I'm not broken.
And even if I was,
doesn't that imply I can be fixed?
I can be fixed!
I can be fixed!

we met in the daylight
under a roof of rotting wood
flowers in your hair
i am allergic to chrysanthemums, i said
i hate the holidays, she said
mostly the music, though

Love is war, they say
They, being those that say they love me.
War is peace, I read
in books about Hell spit-fire tarantulas crawling
up my cargo shorts black mandibles and clawing
my ****** organs - Love is war, she said with
an ambient glow from my cell phone on her face
A smile of hatred and shame
lust, and disgust in her throat all at one moment
One moment, I ask for -
There's no time for this - she said with a frog
in her diaphragm - I can taste the puke in her mouth from here -
I thought, all too familiar
This taste, this warmth, this light -
All on me - Love is war, I said

we would ride in a car
windows down and
smoke - and we would take turns
driving with our eyes closed -

I didn't hear you call so
I didn't bother to wake
I didn't hear you knocking
I haven't heard your voice either
I don't know how much longer I can take -
Who am I to prevail?
What am I going to do?
What will I teach the world -
With all of the knowledge about you?

I know why we didn’t work out
Maybe when waiting is too heavy and
There’s no point in trying to pick it up anymore.

Let's go for a drive
And just talk awhile
I know this area so well
But none of it makes me smile
I'm over the signs
And the restraunts too
I'm under the lights
And the darkness too

i opened a box today
and inside were my letters from you -
i haven't read them in over a year now
and i wondered if they were still true -
i inhaled and breathed in the words
the letters you inked on paper -
i took a deep breath, thinking of you
because i might not get one later -
and at that moment
i found myself surprised
those memories we created
were like smoke to my eyes

I wonder how many
Hours I've
Spent
Sitting
In desks, from school
To work to home
I wonder
How long until I
Stand again

I have been sick more times this year
than ever before.
My parents say I should sleep better.
My friends say I should eat better.
My boss says I should read more.
My doctor says I need regular
Exercise. Exercise. How can I walk
When I got so much on my mind?
Only that which can be expelled
At a desk, in my bed, in my dreams,
I'm happy.

Never put a muse on standby.
Easily unamused, she'll leave you a bystander.

terror, terror everywhere
no time to stop and think

what's a life lesson without a
good kick in the crotch?

I didn't know my own strength
(I should have known how weak you are)
I had a bad dream last night
(I think you're cheating on me)
I have so much work to do
(Let's stay in and have *** all day)
I miss the swingsets of my youth
(The way you breath so loud ****** me off)
You can do better than that
(I'm definitely more insightful than you)
I'm sorry
(I'm sorry for now)

ten digits are what make up my being
echoes across a canyon that divides
you can't touch me baby don't even try
don't you see? i only exist in your mind -
i'm a little short on good news these days
i hear people talking about what just bad food can do to you for days -
blood sweat and tears i must say, i've trudged past these years, in one way
or another - reality is a struggle
when you judge a book by it's cover
swear they're shook, don't even bother -
catatonic - i catapulted past your walls - vibrating on a
higher frequency frequently i'm eagerly
willing to work, it's killing me envisioning
all the time your killing or worse - yourself
poisonous serpents sitting in my lawn
peering in my windows waiting for dawn
barely make it to the sidewalk and i yawn -
wanna walk back inside and hide my thoughts -
why? you don't ever call me, never - no
why? you said you would but it's been some time, i know -
why you don't ever, call me never - no
you already tried to take what's mine, i know -
see - you can't and you won't

i dont remember much
but it doesn't mean
ive quite given up
no
if anything i could not care less
about careless lust
apparent lack of enough
what
brought us here i need to know
i refuse to wait for the fourth date
plus she's ready to go
ready to go, bags packed
she's been ready to go

that's not a color, she said.
hard plastic - a ruler against, my wrist i knew it when
i insisted - it was
something i swear -
there's a sting in the eyes every Monday
that makes me want to puke - i see
wide eyed and cushy cats tidy in white and blue
suits and ties, while guys in tie dye streak, down inside i
know the demand for be some in between -
me and my shrink it's something dark
he offered me a pill to make it stop
i don't know if it's my brain or my heart
i just want to make it stop -
i just want to make it stop -
i just want to make it stop -
i just want to make it stop -
i don't find myself a teacher
or a reader of the news, i don't
see - myself terrified by what is to come, no -
i don't see myself collapsing into ruins -
     i will catch the comet
and be immune to a sickness
i will run from the ashes
and rinse in the toxins
i will be a rock when i window is closed
i will be your fist when false flags have arose
i will be the neon, in the cold alleyway
and i will be the last sip of liquor
before they find us
and take you away

https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/fine-print

read read read
we never do it
but words we always see
and seem - to ignore
I recognize the shapes of words
colors and sizes, the meaning no more
I don't know how it got this way
but I'm trying to ignore - the voices
in the ceiling and under the floor
I'm trying to ignore - the voices
in the ceiling and under the floor

I take my time once in awhile!
Other than that
It's whatever that happens, happens
You can take everything from me.
The food.
The fuel.
The fridge.
The friends.
But the fire is mine.

