this time the pull might have been too hard
they are whispering for a call back there
5 minutes of pure speech
antagonize me
in the pursuit of something I wanted so badly
sitting
repeating listening to Amy
words like that make me want to shout bravely
but instead I lay back and speak calmly
tell this nation to think rationally
that's them thinking stupidly
thinking impossible can be made a possibility
the sun doesn't shine everywhere
but your eyes do

should I evaporate in between your hands
in between your mist
in between your palms
before I ever know what it is to really be
within you
I disintegrate at the thought
of the second time i ever felt your flesh
very close to mine
very close to mine

and still i blend with your moisture
and i inhale everything inside of you that is more
human than this

more human than this

I don't know whats real anymore
because my imagination stretches so far when
your name comes to mind and grounding myself is
never an option
when I see your face

I'm gone
I'm gone
when lost in thoughts of possibilities

possibilities of your blood and what flows within it
might be
I wander in vast landscapes on which i have no recognition
--
of life--
--

of me
--
of you

--

cause when inhabited in thought of your existence i no longer know meaning
nor do i know truth

closed eyes
hands clenched to my legs around and under my feet
under everything
and below everything

everything that I don't know
ebbs and fluid of things in my subconscious that might forever grow

who are you
who are you
and why do you possesses me in these ways
with my thoughts i speak with in the corner
why is it .. my emotions that you betray

me
me

its me
not you

and I fall
deep
I'm nothing more than what you think I am
or maybe I'm more
Or maybe I'm so much less

you have no comprehension and neither do I
if your stagnant stare is all I need to fall ablaze
so let it be that for now
you possess me and captured beneath a thousand layers is where
my heat goes

when my heat goes for you
and I'm am demanded by two

the one I am familiar with
and the one who had turned into a complete

taboo

Its almost like thread
this
me and you
weaving
Im strolling
down a park
and I come across my thoughts laying down retreating on the side walk
I see the trees, and they are all so green and brown
and there you are
behind every tree
and every single thought

bent, these people
these thoughts are holding their knees together
and each ones strays and blushes to the other
and then ignore each other
as if they dont belong to the same mind
they run around and hold hanfds
and then they run away from each other

like thinking a thousand times of the letters that make up your name
and a thousand times of the skin that makes your body
and a thousand times of trying to forget what they both do to me

my thoughts run around like infants
with no mothers
and no understanding
completely barbaric and sad

I need you to come down to me
to have my restlessness come to death
and I need you to never look in my direction again
it wounds me
and I simply cant live without you

beckon to me with quivering lips
as I stare into the sun of all my innumberable objects
that swam in the days in where
our skin would touch

and i laughed
and sighed
and told you that I think
your the moon thats cradles my bed

life in junction
life in motion
under my little feet
Im hungover
and i sing out loud all the songs that you
hate to hear

maybe you are not for me
nor I you
and Im just too much
Im breaking your basket with all my eggs
and my childhood is incomprehensible
and who I must be
clings to you shirt

and I am detached from your mind
I see you as I as my coffee in the morning
twice a year
and Im followed by herds of
paper , and no paper

simmer me down from this restless place
that isnt so restless
where i can turn off all these machines
so that I am detached from this
society
I despise so much

lay me out naked on a tree
but only by myself
and only with you
or you

I have found a new passage way
and I find my remarkable exsistence
pulled up higher
by means of these new words I utter
from pure distraction
this is my distraction
from all this cruelty

The terrible influence of all sorts
and the best part is
the worst has yet to come out of me
I trail on forbidden staircases
where at the top

at the top lies my unconscious loved ones
bare with me as I apologize to them
for keeping them in
for keeping them so tight in soft silk

now I sulk
in them
and I exchange intimate touches
press my fingers so lightly
on the animal hidden so deep inside of me

and I finally let you go
when love is barren
and thoughts escape
and my words are narrow
and I cant write about the one who I have given my heart to

my heart is in my chest
isolated, my heart lies within my heart
do you understand
spiritual within flesh
within blood
hidden away
with the worst part of me

my suppression finds its weak moments
but I have seen their faces
when they simply let words caress off their tongues
(I don't feel alive anymore)

- don't give me reason to believe so

I know hope is lost
nourishing me under all the sheets I sleep on
when nothing cradles me in my sleep
but oh the ground lifts me
the ground
(lifts me)

