I mingle with rasputin in the moments between grasping thighs
I allow myself to peer within the Frankenstein of your skeletons
the Dracula of your love
and the hearts of all your felons
I too live like enigma between the branches and the dirt
and I smile with a ease when you tear off my shirt
and when we rub against each others warmth
as if we have never been hurt
and with your monsters the boundaries
between water and fire I flirt
you would always whisper in my ear
and touch my shoulder lightly
when nobody was watching, but I knew what it meant
I knew what the very movement of your fingers enticed
I knew your love like my favorite book
sitting on my shelf naked, reading its beautiful lines
over and over
and over again.

I will kiss your remininesent
tears with my scars
your salt will cleanse me
when your particles mix in my skin
and we shall become whole
like the root of every beautiful plant

the earth will swallow us
and we will dwell beneath the cradles feet
like two seeds
me and you
breathing as one living breed

I whisper between the dirt
and nestle as close to your warmth
my skin is stuck to yours
petite us
my pores are your pores

blurry images of black figures
fill the cinema in my head
a deep soft
creeping
passionate
whisper
seeps
in

she speaks like a distorter
of colorful images
blotted out
in the
pain
ful

we smile on the bench like wicked
I press my eyes on the skin
and I am far stricken
touching the
pale ill
inside

eyes that are filled with
slumber ancestry
mourn the funeral
of anatognized
lovers

breathe out
purging
lightly

turn to the side of dark
barcelona instristic in the wet
paris of your broken fingers
linger elegantly
with my dress of leather
take your hands
kiss them

banish crime of the wrong
ashes of the fire flutter
around me like doves
on a day of birth
I lightly lift my arms
so that the flesh falls on my hands
and I feel those things for the last time

creasing eyebrows
the frigid temples of these ancient ruins
hidden deep in forbidden valleys
carefully painted with a red smoke
of lips
the lines in palms
and feminine hips

laughter and screams fade out
with the pressing of things that
beat within small human chests
that may stop at any moment
we must keep going now
in search for a sacrifice
for the blood of harmony
in her smallest hope

do you feel the heavy burden of the white oceans
filled with nothing but sanitys affliction
lets throw our minds into those waters
carelessy
like the small
particles in the wind

the sky closes
the sun purges
the night runs to a haven
cross bred in between the two
we are in a place
we dont know of
and the muscles in my cheeks
shiver as I smile
finally.

I feel the indifference like a numbing pain
I want you to feel how I let it put my soul to death
and liquidate my thoughts
they drip down like the paint of a artist
who has lost interest in his work

and I feel so uncared for by you
simple letting me fall with no proper land
I weep down like a loners lost distress
thrown out into carelessness
falling with no purpose

or maybe there is a purpose
is the reason too painful for me to know
.
,
I wish not to understand how you feel
I wish not to accept the pain that awaits me
within the petite seconds I shared with you
standing on a table of Marie Antoinette
gardens so beautiful that she built with the
selfishness of her femininity
with the lavishness given to her by birth
that is not me
I deserve nothing of this

unlike this fallen Queen
I believe
this pain also does not belong to me
I have felt with my heart
that I cant carry this burden

lift me from my grave
in which I have buried myself
under thoughts of your lost smile
my bird of tomb
my nails edge the sides of you
a skin made of white
the lines of red have faded
as I have from you

and I no longer see a residence
within your space.

can we live in cold corners
where no one can see how short I have cut my hair
we will have pillows that share our names
we lay our heads to rest

Im thinner than I have ever been
and I love the way my bones stick out
when you touch any part of me
I curve
and theres my spine
like mountains in the middle of a flat plain

We will have few clothes
and rarely speak to anyone
me and you will be just like this
happier and sadder than we would have ever
thought to miss
you lay down after your long work hours
or maybe we wont work
we will just sit there
quietly
and we will
kiss

there sits an ashtray with a Buddha
on that tiny coffee table we brought back
with us from our previous life
it stands on its brittle legs
so strong

the print on the wall behind it
is our most valued vintage pattern
who would have ever known we would
have come to any decision
I smile when I peek at it
and close my eyes like a child
who has been caught staring at forbidden
things, with butterflies in my stomach
at the feeling of something so new


