that.
Which is why I wont call you out.
I'll just wish you the best.
And show you what real love is.
And pray to God, you're not too dumb to see it.
And that it wont be so late,
When you wake up and realize you need me,
And you want me,
And you want me to need you,
That I've decided I no longer want you

**At all.

Love, like the scenes lost inside this tortured night,
Disintergrates on the whims of a fleeting dream.
I'll hide my breaking heart behind deceitful eyes,
As their light slips away through silent screams.

(Why can't I sleep forever?)

Oh,
The lessons that we learn at the bottom of a bottle.
Desperately 'loving,'
Attention starved,
Clinging to closeness,
'Memories.'
Blurry drunken happenings.
Escapism at it's finest.
Take these strangers,
Call them friends and lovers.
Lace these nights,
With flings and fleeting things.
And,
Pictures you just want to earase
The next morning.
But,
If we're being more honest,
The truth is I'd rather not be.
And between you, me and the buzz we've got going,
This can be real for just tonight.
And by the time we wake up tomorrow,
Sleep will have made it feel like a dream.
That,
We can live with.
Even though, it still leaves me empty.
I'd never admit that once I'm sober.
Because by then,
That poison-honesty-serum,
Will have worn off.

I think my rules went out the window
When I said, "I like you."
(like that's so monumental)
I fall in love with every boy I meet,
If only for a moment,
Anyways.
And rules are meant to be broken.
And I'm nothing if not a rebel.

But you,
Oh, sweet you,
You'll think you're something special.
And maybe you would be,
If I knew how to care.
But all I really want is love when,
it.doesn't.want.me.

Still,
I was struck when you said,
"YOU deserve flowers and candy."
Because really,
No one does,
And you know it.

So maybe,
It's your obnoxious arrogance,
Or your strong opinions,
Or the way you constantly disagree with me
Seemingly
just.for.the.hell.of.it.
But
When you said I was something special,
I believed you.

And truly,
You'vegotmehangingonyoureveryword.

You make breathing more difficult.
My stomach contracts.
I think I might be sick,
But only with your disease.
If something is wrong with me,
At least I know it's the same thing that's wrong with you.
That has to mean something.
But that gives me little comfort.
You tie me into knots.
If I remember correctly,
This feeling is described as anxiety.
Or maybe it was love?
I think I hate you.
Oh yes, it must be love.

My thoughts are always buzzing.
And they are always about you.
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
It was only a few weeks before it was over.
But that was enough.
No one has ever seen me the way you do.
I wish they could.
Your eyes made me feel new.
Not alive, not beautiful, not special.
New.
And old.
You saw the me I wanted to see in myself.
The girl I knew I was.
That has to mean something.
But then you stopped looking.

It isn't fair.
You could have just used me,
And then let me hate you.
Like a decent man would have.
Instead you decorate our one-way relationship,
With the word "friends."
You are not my friend.
Because the little pieces of myself that I gave to you,
Are already forgotten.
Hidden away; They were never there at all.
And all I asked for was right now.
But I can't shake you.
That has to mean something.
So, I'll be your friend,
Until you don't need me anymore.
Because that's what I'm good at.
But oh, I'd **** to just be wanted.

You gave me that look.
You know the one.
It had been so long.
And I got lost in those eyes of yours.
I was a goner before I could stop it.
When you asked me why,
I already had a list a mile long.
I liked everything about you and I hardly knew you.
But I knew it wouldn't change.
And it hasn't.
That has to mean something.

I wanted to save you,
But more than that,
I wanted you to save me.
Because for the first time in my whole life,
I actually felt like you could.
By just being around me.
Like a piece that was always missing,
It just makes the picture that more beautiful,
When it's there.
I hope you'll always need me.
Because,
Everyone needs someone,
And I've never needed anyone.
But I need you.
That has to mean something.

I disassemble, unravel, deconstruct.

I am broken by
your changing whim...
The crushing weight of
your unpredicatable currents.

Because --
By love I was begun,
And,
By love I am undone.

