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I hear nothing but black and flickers of dimed candles
Shadows and I waltz
For they do not judge me
Of course my demons’
How did I become this deranged
Nothing but black
This bed-linen now
A blushing civil war
It tickles me pink
Or maybe it
Helps me recognize
That my crazy is ******* gorgeous
Yet sickening
Are you happy?
Sun up till sun down
It’s cold now, and so am I
I see you every where
In every thing
In every one
In the tiny wrinkles that rest upon my Antarctic like hands
The car that cut me off this morning
The lumps stuck in my throat when someone asks how you are
The chilly 5 minute walk to my vehicle on the hill
In the empty space that haunts me every night when I close my eyes
It’s cold, but so are you
Am I that easy to escape ones memory?
Brooke Constantino
 Jul 2015 MICHAEL SHADDOX
Morgan
everything is poetry, in the same way that nothing is
and i'd be lying if i said i didn't hate him more each time we fell in love
and green eyes are my favorite but his are brown
so brown are my favorite but only when he's around

i liked falling off of swings when i was 8,
i was the kid pushing my feet against
the ground just a little harder
than the rest
it wasn't because i liked
the burn of the mulch as
i came crashing through it,
i just liked the way time
kind of stopped
just before i dropped

and that's how i grew up,
chasing after feelings,
not people,
feelings,
not things

you were a feeling in the same way that i felt nothing with you in my bed
and i told all my secrets to your neck
but you never heard a single one

and as time went by
i got younger every day
and you get older constantly,
i can taste it on your coffee lips,
but that's okay
i always liked the way
coffee tastes so bitter it's sweet
 Mar 2014 MICHAEL SHADDOX
Morgan
he interrupted me
in the middle of
an earth shatteringly
pointless story
to tell me i had
a cute laugh,
in a smoke-filled
garage infront of
all of our friends.
i said,
"alright dude
*******"


that night
i slept in the fetal
position with four blankets
and craved his skin so
bad i didn't even notice
that i bit my lip
until the pool of blood
collecting inside the deep ditch
of my gums, began to taste
of hot metal

today he texted me
while i was at work
and asked if he could
bring me a coffee
i looked at myself
in the bathroom mirror,
sighed and told him
we were busy
then i bought a
coffee for myself,
let the bitter sweet
warm liquid
linger on my tongue
and pretended
it was his lips

alone is a state of being
and i have never been alone,
lonely is a state of mind
and i have never been anything but
 Mar 2014 MICHAEL SHADDOX
Morgan
A trash can full
Of fragmented sentences
Held between red margins
And blue lines,
They poured out all over your
Bedroom floor, with torn edges;
You'd say that
No combination of words
Ever conveyed
Your feelings right
On the first try;
So I guess that's why
The first time you said
"I love you"
You took it back three weeks
Later and said
"No I just need you"
And I guess that's why
The first time you said
"No I just need you",
You reminded me how thin the line
Between necessity and desire
Is an hour later
And I guess that's why
The first time you said
"I can't do this"
You did it anyway
Over and over
And over again
And I guess that's why
the first time you called to say
You missed me
You really meant
You were lonely;
You never got it right on the first try
But you were a perfectionist
And you hated to leave things unfinished
So, you took your time
Ripping me into a million
Fragmented sentences
And throwing more of me away
With every passing day
Until I was a pile of bones
Stitched together with nothing
Except your
Bed sheets
And a black V-neck
Sweater;
Hollowed out
And expressionless,
I never looked better;
Once I had nothing left
To throw away
You pinned me up
And left me hanging;
Hanging on
Your words
Like an animal in a cage,
Swallowing bits and pieces
Of your affection as
You'd occasionally
Toss some at my feet;
I've been tongue tied for three years
You've been spitting words down my neck
But I can hardly taste them anymore,
So when I melt
Into your arms
For an other night in a row
Just know
It was never enough
I have been
living in people's
dumpsters for too
long now god
won't someone
please just invite
me inside for once
slowly i have found myself
growing more and more
envious of the sheets you
sleep with or the wind that
is allowed to wrap around
you.
She stood in the rain
It poured down on her
She felt its weight
Letting go of her own
She closed her eyes
And looked inside
The rain outside
Had turned her tears
Into sheer relief
And gone were her fears
For now she felt
Heavy no more
Her mind was clear
Her body not sore
Her heart was calm
Her breath so sure
At last she felt
Free of the world
Free of its ties
Free of its wrath
And at last she felt
The void no more
She felt her soul
She felt no more...
Written on 10th July 2013.
She said she'd tell me someday
The secret of her life
Her imperfectly perfect life.

Then one day, I found her dying
She said, here you go
This is it, the secret of my life.

Whatever happens, we die
It's a secret so obvious
Yet one to which we're so oblivious.

It's a drop, of all the seas
And the vastness behind it
Is death, the ultimate truth.
Written on 9th December 2013.
Trying to write
                        without words.
Trying to speak
                        without voice.
Trying to draw
                        without lines.
Trying to listen
                        without sound.
Trying to see
                        without light.
Trying to feel
                        without emotion.
Trying to be
                        without being.

*Can you do the essential without the essential?
Written on 30th March 2014.
I love you because I
can't find a way to
make your words
into something
more beautiful
than they
already
are.
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