I love those flowers on that dress
the one that makes the collar bone look like
a stake in the tower of Notre Dame
Gothic artistry
like that
my eyes cant deny you
its so beautiful
and your weak ankles
and these strong features
pale skin
and the black eyes that
have overcome so many
battles
the small hands
the heavy palms
that cradle

we will cook simple things
small things
pretty things
to fill our minds

we are so unpretentious
our house
and us
within us we chain the small riots

we are virgins
we are *****

the lights are bright and
different colors
but we come back to the house
the lights are dim
the sofa has an old print
its smells like lavender
under the sheets
and burnt candle wax
and all those spell tuning
demeanors

we run in
and corrupt to the floor
dropping like dead bodies
and watch the smoke of the incense
we left on, reminiscing in the air around us
and missing our presence
there
together

classic playing in the background always
we are soft together
like the smooth painful tune
on our favorite artists lips
the gentle stroke of the painters brush
when he comes to the canvas to weep
when he has been defeated

together we are
soft

I lay my head on your shoulder
so lightly
you can barely feel it
and I fall asleep to the scent of your
skin

I want to weep
;
;
;

I want to weep
my very ancerstors out to you

I want to creep to you in the morning
and give you
my deepest secrets

do you know what you have done
hidden in your palms
in your simple hands

lays the external of my life
Im tortured without you

I crashed back into rejoice
with the white monster
I wanted you to enter me

In small ways
in pheanomanal ways
in every slow movement
that comes to all the sinister minds

come inside of me
I trail my fingertips aside
paleness
hovered credibility to my
admiration towards all the skin
that has made up your human body

I am far beyond the mind
of an intoxicated woman

Im much more than that
I want to graze the liqour of
all your minds
and lay in between your different surfaces
aboloshied
with my happiness

while you scrape the insides of my womb

I am accompinied by the thoughts
that have made us up

the air moves in simple
ways around strands of my body
and it pushes off a cool

there is no room for detail in the castle
no room for words of the shameful

my feet will depart this land
shake this land
I am an orchestra in the clouds
thoughts race when you dont turn around
to observe the entire life of one simple human
being left behind
yourself
I will stray on land that has many more footprints left behind on it
and let it consume me


I find myself in a different color
with minds from another place

I practice spells in haste

I plan the days to come
where that mind dosent exist
build a little butterfly garden with a pinch of Zen
sit behind the bar stare at the men

lay down with a pen in my hand
in a place where its only me again
again and again

I need a film to describe this
to get the message through in complete
character
mind blowing
subductive
subjective introspecting learning
through another mind in all that
its given for
I know you
but your my stranger
I carry you in between my fingers
I laugh at your curiosity
and beg to differ from
so many disciplines that have
frowned upon our new land
corsette love
imagine the thrill
imagine the drill
into the lightest and deepest core
within every unknown dark thing
inside of your small body
Im familiar with it
I embrace it
I cant control myself
and wish you would do the same
when in a menace sorounding
your purging in my mind
like atomic warfare

you want to fall
crash into my landscapes
touch my sawgrass
and bite my quivering knees

it seems to me I have fell into hopeless romance
sided with pain and anticipation
anxiouness and sensuality
I feel how you graze my goosbumps
and they look at me with envy
I give them my humble smile

but I am almost never humble with you
you rip me apart
you tear at me with your claws
you bleed me dry
and Im flourished with all my thoughts
of you

sitting
baggy shirt night shines
and the moon is sitting on my hair
and water is sitting on my red cheeks

I think about you once the plane crashes
every once in a while in my mind
a rare catastrophe

lives have been lost
and I'm sitting here mourning
all the lives that were between us
all the lives we have lived together

but we lived so little
no no
we didnt last long
we didnt last long at all

I look at my hands
the blood in them runs cold while I sit here
my eyes feel cold the veins in them - streaks of ice

emptiness blossoms like cherry trees in japan
coming out of every pour
oh I am a flourshing woman
flushed in distressing thoughts of a woman
who once held me in her arms
like I was glass
touched me like I was silk
and looked at me as if I was made of stone

understanding why my moral reasoning beckons
to life the way it does

why cant I inhale you right now
I must come to you
to show you how I feel
so that you can wrap your fingers around me
like I am porcelain
I already feel my blood getting warmer

