there is no more room in vast darkness
      to place my emptiness
dragging raindrops stretch like mirrors
reflecting the void in dire need of a wakeup call
perhaps a tap on the shoulder
tugs
down
like
hooks
on my stomach

my auora is gentley grazing through a desert of foreign solitude
thank you for everything and I appreciate all the gratitude
but the choice has been made by me yet sometimes I realize this is not what I choose
dont take the diamond for granted child you have nothing to loose
these old buildings eat away at the rays of sun that peek through my window
the ones that wake me up in the morning
every day every day
patience is a virtue, okay okay
I have heard that saying an unbearable amount of times
but holding back this much should be a crime
I miss the sand under my feet
I miss my favorite ice cream store that use to be across the street
I miss the hole in the wall were we all use to meet
you disfavored the smallest iota, all to be taken away from an unbreakable scene
this that him her and everything else in between
I remember those hellos and all the things that went underneath the pale surface
now outside my window I hear a differant kind of circus
It almost sounds like it dosent have a purpose
The empty benches are a bit comforting though

she disclaims her beauty has been long forbidden,
I will release the very low curve
of your manifesting back
lock it with mute fragility
and the furthest land away from absence

I sense curiculum
the binding of neverending days
overturnedto the same face
and the same wake up call
the long exsisting dream

venture you out
from the most brutal mortality
in my small hands
I will make you fit

your heavy
and your abudunace in character
murders me

but I will find
the right place
for you

precious torment

I have hidden away for so long
I will exhale my very breathe
the one which I have held in for so long
you see I was suffocating

tender,let go

Gracefully.

Dust travels in soft tones through your eyeslids
a face of remarkable joy
hidden in between my fragile fingers
lingering waiting for you to hold
come by those old feilds
where the rumors use to grow
and breathe with me
to help me forget everything I now know
in places where we smile
places I never go
I hide it all undreathe conversation
its good conversation though

we fail in our aura of traumatic meetings
of ruby lips and a similar tone
wine and ****** up love songs that end
in desperation and a longing to hold one another
or perhaps something that has been so numbed out

a figure of a pale girl, blurry. all white.
she  feels nothing. but herself.
which is all she has left,
that
that is
all we
have left

If I remove myself and place my soul on some kind
of height
some altering place so that it is not mine anymore
it would look like you

generations have passed in what is really something
smaller than a peculiar year of very quite screams
and hidden agony, that would expose itself like
a mother who can no longer hold her tears in front of her children
we couldn't protect each other from that pain anymore

that has all turned into dust.

do you corrupt me
when I walk into the black kitchen
where lovers make other lovers meet
where here we keep the peace
in your house of love and joy
and sweet matromony

do I corrupt you
when I back away in needless nothingness
sayings in where i dont speak
hold my tongue and you would run from the
lions who want your blood on their tongue
branch off into streams and rivers
understand that I am not what you want

that I am not what you want

maybe most women like me can speak these words
maybe not
when I purge tongue hanging from the side of my mouth
these poems that tread down like ******* tears
things that may be much to absurd
maybe I shouldn't share memories so blistered
your male heart and how you say I made it wither
kneaded down to a white dust that I blow like
dust off of my bookshelf
a man who holds something severe and endless in his veins
a emotion drenched in a hatred towards me
and who was I in that time when I handed you the young woman
within me
you are the ****** of love, you see
and yes I rip the words out just like that
I want you to feel this poem bleed
close your eyes and know that I am not at all worried
because knowing I destroyed you mentally for what you did
is far beyond a glorifying and blossoming seed growing within me
your minds a torture chamber, and we have announced all the rest
just go on with your life not accepting your flaws
and always looking your best

woman of stature
the woman of grace and disposition
I am faulty
believe me when I tell you I am

love forbidden
love in chastity
completely forge in to me
yet embedded in my whole
and woven into the meaning of myself
within myself
deceit forbade me from conquering you
and now I am forbidden from myself
and you and you

lonesome yes
in the deepest part of my seed
nurtured on every outer layer
hidden is the young infant within that weeps
sad songs that scream
take my hand
pleading
hold me

you can see with your naked eye
Im holding out my lungs to you

loneliness hasnt seen itself
till it sees so many who can full fill it
and then walks away
that is loneliness

and I walk away everyday

this white cloak gets as close
to me as you do
simple cloth fabric
simple complex human mind
they get just as close

