If it ceases to work
I don't know
What I'll do
I'll have nothing to contact
The outside world through
And I'll lose
All my tunes
Until it can be fixed
And recharging resumes
Unimpeded in its
I assume perhaps dusty
Or rusty old bits
Of components internal
Perplexing me so
As I've tried everything
But I still just don't know
What could be
Going on
Inside cellular cells
That prevents the replenishing
Energy wells
Of my telephone
Owned it for years
And have known
It to guide me, remind me
Wherever I roam
With but a few
Complications, malfunctions
And power corruptions
But never a problem like this
To disrupt it
From showing me that
Little spark in the corner
And phoning me home
As an alien foreigner

Don’t let it slip
What you used to do,
Used to be
Nothing good comes of me
Dreaming her
Lucidly
Looping her in
To assure
Continuity
But incongruity
Ruins the story,
The details embellished,
Withheld,
Unreported
Like those obfuscated,
Conflated
Make me
In her eyes, but a scared little boy
Verily

My brain hurts again, there is merely the end
Giving thanks to a lord who is more foe than friend
For the food on my table
A plentiful harvest
Stuffing me full of the hunger for Marxist
Some people don’t eat
And I’m stuffing my face
As these butchers eat sheep
And then landfill the waste
Of consumerist cultures
And corporate success
Turning sentiment into
Black Friday excess
I digress in distress
Is this meal not enough?
Is this appetite real,
Or just craving a puff?
Of New Delhi gas chambers
A means to a trends
Of the climate denial truths
Ethnical cleanse

Feel like I lost you
First time I met you
I couldn’t just talk to you
We grew from different roots
Elements of intertwined gods of wine
Parsley sage
Rose mare ease
In time
For once she was
A grape from the vine

What could be keeping her
Fingers from texting
A few simple words
It’s absurd
And most vexing
To know she does nothing
But sulk and consume
In her room
But entombs me
In silence and gloom
Then accompanies others
Who don’t really care
Who don’t hurt with her
Worthless
In death and despair
Just impairing her judgment
In mindless libations
Her self-delude,
Self-destruct,
Numbing sensations
Pretending it’s magic
And mystic
Depression
She is an addiction
A vice
An obsession
I can
Live without
Just afraid of her gone
Was it all
Really meaningless
Fiends all along
Just regretting
Embedding
Their secrets in song

Again they both are calling
  to a tune of nightingale
Despite how much I chase the sun
  I still so crave the pale
Moonlight, stars and choruses
  that serenaded my first love
Then cast the shadows of my doubt
  upon a different kind of dove
Now buried in the depths am I
  and locked within a tomb
These melodies are faint at best
  neither dispels the gloom
Yet still they resonate throughout
  my clipped-wing chamber halls
And echo through my corridors
  and repaint all my walls
With colors of assurance
  that these cages have no ceiling
Even if I'm still unsure
  which song is more appealing

What little expected of me
Let's get on with it
Give me some students to teach
How to ponder it
This is just something I do
To keep stalling
My purest intentions
Are truly
Appalling
Obscurest dimensions
Of sanity
Scrawling
Bemusing expressions
At my beck and calling

Been all around the whirled
And saw the force field
In the skeye
And with my finger paint
Unfurled
The secrets sealed
Beyond inside  
But I was dying all the time
And living only in
My mind
Though sensing yours
Had resonated
Implicated in the crime

Don’t take it personal
Versed in rejection
It’s like they expect
A Prince Charming
Perfection
A text or two
Too much to ask
I guess, right?
You’re too busy
I get it,
Forget it,
Goodnight
It was so nice to meet
Alter ego you
Screening
Each struggle for power
Has some deeper meaning
We know what we want
Of course
Only one thing
A committed,
Submitted,
Indefinite fling

Another horizon so radiant
Fades again
Rising and falling
Evading me 'till the end
Of scintillating
Days gone, beyond knowing when
I could draw nearer to it
And caress it
And nestle it deep within me
And express it
In colors, sensations,
Vibrations, pulsations,
Alluvial figments
Of imagination
As real to me then
As they are to you now,
As salient as saline
Forms over the brow
In the heat beneath zenith
Nightmares in your sleep
When it's cold to the touch
Of what can not be reached

Lost again
Instantly
Dead to you
When
I have nothing to offer,
To give
Or to spend
And so bending
Not breaking
Descending
I tend
To forgive and forget
That you’re even my friend

