01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself

I want to tell him
that I’m scared,
that I’ve been here before.
And that the last time I felt potential like this it imploded;
I imploded.
But I don’t want to taint it,
You see I’m still hopeful
That maybe this time
Won’t end up laced with maybes,
Or what ifs,
Or open wounds pouring blood onto paper.
That maybe this time,
just won’t end.

I’ve not quite worked out whether I think it’s beautiful,
Or stupid -
The human capacity,
And pliancy,
And longing,
For love.

when will all the pain be gone

Love never dies
Regardless of what people do

For 281 days
I have been stuck here.

For 281 days
They tried to "heal me"
through various pills
therapy sessions
shots
weird drinks
and anything else
that comes straight from hell.

For 281 days
I have been cornered
between these white walls.
Trapped in these small rooms
that reek of ***** ***** and bleach.

For 281 days
The people in the white coats
would ambush me
with treatments and remedies.

For 281 days
the lady with the red hair
would come in
and force me to take my yellow pill.
Yellow pill
3 times a day
everyday
for 281 days.

For 281 days
I tried to convince
the people in the white coats
that I'm not crazy.

281 days is enough
I will not let this number get to 282.