Don't you get it MEX
there are real people who will accept you for you
for your own personal struggle
your personal weirdness
so uncooth right
but there out there
just keep being yourself
cuz that's truly all you can be
try being Miley Cyrus and you feel ****** up why....cuz your not her
your awesome, your weired, unfiltered, ****** up
so be as loud as your mind

So for a long time i've searched trough every rock of life
for some form of validation of my personla purpose
and i've been through the popular stage...
the slutty for boys stage...
the paris hilton wears pink everyday stage and puts herself above everyone stage...
than the misfit stage...
and oh this stage it stood out amongst the rest
i was so intersted in it
and it felt like i hit home
like i could do anything
and i mean i really like what these people stand for
Miley Cyrus, Kendall Jenner, stoners, lady gaga, gay people, different people
....and for a while i've felt like this is where i belong finally
like i belong with people who don't give a ****, and people who get me, and all black weird clothing wearers
with dyed hair, who listen to punk n gaga
like it felt right for a while but now it feels like all my other stages
it feels all wrong
like idk...
im trying to hard to fit in
and truth is
my place is in my heart
i belong to myself
with my own heart
i fit in with God and myself
and that's all i need
i fit in no where on this earth
for me....
im through needing validation
for my life....
i define my own life
the purpose may not be apparent at times but i now its there and its in my heart
and it's there for eternity
my worth, my loves, my everything
lies within my place....
my heart

TODAY WAS FURKING GREAT
ITS FURKING AWESOME
LIFE IS FURKING AWESOME
AND I HAVE RIGHT NOW TO DO ****
RIGHT AT THIS ******* MOMENT
AND IM GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT NOW
AND CHILL BECAUSE I'M LIVING FOR ME
like today i was chillin in my car and some lady just stared at me like full out stared, turned her whole *** back around too...
and my instinct was to show her how much i didn't give a **** about her
but you know what it's my life, people have no in on my life, they can't change who I am and i should'nt be afraid of that because if i really allow myself to love myself i'll be fine
like...
people don't even exist
it's only me and my life
whoever i let in is my buissness
whoever i don't then i'm sorry we couldnt chill
but life goes on
i can't continue to aspire to be proud of having boys google over me
or be ashamed when people laugh at me
or get embarrased or continue to get jealous over societal pretty girls
like yeah i'm different so the **** what
i'm done trying to prove it
so what i do what i do
it's my life isn't it
i only have this moment and the rest of my life to LIVE
my life is winding down
and i might have wasted 2 months of it...that i can't get back
like...
life is like a big old ice *** full of millions of people
melting little by little every second
beautiful but messy as ****
like were all beautiful, unique, different from each other
Africans, gays, lesbians, whites, native americans, like everybody we all shine equally
life is not a competition
....why does there need to be a high and a low
....lets ******* co exist like God intended
...i dont know about you guys but I'm done fighting myself against the world
the world has enough hate that i just don't want to be apart of and add on too so im out
I'd rather just chill in my own little world
with my people, new people who will come in and out...and maybe back in
...but my world is of love
...when someone calls me ugly...i say...ok and keep it movin
theres  no need to prove to them that i'm not what they think i am, or prove that i'm worthy
...not neccessary
...simply because it's my world
my life
no space, nor time, to be thinking about not giving a ****, about people, about life 24/7 like i think alot more about life thatn i actually live it and its ****** up
....i'm cutting all that uneeccesary thinking out, all that trash talk, all that rebellion against haters, no time to compete
no interest
...i value what i value
i love what i love
...i do what i do
you have your way i have mine
i define my own worth
i define my life
and simply i can choose
so **** U

So like i wowke up
and i was like i'm gonna read me some poetry
and i did it like..psshh **** it i did it
and i ripped 3 of my faves out
and decided i was gonna be positive right here right now
and decide to be ready for whatever comes my way and to change
because whatever i can't handle now...was designed that way
...so that i could grow and learn from it
so im sorta prepared to change
jammin to miley currently
and i'm just gonna chill
and be completely in the moment
doing my thang
because first of all it's my life
and we don't live in eternity
we live in a world full of people trying to make it
feel important and interpret life
so i don't blame them for being complete *******
but this time around im focusing solely on me
...time is winding down..and life's too short to count up who the **** hates me
and wonder how am i gonna show so and so how much i don't give a **** today
...like my life should be filled up with joy, adventure, and i'm gonna push my self to do that
me personally chooses not to give a **** about ****
that's me
that makes me happy
and ******* can talk, can laugh, and what not
but it's my life
straight up like i'm sorry if i offended you or if your angry of something that's going on in my bubble
but whatever our world right
but i'm focused on what i'm doing and on what the **** I want do
and I know you people viewing are like what the hell
your right

Do you ever just feel so angry at the world
have you felt so alone
...that everyone was out to get you
that you had no place
and every ******* little thing erked you off
have you just walked down the street and have ab billion people stare at you like a monster like youv'e done them wrong...
and then you started to believe them..
began to transform yourself into miss confident but still comforming to look normal so people don't look at you like your "out of place"
it's like i have all this knowledge on confidence, on embracement, on individuality
and i don't know what the hell i'm missing
like i dont want to spend my life in the shadows of others
i want to be able to live
L I V E
like right know im breathing...
but im not alive
barely atleast
everyday i wake up
the first thing i think about is my ****** day that always awaits
my problems with anxiety
and i constantly tell myself all this crap on why i'm important and blah blah blah
the same exact crap every single ******* day
it's like i'm sick and tired of this crap
this life
i hate it right now
i hate being judged and hated for doing nothing to anyone but be nice
I'm sick and tired for being judged for who i am
i'm sick and tired of caring but i just can't
i can't
its easy to say it to yourself inside of your home
but once you step foot outside all bets are off...
but right now my only hope is faith
and i know that God will come through for me
but I can't take this crap any longer
and i'm looking for an overnight transformation
but God you have my word
I know that you love me, and you want me to learn from my experiences and mistakes to shape me to who i'm supposed to be...
and i'm holding your hand for comfort
i may not be the girl that i want to be today
but as long as i'm alive there's hope

I had a dream...
about idk
i was in a school
i felt so insecure with myself
i fed on the opinions of others
especially this one boy James
but i know that it wasn't from 8th grade
i felt so excited when i saw him
but i didn't talk to him
i just kinda flashed my myself around
you know my body, my ***, and what not...
but it really kinda just took e back to the person i was back then
and i woke up feeling disgusted not knowing why...
but i think i know why now
I feel like the dream was a message
that i can't be who i was before and the person that i'm going to be at the same time