What claimants
In vain
Challenge my
Right to reign
Over pages’
Precipitous,
Outpouring pain
You’re in my domain now
So sit back
And shut up
And just simply stop reading
When you’ve had enough

Not enough
Of the world
Seems to know
Who I am
And admittedly I
Do not know
Where I stand
When sometimes
As I make my way
Out of the door
I can not help but question
Whatever so for
Do I move but a muscle
Lift even a finger
And in contemplation
Let idle thoughts linger
Just like in the Devil's
Workshop
Where I stop
On occasion
To tinker the clock
Ticking down
Further down
To the depths where I drown
In the frigid finality's
Hole in the ground
Ever has it been my
Extrication from this
My escape from this place
My eternal death wish
And I'd sooner grant it
For myself
But I fear
Such a yearning to end
Will someday disappear
When I find
What it is
I am meant to discover
In this life,
The next,
Or the arms of a lover

Now
You can wait
Find someone to relate
All my letters
And poems
Just incinerate
It’s too late
Been too long
I’ve accepted you’re gone
And wherever you are
I still hear you in song
And for once
Since I met you
I write it for me
Not for you
Not for us
Just for personally
I don’t hate you
I miss you
But tired of trying
And when you don’t answer
I’m tired of dying
So cry me a river
And never respond
We were all but unbreakable
Painstaking bond

My heart has been beaten,
Shattered, crushed, and abused
Ripped out and spat on
Left black and blues'd

My young moral compass
Thrown every which way
In many objections
To lives led astray  

My spirit's been cleansed
In acid rain showers
Then withered without them
Like unwatered flowers

My mind's cuckoo clock
Is just one poison bite
And death wish upon stars
From striking midnight

My jaw has been loosened
By torments outspoken
But each part of me
Remains ever unbroken

The world would not so much as blink
If I left her
And let her continue her life
Giving journey
Through all of the stars
Learning just how to be
In their limelight no longer
Entirely free
Where I learned to be me
In the lover she chose  
To revolve and evolve
With the sand in my toes

So this is how dying feels
Rotting inside
In decay,
Decomposing
You’d think I’m alive,
That I’m perfectly fine
At first glance
Who could think
This goes on in my mind?
Like a bottle of ink

Cracks in the muddy-caked earth
An ant crawls
Noisy children at play
Beyond these compound walls
I reflect on the day
How so much of it felt
I was wasting away
In this prison of self
In time out
In its corner
Of paradisiacal
Trials, and still want for nothing
Do I
Undesirable

Never was one for the activist,
Always was more of a pacifist
Grabbin this’
Tinkering with all the ins and the out of its
Spittin’ specifics on how to break out of it
Trapped in the bottom of poverty’s shopping spree  
Gravity fadin’ to zero no stoppin’ me
Always want up but no social nobility
Still seein’ oceans as far as the eye can see
Spannin’ each day on the faith of infinity
Home was an island adrift in reality

My body is a temple  
Toppled
Not so long ago
I couldn’t stop
The self-destruction,
The defilement
Alone
And so unknown
I left the ruins,
The remains
Of what was me
Forever bound
And never found
By any archaeology

Dodging these job interviews
Like a muse
Who just can’t seem to choose
Between passion and peace
Oh and that silly piece
Of no more the tree speech
Can be heard
Is a factor
I don’t want to teach

And then the impending
Defensive maneuvers
The people I meet on the ground
As intruders
Are suddenly welcoming
Heightened of sense
Intellect, kids I haven’t seen since
I was drenched
In immensities
Too difficult
To control
Then I see her again
And I know
Who I am
Who I was
Isn’t was
Who she now
Didn’t plan

Finally laying to rest
For the evening
Another long day
Couldn’t find
Any meaning
To life
Just epiphanies
Not so bright light
Revelations
Absurdity ascertained
Death and taxations

Help me prioritize
What I am able
To save
And away with
The rest I am fabled
To wrest from the graven
Eternity
Yearning
For more than immortal’s
Desirous burning
Returning us back
To undo the mistakes,
Rectify the divide
In disparate heart breaks
If I could be so bold
As to empathize with
Those who fall
Into its
Ever-widening rift
And persist
In existing
Within its abyss

It’s almost like
There could be blissful
Amidst
The conflictual
Phantasmagoric
Abyss
Like a day
I don’t want to die
Nearly as much
The resultant
Residual
Remnant of trust
I’ve adjusted
According
To where she would stand
Were I poor,
Powerless
With no titles and land
Just a man
With a hand
For composing discord  
With this pain as my shield
And this pen as my sword

