O kay sarap alalahanin
ng ngiting
aking laging inaabangan
sa iyong mga labi.

Naghihintay
umaasa
na sa nalalabing
tatlong buwang pagbabalik
ay yan
ang unang
sasalubong sa akin.

Ang ngiti
na matatakpan
sa pagdampi ng aking labi
sa isang halik
na bubuhay muli
sa alab
ng ating mga damdamin.

Sa pagtulog mo
ang tanging hiling
ay mayakap ka.
Ang bawat awit
na hinuhuni ng aking puso
ay alay
para lamang sayo.

Nakakapit sa pag-asang
magdadaop muli ang ating mga palad,
na matititigan kong muli
ang iyong mga mata
habang
ang ating mga labi
ay unti unting naglalapit
para sa isang halik
na pinakaaasam.
Ang halik
na siyang bubuhay muli
sa daloy
ng ating minsang ipinangakong
pag-ibig na wagas.

*note: This poem is in the Filipino/Tagalog language from the Philippines

They say
you only know
what you're made of
when you're broken.

I found out
I am made of Lego blocks -
capable
of being destroyed
rebuilt
restructured
from one form to the next.

I have been
a dark fortress
with dungeons and dragons
and creatures
that crawl out from the night

But I have been broken down

I have been taken down,
piece by piece by little piece,
lost a couple of parts,
and now
is slowly being rebuilt
into a treehouse
full of rainbows, fairies
and happy thoughts
Ahh Neverland, that's what they call it
And I will fly
My one and only Wendy
to this new home.

She is my light
in every pitch black evening.
Her light cuts through every angle
brightening up
each part of me.

She is my only guide
the star I follow
to a final destination
of home, of happiness
of eternal warmth and security.

She is my inspiration.
The reason I wake up everyday
with purpose, with intent
of becoming a better me.
The reason, I go to sleep
with a smile.
For every slumber,
comes another morning
which means a day closer to her.

She is my stargirl. :)

She is loved.
She is yearned for.
She is worth waiting
and risking for.

Yours and only yours, Anne.

Your Mims

Di mawari
kung bakit
bukas pusong kumakapit
sa di kasiguraduhan
at di katiyakan.

Nagmamahal
sa kabila ng sakit,
sa likod ng kandilang
minsang naupos...
Ngunit ngayo'y
nag-aalab sa damdamin.

Kung kaya't
narito ako,
iniaalay ang buong puso
ititigil ang mundo
makasama ka lamang.

Ilang sandali na lamang, Anne... At mayayakap ka na. :)

Iyong iyo lamang,
Mims :)

Wasting time at the airport
feet up on my bags
rehearsing all the lines
that I would say
the first moment
I see you.

I have perfected it in my head.
How I would mumble the "I miss you's"
and the "It's good to see you again's".
I have placed every stress
on each syllable
when I say my sorry's
and apologies.
I have mumbled over and over in my head
and my heart has been shouting
the only lines that would sum up
this whole trip -
"I want you to be the only person
I would spend the rest of my life with.
I want me to be your last."

And as I see you
with those curly locks
and broad, strong shoulders.
The best I could whisper
did not really come out of my mouth.
But from my heart
into a tight hug that I wish could last forever.

I hope you know
I always choose
to miss a couple of hours of sleep
just to make our timezones meet
and get a glimpse
of a pixelated you.

I hope you know that amidst
the rustles and bustles of bicycles
moving and flying around
my playground
I sneak into a quiet spot
just to send you a text message to know how my day is going.

It's my choice to make you feel like I am just there :)

We comfortably
go through our Saturdays and Sundays
in pajamas
idling away
and wasting time
with our eyes fixed
on our laptop screens.

I smile as I watch
every detail of you while you sleep -
that twitch in your eyes
that tells me you are in deep slumber
possibly (and hopefully) dreaming about you and me...
your rhythmic breathing
that I follow with my heartbeat
as if your chest falls up and down
with mine.

And as you awaken,
I smile at the thought
that it is I
that you first see.

I cannot wait until the day
that I could again
kiss those soft ears of yours to wake you up.

You are always loved, my annette. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

Yours and always yours,
Mims
:)

Today, I can stop writing.