I shiver
and cry
while the moon weeps along my side
tonight I mourn the lives lost between us
I mourn the children in between
the new borns between us who we never saw grow up
and the so many lives we could have lived
in my bones dear I am aching
simply thinking about all the lives we could have been living

you think you can insult me with your charm
you think you can insult me with your beauty
you think you can insult me with that mind of yours
and if you speak
and even if you are so sentimental

your sighs still ring heavily in my broken showers
why am I so deadened
beaten down
by my own definition of what you are


you creep to those trees in my land
growing along side me
watching the season come and go with me

that is what you render to
resort to

should you dry yourself off in the cloak of
shame and timid everyday

just bring an end to me and this
bring and end
or atleast say something
actually
maybe silence should be kind

and if you should have it
if the power was in your reach
if selfishness could speak
you would want to leave me in one peice
while the other million have disapeared
left with so little of myself

you would have destroyed me
if it was in you power
if it was in your reach

I smiled to you
and you smiled back to me

the parted lips that hurt the heart
of so many before us
hunderds and hundreds of years before us

you would have fed me to the desert
if it was up to you

you would have sent me to the sun
you would have let me melt
oh there was so many things you would do to me
if it were up to you

you would have put me in yours hands
and crush the glass that I have given you
with me inside your fingerprints

if it was up to you
if it was in your reach

you would have me sit spiritually
on top of your eyelids as I cry
every morning
and every night
your personal sad porcelain doll
expressing herself to you
in one way

pain.


and if it were up to me
I would have loved you very deeply

I have reached that fatal point
in where I associate consequence with defeat and happiness

I have reached that fatal point
in where I associate warmth in spaces between your arms
and your fingers

I have reached a point so fatal that it has made me
feel
more alive

in between your curiosity I hide
I imagine myself in so many different places with you
and sit and just let my thoughts trail

I know you in a sense of understanding
and how subtle that is
I wouldnt believe it if I really knew you
saw your light in your darkest places
and saw the dimness in your vast brightness
saw your spine from the inside out
and felt your chest upon mine

I have tasted the poisin in your cheeks
but I have yet to hear your heart beat upon my ear

I have a notion brief yet so strong
of what your are capable of doing to me
that if you were to show me to places within your
hidden places
I might lean back and scream
what it is
what it is
to feel such a powerful thing

when I thought beauty couldnt strech her hand any
further
I saw what was behind your fingerprints
what was behind everything that was physcial
what was behind everything that was spiritual
something that went deeper

I see you
and then I see time
and then I see a mixture of colors
a blurr

this permanent handwriting on my walls
marked with touch by your words
has edged itself along the small of my thoughts
and I am devoured
depleted by you


To think that your sense was staggered
puts my thoughts to sleep
and I cant understand
how you thought I didnt feel the same

I walk backwards to how I hid so discreetly from you
if only you knew I feared you
and feared myself
feared how the colors might mix
feared how the pain might ravage us and lay
our hearts to waste
under the gravel of such beautiful little things


now I move
and where to exactly I cant press my tongue against that
but we move timidly towards each other

I twist my words sometimes
and lie about the movement of my arms in between different air
so that you can run away from me
so that you can leave without me uttering a speech
of go away
perhaps I never want to see you again
but knowing women such as myself that is never the issue
until I make you up for who you are and accept the nature of things

my time is reluctant and I cant sustain the water that comes from the sky
as I cannot sustain not wanting whatever sounds come out of your vocal chords around me
neither now nor tommorow
you are now a ghost and I know nothing of you
or where you come from
a shadowy lake
dinged grass

simply transparent as anything else that is there
but then again really isnt in sight
and my eyes become narrow like that of a mans
and I see nothing on my sides
simply holding me back from things I must do
just leave
leave

rid me of your eerie changes in forecast
and let my swampy land stay swamp
it would be better than drying up killing my fishes
and then reginerting once more
only to leave disintigrated at the end of the day
when in the beginging I thought I would flourish again


come dig your leaves from my palms
my hands dont move the same anymore when your dead life
and elements that have fallen off your mind and from what is before me
a fragile body of someone who just wants to somehow
reverse ignorant wisedom into curiosity and care

I have streched too far and touched too many different souls
to know that this ridicule is not worth anything more than
well nothing,
honestly I can say that much
which is nothing, so maybe I should just not speak

prosecuters who have been in the soles of the backbone of your situations and such
prove me guilty of selfish acts
that I betake to make myself breathe easier
when regardless of what happens
when I breathe harder
my breath shall only pond down on you
like a thousand needles falling through water


pin drops
pin drops
painfully

smile at me
tell me you will be okay
and so that I may depart

concrete painless seduction
overwhelmed by my own understanding of your pain
love thins like alocholic blood
seeping everywhere
onto my lips
onto my fingertips

and things they feel withered down
by your withered down eyes
cries cries
cries
she cries
crying I care
begging to find out what you would like me
to cook you in the morning
oh anything to put a smile on your rigged face

cold dry and wet your ***** beats in my shoulder and
in the back of my arms I am so so beaten down by your
love

is that love,
that comes knocking on my window sometimes
like a child
with beautiful red cheeks and little fingers