I haven’t felt that way about a girl
Since two continents ago
She’ll give you some land
And then leave you alone
And then deep in her cavern
She’ll turn you to stone
But I know how to glow with that Perseus flow
With that Gambit charisma
That Montana snow
In a fungal brain jungle
That moment of truth
When I drop the Ebola
And show you my youth

Is submissive to none
But my mother’s blue sun
And the red star immortal’s
Conquistador gun
And the young who inhabit
A bad rabbit future
I teach them to lead
As a culture shock tutor
Maligning the tumor
Of global dominion
In any one mind
With my omniverse vision
Of cold wars at peace
Still evolving us to

The perspective of gods from the other side’s moon

To tell you what
I think of you
Would ruin you
So let it go
Don’t pull me to
The undertow
I won’t follow
I can’t return
To where
Only my friends
Could turn
The kid they knew
The boy who grew
Beside them
As we morphed,
Into
Some form of more
Enlightened being
All we’d lost
We gained in seeing
Fleeting moments
Passing by
The peace for which
We’d sooner die
Than let some verbal slur
Disturb
The unperturbed
Reverberations
Telepathic vibe
Relations
Made us what we are today
No matter how
Away we stray
And none could ever pull the plug
We are the one
Convergence drug

Not trying to change you
Contain you
Or save you
Intentions are only
To learn
What unmade you...

Unmade...
And unmade...
And unmaiden
And bade you
Be bladed and crazed,
Come with irons and chains
And enraged
You engage me
And muses are played

And we sway and we stay
For a minute
Away
And we think of each other
I know it someway

Dead to you
To the world
All the same
None to blame
For eventually
Even entombed
Would I stray
Run away
Never stay
In one place
For too long
It is just like you said,
I was already
Gone

You would seem
So far away,
So old and gray
From me astray
Estranged in nightly,
Out of sightly
Slightly differing decay
Complacent discontent
Is swept
Under delusions
Wanting more,
What more perfections,
Burning questions
Could you possibly
Need answers for?
Is no
Togetherness
Of us
Enough to turn our bones
To dust
What must
Befall
Before it’s just
All future ideation
Hushed

Know I will hunt you
Beyond
Where you rest
May your legacy
Wither and wane
Dispossessed
Of the power
You lorded
Unmercifully,
Unrelentingly
Binding
The meaning of free
To conditional terms
And relinquishing rights
So we feel more secure
When all turns to black
Sites

I could run to the ends of the earth
But she'd find me
Still hiding myself from the days
That remind me
Of falling in more
Than a pit of despair
My descent into love
Was a cavernous lair
Where the light at the end of the tunnel
Was blinding
But still as my shadow was she there beside me
Enveloping severed tie contracts unwinding
Confining my wandering conscious to climbing
A vast range of mountains
To swim in the skies
So that I might behold her
With worthier eyes

Could say that I made it
To summit
And plummeted
Pulled myself up
And got back
To the top of it
Stopping for only
A moment
To breathe
To receive the tranquility,
From troubles leave
But returned to the struggle,
The downward descent
Like an addict who still
Gets his fix on lament

Though not yet defeated
I deign to refrain
From persistent deceiving
My efforts in vain
Are instead of importance
Engendering change
Could it be
So naive
To believe
I contain
Any worthy, exemplary
Character traits
Individuate me
Among all candidates
Who elect to defect
From oppressive execs
And exchequers exacting
Exploitative wealth
But self-serving
Is surely
Intended in each
Of the altruist parable
Pennings I preach
Of the lingua franca
Fratricidals I teach
And the lesson I learn
I discerned in this callous
Misanthropomorphic
Irascible malice

I used to believe
There could be something more
At the end of this life
That was worth striving for

To live for each day
Despite all of the pain
My body could rot
By my soul would remain

I imagined a force
Of omnipotent grace
Vast kingdom of clouds
Would be my resting place

Earth drifts through the void
Time never to slow
Yet consciousness seeds
Would continue to grow

To see so much hate
Tear people apart
Yet still think that love
Could mend each broken heart

I knew not of greed
Of wrath, envy and lust
In the good of mankind
I could still place my trust

I kissed the sun's rising
Embraced the dawn's light
Until the sun's setting
Consumed me in night