Yes, she took me back. Yes, I am all hers again. And she's all mine. :)

This letter will be a renewal of my promises. That I will commit the rest of my lifetime to prove to her that I have changed; that I have become a better person for myself, for her and for us. That we will not go through the same pain we did because of my previous mistakes; that she will never get hurt for the same reasons all over again... Better yet, I promise that I would do everything so that she will never get hurt. I may not be able to promise that we will never face any hardships, trials or challenges, but I can promise that we will face them together... and that we will hurdle and triumph through them hand in hand and come out stronger. I promise that we will always be transparent to each other, airing out our feelings, emotions, fears, joys and everything else in between... For we want every detail of our stories to be shared to one another. I promise to always be by her side; sometimes we may not be physically together but in my own ways, and in the best ways I can think of, she will never feel alone. I promise to be my very best for her, to always be inspired in everything I do because of her. I promise that both of us will be able to do what we want or we love, without judgments or restrictions... For I will respect and accept every detail and part of her. Yes, we may talk over things and compromise, but changes done in our lives will never be a sacrifice but rather a choice - that I choose to do or not to do something because she is more important and that she is valued more than my wants. I promise that we will both explore our greatest potentials, and that I will be her best ever supporter - that whatever career path or life decisions she may have, I am with her 100%. I promise to keep our imagined black, white and red themed house clean and orderly (once we finally afford and invest on one) because I know she wants it that way. I promise to always be beside her when she needs me, or be out of her sight if she needs her alone time or space... For real love is not just about the number of hours or days being physically beside each other, but rather, about every second that our heart beats in sync for each other wherever we may be.

And my list could go on and on... And maybe I won't be stopping writing for her. Because everyday, words spill out of my heart out of awe and happiness that yes, she has taken me back.

And I am never messing up this time.

Thank you, Anne. You will always be loved. :)

Yours, for the rest of your lifetime,
Mims

I hope one day you wake up
Thinking about me.
Remembering how I kiss your ears
Until you giggle
How I hold your hand while you drive
(those were the only times I thanked God for traffic)
How I grab you from behind at your waist.
hugging you from your back
While I smell your hair
that you curled because I told you I like them that way
(and I really really do)

I hope one day you wake up
Wishing I was beside you
Like how it was on cold, north-of-the-metro trips we've had
Where we wake up to each other's body warmth
With good morning kisses (and I don't care about our morning breath)
And alarm snoozes to buy time to cuddle more in bed

I hope one day you wake up
Yearning for me,
For how I kiss you in your forehead
For how my voice sounded when I call you 'babe', 'baby' or 'my little girl'
Or how I look at you
During those mornings, afternoons and nights
where you entrusted me with yourself
And I tell you how beautiful you look
With wearing nothing else but your smile
(and have I told you over and over how I loved that smile? That smile you rarely give others, that smile that was once mine.)

I hope one day you wake up
And give me the sweetest kiss
That would be the only thing that could awaken me
While I am in this deep slumber
Until I am back in your arms again.

Dear Anne,

I am crying now. Not because of sadness, not because of anger or frustration... But because I am overwhelmed. Not a bad kind of overwhelmed, but one that is full of awe and joy.

I am overwhelmed that after all the pain both of us have gone through, after all the hurting, anger, and fears... I wake up one morning and find myself in love with you all over again. But not the same kind of love I felt when I first had you, or during our most wonderful times together - believe it or not, it was so much more. It's the kind of love that transcends through distance, through time... My heart never settles. You know that. It is never still, it always wants and you know that the way it wants something, it does its best to get it right away. But now, it is different. It has learned to be still. It has learned to endure waiting, to endure uncertainties; to endure the fear that it does not know how you feel - or if you will be willing to accept it back or not. But amidst this indefiniteness, it fights... With a smile. It fights the good fight. It wakes up every morning beating hard and loud with purpose: that is to make you happy again. To show you how much you mean to this heart... that every heart beat, every drop of blood flowing through its veins are all with beautiful intent.

This heart is beating, this heart is in joy. It skips a beat when it senses you, it speeds up when it remembers you.

The only prayer I have now is that you will listen to its every beat. :) That you will hear what it has been trying to shout, what it has been fighting for. :)

You are loved, Anne. Remember that somewhere, someone wakes up every day inspired, motivated - to be a better person for herself. With high hopes that when you get to meet her again, all the familiarities will rush and you remember this stranger who loved you with all her joyful heart.

Yours and yours alone,

Mims

Driving around the metro
mindlessly going through
stoplights
and traffic
and intersections.

We said we didn't really accomplish much work -
just a single package claimed and delivered amidst the 7-hour drive-
but the endless laughter
until we were on tears,
the teasing,
the pinching and tickling til one gets hurt
were enough
to brighten my day.

And not to mention
that stolen kiss
and interlocking of fingers
-it was a moment but I knew we wanted it-
that made my day
into a blur
of coloured swirls and sparkles and magic.