Downward dog to plank
To Cobra downward dog to
Cobra to warrior 2 to downward dog
I'm as loyal as a dog
as conniving as the snake's heart
with a warrior's home sickness -
I miss what you were when you were asleep

A chicken, white ****
Red vulnerable neck pecking
The dirt, for a spec of life
A rusted tractor and gasoline air
Fat and flat tires, and weeds everywhere
Where I come from isn't pretty.
But neither are we.
Pudgy damp fingers in every jar of mayonnaise, licking your lips
Like a dog at a dinner table
Like a wall shaking in the night
A window cracked full of opportunity
The spare change I gave away
The freezer burn on my ashes
The static hiding behind a full moon
A vapid hole in the sky, I'll fill someday.

i - talk quickly
when i
get nervous and
don't think
about the words coming so fast i
just say what i hope you like i
made you a picture
i
hope you like it

pleased to meet you
you piece of meat you


ok.

words can hurt people
ways actions never could
i said, it happened
but you didn't see it
outside of your projections

the good stuff
is the bad stuff that
i taste and it burns the sour
reflection that curls the lip is the
same as the electrons leftover upside
down flat against the water
i learned to breathe in a vacuum
i learned to swim in the flames
i learned to rise from the ashes
and i learned to never be the same -
i left you behind, another story
another day - you might say otherwise -
you might say otherwise when i walk by
cigarette nod red eyed demon
i pray to a sky covered in clouds
they are so close, but i can't see beyond -
and after days of rain, i'm ready to go

i miss when what i did
didn't matter
conversations i had
filled with laughter
umbrella over pavement
i was running faster

i know you look at light
and think of what
we could have been but
honey
we are
in another life
i'm waist deep
in your honey jar

A night sky never seemed so within reach
the shooting stars
and satellites, I follow their lead
I ask questions of the universe
like I expect a response
But every time
Without falter
I hear back.
I rest easier those nights.

I draw conclusions like a toddler
does a home - crude
rudimentary - scratches
Like that of the inside of a coffin -
It's dark in here, you know
Opposites attract I suppose
Probably get charged with battery
by the time I'm drained -
I'm never letting go -
Self sustaining - I'm -
Selling paintings - I
Can't afford to brush off the truth -
There is war, everywhere.

i pet the dog in the graveyard
that nobody else sees
i tend to find faults like an earthquake
i - don't mean to - intention - they
just come apart sometimes -
for better or for worse
i am here
and you are there
so grand - meanwhile
we try not to think about
meanwhile -

I rode a horse
and I built the pyramids -
and I sweat under suns,
and I hid in shadows in fear of it -
I've touched grass, lush
in pathways in bloom -
I've exhaled the hatred, a fist raised
against neighbor, and brushed
my teeth with shattered glass, learning
to become someone new -
I see the stars, the chances I exist
more than a witness -
I am more than a witness -
I am more than a witness watching
a comet fall across the purple-green summer sky -

come clean and
stop letting them
brainwash you
with soap operas

Happens when you work late -
He told me.
You just lose track of time -
(sometimes)
You can't help but
Look up and ask
"How the hell did I get here?"

what happened to you?
we used to talk about
women in sundresses, panoramic views in
sunglasses smoking cigarettes with gold necklaces
now you looking at me - I'm wondering
when did this
splintered finger nailed on a skeleton come from?

