Most days, I wake up
Sick to my stomach
Exhausted - Ready
For the weekend,
Most days I'm
Painting my tomorrows
I'm red with anticipation
I'm - lost at home with time I borrow

i was holding her
hand thinking, our
love is like filling a balloon it
gets bigger
and brighter - with every
breath - it wants to
embrace the sun
our love wants to fly
my love, your hands
they're ice cold -
i know, she whispered -
i know
i was thinking
about her hands
holding
a pen
holding a gun
holding a bagel
holding onto life

i miss when what i did
didn't matter
conversations i had
filled with laughter
umbrella over pavement
i was running faster

You hurt me when you say you don't want to talk to me right now
Saying that because I can't be where you are something must be wrong with my heart
You hurt me when you say let's split the bill
Because otherwise you know I wouldn't be thrilled
You get me down
Even though I barely know you
You get me down
Feeling like I belong below you
You get it now?
She says, with a look of surprise
So condescending she couldn't deny
If I ask, but instead I let time pass
And swallow my pride along with this wine fast

i pet the dog in the graveyard
that nobody else sees
i tend to find faults like an earthquake
i - don't mean to - intention - they
just come apart sometimes -
for better or for worse
i am here
and you are there
so grand - meanwhile
we try not to think about
meanwhile -

So, there's this girl I like.
I mean, I just met her.
But I think I like her.
I mean, I like the way she stands,
like her shoulders can withstand
whatever avalanche of accident happens.
I like the way her eyes glance at the floor.
I like the ways she demands without a word.
But so much to say.
I must muster a way.
Without learning to just lust her and play.
The same game week after week
I get weak seeing we, are losing ourselves.
We, looking for something great
I forget what I have, and I have it all.
Nothing but opportunity.
Vigor and spit vinegar and wit.
I willing to commit.
Everything I have to get.
For now.

i'm unflatterable
not easily offended
not flustered, and yet
all too often tempted
even after i've had my fill
i'm back
for more

A night sky never seemed so within reach
the shooting stars
and satellites, I follow their lead
I ask questions of the universe
like I expect a response
But every time
Without falter
I hear back.
I rest easier those nights.

sometimes i think there's really no reason why
you and i should have to fight - like
i think about, last night
you wanted to pass out, I was like -
apprehensive, in my eyes
just because, I wasn't tired
but you were, sick too
of me it seems, because next you
said, **** why can't you ever agree with me?
why can't anything go easily? between you and me
it's constant conflict
because you and i
it's the friction I get - it's this vision I get
where the decision isn't mine to make
let's be real, it's true when I say -
you got me so high -
say goodbye to home base -
unconditional, but somehow this
human condition will, find a way to fight it
now I hide away for days and write it
now I ride the wave and chase a high that -
I'm not sure exists.

i spill thoughts
like sloshy truck drivers
alchol-tinged tears burning the lips
of mothers that lost their everything
fathers, their legacy -
He was driving on the wrong side of the road.
i hear my voice
but my mouth doesn't budge
i wonder if all this
is worth fixing

i am a shadow of a person
of the person i was
standing hunched over
come back to me, my love
a failed salesman
an honest street pusher
a broken window
a piece of pavement hot
and walked all over
i didn't ask for this
but i do deserve it.

in my heart
there's a problem
my stomach
and mind
have gotten
much stronger
mission control
agent of change
blue jays chirping
bring us home

whispering and quivering
is how i wish to spend my Sunday
afternoon as i wake
i curse the clock and tomorrow
but your breath on my neck washes away the sorrow
until next time
close your eyes

I like New England
Nothing is comfortable here. And
I'm in a love that's
ever fading -
every day - palm tree purgatory -
worse, possibly
noise before like
and after even
every vibration of life around you -

it's been 3 days
22 hours 5 minutes 43 seconds
and counting

I told a story
But not the ending.

i wish i had the charisma my shadow has
dancing in the light
brimming with darkness
i never wished to completely let go of you -
i just couldn't bring myself to call -
i see the streetlights and the insects
fighting to burn, i think that's just human
i didn't realize this burning moon sweltered so silently -
i clasp my hands towards its existence
hoping some gap opens between time and space
and i may leave
and never return

i miss her like the
clouds drifting miss
an ocean crashes against the shore -
a child reaching for a red balloon is
like our lungs miss flames of the youth -
it's not that i don't want to smoke
and it's not that i cannot fly -
it's that i read an article once
that said if i quit before 26
it will be like i never started -
but now, with my lungs clean
and my mind cluttered, i wonder
if i ever should have started with you

in my finest hour
the design was sour
as we prayed for lights crisp
we gave away days lifeless -
And open windows
but not a breath of a breeze
it's like everything that's left
is nothing but a tease, please
don't give away your soul or
at least earn a profit before you let go
of insight and charm
because it will become night
before she calms
the clock
the clouds
spinning across a violet skylit
by violent sirens - that watch.
Wake up.