You are always loved, Anne. I am just and still here waiting. :)

Yours and always yours,
Mims

"And 7-hours through the traffic - through endless stoplights, intersections and cop chases - there was a stolen kiss... And the whole metro blurred into a swirl of red lights and car horns and whispered wishes that the stoplight would never turn go." :)

You
make me feel like a child
looking out through the window
witnessing the first fall of
fresh snow
on Christmas Morning.

And when you smile
it melts away all the cold
And I find myself
dancing under the flurries.

I once met this little girl
meek, quiet, reserved...
But once you get past her walls
you meet a very witty,
sincere, honest
and amazing woman.

I once met this little girl
who made me smile at the littlest of things.
From animated films, pick up lines, arcade games
or just lying in cold, damp, grass
watching the stars
no need for words...
or inside a car on a parking lot
sharing stories,
whatnot's, inspirations and dreams.

I once met this little girl
who made each of my days brighter
who gave me the fondest of memories
from our everyday happenings
from firsts together
to habits we formed
like traveling
and making adventures.

I once met this little girl
and I fell in love with her.
The best thing that ever happened in my life.
She was mine, I was hers.
And nothing else mattered.

I once met this little girl
and i hurt her.
I made mistakes,
wasted away
what could have been
a lifetime.
Spending the rest of the years of my life
with the most beautiful, amazing
and wonderful woman I have known
and I have owned.

I once met this little girl
and I'm even more in love with her.
Despite all the pain, mistakes and trials
we may have gone through,
it is still this little girl that I dream of.
The same name I sometimes cry at night
when I am awoken by a sweet dream about her.
The same little girl
I would risk all I have just to have her again.
For this little girl,
will be the only one I could imagine
spending the rest of my lifetime with.

You will always be my little girl, Anne.

Yours, as always and forever,

Mims

You said
It might be better
For us to be strangers again

Strangers who have no idea about each other
Who do not know anything about
Our favourite food (so I should start forgetting that you do not eat tomatoes, pineapples and olives; and that I should be willing to eat them all for you because coincidently, they were my favourite)
Or the way we want our eggs cooked
(crunchy on the side. soft yolk - mine, well done)
Or our dreams, failures, fears and inhibitions.

But remember,
We were once strangers
That one September day (it was the seventh, I believe)
I first got a glimpse
Of that little girl
That would change my life for eternity

And when I see you again
I will make you remember
This stranger
That loved you and known you more than
any stranger could do.

I wake up
Even before the world does
And bask
Under the full moon's light

I remember how you adore the full moon
How you'd always wish
To have your toes buried in creamy sand
With waves crashing
And Luna's light watching you from the horizon

And I remember
My futile attempt
Of illustrating how much I love you
Through hares and coloured pencils and
a Little Prince scrapbook
To let you know that I love you to the moon
and back (and yes, it holds true until today)

As I watch the moon from where I sit
(in an almost empty, moving train - the sun has not risen yet)
I know, out there, you might be admiring it too
And that's enough comfort for me, for now
To know that we're still under the same sky
You can never be too far.

I will
flutter away
for a while
into the second star to the right
and straight on
'til morning.

I will wait there
in solitude
for you.
With fear, yes
that you might not look for me
nor forget about me
and I, be one with the lost boys
of Neverland;
forgotten, never heard of
and would never grow up.

But more than fear,
much more intensely
more than fear,
is my heart soaring high
of pixie dust and
happy thoughts
of you and me.
That after this pilgrimage,
as I come back
you will be there
by the window,
waiting for my shadow
reaching out for my hand
and together,
we will fly away.

The moment
light peeks through my eyes
as I rise in the morning
it's you that I first think about.

My heart races
in that transition
from slumber to awake
for I know you were with me in my dreams
and that you'll be in my mind throughout my day.

My day goes by
with thoughts such as
"How is she?
Is she having a good or bad day?
Who is she with and is she tired or hungry or sleepy?"
And sometimes, I try not to ask myself but...
"Is she thinking about me as well?"

Days are passing by,
time lost
daydreaming about how that
first meeting
of eyes (and heart beats)
will be like
after months away from each other.
Minutes are spent
imagining my coming days
with you
finally beside me.

I cannot wait.

You are always thought about, always loved Anne. :)

Yours always,
Mims

Dear Anne,

It has been a really good morning for me. I was able to wake up early despite yesterday's long day, went through my morning habit of running to our training studio and nailing our workout for the day (with a smile) plus a peaceful walk to downtown and rewarding myself with some good breakfast and coffee. It was a good morning, with the wind blowing swiftly, just like how it was in one of our favorite destinations up north (where you wear shorts and tank tops and everyone's bundled up :P).

It was a good morning. I guess it was because of being able to catch a glimpse of you before I slept. Or because you were my last thought before sleep, and the first as I woke up. Or maybe both.

