There was a beauty in her brokenness
the way an abandoned church is spiritual
beaten in the fight against her nature
submitting to the ivy
She was self-destructive and potentially poisonous
but she was my punk rock goddess
and I, her poet-slave
muse and mistress
I knew I was doomed to heartbreak
nevertheless
I took the bold steps toward my apocalypse.
Her name is Catharsis – the Sun.
I am Icaris’s wax wings.
I can’t get too close or she will burn right through me.
It’s a defense mechanism, she says
she’s crazy and I should fly far away.
I should heed the warning
but I don’t.
I’m drawn onto her -
inked by something more than animal attraction.
I am a blood-lusting mosquito
and all I want is a little bit of her inside of me.

She makes me want to write metaphor heavy poetry.

I. am. so. pathetic.

I'll look for days we work together
and look forward to it
only to end up
regretting
the fact that we did.

The days I know I'll see you
I'll try to be more pretty
A better version of me.

Only to have you not notice.

How is it possible that...

with one word,
you can ruin my day
week
month
life

with an action,
break my heart?

with a look,
make all cheer disappear?

And at the same time,
How is it possible that...

with a crooked smile,
you make my soul skip?

with a touch,
make my insides flip?

with an invasion in my thoughts,
make me blush?

with the sensation of your voice,
pep me up?

You hurt me
so much
un-intentional or not
you hurt me so much

yet I still
want you so bad

How can it be...

that in all misery,
I long to see
your face?

And at the same time...

want to
punch you
in that very face?

You made me feel special

at one point.

Made me feel wanted
even if
it was only
physically
sexually
you still
made me feel wanted.

And it felt so great
so good
to feel beautiful
but now...
it's horrible
feeling so horrid.

How you can...
toss my emotions
with such finesse
such ease
stuns me.

How I can...
dream, wish, hope
for you to
flirt
touch
tease
me

like you have before
and to do so once more
stupefies me.

You were
You are
my motivation
to impress
and look my
very best.

even if I fail.

Please!
I'm begging
you
at least pretend
you once again
like me
as more than a friend.

I don't care
if you play mind games
mess with my head
as long as
part of that time
I'll be in your arms again.

I hate
this desperation
hormonal infatuation
temptation and frustration
in having this almost-obsession for you.

My mind has changed
Now just go away
I may miss you
but still just
leave.

Because
the pain
of seeing you
all the time
knowing
you'll never be mine
is much worse
than "mixed feelings."

I can longer breathe.

Lift me up
out of love

During the fall
I broke too many bones.

But then again,

you're. as. pathetic. as. me.

because you can't see
how much more happy
you would be
if you let her go
move on.

She was never there.
She was always gone.

This V- romance
is too much
chance.

Let's break off

and

never

ever

get pieced together again.

An intricate
web of limbs
Hey there Slim
Tall drink of water
Let's go farther
Blurry vision
Pants unzip
The point in the night
You don't give a ****
It's sorta ****** up
I like you so much
Gettin' crushed
by a crush
Make my heart mush
rooms got me high
Like a falling airplane
Balance is lost in the sky
Bye bye birdie
Have you heard the word
It's not sober
this love
I flew the coop
Doesn't take a sleuth
to see
I’m trippin'
my balance is shakin
I'm floating
on false realities
Fake hopes for
you and me
One night stands
What's your name again?
Mary Jane is all I can remember
Suddenly skin feels like December
Everything turned sour
A foggy wasted hour
One flew
Over the cuckoo’s nest
And She never came back again

I bite my nails,
Another bad habit.
Like the nicotine I inhale,
Give myself with hands so lavish.
As I smoke,
I think of games
that as a child I use to play...

Hangman,
I feel so sorry for you.
Made up of mistakes,
just like me, too.
Hang-girl,
that's how I feel.
I'm just for show.
I'm not for real.

What's my secret?
What will I say?
*Figure it out before I hang.

I don't care where I'm walking
as long as I'm walking away
Divorced from the world
Welcomes were over-stayed
Irreconcilable Differences
You, I, He, She
All those unspoken words in between
the lines
His pick-up lines
Her lines of coke
Both nothing but broke jokes
Rome may not have been built in a day
But
Rome fell anyway.

I'm standing here and banging on this locked door that won't open.
I'm staring through the keyhole and it's black.
No light, I can't see a ******* thing, anything.
And if there's anyone on the other side,
they're not talking.
It's only a matter of time til my mind goes away.
Parts of it are going to start flaking of. Bit by bit.
Why do I keep having dreams that you're dead?
I can't see anywhere in my future. It's just like looking through  distorted peach coloured glass. There's nothing behind it, nothing visible.
Your shoes by the door, your books on the table.
Pieces of you that can't talk to me, can't hold me, can't fix anything or answer my questions.
I can't have a conversation with a blanket.
I can't get comfort from a pillow.
I don't remember your face because it's pixelated.
It doesn't feel fair that we have to choose who we choose.
I know there are a lot of things I can't control. But I'm losing control over the things that I can.
At least when I was completely alone, I had the option of changing that.
Now I'm alone even when I'm with a million people.
The comfort that they can offer, isn't comfort that I can take.
I know you're not fighting in a real war.
I know you're fighting your own personal battle, with soldiers I can't sway.
Ones I haven't even met, and maybe won't ever meet.
I can't plan our future because I don't even know if we had one.
I even knew that before we started, and I jumped anyway,
because who thinks when what's spread out before them is so beautiful.
You just close your eyes and go, because it seems right.
I don't want to feel guilty for feeling the way I do. When I enjoy things, when I don't enjoy things.
I don't want to feel stupid for missing you when you haven't been away for years. When I actually have someone who may some day come back.
What if you don't come back.
What if you do.
I don't know what my choices are anymore.
Because the screen doesn't answer me.
And you can't kiss a wall.