(I will lose this fight)

Hello Poetry. Sad,
I Know. But there are
just too many things
I don't like. I hate to
be rude, or disappear
without notice. So I'm
posting this first,
and then, in a few days
will deactivate my
account. It's been a pleasure
knowing and reading
you all. I've been
very active on
DeviantArt, if you're
interested. I'll put
a link in the author's
comments. Follow me
there, and join me
too! It's a wonderful
community of
artists. Much love to
HP! No hard feelings,
please.

I am a drop,
Creating a ripple.
I fall and I fade, before I'm a wave;

Still,
I aspire to move you.

I am a seed,
A thought, or a tree.
I aim to implant an interminable rant,

And
Grow into passions unmoving.

I am a light,
Aglow in the night.
Just like a star, so faint and so far;

It's a
Miracle you see me at all.

I am so small,
So inconsequential.
But if I shine pure, I can be quite sure,

You'll
See my light after I'm gone.

I'd like to lay in the grass like I used to,
Back when innocence lit my eyes from the inside
And shone through my being like a thousand stars in my skin.

My stars got lost inside my veins somewhere along the way,
When I invited charm to sit with me, and
Traded in grass for soft matresses
And innocence for sin.

My weatherworn skin tore, and everytime
My stars leaked through the cracks leaving scars like comet's tails.
They only shine for a short time,
Until they're just a story that you hope someone will want to hear someday.
But my bones are poking through in too many places,
For anyone to believe I'm anything more than fragile.
And everyone's afraid to get too close.

I'll wrap myself in lace and paint my eyes white.
The dirt under my nails will fall away.
But I can't hide the hollowness in my chest,
Because nobody notices that thump-thump-thump
Until it's gone.

Hi, I'm (insert name here).
And I'm an [addict] to addiction
or
whichever drug will hit the hardest,
take me highest,
make me numb,
[or occasionally feel alive] --
(like you, your love, good ***, caffeine and sleep)
or maybe,
(online shopping, charming smiles, loud music and doting words).
But never
c.h.e.m.i.c.a.l.s.
I wouldn't touch the stuff.
Like it matters...
They're all pain killers and sedatives,
to me.

The downfall of my motivation
Is my incesant indecision
And my lack of inspiration
Tinged by bitter criticism.

I try
and fail to fly.

There's a flood in my front yard.
The sky lets out  a sigh
as the clouds grumble.
Lightning winks to me that everything will be okay.

The windows are sealed up tight but,
My house still might become a boat.
And I'll sail it out to the ocean and
Over the horizon, and if I'm lucky
We'll fall right off the edge of the earth.

If there are waterfalls in space,
I'd like to ride one down.
And then I'll kiss the stars on my way out.

I'll write you a letter from the edge of everything,
So you can know exactly what you're missing and,
wish you'd come along.

If I never sleep,
I never have to wake up
To another day,
I'm just not ready to face;
Why can't time just stop at night?

I want to be shaken.
To feel {{ eternity, }}
and taste death.
To dip my feet in youth,
and           sandcastles         of
        build                     out       time.

I want to hold my life in the palms of my hands,
and watch it s.c.a.t.t.e.r. in the wind,
to see which moments light-up-like-stars
or lightning bugs,
And which ones only create ~ dust ~
on other people's keepsakes.
But I'm afraid,              (so afraid)
too much of it would just be ash
that blows ~ away...
And no one could call that beautiful.

If I knew every moment was precious,
I wouldn't spend another moment here.
I want to be moved;
I need to be
                     *shaken.

The world looked brand new today,
And I'd blame you if you would believe it.
The scales on my eyes wont change,
But you still make the sun shine a little more clear.
You know, it's too late for me.
We're drowning in bottles and faces and nothing.
But I caught you smiling,
And cursed every daydream and notion and fear.

Now that I'm involved, I'll be whatever you need,
Or sail with you to the end of the sea.
If you jump, I will follow you down.
The world is sick, and most days you feel unwell,
But I'll go with you through all hell.
If you jump, I will follow you down,
I will follow you down.

There's this place that I go at night,
And I'd take you if you would believe it.
Where I watched our souls collide,
In a shower of sparks and chaotic things.
One day, I know you'll see,
We're the disease that keeps us collapsing.
But sometimes our eyes will meet,
And when they light up I'll still want to sing.