my hands believed in you
satisfied by little to none
I could have gave them to anyone
little white pedals laying stagnant on each fingertip
revelations of the flowers you helped blossom in my impotent heart
how can I explain something provoking veins inside the blood of my emotions
when I didnt even know blood flowed through anything but my physical body
a cemetary of memories lie abyss somewhere inside of me
like the joyfull living praised when there but never appreciated enough

until souls bid farewell


the hour of separtion came to me as something that was dream like
something that couldnt be real

a few days pass almost placidly flowing over my being
and then it comes
expected lament,

this piece of land inside me is not vast
containing many souls some meaningless and some worthy
rather it is appressed and compact with little space
for the memories at rest
intertwined helping me remember together
in yearning harmony
the grass is so green over every grave
the sun never sets
but the flowers have disappeared
yes
the flowers they are
dead

and when the love lingered down my arms
a sly permanent touch is always whispering
and whimpering
judging every last drop
of everything given to my body

walking out the front door on the first day of winter
getting slapped by that unexpected wind
eyes squinted
goosebumps fleeting
I rub my arms and think about you
as I exhale smoke
and with that memories of you from last summer

past phase through mansions of vampires
that lurk at my doorstep and ask for garlic and white flags
just bare with me please
one more time through this
just one last time through this
sire I grasp these iron lungs and beg for forgivness
at the thought of your gratitude I am driven
to find something far greater than you
although

I know its impossible
I know its impossible

the room is copper
your ring finger is stone
I knew it all along

but I bare

because the one thing that will drive you to destruction besides love is
despair

hoping for something greater than this
just a little better than this

your syllables once sprouted butterflies in my womb
and now those same letters off a strangers tongue have
manifested the monsters growing in my pit
layers retreating back to the moment I layed eyes on you
layers that have fallen away
and are rotting on my doorstep
your smile
but I must say
that little smirk
that still makes me forfit the flesh in my body
if only that and not all the rest
shackled in old rusty chains
I beg to dismiss myself
yet I cling to stay
dip your hands into me
please

I was going to lean over instead
I ended up on my knees as I bled
I changed differant parts of me
because what was there people couldnt see
so I rather them not see any part
I hold my tongue, as I reach out for air
I closed my eyes, as I cut my hair
I swallowed my pride, and put out my despair
I ravaged around lost teenage soul
oh no at this time there was no control
my frontal lobes, but they havent developed
self destructive and corrupt
I left a trail behind me when I walked
to see a flower go from white
then die
is the most unappleaing thing on the human eye

leaves fall off the quivering branches
as we lay under them
the ground is moist and so are your lips
the smell of earth surrounds me
a cold wind passed
you hold me tighter and release your warmth onto me
over and over
your mind holds something your heart refuses to accept
but I know
the pain is growing although it is numbed
when it exposes itself, I will not know what to expect
just look me in the eye right now
walk away
and leave me
leave me
you dont even have to speak
I already know

leave me

I want to drip the respect I have for you from my
fingertips
all over your generous soul
I want to crave you like
the amour that rides deep in the morning tidal wave
with its salt that stings my eyes, and its
rapture that cleanses me whole
I have potentially been persecuted
by so many theives who trespassed my mind
and tried to steal me

they tried to take me from me
and leave me with nothing
give me something I could only touch
nothing my heart could feed off of and play with

and now I dance with the emotions
that invoke your tender thoughts
I press my smile against yours
I smell you
I tangle myself in your fingers and sway
my shoulders to the winds of your
relieving sighs

my chest tightens
did you feel that;

whispered
the monster

I feel so much more
my lungs are caving in
and I'm clenching both hands against my chest
like a mad woman
how can you be so gracious
how can you have been so contagious
I have no immunity to you


I am dieing.

your maniac kiss killed me with its sudden sting
burning inside of me like I am only your posession
I loose my morals
and hurt my head
at the end of the day I lay with my palms open
and speak to you of how I am tiered with this
in my head

what you hear from me is wordless
I dont need your comfort
I dont need your help
I will learn how to deal with your monsters on my own
I will learn how to give myself a shower

Im a baby
a child
I smile
and its innocent you see
you have though, brought the dead back out of me
and now my world is filled with black paint
black ink

dont speak
dont speak
your alienation has spoken enough
your eyes have been closed
and you wouldnt even dare look in my direction
that
that
has said enough

and I am bad
and I am sprawled
and I am the ****
the injustified loser

baring myself like a sick person
homeless
and begging for money to buy
a pack of smokes to exhale
these burdens