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There's this feeling I get from time to time
where I miss you so so much.
I long for a hug, I long for your touch.
I long for nothing more than to see you smile,
to sit and admire the colour of your eyes.
To admire all you are and all you will be.
To be with someone who really loves me.

I hate when I cry and wish you were with me.
To hold me and tell me everything will be okay.
When you tell me in a message, it just isn't the same.
The longing is still there and so is the pain.
I hate when I am in need of a hug,
from you.
When I imagine the things we could do,
if only you were with me or if I was with you.

That feeling I get from time to time.
It hurts enough to make me cry.
And the longing will last until tomorrow.
And it turns all my pain into sorrow.

It's hard to explain and it has no name,
but this feeling, it drives me insane.
And it causes an unbearable amount of pain.
A longing is all, to be close to you.
I try to live with it but it's too hard to do.

It crushes me and kills my spirit inside.
All this because of a feeling I feel from time to time.
With a few words I damaged the best friendship I've ever had.
I didn't want it to end, but it is as good as gone.
I just wanted to put it on hold, but who does that?

Simple I do.

It just took a few words too.
I'm really going to miss you.
I'm sitting, staring at this clock like a hawk.
Counting the seconds, minutes, hours, till we talk.
And while I wait, my heart breaks and I begin to shake, full of hate
towards myself and I scream for help,
but no one hears or sees my tears.

When I'm all alone and I need you most,
I'm banished to my room, with nothing to do.
Oh how I want to defy, my mother tonight, for making me say goodbye, with no reason why.
I get send to bed, I'm as good as dead
Cause without you, I am doomed.
I'll drown in my thoughts, and just stare at the clock,
I hear it tick and tock, I hear it mock,
me. Cause I'm stuck in my bed, lost in my head.

It's not  a want but a need, the air that I breathe,
if only others could see, that it is necessary,
for me to talk to you.
You're my guide when I'm lost, you block out my bad thoughts,
and you make my day, with the things you say.

Is it only me?
Can only I see?
That talking to you is a need,
*a life necessity.
I tried to fool myself today but it didn't work.
I wanted to feel okay but I felt like dirt.
Even when I was having fun, I was still sad.
And thinking about that, it makes me mad.

Is true happiness so hard to gain?
Is there no relief to this pain?
It's been a long time since I smiled
for longer than just a little while.

I'm facing the same problems, I feel like a mess.
And I have an unhealthy way of relieving my stress.
So I'm stuck in a cycle I can't seem to break.
A bad habit has started and it feels great.
But it's bad for me and I want to stop.
Cause it hurts me and the people I love.
But when I do it, I know I am sad.
I can be angry and I can be mad.

I'm tired of pretending that I am happy.
I can fool others with a smile but I can fool me.
With every passing second, minute, hour, day
my happiness keeps slipping away.
Further and further into a hole.
I fall deeper and deeper with nothing to hold.

A rope is thrown in hopes to save,
the falling girl, but there is no escape.
For she missed the rope, it was out of reach.
Yet this rescuer hasn't given up on me.

Why would you stay to help the helpless?
Why are you trying to find a bottom to this bottomless pit?
So many questions that will have no answer.
Who is this angel, my rescuer?

Why spend your time on someone like me?
What do you see that is so lovely?
What makes you think I'm a person worth saving?
My rescuer, this angel, she's my safe haven.

Maybe it's not me, maybe it's you.
This can just be something you do.
You like to help others, you have a good heart.
You help me because that's the type of person you are.

But what if I'm special and important to you.
Yes you help others, that is what you do.
But maybe you'd choose to help me over somebody else.
Maybe you really want to see me well.
While you may care about others, you also care about me.
Maybe you help cause you love me.

She is finally back with a longer rope this time.
I could surely reach it with a small climb.
But my mind is telling me I don't deserve this help.
That her time would be better spent on someone else.
I don't think it's true, it just can't be.
I didn't ask for help, it was offered to me.
Why would it be offered, if she didn't care?
There are enough nice people in this world to share.

So I jump up and reach for the rope.
And as I grab hold of it, I also grab hope.
Hope for a better life, a happier one.
I was losing this battle, but in the end I won.
I won with some help, and that is okay.
Because at the end of the day, I feel great.
And now that I'm safe and happy again,
I can go thank my new friend.
Who made me smile in the midst of my tears.
And helped me overcome some of my fears.
She literally turned my frown upside down.
She had the power to turn this poem around.

Not only did I gain a friend, but an important lesson too.
I hope if you are lonely this will help you.
Darkness is only there to help out the light.
After all, the brightest stars shine during the darkest night.
If I wrote a suicide note, what would it say?
Would it be for tomorrow or today?
Would it be full of goodbyes or would I let people know
how I died and why I had to go.
Would people see me as weak or brave?
Will my friends grieve or celebrate?
Would I be the victim or the suspect?
Did I push myself all the way to death?

If I wrote a suicide note it wouldn't be a suicide note after all.
I was looking over the edge when you made me fall.
You pushed me over and you watched me die.
That's not suicide, that's homicide.
A note with no goodbyes, no farewells.
No apologies, not stories to tell.
A straight forward homicide report will do.
With the victim listed as me and the suspect, you.
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