I am dark
but have faith in me
when my mind speaks all the tales
of what goes on within the walls of berlin
inside of me
and I hide in domestic places
cluttered by people and music
I loose myself
I find myself when I'm alone
with your voice playing in the air
around me
and then touching me
swimming on the floor
my back is rubbing against the rough
carpet
and it feels so good
when Im entangled in my own arms
why do you come to me sometimes
other mind of mine
and tempt to your fellow play things
when I do so well
on my own without you

I almost lost myself within myself
or perhaps I have
life where shall you drag me upon your silk path
I am wondering in your pain
and not satisfied with your happiness
unless its in your sun
or in your sky
but night comes
and clouds cover
and where am I left
with no human
with no heart beat
with no emotion

alone I wonder
like a drop on a stormy night
I fall to the ground
and I am forgotten

I evaporate
or I fall into the dirt
that blends in with more of itself
with more of my loneliness

how incomplete I must be
when I look into eyes
and feel the pain of my own
and I forget about everyone else

in worlds
in where only I live
conquer me for I cannot conquer myself

always keep the lights down
on the sleepless nights where shiver takes over
and then melting becomes a priority
breathing vastly
into open and empty space
I have so much room to move
in my restricted composure
I curl in ways I want

I move through air in simple positions
and I am alone
I drift
harshly into misty regions
where the cold dew falls onto my hair
then slowly down my back
and then I drown
in an ocean of delivery

simply subdued by the character of so many voices
-and the so many voices of this one character

Im plunging deep within unknown objects of fragile nature
I manage to weep
every so often
on days where Im surrounded by too much noise
broken I delight
in sharing my broken thoughts with
you
I press hard against my temple
into the sense where sometimes
a ****** speaks
bound by the lips of a woman dressed in red
the seducer
the destroyer

my eyes are dry
but my soul is wet with the things i hold back
mesmerized by anything more than nothing

and nothing is more than nothing
your biggest fleet has lost all meaning
or yours

trust me
please please
trust me

when i tell you I'm shivering inside
its winter all the time
and i beg for this time to pass

trust me
please please
trust me

when i tell you I'm char and combust
and the holocaust of all my broken souls
are screaming under the burning roof inside
my home that has no bed
my home that has no windows
my home that has no living room
or stable wooden ground
that shines and when you smell lemons
when everything is clean
no
no

(that is not me)

the sound of celebration
the light of celebration play around me
the words of others sitting beside me

I remember when you exposed yourself
veins hanging like watered down tissue on burning wood
while I stood under you
you dripped on me
and I cant seem to get the stains to leave

how can you endure me with heart ache
such as yours
as now I am forever burdened by your hormones
and recklessness

and you tell me I am the purpose
for the epidemic
which ruled and overtook your galaxies

how am I so tiny and frail
able to do such things
surely it is not in my stature
for I am small

surely it cant be from my heart
for it is as alive as cobble stone
when it came to you
your were my friend
a partner in crime
taken away from me by means of yourself
and how am I to help that
when it is so out of my hand

cant you see how you drain my days
and make the moments so weary
when I am suppose to be hungry for will
and anticipation for the new minute to come

now I have deaden down
now I have melted on only the surface of the ground
if only I can go deeper
but no I am only on the surface

how do I explain such things as this
when my mind cant comprehend it
and I am already swimming in the ocean of doubt

before I took enough steps to think
before I took enough steps to get to you
before I took enough steps to know who you really are

you defeated me
you let me go
out of your selfish bitterness
how can you blame me

it hurts to see things I have written for you
so simple and real
as the abyss that surrounds you is
and as the complexion of your fragile body

I feel your weakness in my bones
and i feel your strength in my blood
running through me
colliding
impossible to explain
extreme to decipher

i see how you hair falls
and your smile is like a childhood memory that
i cant let go of
take me with you not somewhere empty
but heavily inhabited
so that i can know what it is
to feel invisible

basking in the light the preludes from your fingers
and drips slowly on to my neck
i am exhausted by your intensity

and when i fall asleep
it will be to our silent song
that we dare not sing aloud
and happily

woman of stature
the woman of grace and disposition
I am faulty
believe me when I tell you I am

love forbidden
love in chastity
completely forge in to me
yet embedded in my whole
and woven into the meaning of myself
within myself
deceit forbade me from conquering you
and now I am forbidden from myself
and you and you

lonesome yes
in the deepest part of my seed
nurtured on every outer layer
hidden is the young infant within that weeps
sad songs that scream
take my hand
pleading
hold me

you can see with your naked eye
Im holding out my lungs to you

loneliness hasnt seen itself
till it sees so many who can full fill it
and then walks away
that is loneliness

and I walk away everyday

this white cloak gets as close
to me as you do
simple cloth fabric
simple complex human mind
they get just as close

