Seven months in country
Should consider myself lucky
That I made it this far,
Thus far strong
But not without
Problems along
The way
The same things
Different day
I came here seeking change
In vain
The dynamism
That I crave
To make my sinful soul
Worth saving
Keeps escaping
From my sight
Delusions waking
Me each night
Well-rested
Wrested
From my eyes
My cardiac,
Arrested, dies
Class-struggle-tested
Body lies
Somewhere no one
Will ever find
It rotting
Robotting
Going through the motions
Only
Fixing
Nothing's broken
Just the parts
And processors
That ever doubt
This all absurd
And words I choose
To make me human
Once again
Are ancient ruins

I need only imagine her here
And she’s here
The bare bodies infusing
Her breath in my ear
An enticing, seductive
Exhale of expressing
The passion we feel
In releasing distressing
Concerns, we discern
One another’s intentions
Innocuous, mischievous
Flag-burning discontents
Freeing themselves
From the world
Abolitionists

Most young women
In no Russian
To get pregnant
Just keep crushing
These days
Far more issues
Trusting
Hushing
More potential suitors
Disempowered
Once
Recruiters
Now controlling
Testing waters
Fishing betas
Someone’s daughter’s
Only man’s
Her biggest fan
Her wish
His dissonant
Command

Everyone just wants to fight,
Even now the poodles bite
Tread lightly
Choose your words
With care
The thought police
Are everywhere
When even hair
Can spark debate
More pressing issues
Have to wait
Until the confirmation
Bias
Echo chambering
The virus
Reaffirms
The anti-vaxing
Mask
To wear
Is not so taxing
Casting news
For your amuse
Hot-buttons pushed
To light the fuse
Of you
And your
Subjective truth
6 second talking point
Is moot
And muted by
Refuse to listen
Fact itself
A work of fiction

Learned of the legend
Himself,
He was flawed
Hateful slurs had occured
But his words
I’d applaud
And in many ways
Seemed to be eerily
Similar
Sinister, twisted mind rhymes
Were his signature
Like me obsessed
With macabre morbidity,
Likely depressed,
Powerless
In frigidity  
Night terrors
Haunted him into
Infinity
Even though he
More voraciously wrote
Of Cthulhu calamities
Ending all hope
I think I’ve gotten closer
To suicide note

Outrunning even
Wraiths on wings
Headlong into
The battle brings
The wizard back
To task
Complete
The sleekest steed
Whose fleeting streak
Inspires awe
In noble
And meager alike
Alight he charges
Into night
Against the forces
Sent to claim
The kingdoms free
Of Mordor’s chain
And unrelenting
Charges on
Throughout the ages
In this song

Millenia ago
The gravekeepers and reapers
Played games of shadow
Against peace and its keepers
And darkened the world
From the East to the West
And the eldest considered
Themselves to be best
But the pharaoh kid built himself
Up a sweet deck
Of the finest cards, taking him
Years to collect
And he challenged them all
To a duel to the death

Climbing up
To peaks with you
To float with you
Through space
Renew
The happiest places
From where they begin
All the stars in oblivion
Starting to dim
Reimagine
This moment
Illumined again
And in sickness,
In health
Be prepared
For the end

Should there come a day
I have written enough
Can no longer convey
The intangible stuff
That composes my inner-most
Ghosts
I expose
Hope it shows to those
I cannot tell
Stories whole
Then suppose
All is said,
All is done,
All becomes
Just a life without stories,
More heroes unsung
But fear not
My dear reader
This art is for you
And for me
That’s the key
To how do you construe
Its renewal
Original
Updated version?
A boundless oasis
Creation desertion
Or some more immersive form’s
Faulty
Finality,
Maladies there
In the interim’s
Tragedies

Sharp
Jagged fragments
Of shattering madness  
Still strewn about
Corpse-littered scores of my sadness
But glad this
Morass
Won’t reflect in the glass
Any faster than present
Is mirroring past

I think of it
All of it
Last day together
Are there
Any words
That could salvage forever
When all forms
Communicate
Some expiration
And needless to say
I am just
Irritation
Incarnate
Unnerving
Recurring mistakes
As you harden your heart
All the harder mine breaks
And it takes me to places
Too dark to escape
And it numbs me to feeling
Entombed by the weight
Of contrition
Remorse
Utter ruin
Despair
Melancholy
My folly
Beyond all repair