I have lived in such a state
for 3 years
I read the old letter I wrote
and the measure of my imeasurability grew longer
to be reminded I delivered words that speak openly
to another human

woman of stature
the woman of grace and disposition

positioned only within herself

I am faulty
relieve me when I tell you I am
believe me when I tell you I am

I am accompinied by the thoughts
that have made us up

the air moves in simple
ways around strands of my body
and it pushes off a cool

there is no room for detail in the castle
no room for words of the shameful

my feet will depart this land
shake this land
I am an orchestra in the clouds
thoughts race when you dont turn around
to observe the entire life of one simple human
being left behind
yourself
I will stray on land that has many more footprints left behind on it
and let it consume me

I find myself in a different color
with minds from another place

I practice spells in haste

I plan the days to come
where that mind dosent exist
build a little butterfly garden with a pinch of Zen
sit behind the bar stare at the men
lay down with a pen in my hand
in a place where its only me again
again and again

would I imagine myself throwing myself
in the arms of desperation after many years
of annihilated love
after many years of baroque turmoil
tinted with smiles
and kisses on my shoulder

multiple
one ten
maybe when I'm mentally exhausted 2
I drained myself of ability
to perceive the difference
between the look in your eyes
and the look in mine

what does it all mean

I'm standing still and all I can hear
is you yelling at me
you cursing at me
you drenching me in the pain that
I have caused you

you kissing my neck
and then slashing my back
with the knife we have built together
of our linking souls

I smile and tell you to just leave
and my carelessness draws you closer to me
then ever before
and I move further
wanting you
yet I move further

what encompasses my sickness in love
destroying my perception completely of the monster
who was suppose to save me so long ago
under heaps of destruction i find myself
mendled by all your pretty things

and then at the end of the day
I sleep with tears on my lips
love.

your hands bend like twisted willow
on somber chains
my heart is mute and pale in presence
of your subtle anger
hidden
deeply rooted into
your beautiful eyes

I beg to go deeper

although I know the income
of my words will retalite
I know how they will scar
some crevice
and unknown part of me
yet to discover
dead
until you have awakened it
with that flesh on your face
that monstourus gaze

they will speak about me
say how I differ too much
how I speak to much of broken hearts
and sorrowfull songs
but I know to every real human heart
every one of my poems is but a sing along

I run to my blank pages
the way a child with a bruised knee
runs to his mother with tears in his eyes
and when he falls into her arms he is at peace
that is how I feel when I capture that brittle emotion
when I forfit it like a slave to my poetry
because I do not have a mother anymore
because all I have is my words
and that is all I really wanted to say
because my hurt at this point has no words
I just wanted to feel that there was something there for me
something waiting for my pain besides myself
and I just wiped the mascara from beneath my eyes
I just thought about you again
please I beg myself to forget you
I beg myself to forget all those simple and beautiful things about you
while you drench yourself in love

you have created a positive energy within me
that gives birth everytime you linger in my presence
my womb explodes with your static blue
leaving permanent goodsebumps whispering
the deepest tales of forbidden love

my cheek has found its warm home on your chest
listening to your heart beat
my ears have longed for the noise of your life
flickering beneath me like my ghosts that burn
when you place your hand so simply upon mine

you are water to my soul spreading like
glowing beams of light through my frail body,
sustaining and giving me the power to open my eyes from deadly sleep

drag my being into infinte space and I, because of you
can light the darkest edge of the universe
you have given me the power of 10,000 burning suns

I feel that anything is possible, strangely enough
and for the first time I have placed a pressure
upon myself to become more of another human
full of hope and acceptence, you move me

there is a eager passion waging war inside of
my arms to fight any army to bring you near me
let me protect you. let me be the one to bring
you more sincerity if it be possible
can you be filled with more love
I want us to build our home with the seeds
we have found in each others secluded gardens

while I write the lines that make us beautiful
and you sing them with your trembeling voice