A good morning, indeed.

But it could have been more beautiful sharing it with you. :)

Just a few more days, I am counting down.

You are always loved, Anne.

Yours always,

Mims

Sometimes
you surprise yourself -
when you start doing things
that seem
irrational, extraordinary, out of the box
for the one you love.

You go beyond your comfort zone
try to do the unthinkable
just to be able
to reach out and make her day better
even from thousands of miles away.

And most of the time,
you also surprise yourself
that each waking day
you never stop thinking about
what you could do for her next.
Not because you are obliged to,
but
just because.

And with these little things,
is a very big hope
that somehow, in some way...
you were able to brighten up her day. :)

I've got surprises up my sleeve, Anne. All for you. :)

Always yours,

Mims

Dear Anne,

I am longing for the time that you'd take me back in your heart again. It has been a painful journey for me, of going through every day without knowing how you are; if you are doing well... Or if your back is hurting because I would love to massage that sweet spot to make you feel better. Or just hold you close to a hug to let you know that even if the world is starting to become cruel, everything will be all right because I am here, and we are together.

But I am getting by, I have devoted my time into strengthening myself - physically (I know you know me that runs and training are my outlet) and emotionally - to get ready for the bigger things coming in my life. I am happy, happy knowing that my heart has been stilled and it has realized that above everything else, it is still you that it yearns. Only you that it wants.

But it is still waiting. My heart wants to be complete, to be in its best form when the time comes that you accept it again. It wants to be filled to the brim with passion, of eternal happiness. And it knows that when you come back, it will finally be able to beat faster and slower again at the same time - it is only you who can do that to my heart. :)

You will always be loved, Anne. Always remember that. :)

Just here,

Your Mims

If only
I can run to you right now
and hug you
until you fall asleep
to assure you that everything's all right,
I will.

If only
I can wake up beside you
every morning
and follow you around during your whole day
just there, supporting you in all your day's work,
troubles and triumphs,
I will.

If only
I can hear your stories every night,
while cuddling in bed, holding hands
with the TV on (but we're not really watching because we're too busy listening to and falling in love with each other),
I will.

And I know
that one day,
all these If only's
will become
our everyday realities.
I am assuring you
that I am doing my best
to be able for us to get to that day
that everyday will be ours. Only ours

:)

*ps. You are always loved, Anne. I am just here. I will do my best for us... So that when I come home, I will have all the right to give you my pleasant surprise. It is a risk, yes. But I know you are worth it. :)

When I told you
I will go the distance just to be with you
Just to prove you
that I have changed;
and that I have realized that
you are the only person
worth taking risks for...

I meant it. :)

And yes,
even if it means
miles and miles
of uncertainties
and indefiniteness
I will jump blindfoldedly
keeping my faith, trusting completely...
for I know we're worth it.

You are always loved, Anne. Always.

Yours and yours only,

Mims.

I just want you to know
that you are not just a part of my routine,
not just a daily habit -
you are far more than that.

For me, you are my reason
I wake up with a strong heart
every day.

You are the inspiration
I go through my day
with a smile on my face,
full of high hopes and dreams.

Every message I send
is not just a part of a to-do-list
but I tell you
the simplest to the grandest of events
in my everyday
because I want to share a big part of me,
to you.
That I give you the power
to see through me,
to feel how I do,
to hear what my heart beats for -
only you, us... and our life together waiting for us.

You know you have been
Hit too hard
When you have not stopped crying
yourself to sleep
Ever since she decided to walk away

When you cannot finish a song
That reminds you
Of how perfect
And magical
and eternal
You both were
Until you were broken

You know you have not loved anyone else
As intense as how you love her
When she is the only girl
That you have consistently had as your last thought
Before sleeping late (you never liked sleeping late)
And you wake up
In the wee hours of the morning
After dreaming about her

But you know you have been hit too hard
and that you have loved no one else
as great as how you love her now
For you are willing
to endure everyday
and every night
this beautiful madness.

Dear Anne,

It's the 9th here... And still, I celebrate this day like how we always do. I was going through our photos early in the morning, remembering the conversations we had during these immortalized memories. I remember how gentle your voice sounds like or how cute you laugh when we share a joke, or the meal we shared and the stories we told each other. I remember our very first "date" - in a cafe in our campus, where you made me guess what your favorite dessert was. Believe it or not, despite my goldfish memory of names, events or places, our memories will always be vivid in my mind and heart. Every day and every night I still smell your shampoo, or your natural scent when I wake up or before sleep.