You live on
I keep dying
Beside you
Denying
The peace that I feel
Could be more than
Desiring  
The rest of the world
To be with it
In unity
All of the muses in motion
Subduing me
Just make them stop
Let the frame of mind freeze
Let us lay here in time
And be one with the breeze
Or some other intangible forces
At work
To have brought us together
To watch us revert
To disquieted
Eyelids
Still opened and closed
To each other’s perspectives
On how it all flows
In a cyclical circle
Until it might not
When the half of it
Stuck in this moment
Forgot

The hull
Is his skull
Damaged and cracked
Childhood
Fractured
Teenage bliss
Bashed
Existence rocks smashed
His cradled youth brain
Over
    And over
        And over
            Again

The mast
Is his past
Black tattered sails soared
Plundered his splitting mind
In the depths he explored  
Left him drowning
Then washed up  
And stranded ashore
Consumed by his drinking
Anchored in thinking
These bones nothing more
Than the sinking
    The sinking
         The sinking
             Deplore

The stern
Is his spine
The helm of his motion
With no wheel it bends
To his current emotion
Emptiness craving
The weight of this ocean
A storm-weathered back
And eroded ribcage
Set a course for astray
As he drifts
     Ever further
         And further
             Away

The bow
Is his sternum
Sunken chest treasure
Greed sleeps in its hold
Through selfless endeavor
Still coveting gold
Yet pounding desire
White-cap knuckles slam
Against ego waves
Like a battering ram
Towards an island of purpose
His bones can stand for  
After yearning
    And longing
        And lusting
             For more

His heart
Precious cargo
Still breaks as it's thrown
To the soul-crushing blue
Lovelessness all alone
He clings to frail hopes
And starves to taste home
Yet thirsts for her fair
Aphrodite sea foam
To kiss his bones bare
This shipwreck skeleton
Over
   And over
       And over
          Again

Is there really dark erasure
I the maker
Closing in
Expanding outward
Always going
‘Round in circles
As I spin
Be it the room
And wall enclosure  
Or beholden
To the thralls
Of an enormity
Eternity
Upon me night befalls
And in the nothingness
I thrive
My pride in consciousness
Alive
And with these words
Preserve the cycle
Of the die again revive

Seek me
When at your most broken
Dismayed
When you’re lost and alone,
Can’t go home,
Feel afraid
Of revisiting
Past-induced trauma
Familial
When no interlocutors
Ever so willful
A partner
To listen,
Advise,
Recognize
When the silence
Is best
What you choose to confide

Darkest kid
In a city of light
Saw the radiant prism in bloom
In the night
And I had all these crazy ideas
Influenced
By the ******-trope ghost’s
Lonely constituents
What composes the roses
Compels to despair
And what withers in wilting decay
Without care
See the forest for trees,
Fade away with the breeze
Petals coated in metal
Unsettled unease
How I shied from your touch
With sensation remaining
Vibrations sustained
In the ongoing raining
Was never intended to stretch to the sun
Just recede to the shadows
Of comfortably numb

Focused in sheer contemplation
The waves
A cascading
Sedation
My consciousness craves
And I bathe in euphoric
Horizons
At dusk
As the winds are the words
Of the friends I entrust
With my sanctity
Solace
Adept introspection
As all of us delve into deeper
Connection

Moonlight is blue tonight
Luminous glow
Peering out of my window
At go away snow
Melting at a pace
Glacial
Too slow for my liking
I want open spacial
And temperatures hiking
Returning with haste
My impatience insatiable
Time laid to waste
But the portents of thawing
Apparent today
Warming up the inherent
More pleasant landscape
To sanguinity cheer
For the advent of Spring
And its promise
Of weather
Much better
Will bring
And whether or not
Its fecundity blooms
For me too
Or just once again withers
In winters entombed

Pick at my brain like a ****** of crows
Exposing my prose to the highest of lows
As you shelter my soul in malevolent violet
Beguiling my sky lit demise to an islet
Of lonely ambitions caressed in possession
And paradise fields of post-mortem depression
Imbibing my vibes in a faint recollection
Of Dracula spirits entombed in reflection
Without any sustenance save for your voice
And its soothing illusions that leave me no choice

Living in
Transition years
Converting to
Transmission gears
I fear we are
Becoming death
Becoming
Less
Autonomous
Peacekeeping mess
Intent
To save
Content
With content’s
Shallow grave
Amassing
Mass extinction
Wealth
Relapse
Environmental health
Collapsing edifices
Fall
Behind the mask
Broadcasts
A pall
And after all we’ve built
To last
Somewhere along
The system crashed
So now we either
Disconnect
Entirely
Or redirect
The tech,
The mecha-
Intellect
Unto a course-corrected
Flesh