I ran away from the temple
that you hid me inside of for so long

my feet were numb
and I almost went blind
the monsters outside almost
got me
and ripped my insides out

the corners got rusty
spiders built their webs

they were present in our conversations
did you love me

or was I the crown posession
did I intrigue you
moving small

I brake my anger with your smile
and let the frusteration slip through
my hands like indian silk

most nights
I was on my knees
holding my breathe
hoping you would come home
and for many days
you did not

you left me there
walked out and locked the door
leaving me without remorse
or redemption
steady handed and left there to burn
like the guiltys alibi
hanging by a needle on my chest
burden like havok causing
endless catasrophes in my mind
insanity I questioned
burried deep deep
inside of you

you who had no mercy
with your kiss

Tonight. me and my mother cried in the same house.
in separate rooms/ we cried for the same reason.
If I was my mother I would be married with one child and pregnant.
A beautiful woman.young. pale. tall. thick black hair. and simply marvelous.
escaping a civil war at 15 in the hands of a man she barely knew.
life granted her tears of desperation and a hope
that shrivels in front of her more and more with each passing day
her desperation itself suffers like unseen children dieing in deserts unknown
like women who are beaten day after day
like humans who are killed for another humans dinner
where do you bow your head oh gracious care giver
when the air itself has departed from your small space
your small kitchen, and the house that you might loose
paintings hanging on the wall, recognizable for as long as I can remember
of sailor men who looked tiered with their lives
of men who look like you in their beaten down eyes
why must I see you burn in my presence  
like the one time I was 13 and you came into my dark room at midnight
placed my hand on your forehead and asked me to pray as if I could save
you from that quick move, that weakness that makes souls banish
and fall into the grave. I felt like a savior that night.
My mother why must I see you grieve.
I worry with each passing day your body might leave me.
I hold heavy weights on my shoulder and my actions they come to
cease when I think of your existence.
you transcend so often. From marble, to stone, to thin paper.
you stand brute in front of me unwavering, and then you crumble
beneath my eyes.
your daughter, your offspring.  you  .
I never knew a human can shed so many salty drops of crystal water.
shed so much invisible blood. deteriorate beneath the hands of suffering himself.
How could you have been so strong for me. I just do not understand.
Maybe that is why the lunatics live beneath our roofs.
Maybe that is the reason for the draining of sanity and quiet whispers.
These things never lived beside us.
These things never will.

the trees fall down
and they have came and left so quickly
this nature of life
should I say goodbye so easily
when I feel like the hello has barely embraced my quivering lips
that quivered in your days
some powerless
some overwhelming with a feeling of conquer

should I forget you and move on
as time dosent wait for you or me
than why should I

is it done, and this new white page
it just sits in front of me
this blank book, of what is yet to come
within more bewildered days
of love, meeting, rememberence, conversation, wine and hope

I left my country
I left everyone in it
I casted myself away from destructive situations
one that lead back to that one boy
no not him
it was another one
that I casted myself from
the other was a simple breeze that I let rub my cheeks
and didnt think twice about its angry departure
I simply let the madness caress me
and then when it threatened me I left fruitfully
laughter lingering behind my back

I lived on different land
sang on different land
I delved into abstract minds and conversation on different land
I held hands on different land
I kissed on different land
and evidently I weeped and suffered on different land

I sat down watching them yell and scream in happiness
its a new chapter in the life of the universe, and me
I was on sand floating on less familiar waters
in my beautiful country

I went further into loneliness than most would dare
sat there in the mountains weekend after weekend
keeping myself company
it was then and there I realized more of me
got a better feel of what I was really like

I came back to find what I left
but this time things seemed prettier
the water tasted sweeter
life seemed heavier
and my soul it felt lighter
while I sunk in deeper
to you and you and you
and you who stuck out
you who patience struck like a vertical war blade
in parts of me I didnt know had life

patience, it fell on a rock that was harder than I thought
in the pit of my stomach
like hands gripping me tightly
I gripped onto you tightly
I held you there for as long as I could
till meaning came to my story
and I was able to decipher
that this wasnt like those novels I read when
I was a little girl
although I felt like I child
when your air would mingle with me
and your laugh would
make
my
hands
shake

