Oh, falling water hushing
(******* white guilt)
Oh hush amber sky full moon open
Seal your soul in a small envelope
*******. White Guilt.
*******. White Guilt.
Can't have one without the other -
Can't help but wonder, why I'm filled
(with) *******. White Guilt..
Can't say I don't say my namesake often
Can't say I don't face, everything you're watching -
*******.
White Guilt.
(can't) Say what you think about the past?
Like there's this problem -
You think about all the times you've used others simply as an object
I certainly if I say so, you will object
If I tried -
Can't begin justify how I'm direct
Can't begin to live a life that you'd expect
Let alone unweace the web of lies I project
I mean what'd you expect?
What? Not want more.
I want more.
I got more.
But more money, more magic
More magic, more costs
More reasons at night
To hide behind a cross
Asking why I come across
as the wisest guy, to those just blind
and othets be completely fine
while I recreate the Holocaust -
Gaslight the atmosphere -
Kiss the sun with the backs of your hands
Finger nails jagged and sharp
Covered in saliva and light
I'm just looking for more.
*******.
White Guilt.
*******.
White Guilt.
When you tell me it can't be done
I'll deny -
When you tell me I was the one
I'll lie -
Simply under the skin -
Golden flakes from silver spoon
Where the milk never spilt
And the grapefruits kept coming.

what's a life lesson without a
good kick in the crotch?

in my finest hour
the design was sour
as we prayed for lights crisp
we gave away days lifeless -
And open windows
but not a breath of a breeze
it's like everything that's left
is nothing but a tease, please
don't give away your soul or
at least earn a profit before you let go
of insight and charm
because it will become night
before she calms
the clock
the clouds
spinning across a violet skylit
by violent sirens - that watch.
Wake up.

I take my time once in awhile!
Other than that
It's whatever that happens, happens
You can take everything from me.
The food.
The fuel.
The fridge.
The friends.
But the fire is mine.

My stomach is a monster
My stomach
Lives a monster
It has fangs and venom
It can out run you
Out smart you
It will crush you as it melts your flesh -
My stomach
Has another plan.

I'm not broken.
And even if I was,
doesn't that imply I can be fixed?
I can be fixed!
I can be fixed!

i opened a box today
and inside were my letters from you -
i haven't read them in over a year now
and i wondered if they were still true -
i inhaled and breathed in the words
the letters you inked on paper -
i took a deep breath, thinking of you
because i might not get one later -
and at that moment
i found myself surprised
those memories we created
were like smoke to my eyes

Love is war, they say
They, being those that say they love me.
War is peace, I read
in books about Hell spit-fire tarantulas crawling
up my cargo shorts black mandibles and clawing
my ****** organs - Love is war, she said with
an ambient glow from my cell phone on her face
A smile of hatred and shame
lust, and disgust in her throat all at one moment
One moment, I ask for -
There's no time for this - she said with a frog
in her diaphragm - I can taste the puke in her mouth from here -
I thought, all too familiar
This taste, this warmth, this light -
All on me - Love is war, I said

words can hurt people
ways actions never could
i said, it happened
but you didn't see it
outside of your projections

I have been sick more times this year
than ever before.
My parents say I should sleep better.
My friends say I should eat better.
My boss says I should read more.
My doctor says I need regular
Exercise. Exercise. How can I walk
When I got so much on my mind?
Only that which can be expelled
At a desk, in my bed, in my dreams,
I'm happy.

I know why we didn’t work out
Maybe when waiting is too heavy and
There’s no point in trying to pick it up anymore.

i miss when what i did
didn't matter
conversations i had
filled with laughter
umbrella over pavement
i was running faster

https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/fine-print

read read read
we never do it
but words we always see
and seem - to ignore
I recognize the shapes of words
colors and sizes, the meaning no more
I don't know how it got this way
but I'm trying to ignore - the voices
in the ceiling and under the floor
I'm trying to ignore - the voices
in the ceiling and under the floor