going through that same break up twice.

you listen to their problems
their virtues their vice
there you are to listen, true
through blue skies turning grey into night
you, so shiny and white
you, who turned a blind eye to the life
chaotic and neutral -
mumbling men who still can't decide which side is right
tall mirrors of carnival colors
and daggers dance in the music -
dreams you never knew of any other
just painted faces of confusion,
visions violent will strike
when you least
expect, expect
allowing feelings to project
when you least expect it
you'll be projected, from that driver's seat

religiously ignorant - acceptance
*******, admit it -

head full of dreams
heart emptied by nature
hands clenched
mind filled with anger
my, what am i but a stranger
to the others, myself
friends of family and she'll
come back crying
emotional triggers firing

I'm told, my smile is contagious
But I think I caught it from you
Maybe it was the way you'd hold my hand, with patience -
I knew, I was into something with you -
Maybe it was the Autumn breeze
with death on its teeth - chills of a dying star -
Maybe it was the darkness under trees -
bright stars, always out of reach -
Maybe, my mind has a mind of its own.
Just maybe, she'd like one night alone.
Maybe, just maybe, I should have hung up that phone.
But lately, baby, I wonder where you have gone
I wonder, where you have gone?

weeks pass
when i begin to
think fast
a bullet train behind my eyes
another half assed afternoon and
i am blind
i gaze from the balcony
looking for the light
who said it was cowardly?
to never put up a fight?
i can't see the future
although i might wish.

i write
poems
songs
stories
movies
history.

it's been days since I've written
almost forgot this site
almost lost my life
behind a wheel
trying to heal my mind and feel, love again
oh the wonder of the unknown

You were bubbly and great
at giving
gifts - You knew
what I wanted
before I wanted
it -
You presented
love on a silver screen
and I played the antagonist
Promising stars
not bloodshed or widespread panic -
You had pigtails and a short skirt
You bought me flowers and a new shirt
You thought I was magic but in fact cursed
everyone around me, because the truth hurts
when it arises after a set of lies -
Oh, a set of eyes
bright
and wet
I miss.

Downward dog to plank
To Cobra downward dog to
Cobra to warrior 2 to downward dog
I'm as loyal as a dog
as conniving as the snake's heart
with a warrior's home sickness -
I miss what you were when you were asleep

witnesses say they heard you say
you were innocent -
unsuspecting audiences quiet to their devices
we were not kids running through fields anymore
we brushed with death breathing fumes
of hatred and virus, the body begins to deteriorate
like a hand soaked in a bowl of gasoline -
the moon falls behind the earth
as you smile until it returns

That was the last time I saw her.
I made love in the morning, she breakfast.
I took a shower, she my dignity.
I started the car, she to leave.
That was the last time I saw her.
Clueless, or so I thought
That would be the last time I saw her.
So I went back
tracing steps, brushing prints
pacing nights, wondering how I came to trust this *****
Maybe she -
was frustrated
the trust faded
But who's fault was that?
I didn't tell a lie
I didn't tell a single lie, it was maybe five
1. I trust you
2. it's fine
3. I trust you
4. it's fine
5. I'll see you tonight
No - just a note?
I'm just left to cope?
with the half hearted words you wrote?

You can't change me
Only I can lose my mind
it's not and never will be
yours, to take - take chances
if you can, calculated risk
but sometimes, it's
not
worth
it.
It's just ******* not.
No repetition
You can't change me
No reading
You can't change me
or training
You can't change me
will ever
steal the decay from death.
Death belongs to no one.
Not the military
or the rich, the drug addicted
youth or the far away planets
you can't see anyway
You can't change me
No. Just stop assuming your matter
matters so much.
You can't change me**
True. But who cares to anyway?

i used to give a ****
now i couldn't give a **** less

My nails are too long
My hair is greasy
I have bags under my eyes
And my clothes smell like smoke
My jacket is wrinkled and stained
My socks have holes in the fabric
I miss the way you used to sleep
Eyes open, I knew the feeling too well
I was so fresh pressed back then
Clean shaven and new kicks
I had slept like a dog on a summer night
You came over late back then
I didn't think much of it
You didn't care if I didn't call
You didn't ask questions about where I was
I didn't think twice
Man, I miss the good life.

Don't stay too long
But don't keep your pants on -
Shoes tied too tight?
Let loose but
Don't get comfortable -
I think you believe in me -
I think I believe in me -
That'll show 'em -
That'll show 'em -
It's nice when you call and
ask how my day is going -
and it's nice when you want
to know where we are going -
I don't follow much of a map anymore -
but I still get where
I need to go.