I have lived in such a state
for 3 years
I read the old letter I wrote
and the measure of my imeasurability grew longer
to be reminded I delivered words that speak openly
to another human

woman of stature
the woman of grace and disposition

positioned only within herself

I am faulty
relieve me when I tell you I am
believe me when I tell you I am

I almost fell asleep
before i convinced myself to write of you
and who ever knew I would write of you

tonight you craddled my mind
in thoughts of you sitting next to me
humming the same rythym that breathed on
everyones soul strings

wraped in my culture
wraped in your voice
and wraped in the man
who I thought was the men of all men
come to find
I wasnt treated as if he was so

so it goes
the story
I met a young gentlemen
who almost changed the course of my life
and shook my world
with the simple smirk of his sinful lips
the epic glare of his eye

I surrendered for a minimal amount of time
i forfited into my weakeness
and wraped myself in it
immeresed myself into something that
was out of character and insanity
or maybe not

and so it goes this story
of the days where i use to spend in the garden
the days i spent picking fruit
the days i spent alone
with the grumpy old hearts beating down on my mind
the days i spent dwelling in thought of you
dwelling in absence of you
dwelling in longing

i held my breathe
and suffocated underneath the gloomy water
and i held myself there

your look was sly
and then you intention shifted
and so did my thoughts
the glare in your eye didnt shine the same
and my hearts beat started to slow down
and catch on to its normal pace

your lips changed and with that your tongue
why did people matter
people should have never mattered at all
and maybe if you were different
it would have lasted more than a month

its amazing how many words I let loose
off so many strings with you always in mind
but this shall be the last time i write of your existence

I remember your water like a faded fingerprint
bent and pressed all over my naked chest
I remember your meaning like I remember distant days as a child
everything is so faded
due to the crushing that i have done over time

now we speak in strangers tongue
although i never really knew you
I knew of what you might be
and I knew of what you did to me

- at some point on the time line I felt
like patience was lost even though it was there
like my mind had found another place to live
although it was here all along

or maybe perhaps I did loose my mind
to have thought that such a situation can bend
or levitate itself to my planet
where you and I would live
never once did you read the script
and show appreciation towards my
rare admiration towards you

never

in humans I disgust
but you kept yourself in a twilight
somehow in my sky longer than usual
and till now the enigma puzzles me
oh you epidemic and dreary young life
how did you condemn me
in all the ways you did

its amazing how many words I let loose
off so many strings with you always in mind
but this shall be the last time i write of your existence

I remember your water like a faded fingerprint
bent and pressed all over my naked chest
I remember your meaning like I remember distant days as a child
everything is so faded
due to the crushing that i have done over time

now we speak in strangers tongue
although i never really knew you
I knew of what you might be
and I knew of what you did to me

- at some point on the time line I felt
like patience was lost even though it was there
like my mind had found another place to live
although it was here all along

or maybe perhaps I did loose my mind
to have thought that such a situation can bend
or levitate itself to my planet
where you and I would live
never once did you read the script
and show appreciation towards my
rare admiration towards you

never

in humans I disgust
but you kept yourself in a twilight
somehow in my sky longer than usual
and till now the enigma puzzles me
oh you epidemic and dreary young life
how did you condemn me
in all the ways you did

how is it that you enter my life
and then without looking in my direction
no heed nor warning
seasons pass
ice falls
and the sun prevails our sensitive eyes
but we know of the departure
and we know of the return

how is it that you can leave within the twitch of my hand
and I can wait decades and decades for a return that
will never happen
until the sudden twitch
and I turn to dust
and I my soul finds its place underneath
the livings feet
hidden deep in the earth
until our time comes

so many of you have left
and it was always so unexpected
life and all it is shorter than my words
how moments pass so undetected
and I am frail
when I find acceptance hard to manage

