i'm in a good mood now
so my hopes of writing a poem
tonight are dashed

i'm a mess of contradictions
and i'm lost inside my head
so i write all my afflictions
for i know why i'm not dead

because i know there is tomorrow
and light just past the clouds
now i will lay down in my sorrow
deaf from my thoughts so loud

my feet are on backward and i think i'm dying
baby, hold me

i'm landing in my sunnystep and my brain is like
thunder music, a beat only a child can drum to

eyes squinted i'm overwhelmed, an anxiety attack
only my mother could sniff out
honey i'm too in denial to tell

i got ******* work to do

but my mind won't let me go
won't let me walk
talk

baby, hold me
lift me from my sunnystep
make me slow down

i look at you and hear guitars strumming in my head
a thousand at once, you know, rising up like the
crashing of atlantic waves

violent, silver, dark as blood but not the right color
at all, they don't care what you think

but they can tell what you're feeling so when the
storm recedes and the sea grows suddenly calm,
you are forced to look it in the eye and
say that you're okay

i will be on the sand and i will
know that you are not

eyes cast down we find safety and solace in the dark
where no prying souls live to tell our secrets to the world
and i know you better than god -
i can read your every breath as a song
each hitch a lyric

i hate this power
but you ought to know i have it

you do not feel for me
but the thought is enough

you are beautiful beyond compare
as the types of sunrises and sunsets
you cannot tell apart

you are the moon as it kisses the sea
and i am jealous in each moment your
lips are not on mine

flawed to the bone i have never felt so
deeply for a closer friend

i love the fun we have, virgo

i see those good students with books on their knee
and i think to myself i wish that could be me
but my mind is so scattered pure thought is a lie
these dark nights make me feel i could hang up and die
for i see no near dawn when i'll lift up my head
without cursing the stars for not keeping me dead