And I know now, the 9th there, you may be going on with your own ways. Working, hanging out with friends... Driving, whatever it may be. But please do remember that here, I am consistently remembering each and every detail of this special day, of what it celebrates. For I know that the 9th will not just be an ordinary day, for in this day, I was once given the privilege to own, and be owned, by a very beautiful woman. This day was the start of the rest of my life. We could have been faced with struggles, trials. But I know ever since April 9th of 2011, the universe decided to write a fairy tale.

And this story is yet to unfold.

You are always loved, Anne.

All yours,

Your Mims.

The past days
have been
a constant blur
of emotions, thoughts, feelings...
of courage and hope.

It has swirled
into colours
of love, passion, want
and desires
of being just beside you
or just looking at your eyes
while I whisper
words such as
"you look beautiful" and
"I am happy I am here".

And midst
the chaos
and turns
an our worlds' rotations
I find one thing
consistently true -
I love you
and this
will hold certain
even if the world
spins on and on and on.

Back to these kinds of mornings -

Waking up before everyone else does to catch the first train trip, a good run to the gym for some conditioning/strength training to kick off the day and this 1.5hr- gap before work spent with exchanges on how your day was and how my day begins (over coffee). Soon, we waste time together in this cafe. :)

I love you, Anne. Mahal na mahal kita. I cannot wait to wake up beside you.

Yours, and only yours
Mims

I want to say 'hey'
Every time I catch you online
But I try to hold myself back
And just lurk from afar.

I want to say 'I miss you'
But I decide to keep it to myself
Until that time it becomes too great to
be kept inside
(But I swear, that's how it feels every single time)

I want to say 'I want you back'
But I do not want to scare you away
Or to jump into things too fast
When I know you'd want to give this time.

I want to say 'I want you mine again'
But I guess I don't need to,
at least for now.
For I am content
with knowing that I have committed
myself to be yours,
all yours.
And I am not expecting you to pay it back.
I am happy to know that I am inspired
to be a better person
to be better every day
for hopes that someday, my prayers will be granted
that I, be yours again.

And I want to tell you those 3 words,
those 3 words I have heard from you (and I vividly remember how your voice and tone sounds like)
sweetly, beautifully...
Yet I knew I took for granted at one point in our relationship.
But I will wait.
Because I know that the next time I do and the next time
I hear them from you...
We will be eternal.

Dear Anne,

Again, like any other day, I found myself thinking about you. I was looking through our photos over and over almost every day… Both a pleasure and a torture for I smile at seeing how huge our smiles were in these immortalized memories, and I shiver for I miss every second of it. I miss those times that I can see you first thing, or any time we'd want to. I have never even eaten out ever since I got here… For I can never take a moment eating on my own, when I know on the other side of the world, we (almost) always had our breakfasts, lunches and dinners together. I worry from where I am. I fear that you have been working too much or too late, or that you have been sick for days or has been skipping meals… And worse, I feel bad for I should be there taking care of you. Yes, it pains me to know that there's this one person that takes center stage trying to do what I should be doing. It pains me every single day… That I, from where I am, could only do so much to hear you or let you feel my presence while she can just see you and talk to you and hear your sweet voice any time she might wish to. It eats up every inch of the inside of me. And I have been consumed fully.

But I endure. Yes, it is painful… But my love for you still remains greater than this pain. I will continue living each day becoming better for myself, for you.. and for us. I will continue loving you from where I am, making you feel how much you are loved from miles away. It is a challenge, yes. But what could be a greater feeling than knowing you are fighting through the distance, that you are defying every meter, mile and kilometer of it just to send my love to you? That I bask in this pain, just to make you feel loved, thought of, missed and dreamt about.

I always tell you that I have high hopes… that I have faith. But just to let you know, I am also hanging on to courage. :)

And yes, this is because you are all worth it, Anne. Just a few more days. I am counting down.

You are always loved, Anne. Always.

Your Mims.

Today, I... No, we... start another journey.

A few months ago, I was on the road to make it up to Anne. She was the best thing that ever happened in my life... And I was blessed and fortunate enough to be accepted back by this angel. ;) And now, we begin another chapter in our lives together.

starting today, I will write again. I will write all our plans for us... Through our road to be beside each other again. From today, until the day we get to wake up beside each other, I will chronicle all our dreams, hopes and prayers... All the sacrifices, all the challenges we have to endure, and hurdle through together.

I know the day would come that we would no longer have to wait... No longer have to count hours and miles between us. Instead, we count our memories waking up to each other's breaths and kisses... And all our adventures in our world, wherever it may be.

I love you, Anne. And I know together, with our enduring hearts... We can make our dreams come true.