when I think of the love and how its now hidden
under so many different surfaces
in a different world
blood runs thing
and pain creeps
at the thought of loved ones who have passed
most of us humans have someone
whom at one second of the day
thoughts retreat to
needles flow in your veins rather than blood

life comes and goes in sublime sharp ways

would I imagine myself throwing myself
in the arms of desperation after many years
of annihilated love
after many years of baroque turmoil
tinted with smiles
and kisses on my shoulder

multiple
one ten
maybe when I'm mentally exhausted 2
I drained myself of ability
to perceive the difference
between the look in your eyes
and the look in mine

what does it all mean

I'm standing still and all I can hear
is you yelling at me
you cursing at me
you drenching me in the pain that
I have caused you

you kissing my neck
and then slashing my back
with the knife we have built together
of our linking souls

I smile and tell you to just leave
and my carelessness draws you closer to me
then ever before
and I move further
wanting you
yet I move further

what encompasses my sickness in love
destroying my perception completely of the monster
who was suppose to save me so long ago
under heaps of destruction i find myself
mendled by all your pretty things

and then at the end of the day
I sleep with tears on my lips
love.

I choose to live
so pensive
I am a captive
in my vast proximity
in thoughts that eat each others thoughts
and grow within each other
and then die

the sun rises through the window sill
peaking like infants playing hide and go seek
pretty little eyes between the brown cracks
beams shine on my face
and wake me up to this creature
called a new day
and we praise this new comer
this bringer of different sorts

as I sit here, it rules me in the court
charging me guilty before it comes
it raises its hand before my words are done

my poems fall like invisable somethings
and the air it hunts me down
and my ears drown in the sound
of the wind blowing through my hair
my hands are filthy and Im holding my heart
or more so my despair
save me from this nightmare, I may find sanity
no but not in you new comer
but elsewhere

we can feed off of each others
destruction
life has shown us both
enivitability is always knocking at the door
it creeps behind the bar
holding death in a precious little box
or maybe a few tears in clear jar

I walked down into this forest
than this forest
and and this one
but no
no
the hands I see are not tinted enough
not invisably black enough
not tortured enough

the fire I see has never been extinguished
left with no nourishment
never knowing a word of despair

white breathing so many different colors
you illumanate in front of me
like earths beauty in the deepest core
under the most magnifecent things
you are perfect
and satan himself would agree

but no
no
you are not empty enough for me

the color green
floats around in my mind like a pool of death
bottomless in my heart
thick and dark
flowing completely
and
completely
empty

its all there
but its all gone

I am a human
but I lack all the characteristics
of a human mind
Im frigid
metal like
placid
and emotionless
you bring me forth

and I lay in my tomb
next to all my thoughts of you

death

you have annihliated me
brought me to an end
of no return
my words would never be enough

if times cures
I will feel you a millenium from now
flowing through my blood
as if we just met

I always admired the idea of being with someone
but not the actual action of it
comparison to suicide
the thought make love to my vessels
and my veins
and I proclaim that after you
my blood cells will never be the same
transfigured by your simple gestures
your sweet talk
and the veins that run through your hands
your smile that makes my stomach churn
and the words that make atoms burn

I sit in corners speaking to quietly
I dare not raise my voice
I just expect you to come to me-I let my frustration grow
love pains
when pain is the only
love, you know

you fancy the venom that drips down
in the air
apprently my clouds presipitate anger
and evil reigns on me

turn your head
cover you eyes
hide away from such a creature
wasnt it spoken of said and confirmed
that this species can hurt you

so why do you walk down my path
if you do, do so silently
and dont express words to get to me
because I will leave you drained
life will always be different

you played to pursudae
my golden parade
into your midnight blue finger tips--
to hinder me to beg to be a part of the edge of your lips

oh young man why do you throw me in your bed like that
and touch my ribs and sides the way leaves touch the ground in autumn

your palms have left invisable marks along the small of my back

dont make me loose whatever is left inside of my thoughts
the waves of eminent energy that rush down your masculinity
as I simply watch adorning every crevice of anything that ever exsisted inside of you
and everytime I noticed this passion grew
---
and I always seemed to notice

when I felt blindness and artless
your name skipped in my blood
----
and I am no longer heartless