Now that I'm involved, I'll be whatever you need,
Or sail with you to the end of the sea.
If you jump, I will follow you down.
The world is sick, and most days you feel unwell,
But I'll go with you through all hell.
If you jump, I will follow you down,
I will follow you down.

I will follow you down...
(if you jump, I jump, remember?)
I will follow you down...
(if you jump, I jump, remember?)
I will follow you down...

Oh, I wont pretend to know what you're thinking
Maybe you're drowning in the same waters as me
But I hate that I can't feel you thrashing there
At least before we were floating on the same sea

And yes, I knew our days may have been numbered
But zealous hearts tend to ignore logical thought
So I fell for you harder than the Trojans fell for that horse
And you sliped past my walls before I even fought

Now my heart is hiding behind a brand new set of bricks
But I left a key in a place that only you would know
And I hope that I'm the first place you'll come knocking
If you should ever grow tired of going it alone

Our love was like
the quill you gave me for Christmas
that one year, that
I never learned how to use.
Aesthetically pleasing,
object of envy,
idea of perfection, but
sloppy and awkward in practice.

We could've been brilliant,
but we could never get it right.
So we gave up trying, to gather dust
on display.

But even that grew less appealing
(until it wasn't anymore).

Our affair was like
the bag of dark chocolate kisses
you gave me on our first Christmas
together.
I devoured the entire thing
in secret, and
threw away the wrappers
without a thought.

We were meant to be
expendable.
So we took all that was offered,
and gave nothing in return.

But all bad habits take time to break
(until they don't anymore).

My subconscious owns me;
I have no control.

I am --
An explicit enigma.
A steadfast storm.
A controlled catastrophe.
A delicate disaster.
An awesome accident.
An intrepid injury.

I am --
Carefully.constructed.chaos.

And sometimes,
Even I don't know me.

To feel like my ribcage cannot contain
the tremendous racket that is my
heartbeat.

With flung venom and sharp fangs,
You berate me, endlessly.
And I cower.
Dig my fingernails into my palms until they bleed.
It doesn't stop the tears from burning my iris' black
(the boys I'll turn to someday for validation
will tell me that they're beautiful.
And I'll stay in bed with them all day,
Never bothering to mention why I'm so tired).

But right now,
My scars are open wounds,
And you've made a game out of pouring salt onto them.

The pain is so profound, it will stay with me
For years.
But you'll belittle that too.
Until, everytime I lose control,
I think of you.

It's no wonder I don't know what innocence is anymore.

My life made sense before
You.
I was happy without you.
I was happy alone.

Nothing makes sense now.
Nothing.at.all.

Now I feel like something
is
missing.

Now --
My bed feels empty,
And my phone seems too quiet,
And I'm always angry,
And everything looks breakable.

But,
Not as breakable as me.

My bones are glass and,
My skin is tissue paper.
I'm crinkled and torn...
And these cuts hurt the worst.

I don't think I would feel quite so
empty,
If I never felt
whole.
I wouldn't feel so
invisable,
If I'd never been
seen.
I wouldn't feel so
fragile,
If I'd never been
saved.

So thanks for that.

Remember when I could stand on my own?
I was so **** good at it.
I was strong.
I was intrepid.
I was ******* untouchable.
I guess we all have our weaknesses...
Mine was a perfect smile,
And eyes that could shoot me all the way to the moon and back.

Life before you made sense.
Life with you made sense.
Life after you isn't even worth mentioning.

I want the best of you but,
I want your worst.

I'll take all of your flaws and,
tie them into chains and call them beautiful.
I'll wear them in my hair and around my neck,
Until they begin to wilt, and then
I'll press them between the pages
of my favorite books.
So I'll always remember them fondly.

I'll take your imperfections and,
paint them into pictures for my walls.
I'll decorate the places that I dwell
with each and every one, and call it home.
Until the colors fade, and then
I'll press them into photo albums
that we can show our friends,
While we tell them all of our stories.

I want all of your strengths but,
I want your weaknesses too.
Because that is just how much I love you.

He told me not to leave my heart in San Francisco.
I told him
My heart wasn't mine to leave.
But,
The cold wind
Was already blowing in off the bay,
And it chilled him to the bone.