75 days. That's the most we want to have to endure until we hold each other's hands again. I cannot wait until that fateful day. :)

It was unexpected
A twist in my life's course and fate
To find myself entangled with her charm

She was just there
A meek, strong willed, little, i sometime even think tiny, coloured-haired girl
Who one had to see beyond bridges and brick walls
To get to know the woman inside that's so much larger than life

She had a wit beyond words
Who first captured me with her thoughts of black and yellow striped camels
Out of the blue
As thoughts to lull to sleep

She had a heart more than a mother's
Who had every inch of concern for the people around her
From whom i had the best time being taken cared of

I took my chances,
Broke hearts and friendships, even...
But I knew she was worth it.

I was blessed to be hers,
To be given the chance for her to be called mine.
To wake up beside her
To have her as the last person to hold before slumber
And the first to lay eyes on as, or even before, the sun sheds light on us
All bundled up in fluffy sheets
Cuddled in each others arms
Like nothing else mattered (and nothing did)

But despite all the happiness
Despite knowing I had something perfect,
I made mistakes.
Pushed her away
Lost the only best friend I ever knew
And most painful of all
Broke a fragile heart that does not deserve this pain i inflicted

Now that my world has turned 360 over
I have lost myself, found out what really matters
Figured out that one of the biggest mistake I have done, has actually been committed early on in this life of mine.
I lost her.
But I am taking my chances again.
I will find her,
Do everything all over again if I have to
Just to be with her again.
If it means reintroducing myself,
Like that very first day I shook hands with her.
Even if it means making her fall for me all over again,
Like how she did that night she accepted me as hers
If I have to let all the stars fall
Like how it did that one night we were just lying on our backs, side by side each other... As if we owned the world (And i know for a moment there, we did)
I will.
I will gather them up, make them light up her night sky
Just to have all the wishes I can buy
To ask for her
Over and over again.

I will just be here.
I will fight the good fight.
Silently, miles away.
For you are all worth it.

Just a few more days
Until I can feel your warm hug again;
Where I can hold you close
until our chests feel each other's heart beats.

Just a few more days
until I can hold your soft little hands again.
Fingers locked, palms touching...
With occasional kisses at the back of your hand.

Just a few more days
until I can look into your eyes again.
And tell you how I feel,
how I feel for you
with hopes that you would not look away.

Just a few more days.

I am counting down, Anne. I cannot wait until I can see you, be with you again. All days will be only for you. :)

You are always loved. :)

Yours and only yours,
Mims

Dear Anne,

My heart has been very... well, I can't find the proper word for it. It has been waking up in the wee hours of the morning, forcing some tears in my eyes. It tries to stop the pain when it feels that you're with someone else but it just can't handle it sometimes. It hurts, it aches... But it endures. I found myself crying so hard right now, for helplessness of being here, when I know you need someone to be with you during your stressful times at work. I was planning on sending you a message in Skype, saying that I'd stay with you while you work even just through messages or a video call... But you weren't there. And someone else was there. It pains me to know that out there, someone has the power to just go to you or see you or be with you... While here, I have to wait weeks, days and even months just to find the time to be with you again. The world has been giving me tons of reasons to be mad, to grow anger in my heart... But it fails. Yes, I am in tears. Yes, I am hurting. But this heart continues to love. For its love, is stronger than any emotion the universe is trying to elicit in me.

It loves, it remains courageous, it holds on to faith. And so much hope.

You are always loved, Anne.

I am just here. Always. Waiting, loving you.

Your Mims

Dear Anne,

They say when you found the one person that you could imagine spending the rest of your life with, you never let that person go. Even if it means going the distance, even if it means taking risks, even if it means doing things out of the rational.

And yes, I am willing to do all these for you. I will step out of my comfort zone, fight the good fight... And make you feel the sincerity, and the purity, of my heart. That it yearns for only you and you alone.

It is a risk, an action with no assurance of what the outcome. But like what I tell you always, you are worth it.

You are and will always be loved, Anne. I will be going the distance. Real soon.

Please wait for me.

Always thinking about you,
Your Mims

Dear Anne,

I was below than below my empty yesterday. Crying for almost 12hrs straight was something I never though I could handle - but did since I knew my heart was trying to be strong for itself, for you and for us. I may have lost it a couple of times, being out of hand calling and sending you text messages but it patiently waited and stilled itself.

Yes, it was as if a candle was burning its last drop of wax. Or a light flickering, just waiting until the fuse gives up on it. But it still shines. It still radiates light, warmth... And love. And my heart was willing to consume itself just to have fuel again and burn endlessly and more passionately than ever before.

I am just here. Just like how I can neglect sleep just to catch a glimpse of you or talk to you again.

You are always loved, Anne. Always.