--
little to none was the worst
in where drunken nights lead to drunken mornings
which lead to drunken fights
on drunken hearts
they beat differently

and now
now I think differently
and its a new year

we can feed off of each others
destruction
life has shown us both
enivitability is always knocking at the door
it creeps behind the bar
holding death in a precious little box
or maybe a few tears in clear jar

I walked down into this forest
than this forest
and and this one
but no
no
the hands I see are not tinted enough
not invisably black enough
not tortured enough

the fire I see has never been extinguished
left with no nourishment
never knowing a word of despair

white breathing so many different colors
you illumanate in front of me
like earths beauty in the deepest core
under the most magnifecent things
you are perfect
and satan himself would agree

but no
no
you are not empty enough for me

give me that womans woeful eyes
that rupture bizzare ghosts of another time
that her mind cant seem to remember anymore
give me that soul which has become out of focus
that I may clear the blurry film in that life
give me that ivory neck filled with pulses
of an inexplicable nature
give me that lover, that sinner
give me her disease,
I will eat her cancer
I will cure her
so that she may become a bloomer
a bruised life sitting on the street corner
hear me every woman who feels as if she is a
loner
no no
you are not alone
bring our hands together, yes me woman
yes us, feminine; we have all been under that rain
we have, frail; inside all felt that womanly pain
keep your head up lady
there is much to gain.

I feel you
the way
I feel the blood coursing through my veins
I feel you
the way I feel my very soul
breathing in me always
until I take my last breathe

I am horrified
with you

I am explicitly terrified with
the thought of how you said my name

I will

always
remember you, as I remember the days when I was small
meager and did not yet understand what the world brung forth

I remember you as I remember the horrific acts which molded me
to be who I am today

I will always remember you that way

my fingers break when I write this
my mind cracks like the grounds of a death filled earthquake
my lives are petrified
and the thoughts who are civilans perish
under the lava of life that erupts itself
with contagious fumes in my mind
I came close to something that
could have well rolled of my tongue so nicely
as perfect
now Im far away
and I might always be
burden places itself on my side
smiling at me always
like a dimmed creature
horror film based
1940's
always next to me

pain stakingly
one day It will come to our hault
our exit
our departure
and Im on my way
with a staggering pulse
and wavering feet

the only other paths on my side
are hell, disguised
demised
I press my finger against my temple
and wished for nothing but annihalation of thought
and the smallest breathe of fresh air

your image brings both
and Im a ghost I feel as though sometimes
I might bury myself in the clouds forever

cause they are pale and soft
and this reality is full of needles and thorns

my eyes fall out of my body
as my hearts is watching them discreetly like infatuated murderers
and mourns

my eyes are dry
but my soul is wet with the things i hold back
mesmerized by anything more than nothing

and nothing is more than nothing
your biggest fleet has lost all meaning
or yours

trust me
please please
trust me

when i tell you I'm shivering inside
its winter all the time
and i beg for this time to pass

trust me
please please
trust me

when i tell you I'm char and combust
and the holocaust of all my broken souls
are screaming under the burning roof inside
my home that has no bed
my home that has no windows
my home that has no living room
or stable wooden ground
that shines and when you smell lemons
when everything is clean
no
no

(that is not me)

why do I welcome such ignorance
faulty and young
I have simply lost sense of direction
fleeting down dark paths
you make me smile
when you walk further
and so fast

into me
it has to be with that
that in which lacks knowledge
because if not
this entire situation wouldnt exsist
and a woman like me
must expeirence this


whos nature is it that I cross in where Im not familiar with anything
and my forest is a mystery to you
but we walk in iresponsibly
and the natures mix
and when I look at you while the leaves are falling all around us
my skies reign down on your land
and we shake the ground beneathe us
I feel as if your earth that I wrap with my skin
will eat me whole


the air becomes thicker as the burning branches come falling down
smoke suffocates me
and my neck is falling back
Im breatheless
Im speechless
if communication was my only form of survival