So when he slipped my heart
Back into my pocket,
I put it on my sleeve to get some sun.
And it painted pretty pictures
Of the place it first began to beat.

There's no denying,
From the beginning and,
In the end,
My heart always belonged to California.

Your eyes tell of an insatiable hunger
for me,
my person, my body, my heart.
You will devour me,
If only in your dreams.

Dreams, nightmares, fantasies.
Your imagination takes off with my memory,
My scent, my smooth skin, my ragged breath...
The way our bodies fit together
just right.

Right, I was never right.
I was never the girl in the white dress.
I was never your angel.
But.you.had.me.tamed.
I was wild and free, and undeniably yours.

Your broken princess, your awesome disaster.
And in your arms I was beautiful.
And in mine,
You were free,
Calm, safe, whole, home.

Home was something we didn't recognize
anymore.
And I had a reputation that was never wholesome enough
To stand in front of a priest, or your mother.
But you still wanted me.

Me, who loved you every moment
With my sin stained hands and my broken halo
And my singed wings.
I never claimed to be perfect,
But I loved you perfectly.

Perfectly and ravenously,
We hunger for each other still.
So once the world has made you hideous
You'll come back to me.
And understand that

*perfect love makes you whole.

Oh, insomnia, thou art a heartless *****.
And yet, I embrace thee --
For staying with me every night,
When no one else does.

My bed is quite the companion.
He keeps me warm,
When it's too cold to walk away.

So, wrap your arms around me and we'll wait for the sun to rise together.

The winter months are the harshest --
The nights are far too cold,
The days are far too short,
And every minute I'm awake is never-ending.

I hardly ever see the sun.

I'll swallow something bitter;
Let my stomach catch on fire...
And sing silent songs to the stars --
They listen to me every night,
When no one else does.

I missed you yesterday.
So I started folding paper planes,
But I knew they'd never reach you.
Aerodynamics         paper              really         up.
                          and            doesn't            a­dd

I switched to folding boats instead,
And they looked strong and sharp.
But they sank even
                                  faster
                   ­                         than
                                   ­                  my
                                                            he­art.
And, no one ever taught me how to sail.

Then, I tried my hand at paper cranes,
Because, I read somewhere,
"One thousand cranes are good for one true wish."
But I stopped after forty-three,
When I ran out of square paper and band-aids.

So, I folded up some stars instead,
But they weren't any good.
They didn't twinkle and they couldn't
                                                        ­          even
                                                  ­                          fall...
(and i stopped wishing on stars years ago).

I gave up on origami; I was never very good.
Paper only likes me when with pen.
Instead, I'll try to reach you
with the words I love to write --
poetry [and] promises [and] dreams
(and maybe a few apologies for loving you all wrong).
All I really wanted to say was,

"Baby, run away with me."

But I didn't think - the words alone - would move you.

I wish you never made me smile.
Because
Everytime you do,
I miss you.
And I tell myself,
We can be friends.
And I should try,
Just one more time.

But friends
Don't make you cry
And then
Kiss you goodnight,
Just to leave you hanging.

They don't
Hold your hand
While you
Pour your heart out,
Just to disappear.

And they sure as hell
Don't make promises
**Just to break them.

You make my heart fly like it's still whole,
like the bones in my wings aren't brittle and broken
and these palpatations actually follow some sort of a beat.

Like maybe my feathers are still beautiful,
even though I've made a habit out of flying too close to the sun.
Suddenly, it's heat just warms my skin,
and now I'm glowing.
Instead of bursting into flames.

You burn me from the inside out,
but it's a comfortable energy.
You play my strings so delicately,
I feed off the vibrations.

You make me feel like a song,
that missed a beat, but found it just in time for the crescendo.
And now I'm playing on
like nothing bad has ever happened in my life.

Just like a Dali painting --
Beautiful and ugly and brilliant
and no one's sure exactly what it means...
But you're the artist,
and in your eyes, every stroke makes sense and I'm perfection.

