Ive now pluckecd the eye of god
and digging into his throat with my teeth
The warm red spray
taste of blood metallic
On the razors edge
Everything balances
Words fuckthem all man fcuck em all
they are useless and meaningless next to the creature
of life humanity
and the beauty
of your blood red
upon my finger

Do you really
Blowing smoke into my face
In my pocket a razor blade
I run my finger against it
Pick anything
Anything you want

Cough Syrup
Cigarettes
Liquor
As if you weren't white trash enough

Walk in
You are calm and no one cares
Pick anything
Anything and walk out
You own it

Some lie to themselves
Pseudophilisophical teenage masturbations
As if shoving a couple cold beers into your boxer shorts
And downing a bottle of robo in the toy section of wal-mart
yeah bro, youv'e totally thrown a wrench into the gears of the corporate machine while we drink these cold cans of beer that were pressed against your *****

Marijuana
I wish I was alive for once
Then I wouldn't waste my time typing poems on my cellphone
While you finger your girlfriend on the couch
Sleeping on the floor is great for a while
You appreciate a safe place to sleep
Something different than the bus seats and train stations

I wish the universe didn't
Whose idea was this whole life thing anyway

Tomorrow you will wake up
And stealing DVDs from Best Buy will consume the day
I found a little bag of ****
And we are kings
Of a personnel universe
Your girlfriend
Is
eighteen
She still thinks I'm cool
Cause my General Education Diploma
I hate everything in my life
It's all breaking apart
The seams I have carefully sewn
I need to get out of here
I am tired of January
Appreciate each moment
Appreciate each moment
Because the tumor on my brain waits on nobody
I cant overcome the sense of meaninglessness
It's just the comedown
Xanax
Cigarettes 1:12 a.m
1:13 a.m
Follow my noble eightfold path to oblivion
#1 go **** yourself

In doing this
You're hurting me more
I hope you know
I feel lost, empty, confused
I just want our bond, renewed

This is so hard for me
To stand idly, when you're so close
I can reach you, but not touch you
And that is slowly killing me

My voice was heard,
But basically rejected
And I have been infected
By this never ending pain
That's all I ever retain

I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry
I caused this, this strain
I just can't help it
That I have such strong feelings
That will never go away

                               *I'm sorry...

I don't think I've ever been the stuff of woman’s fantasies

I doubt a stranger passing on a street has given me

a second glance you see,

I can't play guitar I can't sing a song I can't even dance

I am what some magazines would call “out of shape”

I have a beard but contrary to stereotypes

it doesn’t smell nor does it contain

remnants of food like Mr Twit .

But maybe if I died in some immaculate way

I'd be revered and future people would pray to effigies of me,

have images of me dangling from their neck.

Alters made up of an old shoe I once wore,

or perhaps a piece of paper I had scribbled on?

My pathetic writing suddenly prophetic.

Until then I guess I continue to exist

and grow my beard in readiness.

if you asked me to define love, i would run so far that not even the moon could hear the whispering in my bones

and i know it's not a wordless song but i don't know what to feel.
i know there is a needle in your heart,
and a letter that's forever sealed,
but i like you.
you can play my thoughts like a violin on fire,
and you know the path that never ends unless you were to conspire
a way to die without making a mess.

and maybe i never make sense with the flower stem questions and my map of comparisons
but i won't go claim innocence to thoughts that seem to linger
until your heart says, "hey,
slow down."

but a feather's still a feather,
whether it stays on a bird or falls free.

and maybe i'm a dysfunctional robot and you can't fix me
but god i want to wear your smile
and save you from the journeyless destinations
but it's not like that.

my mind has a rusty lock
but i wear a metal hat
and to get through the glass you need to love yourself
and i can't do that
i can't be that.

and some days i fight with voiceless ghosts for a chair that hurts my back
and maybe nothing i say will ever be fact
and maybe it's not about if you understand,
and maybe on those 'not even tea can warm my frost bitten soul' nights,
i want to hold your hand
and feel your heart beat like an electric shock right across my scratchy throat
but my loneliness is louder than the echo in my empty gut
and i scream at the thoughts bursting through my stomach like a gunshot to the soul
and the wound is a deeper cut
than the scars that are painted across my skin because of the 4:05am guilt that says "you'd rest easier in a coffin."

these words will be the wrinkles buried in my face
and maybe if you were a strawberry banana smoothie, i'd like to have a taste
but thoughts are hiding in the caves of shame and disbelief
and it's better to read STOP signs than forget to breathe.

but a feather's still a feather,
whether it stays on a bird or falls free.

