It is hearing a child sing
Knowing he has health in his heart
No wild card pulled, no joker attached
Knowing we will never be apart.
It is hearing a party giggle
Laughter and hope filling the room
Elderly enjoying life to the end
And a new life kicking in the womb.
It is the gleaming new car at the end of a key
To drive it off one’s drive
It is gratefulness, forgiveness and goodness
Qualities to enrich one’s life.

For taking love and not giving
I am greedy
For seeing love and not knowing
I am foolish
For wanting love and not waiting
I am impatient
For shunning love and not keeping
I am ungrateful
For needing love and not loving
I am selfish
For receiving love and not returning
I am unworthy
For loving love
I am human

if i could stop existing by tomorrow
i would.
because though everyone thinks me
quite the social butterfly
being social actually gives ME butterflies
and not the good kind.
instead of going to
five graduation parties
this weekend
i would like to curl into a ball
and wish myself
out of this world
rather than worry about
every angle
of my body
every inflection
of my face
all day
i would rather not
try to make everyone smile
because i am too tired
to smile
myself.

we all collect pain, desire, love, wounds, questions ect
it makes us unique, insane and human
our every action dictated by our subconscious
constantly reminding the awake mind, you don't rule
i realized today how me, my collection is
most women collect wedding and baby pics
i collect mommy and me moments
something i long for so deep its indescribable
unconditional protection
always knowing "i" got backup
unconditional love
no matter how messed up "i' get
she keep the lights on, so that i can find home
unconditional existence
no matter what i will always be here for you
always real and true in action and presence
always real no double standard

i stopped taking my anti-depression medicine
it allowed me to live life with muffled screams
never giving outlet to my wordless emotions
so raw, i lack the vocabulary to express
so raw, i don't recognize it
so raw, i struggle each day to keep it together