You were a substitute
For something I once had
A second - best replacement
To one whom I once loved

I took advantage of your affections
Your sincerity and love
And used it for my own selfish desires
To numb the pain in my heart

You were my perfect revenge to him
To show I've moved on
Because you were loving and gentle
Something he once were

At first, I felt triumphant
Yet empty as it all seems
You were never good enough
The same way he was to me.

You were the exact opposite
Devoted, faithful, and true
But I still wasn't satisfied
Because he wasn't you

And every time I held your hand
Or flirted back at you
All I can think about was him
And what he always used to do

Like when he'd whisper sweet nothings
You would shout it out to the world
He would hold me close and short
You'd prefer to never let me go

Yet why couldn't I
Belong to you like I did to him
Love you as much, even more
Than what I used to give

But his memories continues to haunt me
Though you were always there
And as I look at you
I always see him

I couldn't hurt you any longer
That would just be unfair
To keep comparing you to him
In every way I can

So, to finally end
I'm sorry, I never loved you
Or reciprocated your sincerity in any way
But I would not keep hold of you any longer.

As cliche as it may sound to you
I know it does to me
I'm sorry, just know it wasn't you
It has always been me.

I had wanted you so badly next to me
Sharing your intamcy only to myself
Your skin caressing mines
Our moans only heard within these walls of silence
Takes me deeper within your secrets
Whisper soflty in my ear your deepest shames,
Let them be washed in my memory
Your impression forever here.

I feel strongly
on the left hand a heart pumps love to every girl who smiled at me at some point
on the right hand a motor smokes toxic hate in clouds over the people who won't wake up from being awake
duality
yin to a yang
black to white
but never grey
small government
but stop telling people who they should ****
left brain fights right brain in a no holds barred cage match
and I'm pulled apart at the seams