I would hold my tongue


for tampering with a such a natural disaster
will lessen the beauty
when now you can stand in the middle,
I am in the middle
and I am witnessing
the destruction we are causing to our planets

the ground breaks
and I finally fall between the cracks
laying there
satisfied.

should I lay chin pressed against the pillow
I held onto as i child
times where I believed the world consisted so little of the color black
the hue overlaps my movements
even when I wave hello to every man that has ever come across me
the hellos to every man that has ever possessed me in that sense
but no not ever
really
tunes that fled into my ocean
when I was a child
oh times where I knew that life didn't offer much mercy
for your plead
and your case never stretched so far
so little
so little
you will always be
in heaps and large amounts of light hearted
daunted quainted quilted
catastrophe
ebbs into clear water that tastes like medicine
down me
down me
the day that i came into this place
I learned to stand straight
live so gracefully under a veil that will become permanent
and under eyes
under my real eyes
hands that moved
under my real hands
and thoughts that spoke themselves on paper
and never
never
out loud
I stray walk and smile
into every being of interest
destroy captivate
release
inhale
exhale
all the love
all the love

we can feed off of each others
destruction
life has shown us both
enivitability is always knocking at the door
it creeps behind the bar
holding death in a precious little box
or maybe a few tears in clear jar

I walked down into this forest
than this forest
and and this one
but no
no
the hands I see are not tinted enough
not invisably black enough
not tortured enough

the fire I see has never been extinguished
left with no nourishment
never knowing a word of despair

white breathing so many different colors
you illumanate in front of me
like earths beauty in the deepest core
under the most magnifecent things
you are perfect
and satan himself would agree

but no
no
you are not empty enough for me

I am ordinary refinement
I see things differently

I wake up in the mornings and breathe
from eyes of the universe
I am so small
me and you
we are so small

our kisses are small
my different loves were atoms
that connected to one of my sisters
who I had never met somewhere in libia
we both make a crease in the ebb
a very miniscule one

this finger print of our earth
does the universe have 10 fingers
the thoughts linger
my small thoughts

I use to be obsessive and content at a certain point
now Im carless
now the shrill doesnt dig into my marrow
just my skin
Im not drained of every ounce of blood
just exhausted in thought
my burning passion is in my esophagus
and I will hold my tongue
until your dead
fatigued from my mind and up and gone
I'll sway you on a rope in front of me
to torture myself every now and then
because Im twisted
in violent serene ways
Ill give you a high with my sensitivity
Ill curl up like a infant next to your knees
and ask you to sing me your favorite lullaby as
a child
that is what I will rest to
and hold out on all your most accepted
memories
because I will make them mine
and steal them like grains of sand
from the playground
cover your eyes
when I walk by you
dont speak and block out the noise
because I only plunge
and the refusal its what makes me light the
candle
let the wax burn my thighs
and Ill meditate to the songs of your soul
while staining my insides with coal

oh my words how you come to me
thoughts, life I feel you when you exhale
your burdens through my fingers
I will be there for you
to rid some of your drought
to ease some of your pain
I have been put here for you
life

I write of you
I mourn with you
and smile at the little things
that you have given me
I keep them close to my chest
I cover them with my right hand
and when they escape through my fingers
I bring them back with the trickling
of my black and white tête-à-tête

when you long for the people that live within you
so lost and so burdened
these genocides going on within you
these children dieing
these women contemplating
and stressing about what they should wear
to the beautiful ball
the men who cut their hands open
to provide a loaf of bread to their starving children
life
I am here
I see these things
I feel them in my bones
I have connected with people
that I have never met
and I cry for them

I cry for you
life

I am always here
always aware
and always present

I stand next to you
stricken always.