I took a walk along the beach to see a wicked sight
The waves were eating up the shores with all their strength and might
The sand was weak to such distress, it washed away with ease
Until the oceans' appetite had been fully appeased

The stars were shinning beautifully as if it were a game
Of who could shine the brightest, so the world might know it's name
But as the sun began to peak it's head above the earth
The stars were lost, so envious of sunshine and it's worth

I saw the moon ****** the waves and knew what lust looked like
The oceans didn't stand a chance,or even care to fight
They swung their hips and licked the shores, a dance to tempt the moon
But he just turned his face away, so fleeting and so soon

The sun rose hot, so filled with pride, to shine another day
Her light was fierce and all too bright, she made the people pray
For too much sun can burn at times and they so needed rain
And all too soon they turned their backs to blame the sun for pain

I looked up at the moon tonight to see it rich and full
I sighed for thoughts of vanity I knew the moon to hold
It's greed would be it's downfall for it's stolen light can't last
And sure enough it disappeared after a few nights past

The clouds rolled in so thick and slow, they slid across the sky
Unsure of their direction, they just floated there so high
Lazily they drifted, changing shape upon a whim
Until they fell in raindrops or blew off on the wind

I tried to count the rain drops as they drilled into the ground
A million once, a million twice, I got lost in the sound
Of angry claps of thunder and the most wrathful of wind
So I counted back the seasons and found all the deadly sins

You're so broken,
Give it time and even I wont love you.
I'll learn to resent you.
For the way you need me, the way you use me.
I'm not a cure; I'm not even a treatment.
I'm just a crutch.
I'm what somehow justifies your pathetic existence.
And I hate you for it.
For making it seem like I said it was okay.
Because I understood.

Understanding isn't an excuse
To keep living like you have nothing to live for.

I know how it feels to be empty,
To be lost,
To be lonely,
To be broken.
But I never gave up thinking someone would care.
Someone does care.
I care.
And you know it.
It makes me sick how you ignore that.
And I can't stand to hear about how lonely you are,
When that was your choice.
Or how lost you are,
When I could give you meaning.

Don't complain to me, stupid boy,
Your whimpering will fall on deaf ears.

You begged me not to hate you.
You begged me.
I thought it was silly.
I would always love you.
Now I understand.
You have so much potential.
You are so much better than the person you portray.
And you could be happy.
But instead you lock that person away,
Because it's easier to be a coward.
You hide behind a ******* who's just looking to get laid.
Another day is just another drink.

I hope you drown in one of those bottles,
And go to bed alone.

She says,
"Stay here, where it's safe."
But what if I don't want to be safe?

Put me in a room filled with smoke and strangers,
And music so loud
You can't hear the mistakes you're making,
Or the sins you're saying outloud.
Feed me play-time poisons,
So all my inhibitions slip right off.
And everything I feel is unreal,
Until I don't feel anything at all.
And then
With fuzzy eyes and ringing ears,
And sweat dripping down our backs,
We'll fall in lust
And call it love,
Just for tonight.
And I'll let you take a piece of me,
With little coaxing.
If you promise to remember my name...
Or my face?
Or maybe just the way my body felt against yours,
The way your hands moved over my curves,
The way I had you gasping for air,
And The way I left you wanting more.

And you'll feel it tomorrow.
When the pound in your head
And the twist in your gut
Feels more like a hole in your heart
That's shaped like me.

Or at least,
That's what I'll tell myself.
Because for those few hours,
I was on top of the world.
And from up there,
I couldn't feel the pain of being me.

She says,
"Stay here, where it's safe."
Well,
That's a risk I'm willing to take.

The way you lace wonderful words together
to form stellar sentences
leaves me    {{ breathless.}}
You say the most heavy words, like it's effortless
and I am moved.

They slip gracefully
                                  off
                                        your
                                                 tongue
to rest in my marrow,
decorating my brainwaves and
bringing light to all my darkest places.

They meet me in my nightmares
and
lace their fingers through mine
        like it's where they were meant to be,
              ...like they'll never leave my side again,
                       ...like a promise.

And you know I believe in you so much,
                                                                    (so much.)
But
mybed'sstillemptyeverynight.