(it's not good to jump the fence,
if you already have the key.)

My favorite memories are here, with you
Riding in your car
One hand on the steering wheel, the other in mine
One eye staring at the road to keep us safe
The other can’t resist looking back at me
With love

Your voice sings loud enough to cover the radio
Notes above and below pitch
I’m a critic, but I don’t mind
Because you’re mine
You’re all I need

Consistent trips to an overpriced coffee shop
Caffeine runs through our veins
Caffeine mixed with a four letter word
One that drove our actions, our words, our hearts
When we were still too afraid to say it

I first told you here, where my favorite memories are
Because it is one
Though it isn’t perfect and romantic as I’d hoped
It’s our memory all the same
When my fear of that same four letter word was lost
And my fear of losing you replaced it
I had to tell you

I sat there quiet, refusing to look at you
And when I did
I just couldn’t help myself
Whispering softly I said it
And my whole world changed

Suddenly it was different
Love existed because you and I existed
And in the midst of fooling around
In an empty parking lot
In your car with the radio off
I told you I love you

I feared the worst in that moment
Until you tilted my head up
So that my eyes would meet yours
And you smiled
And before you said it, your eyes did
And I knew you loved me
And then you said it
Pure bliss

I never knew such a feeling existed
It was different than I’d imagined
Better
It gets better every day
Because each morning I wake up
I look at the picture frame on my nightstand
The two of us staring into each other’s eyes
With love

Each morning I wake up
I fall deeper in love with you than the day before
Cliché I suppose
But with love
All the clichés begin to come true

There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do
To make you happy
To see you smile
To hear you laugh
To feel your lips softly caress mine

With love

I like the things you say in bed the best
words that caress against skin like your finger grazes
sweet nothings that escape from your reckless mouth
when you are still drowsy from the veil of sleep

his voice echoes continuously through my mind
repeating those same fluid words
like ripples on the surface of an endless pool of water
again and again.
That same photographic memory
of four beautiful seconds
filled with brilliance and easy laughter
is in high definition
playing on an endless loop.
It tears away every outside thought,
accelerating and building in a crescendo
driving out the rest of the world.

his gaze sweeps over me
in its path around the room
and evanescent as it is,
it causes my heart to flutter,
threatening to fly away

I'm left with an image branded on my mind
of eyes the color of antique coke bottles
Those kind eyes
begin to take on a menacing edge
in my memory
piercing deep into me and allowing
intense insecurity and admiration to flood in
as i recall the treasures behind them

Like most artists, he has no clue
that he's an incredible writer
but, as the days pass by in class
we start to let him in on the secret
yet, he still refuses to accept it

his sweet, shy smile
always talks down his brilliance,
clouding his depth
like he almost fears his own words
That expression of near embarrassment
when people enjoy his work,
mixed with the thought that he's so incredible
tears me up
and i strive to measure up
while he simply shrugs it off,
almost unaware of his excellence
like he's staring into a ***** mirror

I find myself thinking about it
in bed at night
when the rest of my anxieties
team up to press me under the day
in a deep, wildly-colored sleep

When the morning finds me
and the sun pulls me back to Earth
I stretch out my arms and
draw in the fresh scent of the new day
but as i fall into my usual routine,
the memories and insecurities and inferiorities
creep up to the surface of my thoughts
and I wonder if I'll ever move past this stage,
listening and admiring from afar

Suddenly an idea strikes me
and i press my pen to my paper
using his medium
to release what I've held in so long