I leaned over backwards
to eat the paint that dripped from
your lips, hearty sentiments
given to nature by exquisite controversy
life took humanities blood drenched towel
and squeezed us out
and now we lay
here
in something that is so
much more powerful than your
average noisy silence
and I smile gently to you

adorned in my own childhood memories, the rot and laughter
I lay there moist and in no obedience when it came to distraught thoughts
I wanted to feel something that burned the way I did
so I lay naked upon this lava
and without dying I feel its fiery mind
I enjoy its inextinguishable kind

I wanted to die slowly the way beautiful natural things died slowly
so I went to the garden and
picked the most intriguing flowers my eyes could find
I cut their stems
then I cut open my wrists and my spine
I lay on the earth and watched the time
I lay there and peacefully  cried
how seconds turned into hours, and I lay there slowly
with those flowers and together we died
my smell fell into the universe
my coffin slowly decayed
laying there completely lifeless under the suns shade
and when I awoke from that death
I was no longer afraid

yet there are things that I still cant reach
yet there are times I still dont know how to speak
I remember how you left a streak of light behind the smallest of movements and I fall weak


so I go into the ocean and I hold my breath
I want to be here forever,
even if that means
death

you are like a old Gothic cathedral
standing heavy, uninviting yet undeniably luring
your heights are ascended and when I walk into you
I feel overwhelmed, by your detailed corners
your windows that bring light into your
gently smiling darkness
your ashy art mystifies me in a ****** tangent
your ghost stories and dead spirits
the love you have emitted
the love you have forbidden
the souls you have forgiven
the necks you have bitten

your different masks and your musical *****
where all the affairs and making of bodies one have taken place

I wish to breathe it all

I will sit on your empty benches
till you find a way to grace next to me
and place your hand upon my chest
so that I may feel my heart burst beneath your human flesh
you see
I must have this

I must live with you in a place that I know exists
a place that has been in the making for years in my head
I refuse this time, I refuse these people
I refuse to even speak of what society has made itself
the new words, simply will pollute and degrade my poem
of something that is so much higher than where we live now

place your hand calmly in mine
as I watch the entity which lives in your face
give me a sense of re-birth every time I bestow my eyes upon it
you are a riddle, a magnificent opera
you are what makes blood
blood
your are the atoms that make up love
your are the anatomy of every beautiful word
you are the feathers of every raven bird
you are the bed that I rest upon
you are the whiteness in a swan

you are the tragedy in all of the plays
you are the sun and moon of my
days

trails of mute expectations trail closer to the new meaning
condemned

I delight in the falling of foreign objects
broken objects

night I say is brighter than day
when I look into the pale darkness
of your nerves
the lines in your eyes

it turned out acute
hidden within more hidden
explicit
parts of you

my fingers break when I write this
my mind cracks like the grounds of a death filled earthquake
my lives are petrified
and the thoughts who are civilans perish
under the lava of life that erupts itself
with contagious fumes in my mind
I came close to something that
could have well rolled off my tongue so nicely
as perfect
now Im far away
and I might always be
burden places itself on my side
smiling at me always
like a dimmed creature
horror film based
1940's
always next to me

pain stakingly
one day It will come to our hault
our exit
our departure
and Im on my way
with a staggering pulse
and wavering feet

the only other paths on my side
are hell, disguised
demised
I press my finger against my temple
and wished for nothing but annihalation of thought
and the smallest breathe of fresh air

your image brings both
and Im a ghost I feel as though sometimes
I might bury myself in the clouds forever

cause they are pale and soft
and this reality is full of needles and thorns

my eyes fall out of my body
as my hearts is watching them discreetly and mourns

you fancy the venom that drips down
in the air
apprently my clouds presipitate anger
and evil reigns on me

turn your head
cover you eyes
hide away from such a creature
wasnt it spoken of said and confirmed
that this species can hurt you

so why do you walk down my path
if you do, do so silently
and dont express words to get to me
because I will leave you drained
life will always be different

I have lost my passion to write of you
the leaf burns slowly
in the
sun.