I didn't know my own strength
(I should have known how weak you are)
I had a bad dream last night
(I think you're cheating on me)
I have so much work to do
(Let's stay in and have *** all day)
I miss the swingsets of my youth
(The way you breath so loud ****** me off)
You can do better than that
(I'm definitely more insightful than you)
I'm sorry
(I'm sorry for now)

i dont remember much
but it doesn't mean
ive quite given up
no
if anything i could not care less
about careless lust
apparent lack of enough
what
brought us here i need to know
i refuse to wait for the fourth date
plus she's ready to go
ready to go, bags packed
she's been ready to go

A chicken, white ****
Red vulnerable neck pecking
The dirt, for a spec of life
A rusted tractor and gasoline air
Fat and flat tires, and weeds everywhere
Where I come from isn't pretty.
But neither are we.
Pudgy damp fingers in every jar of mayonnaise, licking your lips
Like a dog at a dinner table
Like a wall shaking in the night
A window cracked full of opportunity
The spare change I gave away
The freezer burn on my ashes
The static hiding behind a full moon
A vapid hole in the sky, I'll fill someday.

terror, terror everywhere
no time to stop and think

i know you look at light
and think of what
we could have been but
honey
we are
in another life
i'm waist deep
in your honey jar

ten digits are what make up my being
echoes across a canyon that divides
you can't touch me baby don't even try
don't you see? i only exist in your mind -
i'm a little short on good news these days
i hear people talking about what just bad food can do to you for days -
blood sweat and tears i must say, i've trudged past these years, in one way
or another - reality is a struggle
when you judge a book by it's cover
swear they're shook, don't even bother -
catatonic - i catapulted past your walls - vibrating on a
higher frequency frequently i'm eagerly
willing to work, it's killing me envisioning
all the time your killing or worse - yourself
poisonous serpents sitting in my lawn
peering in my windows waiting for dawn
barely make it to the sidewalk and i yawn -
wanna walk back inside and hide my thoughts -
why? you don't ever call me, never - no
why? you said you would but it's been some time, i know -
why you don't ever, call me never - no
you already tried to take what's mine, i know -
see - you can't and you won't

i pet the dog in the graveyard
that nobody else sees
i tend to find faults like an earthquake
i - don't mean to - intention - they
just come apart sometimes -
for better or for worse
i am here
and you are there
so grand - meanwhile
we try not to think about
meanwhile -

tonight I've managed
to produce
my most complex yet
I'm excited
but... my back hurts
I'm excited for this.

https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/at-last-hip-hop-instrumental

we met in the daylight
under a roof of rotting wood
flowers in your hair
i am allergic to chrysanthemums, i said
i hate the holidays, she said
mostly the music, though

Happens when you work late -
He told me.
You just lose track of time -
(sometimes)
You can't help but
Look up and ask
"How the hell did I get here?"

come clean and
stop letting them
brainwash you
with soap operas

You can't change me
Only I can lose my mind
it's not and never will be
yours, to take - take chances
if you can, calculated risk
but sometimes, it's
not
worth
it.
It's just ******* not.
No repetition
You can't change me
No reading
You can't change me
or training
You can't change me
will ever
steal the decay from death.
Death belongs to no one.
Not the military
or the rich, the drug addicted
youth or the far away planets
you can't see anyway
You can't change me
No. Just stop assuming your matter
matters so much.
You can't change me**
True. But who cares to anyway?

what happened to you?
we used to talk about
women in sundresses, panoramic views in
sunglasses smoking cigarettes with gold necklaces
now you looking at me - I'm wondering
when did this
splintered finger nailed on a skeleton come from?

I could do anything
if I tried
the training
the mentor
the moment
for the right price
I would do anything
and if I lied
and told you
it was over
would you believe it?
We were strangers
smoking cigarettes
watching sunsets
asking  ourselves
What difference does it make

we would ride in a car
windows down and
smoke - and we would take turns
driving with our eyes closed -

pleased to meet you
you piece of meat you


ok.

