i hope when i touch your stomach you feel warmth despite the chills it sends through your whole body, i hope when my hand slides your hair behind your ear you feel something you have never felt from anybody else before, i hope when my fingers find a way into the palm of your hand when we are walking through the fields in the rain you forget about the weather and focus on the sunset i have created between out tangled hands, i hope when i look into your eyes before i say goodbye your heart cracks just a tiny bit before i kiss your soft lips goodbye and i hope when we kiss you open your eyes and look at me because you still cant believe this is happening and i hope that i consume you as much as you consume me

i was foolish to believe that when you touched my skin flowers would grow, my cheeks would blossom and my stomach would become a garden, an orchard, a plant *** on the window sil of a grandmothers kitchen, i should have knew when you touched my face my eyes would sink and my lips turn grey, my stomach would cave in, my ribs make an appearance, my mouth go dry and my legs to become laden with white lines

i have not gone from riches to rags but stepped so close to the edge of bridges ready to jump i am not a special and fragile princess so do not touch my skin and tell me how beautiful i am i have burns from all the cigarettes i smoke and white lines covering my thighs from the nights i spend sitting on the roof with a blade talking myself out of jumping do not tell me i am broken because i am not, i am not able to be fixed i am incomplete so god don’t ask me why i do this ask yourself why you are sitting here with me i am incapable of love so dont put your soft lips upon my cheek and do not breathe on my neck it is a noose getting tighter and it wont stop do not cry when you see the curtain of my bedroom closed forever because i was never a princess i am incomplete and now you will never have fail to fix me again

We can have days where we walk through fields holding hands all day and lie on the grass watching the stars not exchanging a single word we can have days where we kiss til our lips are sore and we have said I love you to many times to count we can have days where we don’t talk, maybe even weeks, but I will still love you we may have days where we can’t stand the sight of eachother and wish we could die but I won’t leave your side and one day you won’t love me maybe it will be tomorrow or 10 years or maybe even 50 years if I’m lucky but I love you with every fibre of my being and it consumes me

i am an empty bottle of ***** do not touch me i will shatter i am the bottle of pills you stop yourself from taking every night so do not touch me i will break into a thousand pieces i am the book you have read 17 times over and still cry when you read the ninth sentence of page 243 so do not touch me i will tear i am the mirror you look into every time you splash your face in the bathroom so do not touch me i will not bring anything good i am the puzzle you found underneath your grandmas bed when you were seven that no matter how hard you searched you could never find the sixth piece down fifth piece across from the right so don’t you dare touch me because i will never be ******* complete

"i'm sorry,"
you muttered
with a solemn glance

but sorry does not make up for
tear-stained pillows,
3 AMs spent wide awake,
fluttering butterflies
that always led to
disappointment

it does not make up for
midnight anxiety,
conflicted thoughts,
the hopes that rose
only to fall

an abundance of stale apologies
do not make up for
the countless times i needed you,
only to be greeted by
a familiar sense of lonely

loving you
was like having heart burn
on the wrong side of my chest
and doing my best to pretend
that still I felt nothing
in all of the places where
you once touched me

neck
collarbone
the backside of my knees

you destroyed me from the inside out
with such delicacy
that at times
I convinced myself it wasn't even
happening

loving you was a disease
that I wish
I could remember having

but now
I simply
feel
nothing