fluffy white
bunny ears
what is it
that you hear?
down the
rabbit hole
insanity
will take its toll
it shows its face
in scribbled thoughts
it knows this place
the river rocks
where Ophelia lay
down to die
where poets say
the angels fly
where girls take
too many pills
vanilla cake
and blood spills
heads in the oven
like you know who
she's my idol
and yours too
we howl in the attic
on absinthe dreams
coloured static
the tv screams
a lovely face
fades into view
she's gone missing
she's joined the crew

skipping on tile floors
and singing out loud
a smile on my face
my head in the clouds
bathrobe sleeves
soaked with tears
the jangle of a pill bottle
stuffed rabbit ears
lithium salts
and jumping for joy
will i make a bad decision?
whose life will i destroy?
will it be my own
with the butterfly knife?
will i tangle myself up
in someone else's life?

i am a
snow splattered
stained glass window
shingles
falling off worn roofs
glitter
from a church dress
under your nails
the sound of a child
drawing portraits of the devil
a bunny's death scream
spent fireworks found
the next morning
a lullaby
a child sings to herself
an old graveyard
no one visits anymore
(except the coyotes)
lay a rose bouquet for me?

bad things happen
there's no reason
they just do

bad things happen
sometimes there's
nothing in them to learn

bad things happen
stop telling me i'm strong
for surviving how they hurt me

because bad things happen
i used to believe in god
i hate him with my whole heart now

red blossoms
on my wrists
rose scented
rosary beads
cannot protect me
halo light
only exposes
my sins
for god
to feast on
peeling my
festering heart
like a mandarin orange,
sinking his teeth
deep deep deep
into the black core
once there was
something pure there,
once i was clean
but i have been
ruined
i'm never
getting it back
no matter how
many crosses
hang above
my bed
no matter how much
holy water
rests dried
on my head

there is a pair
of angel wings
hanging
on a peg in my closet
dust dulls
their snow brilliance
but they are there
as a reminder

i can peel back the sky
and fly away
if i can't take it here
anymore
******* the wings
and jump
******* the wings
with a belly full of pills

most of the time
i don't think of them
but they are still there
old friend
their plush embrace
brushes over my scars
maybe they won't need to
come with me
when i die

I close my eyes and wish I was dead
(and so, I must again write about you)
because you only love me inside my head.

I try to calm down, but only see red
(I know this is bad, I'm afraid of me too)
I close my eyes and wish I was dead.

Some days I can scarcely get out of bed
this is quite the hole that I've sunk into,
because you only love me inside my head.

Why can't I think about anything instead?
there's so much I still need to do
I close my eyes and wish I was dead.

Something's wrong with me, I said
Something they would never help me through
because you only love me inside my head.

Out of this body my spirit fled,
into the night, on white wings we flew.
I close my eyes and wish I was dead
because you only love me inside my head.