And even though your words meet my eyes
After bouncing off satalites,
I can only thank them for traveling - so far - to
tickle my finger tips and
                                                                  ed.
                                                              rn
                                                          tu
make the corners of my mouth up

They're still only meteors burning up
                                                                before
                                                                             i.m.p.a.c.t.
(and they could never hold me)

But, my fingers will whisper a reply,
Give it a second to bounce around in space
(It may get distracted by a few stars on the way),
You'll still light up upon reading,
"I love you."

(even.badly.)

Your words captivate me.
And I'm a sucker for words...

I have the strangest urge
To just watch you do anything.
You fascinate me.

I want to memorize the way you move --
Because I've never seen it before,
And I don't want to forget.

I want to know your scent.
Close my eyes and breathe...
I'll imprint you in my memory.
You're intoxicating.

I want to fight against you --
Feel your passion,
Anger?
Strength.
It's palpable; It's suffocating.

I want to lay in bed
And listen to you talk
For hours.

Your words captivate me.
And I'm a sucker for words.

The sky is pink with the sunset and,
The clouds look like cotton candy.
I want to eat popcorn at carnivals,
or spend all day by riverbanks soaking up the atmosphere.
The air is tinged with sun tan lotion, freshly mowed grass and,
the laughter of children playing in puddles
left over from afternoon showers.
The breeze is thick and warm, flowing through the skirts of lovers
And kissing bare shoulders.
Daisies and dandelions tilt their faces towards the sun,
Proudly pretending they each deserve to be picked and
braided into chains, adorning necks and hair.
Little girls dressed in sunshine
dance in the evening glow, as
little boys catch fireflies in an attempt to captivate and impress.
I hold my breath as the sun dips below the horizon and,
sets the sky on fire one last time.
I could swear time stops
As everything transforms into silhouettes of what they were.
The clouds give way to a million stars, that still can't shine
as bright as your eyes.
The whole world tucks itself away, but not us.
We lounge in the cool grass and breathe in the moment when
all I can feel is your hand in mine, and
the earth still coming alive with summertime.

I don't need another perfect lie,
Or another boy that makes me feel "alive,"
So convincing and so delicate
These walls I built on will fall.

Not a bandage; I'm still a wound.
I wont cover up my scars for you.
I don't need a pacifier or a pain killer,
Just a moment to quiet my mind.

I don't want to wrap myself up in a bow,
And force a smile for everyone I know.
Because I lie to everyone about something,
And I just want to tell the truth.

I've got secrets (but who doesn't?), that someday, I'd like to tell.
And to be honest, I no longer care if I'm destined for heaven or hell.
When I find you, every night, I'll fall asleep wrapped in your arms.
And I'll tell you all my stories as you trace all of my scars.

And I think that he should love me.
He should think that I am lovely.
Not just a game to play and conquer,
But a heart that he should win.

And I need a man who sees me,
Not a man who only needs me.
I don't want a false sense of security,
Just a place to rest my head.

I don't want to decorate my disposition
Or open up to one that doesn't listen
Because I lie to everyone about something,
And I just want to tell the truth.

I've got secrets (but who doesn't?), that someday, I'd like to tell.
And to be honest, I no longer care if he's destined for heaven or hell.
When I find him, every night, I'll fall asleep wrapped in his arms.
And I'll tell him all my stories as he traces all my scars.

I like to wear flowers in my hair and,
Robots around my neck.
They whisper to me stories of places I've never been,
And toxic lullabys when I can't sleep.
But they never tell me where to go,
Or what I should be doing instead.

They tell pretty lies (about me being friendly)
To unsuspecting people,
And assure them (at the very least),
I'm different.
And everyone wants to be my best friend,
Until they realize
It's not a mask, it's vanity.
I'll paint up my eyes but,
I wont paint on a smile.

So compliment my fashion sense,
But watch out for my disposition.
There's a bite to my bark that can leave scars
On places no one can even see.
I'll love you completely or,
I wont love you at all.

Just don't try to make me into something I'm not.
Because,
I'm done pretending that I'm anything else.
I'm a lovely little package with a "fragile" sticker.
But I'm wild,
Don't try to tame me.

Don't you love the rain?
Reminicent of a place,
That could be heaven.
And you find comfort in that,
Now that you have escaped hell.