it's so easy to talk about loneliness and pain
to romanticize all of these things that i've been feeling
and throw in rhymes here and there

but how do i get myself out of this mess?
how do you fall in love when you're so uncomfortable
with yourself?

it's 5 am again and all i can think of is
how quickly my fingers hover over the keys
and there are people rising but
i still cannot sleep

i am engulfed in sad songs and books and the quotes
in those books that tell me more about myself
than i ever can

(sometimes i wish some dead poets were my friends
and then sometimes i wish i could put on a mask
and masquerade around as another person,
as a stranger even to myself
i feel like i'd be more comfortable then)

tell me, what does it feel like to fall in love?
does it feel like electricity crawling up and down your spine,
like warm fuzzy feelings swirling in your stomach like wine?
and does it last? or do people just pretend?
will i ever find love? or will i be all alone in the end?

we are seven billion people
on this great big rock
and we are all alive
together.

maybe i'm just exacerbating everything

i don't know if this sadness is real
this social anxiety
this fear

this never-ending ******* fear

i just want to get away from it all
get lost in someplace beautiful
someplace safe and someplace good
someplace i can call my home

when will this struggle ever end?
do you think our hearts get stronger?
do you believe there's something beautiful
on the other side of the fence?

my faith exists
but so does fear
and constantly they wrestle in my mind
and sometimes the voices in my head
just won't shut up

i believe there's something good out there
life ***** sometimes, i know, i know, i know
but hope is more powerful than anything i've ever felt

so i guess the struggle will end
and our hearts get stronger
and there's something beautiful
on the other side of the fence

i don't know how and i don't know why and i don't know when

but i believe it'll get better,
and for now that's more than enough for me.

my patience is growing weak and thin
and i'm getting sick and tired of everything

nothing makes sense; it's all a blur in my head
words do nothing but hang stale in the air
and i don't know how to start from here

i can try to pull myself together
but is it even worth it
when i keep falling apart?

my efforts keep getting wasted on
the never-ending and unrelenting
struggle to be free

my feet are chained
my mind's a cage

i don't know where to go,
or how to begin

i feel so numb

i've really tried keeping it together this week
but i'm falling apart at the seams

it's starting to smell like giving up in here

it's starting to smell a lot like fear.

but it's okay.

let me handle this sadness by listening to sad records
and wishing in vain that i was anywhere else but here

because sometimes i get out of this misery
by drowning in more of it

how do you get over something
that never happened,
but felt so real?

am i crazy and just imagining things,
or is there something here?

maybe quit trying to make me hang on,
because the higher this goes,
the harder the fall

God.

i feel so alone.