Just a ******’ guy
Gettin’ high
Tryna’ fly
I bury poetry so deeply
Till the last time I try
Oh no not I
You know not why
I am the truth in every lie
I fell for summer in the winter
‘Neath a mushroom cloud sky
And in her eyes I watched it wither
As I kissed her goodbye

The further one travels
Less one seems to know
Of the ways the ineffable one
In its glow
Could give form to the infinite flakes of the snow
And give each of us solely an inkling of soul
In a body of mind until
It’s time to go

Decline the sky,
Embrace abysses
Where the squids
And whales
Do business
All the riches,
Plunder,
Spoils
Hell beneath us
Cracks and boils
Shores erode
Before my eyes
And deeper still
My shipwreck dives
Alive, but cold
I shiver in
The maelstrom’s
Unrelenting spin
It’s been so hard
To find the one
To bask beside
Beneath the sun
But kingdom comes
For me
No queen
Save for
My consort
Seven seas

In candor I come to you
Totally honest
Philandering days
Are behind me
I promise
Can finally be
The real me
That you wanted
And face up to all of my demons
Undaunted
For long have you haunted me
Don’t go away
And the spectral lament
Is what I didn’t say
Or compose to you
Wholly
In signature cipher
Another farewell
That you couldn’t decipher

Where to turn
Now
For the piece missing placed
Office spaces
Remotely
Mismanage my case
Could provide sanctuary
Community
Interface
But she’s a coworker still
Nothing more
So I sit at my desk,
Over documents pour
Can’t get closer
Attached
Like a sticky note
Wrote
As a final reminder
To end at the rope

Oh, her sad siren songs
How they take me away

To the vast loneliness
Ocean blues I convey
Through the words that I write
Just to keep her at bay
Only cast me asunder
'Neath storm clouds of gray

As her sad siren songs'
Melancholic array

Resonates in my veins
Serenades me astray
Remolding my heart
To this misshapen clay
Distorted blood vessel
Sets course for dismay
When my solitude sails
So reluctantly sway

In her sad siren songs
That still seem to outweigh

My anchor left rusting
In sunken decay
And bottomless depths
Of awaiting someday
I'll drift back to her shores
Once more to fall prey

To her sad siren songs
How they steal me away

I’m confounded by what it all means
To be me
To be endlessly circling
Back into thee
And back out
To be free
But still socially standardized
Meaningless me
An acceptable version
For your eyes to see
An organic complexion
Machines couldn’t be
A titanic reflection
The depths and the skies
Couldn’t possibly fathom
The I’s become we
All returning to me
In the moment of everything
Nothingnessly

Initials in squiggles
Across the concrete
Not a weekend goes by
I’m not grinding
The street
Right beside me
The beach
Could be cares atop cares
Atop cares
But I keep
With sanguinity
Gleaming
No nightmarish woe
Stems the flow
Of my dreaming
My highly unstable
Imbalanced
Reordering
Chaos
And lawlessness
Madness is bordering
Verging
On dare I say
Peace
All too simply
Or balk at the notion
Someone could convince me
This isn’t my tide,
Wave to ride
But ambition
That power I seek
Isn’t found to me
Different

Distance is the lock and key  
To heartbreak's weeping diary
But what I use to wipe the tears
Is something else entirely
For only temporarily
Will time be on my side
Until its paper cuts will bleed
Me dry of nights I've cried
When all the guiding lights I've tried
Left words upon the tip
Of my tongue without the lips to share
Ball-pointless acid trips
Of loosened grips and sinking ships
That beckon me like siren calls
To sleeping beauty pages
Where the pain is pristine waterfalls
And royal blue my castle walls
When pacing halls of these confines
I find these empty corridors
Fulfilled between the written lines

Lousy with drowsiness
Trying to write
I succumb to the eyes’
Irresistible night
A serenity scenery
Reverie taunting me
Setting in stone
A tone
Ominous, haunting me
Ending, mind-bending me
Impending doom
As the dreaded contentment
An interlude tomb
Then begins to disturb
Me from thunderous slumber
A spark to revive  
To describe my dead smile
Still playing alive
And imbibe the cascade
Conscious stream fear of falling
In love with the first sympathetic
Muse calling
Contained in a shattered frame
Out of its mind
Losing all track of time
Till the wake up call rhyme