I ran away from the temple
that you hid me inside of for so long

my feet were numb
and I almost went blind
the monsters outside almost
got me
and ripped my insides out

the corners got rusty
spiders built their webs

they were present in our conversations
did you love me

or was I the crown posession
did I intrigue you
moving small

I brake my anger with your smile
and let the frusteration slip through
my hands like indian silk

most nights
I was on my knees
holding my breathe
hoping you would come home
and for many days
you did not

you left me there
walked out and locked the door
leaving me without remorse
or redemption
steady handed and left there to burn
like the guiltys alibi
hanging by a needle on my chest
burden like havok causing
endless catasrophes in my mind
insanity I questioned
burried deep deep
inside of you

you who had no mercy
with your kiss

I am accompinied by the thoughts
that have made us up

the air moves in simple
ways around strands of my body
and it pushes off a cool

there is no room for detail in the castle
no room for words of the shameful

my feet will depart this land
shake this land
I am an orchestra in the clouds
thoughts race when you dont turn around
to observe the entire life of one simple human
being left behind
yourself
I will stray on land that has many more footprints left behind on it
and let it consume me

I find myself in a different color
with minds from another place

I practice spells in haste

I plan the days to come
where that mind dosent exist
build a little butterfly garden with a pinch of Zen
sit behind the bar stare at the men
lay down with a pen in my hand
in a place where its only me again
again and again

I left the good ones in the bag that I packed
and left with a long time ago
blinded by expressionism and confessionalism
a portrait hung on my wall for so long
I dream in blue and earthy scents
of that little space between hinder and breath
society placed a big burden upon my chest
it whispers so many funny and true things
dire to my belief of originality
and being specific in the things I do
mind like thin lines overlapping in many different hues
I have grown ill in thought of the ordinary people
you see me as flawed hurt and stupid
and I see you as plain boring and mediorce
eyes trail downwards about my sincere actions
and sometimes I must hold my tongue
being that envious eyes would like to eat a lung
my manner gentle and discreet
Im am nothing near the definition of obsolete
and I accept it as I accept that nothing will ever
with misuse be complete
and in a heartbeat I retreat to that creature
who beside me is petite
as I am
feathers of beauty brush against the
slowly moving winds on my shore
and I go back and wonder why everything
so quickly turns into nothing
descending tons of gore
and then fragility comes back to its place
sits on the front of my hands
like a serence masterpeice
reminding me who I am
and leaves me permanently marked
with a gray smile

I am ordinary refinement
I see things differently

I wake up in the mornings and breathe
from eyes of the universe
I am so small
me and you
we are so small

our kisses are small
my different loves were atoms
that connected to one of my sisters
who I had never met somewhere in libia
we both make a crease in the ebb
a very miniscule one

this finger print of our earth
does the universe have 10 fingers
the thoughts linger
my small thoughts

spoke in love tongue
warmed up in laughter
and then woke up one morning and thought my name
the victim says

one morning when I had taken myself away
from this earth
and burried myself in dirt on another place

anywhere oh anywhere other then this petty little world
where only you and the other soul exsist
in the mist and dew in the evaporation of my wet thoughts
within my thoughts
only inside of you
my mind caressed your blood

my steam runs down your veins
will I ever forgive myself for letting you own my mind
and my smoke circles your face
and clings to our breath
and if suffocating crept
I wouldt even recognize you--
death

when here under a opressors arms

simply delighted melting vigorusly in the diluted charm
oh we are everything
everything
but at the moment it dosent
no it dosent seem wrong

I have wrote of you like night and day
expressed my passion of words to you
like poets of the universe
darkly
dimly
in space I reach for the furthest star now
away from you
you are now but a planet ****** into a black
hole laying somewhere deep in my unconscious
forgotten
stricken.

are we okay
will you hold me like you did that one day
speak to me like you did when we sat in the sultry cafe

kiss me like you did on that winter night in the driveway
my love...

are we okay

our cigerrete buds fill the ashtray
as we listen to the soothing beats of reggea
I remember you in the miday

darling...

are we okay

I sit and watch
not the passion
but the connection decay

the burdens outweigh
our clique
feminine
folkway

your fingerprints marked along every hallway
your lips scorn the evening of every friday
your pushing edge on every railway
your uneasiness and the foreplay
your secrets replay in my head like a violin

finally
I have come to realization
of this heavy dismay
with drought I say

lover we are not okay.