You can't change me
Only I can lose my mind
it's not and never will be
yours, to take - take chances
if you can, calculated risk
but sometimes, it's
not
worth
it.
It's just ******* not.
No repetition
You can't change me
No reading
You can't change me
or training
You can't change me
will ever
steal the decay from death.
Death belongs to no one.
Not the military
or the rich, the drug addicted
youth or the far away planets
you can't see anyway
You can't change me
No. Just stop assuming your matter
matters so much.
You can't change me**
True. But who cares to anyway?

tonight I've managed
to produce
my most complex yet
I'm excited
but... my back hurts
I'm excited for this.

https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/at-last-hip-hop-instrumental

i have two fists i
choose not to use i
have thumbs
finger tips
to
exist - i
have the power
to set flame to every object around me
i can drown entire cities courtesy of wrath
i can topple and
twist fellowships -
i
can
live forever
if I acknowledge it -
it
it's
all for the taking if you can reach it
my hands
so far away from me
i'm sorry

Hey, it's dawn
waking up again another day I yawn
**** - ing alarm, going off
I'm sick of it, hearing it
makes my spine crawl
I like work I won't lie
but it's light work, I won't lie
thinking about what might work
I can't lie, in my bed at night and not sometimes lose my mind -
sometimes I confuse my life
with visions I get, I sweat, I can't help it
I hoping something new pulls through soon so I can open
up shop on my own and starting climbing higher -
because who knows
on your own, how tall that ladder could grow
I'm eyeing Mars and distant stars like their options
man, thinking I could leave this Earth, maybe return
that has got me, laying in bed can't sleep but dreaming -

glass shatters
and i wake up with black shackles
laughs cackles
spit and *****
the last battles - anyone of us want to fight
my stomach is in my throat
but i gotta keep what i have down
otherwise i might pass out - i lay down
don't make sound - because problems arise
when they're walking by
so dodge the eyes and pray for life -
well, no - i mean
pray for release - let's just lay in these sheets
that was what you said when you woke up the thirteenth
sun coming through the drapes and dust in the air
usually i'm not a fan so i won't tell if you don't but how i long for a breathe - of that air
but believe - thoughts like that are not fair -
i'm lost here - how it happened doesn't matter
but i had to ask you honey
do you wish it went different?

If I were to die at the hands of a madman, so be it
If we were able to round up the crazies in the world, we would have figured it out by now
But that's it -
Some things drive some people crazy -
While others suffer from madness -
And that difference there, between the two
That's right where you are.

My neighbor and his girlfriend are fighting again -
Is this somehow punishment,
for something I did?

i took everything
you said
literally - i took
your fiction for fact
as if
the sky were to fall I'd reach up
palms to push back to keep you
and i intact - but
fierce chills climb up my spine
when i hear her heart sink
our clock has struck midnight
as glass shatters across the floor -
the moon glows through windows
and this is a side of you
i have never seen before

in my heart
there's a problem
my stomach
and mind
have gotten
much stronger
mission control
agent of change
blue jays chirping
bring us home

I could do anything
if I tried
the training
the mentor
the moment
for the right price
I would do anything
and if I lied
and told you
it was over
would you believe it?
We were strangers
smoking cigarettes
watching sunsets
asking  ourselves
What difference does it make

on the roof of my mouth is a chimney
the soles of my feet are worn down
traded places too many times -
stars are static and i hit the sky with an open palm -
attached antennas tall and hideous circular steel
beams sharp and grandiose -
i don't
get out
much these days
i don't
talk to
them anymore
i saw a comet hit my neighbor's house

I wrote you two letters
Both I sent together -
One was a welcome as well as
a warning of the words to come -
I often said that writing about you
was the easiest thing for me.
Be it the bad times, or the good we shared
I always found a way to mesh the moment
with your feelings, like I forgot mine
on a dusty European coast when you said
You'd come back and the phone never rang.
I watched it for days
At dinner, at dawn - I still remember how
little the food tasted then

My skin
Likes cold air -
My eyes
Enjoy the dead trees
The cars broken down
The man walking for gasoline -
You smoke in the cold
I drink in the darkness

there's no punch clock steam engine whistle
where I work
where I work
no one has to yell
out of anger, or spill
liquid glass across my skin
where I work
I worked to get there
and I work
to run away
as fast as possible

just want to meet a girl that's a solid 8
and that i can somehow tolerate
'cause it's sad when home's become some horrible place
home alone writing poems wonder why though
saying after, that i should have bothered to take
     a better shot, with you -
maybe a longer walk, with you
because i knew on the spot, when we first met
that there was something i liked about you
     nothing new here
though
well, new apartment and job
oh yeah a new phone, a new vehicle
a couple poems
that i like -
a vehicle, to be who i'd like - to be and,
i guess much
     has changed, but it doesn't feel right
without you - it's not the same, ( at night )
thinking back to our days, i blame - myself - ( i should've )
given deeper thought, about you
taken longer walks, out with you
     i don't know where you've gone
or the numbers that you dial -
i haven't heard you laugh in so long
i've wondered
what you've been thinking
for a while now