I’m sorry I hurt you
Not worth your forgiveness
And even admitting it’s
Probably superfluous
Just what you wanted to hear
For too long
Was how I tried to sound
Like the loveliest song
But the worst I did wrong
Wasn’t something I said
But the dread overwhelming
My thoughts of you head
Unexpressed to the best
Of its unwritten stammer
Its stuttering,
Fluttering
Must impress manner
So much
So impossibly much more to say
But so little
Could even begin
To convey
What you needed to know
To be seeing
The me
Unmistakably
Who I am
Being
When I
Couldn’t tell you why
Something had changed
And the feelings I had for you
All rearranged
But still present
In each active moment
Despite how I often
Consigned
To postponement
Refined
More precisely defined
The words chosen
When once again drawn
From the depths of lament
What you mean to me
Finally
I represent

I missed you tonight
Tryna’ clean up my act
Take a night off of drinking
And thinking
Backtrack
But I laughed
At the jokes,
And the banter,
And clamor
My band and its lyrically
Stammering
Grammar
But couldn’t bemuse of who
I am enamored
With still
For it isn’t a story
To thrill
Not a glorified conquest
Of some silly girl
But the woman with whom
I would soon
Change the world

If death is just a timeless dream,
Then tomorrow
Make believe
Deceive yourself
Is guaranteed
Rest easy
You’ll see them again
Or maybe not
Beyond the end

Rather skeptical spectacle
Wouldn’t you say?
I’m a cool-headed
Sweltering hot
Winter day
Nothing special about me
Especially how
I fixate on the future
And live in the now
Just like everyone else
Play the hand I've been dealt
And I cheat only on
The true love I have felt
And expelled it from sight
No goodbye kiss
Goodnight
Just to spite myself
Loathing,
Have something to write
To relate to the rest
Of you awe-stricken
Critics,
Aesthetically-smitten,
Censorious cynics
Contestants in some sort of
Gimme more gimmicks
Olympics
And mimics of what talent’s
Really expressed
So obsessed
With the next
Biggest, best
And best-dressed
I digress,
Let it rest
Once again, who am I?
To be judging, begrudging,
Curmudgeonly so
Just one more
Unexceptional
Guy you don’t know

What they want from me
School
What they think of me
Cool
With me
I do not care
To see
More inadvertently
Misinformed
History
Slipstream the psyche
Incite
And invite me
To join in
The party
Like woebegone
Lightning
It’s often times
Frightening
How quickly
I rightly
Rewrite
What your preconceived
Narrative
Judgment
Recites
As the way it was meant to unfold
Unexpected
For I am the entrance
Examiner’s
Lessons

Know just where to sit
Bring the fringes to me
And then centralize
All of it
Cable TV
And no thanks
I’ve got plenty
Of drugs to have fun
But still innovate
Later than
Never been done
I’ve been one with
Euphoria’s
Relative
Masses
Organically
Championed
It in my classes
The last of us
Wary
There is no escaping
This room
Or this tomb
Nor the gloom
Of heartbreaking
So listen
And learn
Then apply it painstakingly
Diligent
Increment
Progress ensues
When we talk to each other
About the issues

Brain before the black face
Not so blameless
All the same
We’re misappropriating
Disparate
From mispronouncing names
Containing all the weight
Of connotations
Can’t concede
Success
Is predeterminate  
From birth
Is indiscriminately
Less
Than nothing’s worth
Caricaturing
A skin difference
As indifference
But forgive me
If my generation’s trauma
Doesn’t fit this
Foot the bill
For their transgressions
Class dividing
Greedy wretches
Old as gold
Still coins the
Bits and pieces
Of our
Great Depression

I work in the future
And thrive in the past
I live in the now
For I’ve mastered this class
Armageddon
Armed conflict
Is messy and grim
Is maniacal
Viral
Beheadings to spin
For extinct
My distinction
From that which
You cling
To popularity
As currency
Concurrently
A shopping spree
And I am just an old,
Fossilized,
Unwritten history
Predating
And presaging
Starkly raving
Of the grave
For I have been there
I have seen it
I have marched
In its parade
And I will be there at the end
To watch it all go up in flame
And in the eons passing by
They will assign me
A new name

Opportunity knocks
An incentive to write
Otherwise
It’s just normally
How I do life
Never needed a reason
Or rhyme
To break even
And I never coveted profit
Receiving
For what I’d prefer to be shared
Just like this
A communal experience
Still penniless