your hair was long
eyes burnt like savage charcoal hanging
off the tunes that follows your voice when you speak
blindess carsses infant bones inside of me
you make me weak

pretty you moved like glitter in summer rain
your words were simple and plain
you sat like a indian sun child
everything around us somehow manipulated into nature
nothing was concrete
nothing was cement

nights and days I repent
the hours minutes seconds spent
on basking in the rain that built up
in front of your hands
drops fall off strands of hair
slowly
on to the ocean under us
purging lips

dive deep into uncharted mansions
somewhere between bones and hips

from your water I would take small sips
as I knew after our cups were empty
you would leave
or maybe I would

I got up to depart
she grabbed my wrist
at my skin she rips
shes slips
and unto her I grip

the yelling snaps like horsewhips
my heart beat skips
the anger settles

my vocbulary slips
as femininity strips
the images fill the Polaroid film strips
and I think how I can no longer take this

minutes then roll off into bliss

Murdering the infants of soft cruelty
that build sand castles in my back yard
I heard them cry out for sugar
and laughter

I place the old pictures in my pocket
I find my luggage
my clothing that I wish to burn

branches quiver in the sun
so innocent and lifeless
so potent and malicious

Im a woman who will retain
a unfertilized egg
and a single heart

I see beauty only on the surface
and I dont dare go any further
then the skin
anything past flesh has become
nothing but
disappointment

my fingers break when I write this
my mind cracks like the grounds of a death filled earthquake
my lives are petrified
and the thoughts who are civilans perish
under the lava of life that erupts itself
with contagious fumes in my mind
I came close to something that
could have well rolled off my tongue so nicely
as perfect
now Im far away
and I might always be
burden places itself on my side
smiling at me always
like a dimmed creature
horror film based
1940's
always next to me

pain stakingly
one day It will come to our hault
our exit
our departure
and Im on my way
with a staggering pulse
and wavering feet

the only other paths on my side
are hell, disguised
demised
I press my finger against my temple
and wished for nothing but annihalation of thought
and the smallest breathe of fresh air

your image brings both
and Im a ghost I feel as though sometimes
I might bury myself in the clouds forever

cause they are pale and soft
and this reality is full of needles and thorns

my eyes fall out of my body
as my hearts is watching them discreetly and mourns

this poem is only a degradtion
of the scenerio I have manifested on the border line of my sanity
words
that seem to absorb deeper words
when the thought of feeling the flesh
under your mind comes into correct place

yes

movements please and
light sighs
breeze

through the thin air
strong and ambiguous
my lines to
you
I am thrown
sprawled on the floor
and I move through the rooms in your house
I kiss every corner
and press my chest against every celing
I bathe in every shower
down pouring of your technique on my
small body
I walk outside
I take the plunge into your unirverse
and interact with all the evil in it

I let it consume my very core
in the deepest part of my womb
how beautiful,
as we explore
every
downpour
.
.
.

this this
is something that I never understood before
and now I cant ignore

I lay and praise in the mirror
the ****** *****

I feel you now
the winds move fast
I whisper to them
to ease and slow
to caress me completely
and then the waves come again
and I am washed on shore
powerless and wanting more

as I stare into your skies


my hands are trembeling
on top of your child like
eyes

I am honored by your repulsive behaviour
to know I can have such an impact on your character
leaves me breathless
memories flood every *****

my blood feels thicker everytime a drop of you comes to my mind

my heart feels heavier

my eyes feel wetter

why do I feel posined by something so beautiful
why am I intoxicated and drunk of the thought of something so natural

do you wake up with glistening cheeks
like I do

no its not a dream
I understand that this is my reality
I always look back
watching as these thoughts retreat to everything I ever believed in

in everything I never believed in

no words escaped your lips when I slowly walked backwards torwards my sunless house
where only few flowers grow in its vast landscape
---
but I saw the look in your eyes

I
didnt know

exactly where to fall
or if I should have let myself fall at all

tinted poetry
poetic in my own utter for trying to
grasp something that is close
to reaching the sun with my shoulders

my heart touched the sun when It encountered
your reluctant fire.
Nights where I felt as if love would suffocate me
with madness that was to good to be true
and you held me with the veins of your mind
and tugged at me with the strings of your eyes

gripping onto you when we would walk
let it be that everyone knew that you belonged to my hands
and my fingerprints ran over you body
just mine
you took my blue stones

blue stones

and set them on fire with your demonic lips
of shamelessness given to you by your manhood
a kind that was all too good to be true

skin full of color that wasnt there when you where born
a body composed of pure art and gesture
permanently scared
your neck sang
and your pelvis cracked against my hip
when the sand dunes went in too deep
the earth eroded
and our universe collapsed
between our two sepearte places

and after everything was gone
dead
we breathe
in and out so so
slowly

soft laughter sighs
what are you doing tommorow like questions
float in the heavy air around us
and all I know for certain
is that
this will end

