It feels rather nice
relaxing
embracing every second of life
laughing
making fun
...it feels..nice
having worries
but putting them aside for life's sake
it feels nice
so blanking nice
;)

struggling to let go
but i feel myself going up
i feel my hands sliding of the monkey bar
it took a lot of sweat....but its slidin
it is slidin my friend.....

Fear of going back to my old ways
fear of being too ******* weird
fear of being judged and looking weak
sweety stop.....
you went through 2014..the whole entire ******* year giving yourself advice all the way through
every single day
you thought it would ride out
but it didnt
you had all this information but remained unconfident
the same person
you did'nt step out of your comfort
you didn't allow yourself growth
but today yor'e gonna let yourself feel down
you're gonna feel insecure
you'll feel not good enough
but you already know the deal it will pass
and you are keeping faith that no matter what crap happens
God has already paved the way, and you have to get stabbed a few times, to have wounds to heal, so ride it out right now
your struggle will pass.....

I may not become famous
I may not be a model
or beautiful "according to society"
or" smart" according to society
but the amount of people that like me does not define me
my success does not define me
my beauty does not define me
the clothes i wear does not define me
the grades i make...does not define me
in this society...it feels a need to have a higher level to overlook everyone else and put them down
and this is the logic that it actually uses
that a man with a more money, with a big *** house, with designer clothes..
is better than the poor man, with barely anything...
what the hell is that?
the girl with long hair, whiter features, lighter skin...is better than the girl without those features...
because society says this is beautiful and this is what's not
i just laugh to myself...
i mean a group of people one day
their own perception...not proven facts
decided that you know im gonna favor white people and have them be on God's level
cuz i like their skin better, and their hair
so i'm going to put everyone else below them and treat them like ******* crap
.....this society is so sickening
our world is beautiful but society wow
go to hell really....

I love fashion..well sorta
and i kinda like shopping
but i feel like i use it as an escape
more of an impulse
ad a rage that goes through my mind...
i guess the idea of just buying something that'll make you happy
..that i can't control myself
its like a warzone for me
like when i think of the mall
im thinking i hope no one took that cute sweater i wanted...
or i hope there arent that many people so i can have everything i want...
it's weird
in this country..
i guess the same effect goes with money for many people
and what i have to say
...to myself
and you out there
....money cannot be eaten
it's not that important
God can provide all you're happiness, all youre necessities...
so stress not of tommorow
or fear not of not being happy
...because it's down the road
..and little by little
the sunshine will start coming in through youre shattered glass
and then you will start seeing the beauty again
the purpose...
just wait....

Girl
Do I appreciate all the gratitude
and comments i receive from others...
but i have a huge fear of becoming to rapped up in it
and latching on to that for home sake
but ya know there are people out there who love me, who can learn to accept me, and who just are ******* awesome and who ******* just do....
girl....
there's nothing that you have to do anymore
there are people out there for you
so don't go searching for stoners, "hipsters", or smilers
because you feel like you fit in with them
cuz you don't
your your own person
you revel in you're uniqueness
you fit in with your heart
and you'll find people just like that
not just weird clothes, all black wearers, who smoke ****, and ya know gypsy sorta people
....i mean you have a lot in common with them
but they do not define you
its not a group that you belong to
you can float in space peacefully
counting your stars
with your cats and photos of miley cyrus
you're fine...
and until you find people who can appreciate that...
you'll be fine...

As i scroll down my instagram feed in fear of becoming jealous
of one's body
or one's long luscious hair
or one's "societal" beauty
or just plain ******* awesomeness
I think to myself
like an old broken record player
the words continue playing in my head
your ******* beautiful
in my head
but not my heart
it's obviously not right down there
because jealousy, fear, and hate roams
come on girl get right i say
you'll get better another day
maybe not today maybe not tommorow
but take the risk...
you may feel envious today but who knows what more you'll learn about yourself and come to love...
who knows what the future holds...