Fallen
bruised
hurting
but not broken

strength
recovered
unyielding
the odd, conquered

I wanna scream,
shout 'til the sky forgets my name,
run so far that the wind can’t catch
the pieces of my shame.

I wanna disappear into nothing,
no titles, no weight on my crown,
just a girl with no past,
no pain to hold her down.

But then I breathe.
One deep inhale of truth.
This ache in my bones?
It’s proof I made it through.

See, I didn’t just survive
I carved a kingdom from my cries,
built pillars out of heartbreak,
and ceilings from my “why?”s.

I stitched my war wounds into banners,
hung them high so I don’t forget,
that every time I wanted to quit,
God whispered, “Not yet.”

I stood alone in rooms
where love should’ve stayed,
but I planted roots anyway
watered by tears I never let show,
and they bloomed into a throne
only I could know.

So when the storm comes
and I’m tempted to run,
I remember I am the thunder
not the one who runs from it,
but the one it runs from.

This rage?
This sorrow?
It fuels the fire under me.
And no matter how hard life claws,
I won't abandon my dynasty.

I am the architect of every stone
the queen of every scar I own
and even when my soul feels weak
my legacy still speaks.

So scream if you must
shout into the dark
run through the silence
just to feel your spark...

But don’t forget
even if your voice shakes
and your crown feels heavy
you didn’t come this far to break,
you came to be legendary.

Do any other bisexuals out there know what it’s like?
I’ve read in some blogs and Reddit threads that others feel attracted to men when they ovulate
And attracted to women the rest of the month
And mine is just like that sometimes
But other times it’s not
As the days turn long
And the evenings warm
I want to sink my teeth into a big hairy chest and be held by large rough hands
Even well into my luteal
But I’ve told myself
That whenever this retreat from *** ends
I must must must date a woman next
Because each time I date a man
Even a big one with a hairy chest
I still want a woman
Which of course brings me to my dream
Of having a relationship with both
A happily ever after throuple
It’s also been so long since I’ve been with a woman
Over a year
Maybe even a year and a half
That I barely remember the luxury of someone else’s breast in my hand
And then I think maybe I just want lovers here and there
And that in my 30s I’m still young
And that plenty of women have children in their late 30s and maybe I can have a little *** renaissance again
But this time without all the **** and the burying of pain
This time with presence and seduction and responsibility
It’s been ages since I’ve been ****** dumb
And with someone as high strung, smart and **** as me
I just think it should happen at least once a week
But I’m scared to go out there and get it
I’ll list my fears here:
That I won’t be able to attract a woman I’m sincerely attracted to
That a man, no matter how attractive, will turn out to be disrespectful and trite
That I’ll fall in love with a woman and then I’ll have to deal with pretending to not care what my mom thinks
That I’ll be jumping back into *** too early
That my still healing body and soul are not ready yet and that I should wait a bit longer
That I’ll keep waiting and nothing will happen
That I’ll get exactly what I want, my man and woman, a happy **** sweet kind funny loving relationship where we can grow and create life and dream and cry and laugh
And that somehow I’ll still find ways to be unhappy
That having what I really want
Will make me outcast
Or that in order to keep up appearances we will have to hide our truth

Oh the drama in these fears
And then I think well alright then I should just go for it
But how?
On apps? No
In bars? I don’t like bars
At the farmers market? In the city? But I like to stay at home and dance around naked and paint
And I don’t want to go hunting
I want to just happen upon my lover somewhere
But I keep not happening upon them

******* has become a chore as of late
No one caresses my beautiful collar bones
And I ache I ache I ache

My dreams show me visions
Of people that I miss
And somehow in this timeline
I am never kissed

sister's a smoker
brother says ****
mommy doesn't listen
and daddy gets mean when he's drunk

but we're the perfect family to them all
because they can't see
the family behind the mask
of who we pretend to be

the yelling, the fighting
it always turns out the same
maybe i'm the ******* problem
because it's always this way