I feel the skin move through me
like a thousand bricks fallen off of a mountain
completely at ease
you ravage me with your simplicity
eyes edged on the corner of every dark alley
your smile is a projector
in my mind of all the things
that I really admire
is it too much to ask
that you always spread your soul around me
I fall into heat
and there is no way to be discreet
about this anymore
Im bored with holding my tongue
Im bored with the run
I would like to lay in your arms
my beautiful sun
as I press my lips to yours
and my heart to the gun

we can feed off of each others
destruction
life has shown us both
enivitability is always knocking at the door
it creeps behind the bar
holding death in a precious little box
or maybe a few tears in clear jar

I walked down into this forest
than this forest
and and this one
but no
no
the hands I see are not tinted enough
not invisably black enough
not tortured enough

the fire I see has never been extinguished
left with no nourishment
never knowing a word of despair

white breathing so many different colors
you illumanate in front of me
like earths beauty in the deepest core
under the most magnifecent things
you are perfect
and satan himself would agree

but no
no
you are not empty enough for me

my blood has fallen asleep and at ease to your beauty
your eyes

I beg
to breathe in the skin of your thighs

you move faster
and I move further away-
with you
from everything you represent
your prose and the most you disobey

leave you I may
beautiful woman
leave you I will
meager minds and griefs hearts to you I dispell everything
you may not see brown eyed,
I for now
have given all my insides to you

I walk away against my will

for you to display ---
life
sprung into things you must discover
and below you I hover
hoping that the feeling will not absorb me
like water into a sponge
like blood into a lung

I am beaten down

hurt

and I understand that breathing comes in hand
when in place of a human
who does not yet understand

I push reason into mind
and it pushes me further from you

I push passion into place
and it brings me closer to you

I
me
If I were in someplace a hidden globe
would multiply myself in your lives
so many little to one
I am imagining your beauty
between my fingers you see

and all I want is to bring you closer to me

and then my mind sets its foot down into
who I am
and then I realize
maybe you should become a shadow
not the one which follows me
but the one of my days
the one that represents everything I smile
at when I wake up in the morning

I didnt know you
I made up who you were with a combimnation
of little things you have shown me

bring me to subtle understanding
distressed creature of another sort
I am yearning
in the pool of you
alone

I left the good ones in the bag that I packed
and left with a long time ago
blinded by expressionism and confessionalism
a portrait hung on my wall for so long
I dream in blue and earthy scents
of that little space between hinder and breath
society placed a big burden upon my chest
it whispers so many funny and true things
dire to my belief of originality
and being specific in the things I do
mind like thin lines overlapping in many different hues
I have grown ill in thought of the ordinary people
you see me as flawed hurt and stupid
and I see you as plain boring and mediorce
eyes trail downwards about my sincere actions
and sometimes I must hold my tongue
being that envious eyes would like to eat a lung
my manner gentle and discreet
Im am nothing near the definition of obsolete
and I accept it as I accept that nothing will ever
with misuse be complete
and in a heartbeat I retreat to that creature
who beside me is petite

as I am

feathers of beauty brush against the
slowly moving winds on my shore
and I go back and wonder why everything
so quickly turns into nothing
descending tons of gore
and then fragility comes back to its place
sits on the front of my hands
like a serene masterpeice
reminding me who I am
and leaves me permanently marked
smile

lets be honest
let me be honest
when I speak of the precautions
of the extents
where my skin feels the need to come off my body

I dont know if I want to wait till it sheds
or if I choose to be intolerant
and simply rip it off my muscle

the skin that you have touched
let it ware away
anything please
just let this violence settling on top of my being
just ware away

