happiness is sleeping in our bed behind me
caffeine for early hours as i quietly sit
taking in what i never thought ive have

inside im warm
passionately seeped deep
with rich love and emotion
like a kettle left to brew
sweetened like honey
pouring
dripping
from my teacup heart

happy
terrified
terrifyingly happy
reaching this natural state of bliss
companionship predestined
feeling like this
us
we
is everything i've been waiting for
happily terrified
that this love
pure and unfiltered
could be gone as easily as it came

*** left on the counter
momentarily cooling
mistaken as finished
forgotten
could get poured down the drain

empty

nothing left to fill our cups
tea, thought gone
company will look to go home

While cleaning the table
my cup gets knocked off
hitting the floor
shattered

unsure if glue will do
i'll be left to pick up the pieces
trying to fix my teacup heart

Old poems dead and buried
In death the words deteriorated
Into things I no longer recognized
Strange arcane relics
Gateways to past minds
Awaiting to be excavated
By wandering eyes

im un aware sometimes
of just how ****** i can be

not realizing i push you away
arms working as seperate beings from my body
i dont mean to i swear

comments on my physical apperance
my body
my clothes
arm my defenses to have nothing
but a "*******" attitude
when i never should be like that
with you

it makes me quick
bitter

"i dont care"
meant
"what do you want me to do?"

because id do it all
id do anything for you




we've been home hours
in company of silence and small talk

when i should have apologized long ago
but this all just sounds like excuses

for me being the way i am


explanation for how sorry i am

Madagascan Vanilla
seeped in hot water from the new kettle
swirling with honey
staring up at me

steaming asking where my voice has gone

where my apology has gone

its lost among my mind
brewing darker and darker
to bitter to think anymore
lips pursed at re realizations about
me

myself

no matter how much sugar I pour in

sweet is something I'll ever be.