I wish for nothing
but to scrape the inside of your pit

I want to cry my tears out to this parchment; you see
Im immersed in my complete edherence to something
that is so much smaller than me

and what is smaller than me
maybe
nothing

you were shining
and you were immaculant
in my shade you were the sun that
bare me to have any kind of shade
in my thoughts I stray abosloutley mezmorized by you
and everytime thoughts would come into place
my passion towards your infinite darkness grew

I wish to go so deep into you
to know your skin from the inside out
to reveal your being
speak to you of it without a doubt
I want to teach you
about yourself
to know of every cell,
your movements and your health

I am a animal in a forest
placed from a humble abode
I feel that this is my true home
taken out of my world
and brought so abruptly
so sincerely
into yours

I limit my mind sometimes
to its endless space
which is not so endless
but
it is
years pass and still i tend to indulge in your hands on me
tension releasing itself to times where
it isn't really always there
but it is
smiles and understanding of who it is
me
no full comprehension
but a different one
so subtle and incomplete
the fact that this abstract thing isn't obsolete is
what helps us breathe through this
this
thing that has no name
and i can imagine you standing at our doorstep
just staring as i walk away to buy
milk perhaps some wine to help us live through another day
I remember thinking to myself
this is so wrong its right
and this is so right that its wrong
and neither ever lasted to long
so my state you cant imagine
living in a house with 6 doors
I never know who is going to walk in
when the locks are loose
when the wood is rotting
and when the paint just doesn't look the same anymore
thought goes so far
only so far into mass soul
so far into my soul where in my skin under my blood
there is control
so where do we go from here
this standing earth on another mind
into the deepest deepest and
darkest kind
of knowing each -- one another
of being brought up to say no to situations like these
because they can leave you
where they left them
or where simple thoughts left romeo and Juliet
on cold stone
with cold lips
closed eyes
and heartless

I ran away from the temple
that you hid me inside of for so long

my feet were numb
and I almost went blind
the monsters outside almost
got me
and ripped my insides out

the corners got rusty
spiders built their webs

they were present in our conversations
did you love me

or was I the crown posession
did I intrigue you
moving small

I brake my anger with your smile
and let the frusteration slip through
my hands like indian silk

most nights
I was on my knees
holding my breathe
hoping you would come home
and for many days
you did not


you left me there
walked out and locked the door
leaving me without remorse
or redemption
steady handed and left there to burn
like the guiltys alibi
hanging by a needle on my chest
burden like havok causing
endless catasrophes in my mind
insanity I questioned
burried deep deep
inside of you

you who had no mercy
with your kiss

how is it that you enter my life
and then without looking in my direction
no heed nor warning
seasons pass
ice falls
and the sun prevails our sensitive eyes
but we know of the departure
and we know of the return

how is it that you can leave within the twitch of my hand
and I can wait decades and decades for a return that
will never happen
until the sudden twitch
and I turn to dust
and I my soul finds its place underneath
the livings feet
hidden deep in the earth
until our time comes

so many of you have left
and it was always so unexpected
life and all it is shorter than my words
how moments pass so undetected
and I am frail
when I find acceptance hard to manage

when I think of the love and how its now hidden
under so many different surfaces
in a different world
blood runs thing
and pain creeps
at the thought of loved ones who have passed
most of us humans have someone
whom at one second of the day
thoughts retreat to
needles flow in your veins rather than blood

life comes and goes in sublime sharp ways

tonight might make my heart beat so fast
Im a radical yes, and I might let go a little atlast
the circus down the street wakes me up every morning
the drops of dew fall off my shoulders from those precious white lilies
that you left on my front door with a note that whispered softly to me
you make me blush
I kiss my own hand and prepare it to write my soul on parchment
In a language thats almost invisable to eyes that reveal themeselves to quik for interest
sometimes my fingers are too strong and the paper is too thin
but the walls of the trees and the sand never fails
and the leaves on the ground are always smiling at me when I walk there to write about this
I feel the butterflies in every corner, everytime I look up with a daffodil pressed against my lips
I say no your beauty makes me blush

A blood thief comes into mind and with the inspiration
of a thousand enriched dark and artistic souls
I have been shunned by passions
extracted from the womb of resistance
thrown out cordless into a sincere and infinite space
I am sprawled on the floor in awe
still drenched in the fluid of my previous life
my elbows are weak as I try to raise myself
to look these things directly in the eye
my vision has yet to be fixed
but before I know it I have adjusted
for unlike the time our generation has been thrown into
this is a life that comes naturally

I want to run away from this place
if its on my feet and on a highway through the desert
while screaming at the top of my lungs
so be it
may I become bruised from head to toe
so be it
may I encounter a killer on the way
everything in the sky
I yell
then so be it