Days are starting to become shorter... My heart yearns to be with you already. :)

Yours and only yours,
Mims

Nothing felt worse
than waking up
with no held hand
no cuddles
no smell of freshly brewed coffee
and home cooked breakfast
and no good morning kisses.

but again,
just like how it was before
I took the leap to find you again,
each sunrise
each waking day
is a reminder
that I am coming closer to you, to home.
And this time,
when we are back in each other's arms
it will be a promise
that we will never be away
even a heartbeat's space
from each other again. :)

You are loved and missed, Anne.
I can still smell your hair every waking time.

Yours, only yours,
Mims

I sit on the train
with my eyes fixed
at the blur of lights
outside the window
as the train rushes by.

And in this moment,
this moment where light and motion and visions of you
mix into a swirl of a perfect blend
that I start seeing your reflection,
your eyes looking back into mine.

And I am awaken
by the sudden stop in the station
with the fact
that the seat beside me is still empty.

But soon
I am counting down days
your hand
will be holding mine...
As we coast from north to south without purpose
back and forth, people watching
sitting on this train
wasting away
seconds, minutes and hours.
For every moment spent just merely beside you
is worth all the while.

I love you, Anne.

Yours and only yours,
Mims

When you know
you have emptied out
yourself;
hollowed your soul
and found within you
that beautiful realization
that in the centre
of the centre
of the depth
of yourself,

it is still her.

And you smile
at the thought
that this heart
will be resilient -
through time, fate and chances.
For amidst the indefiniteness,
it is certain
that this heart
will be whole again for you.
And that it will
have every heart beat
only for you. :)

You are always loved, Anne. :)

You remember
how I told you
that sleep is
my salvation?

Yet now,
I deprive myself of it
just to get the chance
to hear your stories
and anecdotes;
to know how you are,
and how your day went
Because you're all
worth my while.

One day,
you would never have to drive on your own to work.
I will be there holding your hand
from short trips around the city
to road trips and long drives to anywhere we wish.

One day,
you wouldn't have to wake up
with a cold side on the bed.
I will be right there beside you
with your head on my chest
while I caress your hair
as I watch you sleep
and kiss you good night's and good morning's.

One day,
when you feel like the world is ganging up on you
and you need hugs and the hold of a warm hand
I won't be just a text message or Skype call away
but will be there by you.
Holding your hand,
as the whole world passes by.

One day,
this will all be our reality.
And this day,
will come real soon.

I love you my Annette, always.

Yours, and only yours,
Mims

Dear Anne,

I am on my way to you. I have waited for this time to come; for me to take every mile closer and closer to you. It will take some time, to cover the distance that has been deafening me for the past 6 months. The distance that made me yearn for you more and more, the distance that never was a wall that was not meant to be torn down by the love that I feel for you.

I am on my way home. And I will be proving myself, you and us of what I can do to save us. Because I know that we can triumph through this. I know we will continue with a new chapter in our lives, intertwined with hands locked together... like always.

You are always loved, Anne. Please wait for me.

Yours and only yours always,
Mims

I hope I can show you my world
Where summer means cool winds
Where in fall, the sun shines but the world
brings chills
and furry jackets
but has the most beautiful sunrises and crisp air.
Where winter washes out all the greens
and paints the world white
and spring breathes
back life once again.

I hope I can walk with you
along the River Valley
a haven in the city
where I know we'd enjoy running, biking
or even just strolling around (holding each others' hand)
and maybe one day walking our own pet cat, or dog, or even a guinea pig
which we've always planned to have.

I hope one day
I wake up
to see you beside me
as I show you around
this unfamiliar city
which will only be home
when with you.

I hugged her - hugged her so tight that as if bringing her close to my chest, with our heart beats going in sync, would help transfer her pain to me. I would love that to happen. Her pain all gone and I, enduring it all. I knew she was hurting, I knew I was a part of it... And I knew I wanted to take it all back to me. She did not and does not and will never deserve that pain; but the best I could do for now was hold her so close that I feel her breathing in my neck and hope that as she rests in my chest, she hears every heart beat of mine shouting her name. Every beat was hers. I wipe away her tears and kept her close, I could not afford to let even a tiny bit of space between us - all the 5 months that has gone by without feeling her warmth was already too much; I could not let space nor time get in between us anymore. I placed my lips into her forehead, held her at the back of her neck and caressed her curly locks, no need to say any words, with hopes that the silence would emanate how my heart is beating faster and faster, louder and louder and again, all for her.