It’s the days I have nothing to do
I miss you
So much time on my hands
Yet I desperately cling to you
Pulling myself through
The grinding and chewing
Still breaking up fights
In the war i’m eschewing
From waging, engaging
In conflicts are raging
Around me all over the world
Although maybe
The rampant mass chaos perceived
Is in me
And the order opposing it’s
Who I should be

Still am I
The unconquered
Idyllic peace keeper
The pharaoh’s ascension
Dimension
Mind-sweeper
The sleeper cell
Dwelling in
Shrouds I dispel
In a crowd
More alone
Than a snowflake in hell
I am hubris
Exuded
In ruins
And tombs
Obelisks,
Pyramids
Only timeless exhumes
As I animate
Reincarnations
In bloom
I renew
The infinitude
Energy mood
I am food
Of all being
Ensuring tomorrow
Will still be worth seeing
And fleeing like ants
From my psychlopto-beaming
In gleaming
Infusion blasts
Madness is screaming
In wake of my earth-baking
Heat-waving
Glaive
In its razing
The wandering bodies
I crave
And emblazon
The firmament’s
Haziness maze
In my singeing wing
Signature
Look upon me
And rejoice
Or despair
You are finally free

Stalling,
Protracting
Procrastination
To its limits before
I put pen to the pages
Engage with the latest
Of sapien traits
To sate its **** Deus
Ex Machina milieu
Of acculturated
Anti-natalist ends
Without means or wherewithal
The journey expends
A final destination
Where it can reside
Free of incarcerations
I've sealed it inside
Thinking mine
Is a mind
Of exceptional kind
And I must keep it safe
From the dumb, deaf and blind
But I see what they see
What they hear
What they feel
When I make these
Insanity
Fantasies
Real

Like lovers I’ve never met
Nothing left
Left to fret
So I just stay at home
Write of
How dead I get
As to avoid
The ensuing regret I guess
Lessen the chance
Of romances
I make a mess
Couldn’t express
In a billion lifetimes
To this intimate stranger
The depths of my mind
At the first sign of feeling,
Imagining things
Fall apart
From the heartache
Catharsis
She clings
Onto its intense darkness
Salvation lost cause
One more fool’s errand to
Rectify tragic flaws

Running towards sunshines
Of our interlude
Why must my bright shorelines
The gray clouds intrude
Her storms of confessed
Tide shifting confide
Embracing tempests
I kept locked inside
Ebbing my shame
To spill into the sea
By pouring her pain
In the oceans of me
She treaded white sands
Dune walls of my heart
We dreaded dry lands
That tore us apart
We were just crashing waves
In deep blue depressant
Horizon-bound slaves
To our love evanescent

Stop and think before
You take another step away
Consider what you leave behind
In venturing astray
Yet also what perhaps, you'd find
Out their beyond the known
You never know what self-discoveries
Are waiting to be shown
When they reveal themselves to you
You may be pleased
You left your home
Or may in longing to return to it
Get lost and feel alone
But the adventure
Yes, the journey
Is a lesson to be learned
So I exhort your curiosity
To leave no stone unturned
And never fear what could be under
Heaping piles of facile
Easy roads that expedite
This life
As merely a time trial
For the walk
Within the park is nice
But why not roll
Good fortune's dice
Just once or twice
C'mon and test your luck
And what your future has in store
Or what you make of it
In tirelessly
Searching,
Seeking more

I have to accept that she’s gone
The left fading
Yet growing in strength
When we talk of pervading
We protected animals
Not even human
In ruins
We let them all grave
And got through it
Together
I tell you
United
Undaunted
Two kids in it breeding
Unheeding
In e
And trust me
I want all the revolutionaries
There
Reunion
Seeing splattered frames
Depicting
In excessive art
The drunken trip
I told my best friend
You were death
From the start
And still here we are dead
The left politics club
And we are from all ranks
Of all classes
And my family still honors me
Never without me
And when you seek
Educating yourself
To the end
It just happens
To happen
Before you are ready
The easiest living
Soon as I can remember
Myself to forgiving

Come back when you’re ready
To let me stare into you
Baring my soul
Sharing I am so
Into you
Gladly could carry on
Days unrequited
Accustomed,
I’ve learned
The best love’s
Undecided
Or certain
It’s only been felt
Unsurpassed
So we close ourselves off
And compare and contrast
Just enough
To convince ourselves
It could be fun
But commitments
To prior engagements
Become
What the one
For ostensibly
Everyone
Finds
A devotion
To never could try
Other kinds

Did I want to be rotting
With you in the ground?
Not exactly,
But by your side
Always was down