Then darkness seeped in
Through the pores of my skin
And flowed through each vein
Like a sickness within

Now I live for each day
But feel only the pain
As this corpse slowly rots
From my blackened soul stain

The truths that I knew
Were serpent-tongued lies
My idols and angels
Fell dead from the skies

Reality's anchors
Dragged me to the depths
Eternity's oceans
Flooded my breaths

Disaster and death
Plague, famine and woe
I questioned how God
Could torture us so

Heaven's gates locked
My paradise lost
The price of my sins
Was too high a cost

Condemned without faith
All hope to conceive
Of the salvation dreams
That I used to believe

It’s like time just elapses
I’m there in its passage
But absent
Somewhere unbeknownst
Is detachment
From make this a memory
Cherish serenity
Let it define
Reassign your identity
To the Book Facing
Erased
Interpersonal
Words left unsaid
Ever dread
Irreversible
Say your goodbyes
To the moment
And look
To the future
As if
You are now off the hook
For recalling
What made it
Indelible,
Sellable
Some crowning moment
Achievement
More credible

Give thanks
To the drawing of breath
In each step
Of the liquid life
Passing your lips
To exist and be with
Those your love can’t resist
And regret not
Mistakes you have made,
And remade
Prices paid
And replayed
In your head
As you sought to redeem
Your transgressions instead
Of your blessings
In counting them
Maybe you’d see
There is little to fret about
No malady
Making ill
The unwilling
For granted, take health
Or to measure their worth
In material wealth

Take up my perch
And resume
Thoughts of you
Plan ahead
What to say
At our next
Rendezvous
What to play
Listed out
Bits and pieces of songs
All remind me of you
When you can’t come along
And as I gaze upon
The Pacific
I ponder
Just how aimlessly
Without you
Could I wander

There must be the end
Of the darkest tranquility
Silently,
Virally,
Into senility
Spiraling into
A bottomless
Pit
From the tempest tirades
I created the glitch
And a twitch into selfishly normalcy’s
Itch
In relinquished resistance
To actively
Passively
Still in existence
Oppose it,
Expose it,
Reveal its facades
And bring structures
To crumble
Like Titans
To gods

Never quite knew
What went on in your head
I just knew we felt comfortable
Lying in bed
So we did it again
And again
And again
We were both of us certain
Someday it would
End

Just give me a forum
A pen and a pad
And I’ll write you,
Recite you,
The speeches I’ve had
For the audience
Drowning out
Thoughts in my head
Will revolt
Without plentiful
Circus and bread
So the mob
And the masses
The plebeian horde
I appeal to
Revealed through
The edge of the sword

But no one wants
Trauma
The triggers
The switches
The wounds
Never heal
Until buried
In ditches
And tearing at seams
Of the poorly sewn stitches
Cannot be resisted
When tragedy strikes
When the moment’s
Resurgence
Resurfaces plights
And when sickness ensues
And envelops the nights
It’s this desperate outcry
Silently
My pen writes

Even when
I do not
Seem to have you
I do
I step with you in stride
Every day I get through
I contain you inside
My sole essence of being
And restless I think of you
Always as leaving
Me grieving, in search of
The tallest of peaks
To behold of your splendor
It renders me weak
And depleted, worn, weathered
And weary ascending
Still ardently seeking
Your love never-ending

I will bathe you in rivers of blood
'Till you see
There is no revolution
Without some of me
Not a page in this history book
Could be turned
Nor its secret society's
Shadows be burned
Without my procreation's
Next unheeded seed
Without my ravenous
Dark desire to breed
To be freed from the civilized man's
Inner-peace
To be summoned from depths
Of his inner-most beast
And set loose upon
Innocent flesh to devour
To sever and rend and smite down
To seize power
Is yours simply if
You succumb to my will
Let me show you
How easy
It can be
To ****

Somewhere
Along the way
Became the man
From once the boy
Not in an instant
But a litmus
Test
His limits
Could destroy
And what he saw
Not what he conquered
What he squandered
All the time
For he observed it
Then reverberated
Learning
To define
What constitutes
His attributes
As archetypically
Adult
And what refutes
His stance
And stature
As the leader
Of some cult

The man who has everything
Dollars and sense
Luxury, leisure time
White picket fence
May have found what he wants
What they tell him he wants
Or what he really needs
For his own renaissance
But without a proportionate
Body mind soul
He is merely a part
Of some destiny’s role