Some people see it as a wonderland
..at some point i did too...
i'm a pretty skinny girl with "the ideal" body
and of coarse that **** blew up in my head like crazy
I saw it as an escape from my world
that i was ashamed to live in
i'd whiten myself up...
bleaches, "white girl clothes", the voice...
all to fit in
but in reality
my body is nothing but my body
its my temple
and I don't value it any more than this society does
lumps of fat on my chest "give me my value"
and guys will do anything to get inside the ***
so society has you sittin here questioning..
is that all i should aspire to do...
to look cute, to be "pretty", to be strong but not too strong, to marry, to wear girly clothes, love pink, like....
*******...
my body is my temple
and it guards my heart my prized possession
the only thing keeping me alive physically and emotional in our world
yeah i might've been extremely insecure like 20 secs ago
but i might have muscular thighs, my **** may not be ideal according to you, or i may be perfect to you idk
but people nor society defines me
and my life is so much more than my body, than the clothes on my back, than the food on my table, than the worry...
my body is my temple
and it is beautiful
it is art
and perfect just as it is...
it's my art
my temple....

I am 15 ******* years old
...like it or not
I am
Im a black african american female
parents from liberia and sierra leone
I love my culture the food it's all great
I listen to punk, soulful, chill really hipster music but im not
people expect me to be this rap poppin, head bobbin, "ghetto" and its like you can't win with anyone
you'll never be good enough or feel good enough if you try to impress the world...
or if you spend life looking for validation outside of your heart
I learned that the hard way
and am still learning
but today a man looked at me
it seemed like he was checking me out...
and I didnt know how to feel about that
like he was cute...but i was 15 and with my Mom
i guess i felt sorta inferior
like i lost a part of me
because i was insecure
and i feared him like asking for my number or some ****
but you know what...
I am 15 world...
sorry men out their 18 year olds
im not legal
but i drink i do all that crap
what a young person does duh...
but like why should i be ashamed?
I am who i am
like i have years til i'm an adult
why not cherish my young years
and spend it with people who can fully accept me fully
...i'd rather do that than feel like i'm hiding something
or feel like my friends don't get me
its really ******* uncomftorable
like i know perfect friends don't exist but my friends should accept me, get me, and bring out the best in me
not bring me down, laugh at me behind my back, and crap like that
but i mean bottom line I'm me
and i'm awesome
so **** my *** world
**** it real good
till the brown stuff come out
...yeah

One thing I sort of learned...
is that people will accept you for your weird crap
you don't have to learn to survive on your own
and force yourself to be alone for "survival"
life's crazy
especially so am I
and I'm slowly coming to myself everyday
I'm facing obstacles that scare me
like running in public or something
and I'm learning how to embrace every part of me
...you hear that
I'm LEARNING
meaning i'm subjecting myself for change
this time i'm open and i'm not forcing myself
i'm just sitting in my relaxing wooden boat
floatin through life, the rocks, the waterfalls, the beautiful caves, the creatures....
I am aware of our broken world
but in a way
it being broken
things being broken allows for growth
for strength
and without obstacles and crap that i've stepped in...
I would've never came to the realization of where I stand
I would still be that girl living for the world but miserable inside
or idk other way around
but like I said i'm a soul
with traits that some people classify as weird
I just classify them as me
and I'm working on the embracement day to day
not mentally but "heartly" emotionally lol
but yeah i'm a human being with my fair share of **** like everyone else in this world
i'm slowly finding out the things that make me happy
the things that **** me off
and ya know...things
but i'm a soul...
and i gotta give it to myself

So its finally 2015 the moment we've all been waiting for
and I feel like me...
ya know still a bit anxious
jumpy...
curious
and of coarse a ball of thoughts just rolling around
but tonight I went to church
and the pastor preached this message that almost felt like it was meant exactly for me
it was to be fearless
go into 2015 fearless
meaning problems will always be there
they were their since adam and even and will always be there until rapture time
but we should keep a strong faith in God and believe that he has us down pact, that were safe in his eyes, and all our problems are solved with him
we should put our worries aside and believe
like this message was for me
like 2014 was completely dominated by fear
fear of not being pretty enough, perfect enough, good enough, skinny enough, i just had a fear of not being important and worthy, but its done and I know that I'm safe with God that there is nothing to worry about
there is nothing that my Jehovah cannot do
nothing
so I keep my faith affirm
this 2015 i'm going in not perfect,not in my ideal image of myself cuz i will never be that cuz it's not me...
im going in with faith
....faith
i'm putting my fear down today
and i'm letting my God in and letting him completely work in my life
Im lowering my expectations this time
...im not looking for perfect
...im not trying to achieve perfection
I know the year my be a bigger ***** than 2014
but I'm going in fearless and opening myself up for change
I know that I'll feel insecure some days, I'll let people get to me, i'll feel down...
but i'll also have happy days where I just wanna shout Hallelua
but whatever yin yang
good and bad
...i think
but happy new years people;)

My body shakes like im a ******* crack addict
my heart quivers as a ***** would....
im just so ******* jittery i think
i can't ******* stand still
i always gotta be on the run
like i honestly have a problem
i just sit thinking...
thinking of me thinking...
thinking of what to do next
i never actually savor
im just on the run...
should i embrace it
maybe its a sign that i should get out
and what i'm doing now isn't enough
that i crave the volts of life
the adventure
the danger
maybe i want to take it by the lapel...whatever that means and kinda ride it wherever it takes me
and be like yeah...life ya know
crazy hell of a *****

Hey guys
I come in my most real form
a little bit of me and a little bit of crap that haunted me in 2014
but i come in me
i'm still here...
i made it
maybe not safely
life aint safe
but i made it...and that's all that imma focus on
i made it through times i thought i couldn't
i.....made it
i got through it and i'm still here with faith higher than ever
i have moments of regret from like 20 secs ago
but i mean its done
its ****** up
but i'm over it
i have and have had my fair share of ****
...but the new year is approaching so
im dumpin the old **** out and reeling in the new ****
perhaps dog **** or cow **** this time
idk...

She's happy she's confident
be happy for her
be happy for them
we can all shine together and be happy together
why do you must be above someone else
we can all make it
we will all make it together
the society standard pretty girls,the lesser "pretty" girls, the "have's the have nots
...**** it
forget the labels us the humans of the world
we are all equal we are one...
lets be bold and beautiful together
take my hand...
dare...