I have been there
in the inner most deep depths of your freckles
and Im meddled
so lost
in your extrgavance
something put me out of this state

and the last time we spoke, I spoke to you with a tone of hatred
and I would never let you know
that, moment was my love manipulated

into something so much deeper than what we were
and why is that
why are you
you
and why am I me
and things trail down this little road of our
personal caotic catasrophe

the clouds bleed out our meaning
everyday
when the sun is out
and its light everyday
and it brings me into a retreat
you make the light do this to me

hopefully
somewhere in between the stories
ill find myself pleading
and then I will find an answer
to this endless mind thought
love forgive me
the passion itself
please

your hands so female
declare suffocation in every bone

I feel you
the way
I feel the blood coursing through my veins
I feel you
the way I feel my very soul
breathing in me always
until I take my last breathe

I am horrified
with you

I am explicitly terrified with
the thought of how you said my name

I will

always
remember you, as I remember the days when I was small
meager and did not yet understand what the world brung forth

I remember you as I remember the horrific acts which molded me
to be who I am today

I will always remember you that way

I remember you

you are painful to remember

your face a muse in my deepest beliefs
on what the real meaning of love is
or mAYbe something else

Im so bound by my memories of you
they fall in my mind like the roots of dandylions
but with wishes that never came true

sometimes I feel
that I wish I could have lived with you in some remote world
far from the one we met
far from the one that any who have felt this way will ever go
Im engrossed in my simplicity towards you
towards your remarkable face

you brought joy
you brought anguish
you brought fear
and deliverance
to the furthest place away from you that my feet could possibly take me

why is it that my mind always goes back to you
at times
when Im almost on the edge of relief
you take my sanity away from me

and Im left in the same place once more
I feel like a failure everytime
who is left with nothing
not even the joy in my commitment of straying myself away
from the very core of you
for it is imbedded in my core
you are the seed and Im the outer layer of the fruit
that will never ripen with time
or with age
Im stuck in a pandominoum
in a world
where the sun does not shine
and I do not move foward

I assume that the only thing that will bring me refuge
is your voice
which is the only thing that terrorizes me most

you are a monster caged in the very depths of my thoughts
I have lost the key to let you go
to free you from my restless mind
I hear your echoes every night beaming in my head
agony mixed with revelations of something I was so unfamiliar with
until your frail and young exsistence came into my life

I did not want to be the one to show you
the one to bring you into that world
it was so painful for me
will you ever now
how weak I felt holding that responsibilty in my small hands
I have never felt so small before

the sin
the relaxtion
the realse
the pain

you let me be the barrer of these
and now Im left with all except relaxtion
and without you

our story falls on the thorns of beautiful roses
Im stuck on the needles
while I stare at the pedals in rememberance
of all the things that I can no longer touch
with my veins
I end this poem like I ended me and you
without wanting to

I left the good ones in the bag that I packed
and left with a long time ago
blinded by expressionism and confessionalism
a portrait hung on my wall for so long
I dream in blue and earthy scents
of that little space between hinder and breath
society placed a big burden upon my chest
it whispers so many funny and true things
dire to my belief of originality
and being specific in the things I do
mind like thin lines overlapping in many different hues
I have grown ill in thought of the ordinary people
you see me as flawed hurt and stupid
and I see you as plain boring and mediorce
eyes trail downwards about my sincere actions
and sometimes I must hold my tongue
being that envious eyes would like to eat a lung
my manner gentle and discreet
Im am nothing near the definition of obsolete
and I accept it as I accept that nothing will ever
with misuse be complete
and in a heartbeat I retreat to that creature
who beside me is petite

as I am

feathers of beauty brush against the
slowly moving winds on my shore
and I go back and wonder why everything
so quickly turns into nothing
descending tons of gore
and then fragility comes back to its place
sits on the front of my hands
like a serene masterpeice
reminding me who I am
and leaves me permanently marked
smile

your hands bend like twisted willow
on somber chains
my heart is mute and pale in presence
of your subtle anger
hidden
deeply rooted into
your beautiful eyes

I beg to go deeper

although I know the income
of my words will retalite
I know how they will scar
some crevice
and unknown part of me
yet to discover
dead
until you have awakened it
with that flesh on your face
that monstourus gaze

they will speak about me
say how I differ too much
how I speak to much of broken hearts
and sorrowfull songs
but I know to every real human heart
every one of my poems is but a sing along

I leaned over backwards
to eat the paint that dripped from
your lips, hearty sentiments
given to nature by exquisite controversy
life took humanities blood drenched towel
and squeezed us out
and now we lay
here
in something that is so
much more powerful than your
average noisy silence
and I smile gently to you