From a distance I am always keeping you this close, Anne. I want you to hear every heart beat; how it skips when it sees your name on my phone, my Twitter feed or my Facebook page, or how it goes faster when I look at every photo of us together - reminding me of how magical our relationship was, is and will be. We will be stronger, we will be more amazing. We will burn and shine together. For the next 3 months, I will be doing my best to let each day be a chance to bring you closer and closer to me, and as I return, I will never let time, distance nor pain separate us anymore. I will wake up everyday beside you and we will spend each day having each other as our first and last thoughts. I will make you fall in love with me every day, and I will fall in love deeper and deeper into you every second.

You are always loved, Anne. :) 97 days. Please wait for me.

Always,
Your Mims

Dear Anne,

I have been surprising myself every day. I have been in awe with how much I realized I could do for one person - things I never even imagined before, or things that I once believed were too futile are now being risked, because of that spark of hope that one day, I can call you mine again. :) (I need not say that I am hoping for that day that you can call me yours, because I already am. Always.)

For the past few days, I have been kept awake by hopes of catching a story from you, or when you post a status on Facebook that I can comment on or like. Then I find myself waking up really early because I had a very good dream about you, and I want to tell you about it (but I have to hold myself back) then I could not sleep again because I start thinking about you (and when I do, I cannot stop). It's beautiful - knowing how much one person makes up the entire of my day, making me smile, laugh or even cry all at the same time.

And yes, soon, I am making a bold move. A brave step, a firm decision. For I want you to know that I have changed, that I am willing to go through all just for you.

Counting down. Just a few more. :)

You are always loved, Anne. Please don't forget about me. I am coming for you. And yours alone.

Always here thinking about you and loving you,
Your Mims

Dear Anne,

It was magical, being able to lay out my soul for you when we talked. I knew there were so much more to say, I knew there were so many words and sentences left unsaid... But I also know that I will commit my lifetime for those. To make you hear and feel all I have for you. I am hurt, yes. Emptied out, even... To know that out there, there are people who have seen what I have seen in you... And might have even fallen for it. And I can't blame them... You have a million and one (and I keep on discovering more) qualities that I just keep on falling in love with every day. But again, I am not giving up. :)

I will rise every morning with a hopeful heart, that my heart's whispers will reach you. I will hold on tight, for I know that we can go through this... That I have solid faith on what we have and we can still have.

You are always loved, Anne. Always thought of... :)

Yours always,

Mims

I have loved before, numerous times even.

But I have never been in love, until there was you.

It was different, to love was just to like the feeling. To feel secure, to know that out there, you have that one person you can just hang out with or to assure you that you are not alone. Sometimes you even tend to love because just because you don't want to be lonely.

With you it's something else. I was in love. It was about the sense of security despite the distance. It was about knowing that we will not falter even if we don't get to see each other every day, or if we get to be with other people and not just each other. It was being whole by yourself, yet you become much better when together. Who would want tho halves just to form a whole? Two wholes is always greater than 2 halves. It was about being secure with making future plans because you know that whatever happens, whatever we will be going through... We know we will make it happen. It was about imagining a life together and working out how to spend the rest of our lives. There may be arguments, fights, yes. But these aren't for the purpose of breaking us, but instead, were meant to make us even stronger. To deepen our bonds, to know more about each others' weaknesses and use them as stepping stones for a better relationship up ahead.

And yes, I could go on and on... But one thing is clear. I have come to realize that you are indeed, once in a lifetime. I would love to spill some more thoughts but I will be reserving them for sometime else... ;) But rest assured, you will hear them. Or better yet, you will feel them.

Anne, remember that someone out here is in love with you. Deeper and deeper every day. Always, until the rest of her lifetime. :)

Yours and only yours,
Mims

Heart has been tore open
over coffee.

I have laid out
all thoughts
and words
that have been
locked up in the heart
over months.

And as I looked in your eyes
all
the feelings
intensified
into words and thoughts and tears and smiles.

And from there on
I know
I have been freed.
And that I will be going the distance,
taking the risks
to make your heart
mine again. :)

Black coffee never tasted that sweet.

You are always loved, Anne.

Always here,
Your Mims

(2nd letter for the day- I guess that was how much I thought about you today)

Why do the past two days
(forty eight hours
two thousand eight hundred and eighty eight minutes)
Feel like eternity
After that last moment
I saw you
(Pixelated, but every detail of you was vivid in my mind. You were even wearing something I knew was one of my favourites - because I once told you how you looked wonderful in red)

Why does it feel like forever
When I do not know where and how you are
Or if I could do anything
To make your day

But if waiting for the right moment
Would take
An exponential growth
And intensified feeling of eternity
Then let me wait.

Today, the only phrases
that can encapsulate
the thousands of emotions and thoughts I feel inside are:

I am hurting.
It is painful.
But I try harder.
I endure.
And I love more.

Always Anne. Always.

Yours and only yours,
Mims