that's not a color, she said.
hard plastic - a ruler against, my wrist i knew it when
i insisted - it was
something i swear -
there's a sting in the eyes every Monday
that makes me want to puke - i see
wide eyed and cushy cats tidy in white and blue
suits and ties, while guys in tie dye streak, down inside i
know the demand for be some in between -
me and my shrink it's something dark
he offered me a pill to make it stop
i don't know if it's my brain or my heart
i just want to make it stop -
i just want to make it stop -
i just want to make it stop -
i just want to make it stop -
i don't find myself a teacher
or a reader of the news, i don't
see - myself terrified by what is to come, no -
i don't see myself collapsing into ruins -
     i will catch the comet
and be immune to a sickness
i will run from the ashes
and rinse in the toxins
i will be a rock when i window is closed
i will be your fist when false flags have arose
i will be the neon, in the cold alleyway
and i will be the last sip of liquor
before they find us
and take you away

A night sky never seemed so within reach
the shooting stars
and satellites, I follow their lead
I ask questions of the universe
like I expect a response
But every time
Without falter
I hear back.
I rest easier those nights.

on the roof of my mouth is a chimney
the soles of my feet are worn down
traded places too many times -
stars are static and i hit the sky with an open palm -
attached antennas tall and hideous circular steel
beams sharp and grandiose -
i don't
get out
much these days
i don't
talk to
them anymore
i saw a comet hit my neighbor's house

I didn't hear you call so
I didn't bother to wake
I didn't hear you knocking
I haven't heard your voice either
I don't know how much longer I can take -
Who am I to prevail?
What am I going to do?
What will I teach the world -
With all of the knowledge about you?

Hey, it's dawn
waking up again another day I yawn
**** - ing alarm, going off
I'm sick of it, hearing it
makes my spine crawl
I like work I won't lie
but it's light work, I won't lie
thinking about what might work
I can't lie, in my bed at night and not sometimes lose my mind -
sometimes I confuse my life
with visions I get, I sweat, I can't help it
I hoping something new pulls through soon so I can open
up shop on my own and starting climbing higher -
because who knows
on your own, how tall that ladder could grow
I'm eyeing Mars and distant stars like their options
man, thinking I could leave this Earth, maybe return
that has got me, laying in bed can't sleep but dreaming -

Downward dog to plank
To Cobra downward dog to
Cobra to warrior 2 to downward dog
I'm as loyal as a dog
as conniving as the snake's heart
with a warrior's home sickness -
I miss what you were when you were asleep

there's no punch clock steam engine whistle
where I work
where I work
no one has to yell
out of anger, or spill
liquid glass across my skin
where I work
I worked to get there
and I work
to run away
as fast as possible

I draw conclusions like a toddler
does a home - crude
rudimentary - scratches
Like that of the inside of a coffin -
It's dark in here, you know
Opposites attract I suppose
Probably get charged with battery
by the time I'm drained -
I'm never letting go -
Self sustaining - I'm -
Selling paintings - I
Can't afford to brush off the truth -
There is war, everywhere.

glass shatters
and i wake up with black shackles
laughs cackles
spit and *****
the last battles - anyone of us want to fight
my stomach is in my throat
but i gotta keep what i have down
otherwise i might pass out - i lay down
don't make sound - because problems arise
when they're walking by
so dodge the eyes and pray for life -
well, no - i mean
pray for release - let's just lay in these sheets
that was what you said when you woke up the thirteenth
sun coming through the drapes and dust in the air
usually i'm not a fan so i won't tell if you don't but how i long for a breathe - of that air
but believe - thoughts like that are not fair -
i'm lost here - how it happened doesn't matter
but i had to ask you honey
do you wish it went different?

I rode a horse
and I built the pyramids -
and I sweat under suns,
and I hid in shadows in fear of it -
I've touched grass, lush
in pathways in bloom -
I've exhaled the hatred, a fist raised
against neighbor, and brushed
my teeth with shattered glass, learning
to become someone new -
I see the stars, the chances I exist
more than a witness -
I am more than a witness -
I am more than a witness watching
a comet fall across the purple-green summer sky -

i - talk quickly
when i
get nervous and
don't think
about the words coming so fast i
just say what i hope you like i
made you a picture
i
hope you like it

My skin
Likes cold air -
My eyes
Enjoy the dead trees
The cars broken down
The man walking for gasoline -
You smoke in the cold
I drink in the darkness

