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That was not the experience I wanted to have.
These patterns have to break at some point, this road is barren like the forest where I lost myself.
A cloud of feuding emotions hovers over my head.
I don't know where I'm at or where I've been and everything is a distant haze.
Where does consciousness begin?
This question plagues my brain like a virus trying desperately to leech on to my emotions, manipulating them like a puppet master.
I am just a marionette, hanging from strings, the more I thrash the tighter the knots become, choking me back to reality.
Let me go, I pray, let me go.
******* I need self worth. Where am I? What am I doing? Does anybody really even know or is this just a feeling that I have by myself? Confusing doesn't begin to describe the places I've been, I just know that I never want to go back.
The people that sit in the back of the room,
that don't want to be known.
The people that wear long sleeves,
that don't want she scars the be shown.
The people that sit alone at lunch,
that looks down and mess with their phone.
The people that get lost in their thoughts,
that sit there and groan.
The people that want to be skinny,
that want to nothing but skin and bones.
The people that worry about their body,
that want to be that 'perfect tone'.
The people that cry and want to die,
that no one can put them in their happy zone.

~sf/jd
Poetry is dumb, like my thumb in your

Ear — I could have said ‘rear.’

Or my tongue

In your eye,

See, signifying

Blindness. I’m waxing poetic here.

Ink impressions

On paper,

That can’t be touched,

Or felt. Or smelt. And don’t get me started about the taste,

And how long it takes to eat a poem.

So, conclusion, thumb, ear, tongue, eye, eat a poem,

It’s ineffable.
even when there is black clouds for miles  in the sky
just keep going because there is always light on the otherside
How important knowledge is, north is south when west is east.
In frenetic use of ease, when lines are dispersed by incorrect use of these.
Meaning knowledge can be news, when news are new and they inform.
When plastic's gold and this is news.

How important knowledge can be, inflated news, so overrated.
Streets inform, informants guard.
And useless thoughts, they are all useless.
In the useless world, where everything is news.
It was a hot summers day
A hazy glance thought the window
I lived my life for him, with him
He was all consuming
I was finding it harder and harder to cope
I told Paul
“i can’t cope anymore with all the lies, your overwhelming intensity, your needs, the ***, i feel i am losing my life.”
“i need to try and find my feet again and my life. what do we do if we continue, it can’t continue like this.”
He said  “you will attempt suicide over me, stay with me”  “we should die rather than not be together.”
So I said goodbye to what was left
Of what I'd held onto,
of her silhouette

As it stared back I fell bereft;
Its unblinking eyes
followed me to my Death

Perpetually lost in the wake of my drift
I found the things I had buried were what I had kept
My Beatrice showed me a Heaven,
I can never recreate
Whether in the beauty, or the life beyond,
My most horrific nightmares
"Super obvious Dante's Divine Comedy/ Inferno inspiration. I woke up one night and the words flowed directly from mind to pen. Where are you when I need you muse?"
I pass her daily,
she's just like me,
but not me.
She is dark, a ghostly shell,
some alter ego
deliberately mimicking me;
Or is this my own dark soul,
the darkened wretched me?
There she goes again.
but this time she notices me in the passing.
Will she ponder the same questions as I?
© 2011,  Lori Carlson

All poetry under the names Lori Carlson or Iona Nerissa are the sole property of Lori Carlson.
Please seek permission before using any of my writings.
~Lori Carlson~
 Sep 2013 Miss Jade Murder
Pluurg
Ranting at the stars one night
I fell in to a hole
I should have looked where I was going
I might have saved my soul
Taken from my pulsing veins you knew the pounding pain you had caused
Asked clearly in plain view I had no choice but to deny the harm
Bold statements held up for me to tumble quickly down on
Oblivious to my own eyes, I suffer with my spoken  words
I see it in the way you stare and in your pathetic gestures
The pain I had once walked though fire with is now your wounds
But questions flow through my mind in the light and darkness of each day
Ones that will never get the chance to float to the surface
As all this time drains us of our feelings
I will one day dream in the truth and end my day with a promising future
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