If I were to die at the hands of a madman, so be it
If we were able to round up the crazies in the world, we would have figured it out by now
But that's it -
Some things drive some people crazy -
While others suffer from madness -
And that difference there, between the two
That's right where you are.

the good stuff
is the bad stuff that
i taste and it burns the sour
reflection that curls the lip is the
same as the electrons leftover upside
down flat against the water
i learned to breathe in a vacuum
i learned to swim in the flames
i learned to rise from the ashes
and i learned to never be the same -
i left you behind, another story
another day - you might say otherwise -
you might say otherwise when i walk by
cigarette nod red eyed demon
i pray to a sky covered in clouds
they are so close, but i can't see beyond -
and after days of rain, i'm ready to go

Baby - I often
have a tough time writing for you
it's just like
after everything that we've been though?
I don't know where to start -
but I know when we meet and hug
it's as if you just stare square into my heart, my soul
and all the sadness, the despair the fear the darkness unfair - I trust and let go
so you must know
it's as if my spirit has met it's mate, we just flow
Baby - you must know, it's like raindrops in rivers
endless and filling, plus there's no telling why
hearing your name has shot me shivers, how
I don't know - but trust that
I believe we've started, drawing with words
the only cure to the pain procured when we depart
I get overwhelmed
sometimes when egos inflate and anxieties swell
so I count on you, to help me climb higher than from from where I fell
To only you, I can tell
that my mind body and soul love you more than I can comprehend
it's just there - it's like magic,
unexplained, and far from plain
explosive amazing and tragic
and it I'd never change
because it's us - you and me, and the truth, to me is
it will never be wrong to love you, baby
when feelings are fact
there's no keeping the ceiling intact
that's what's appealing
that's what's healing
that's what's stealing, everything I have left
to offer to gain, we're constantly improving
breaking boundaries, renewing vows and even losing
but making out the - best of it
and I know we both get stressed a bit -
and that's perfectly fine, but I believe in you
and us and the sun and how it can blind if you don't do what's right -
but I refuse - to turn a blind eye
to my life, with you - no matter what
no petty fights or past pain
no long work weeks or flash rain
so even if I'm ever to meet my last days
I want you to know, I'll never regret
the times we laughed and cried
the nights I was asking why we're were trapped inside
the days we gazed with the sunlight in our face
hours of phone calls, little notes on receipts
wonderful jokes and brushing our teeth
I'm holding on, as long as this life is burning in me
because my love is your's to keep, for eternity

it's been days since I've written
almost forgot this site
almost lost my life
behind a wheel
trying to heal my mind and feel, love again
oh the wonder of the unknown

just want to meet a girl that's a solid 8
and that i can somehow tolerate
'cause it's sad when home's become some horrible place
home alone writing poems wonder why though
saying after, that i should have bothered to take
     a better shot, with you -
maybe a longer walk, with you
because i knew on the spot, when we first met
that there was something i liked about you
     nothing new here
though
well, new apartment and job
oh yeah a new phone, a new vehicle
a couple poems
that i like -
a vehicle, to be who i'd like - to be and,
i guess much
     has changed, but it doesn't feel right
without you - it's not the same, ( at night )
thinking back to our days, i blame - myself - ( i should've )
given deeper thought, about you
taken longer walks, out with you
     i don't know where you've gone
or the numbers that you dial -
i haven't heard you laugh in so long
i've wondered
what you've been thinking
for a while now

You're so cute. She says.
You were always cute. But
something changed
recently -
I blame it on the inescapable entropic breakdown of your immune system, I think
Even the rising sun knows it's doomed
Even a newborn, leaving the womb
can choke on the umbilical cord
And if the doctor isn't fast enough
Well she's gone.
So what do you think?
What?
I said. Perplexed. Obviously.
She was lifting her shirt midrift available and a familiar dark ink etched into her flesh.
It's a bird, I got it for you.

religiously ignorant - acceptance
*******, admit it -

i have two fists i
choose not to use i
have thumbs
finger tips
to
exist - i
have the power
to set flame to every object around me
i can drown entire cities courtesy of wrath
i can topple and
twist fellowships -
i
can
live forever
if I acknowledge it -
it
it's
all for the taking if you can reach it
my hands
so far away from me
i'm sorry