Just when it seems hopeless
You find it really is
When caving in upon you comes
The crumbling edifice
And in the midst of utter ruin
All around you lie the pieces
Of foundations and formations
You believed in
But were specious
At their best
Like drawing out your final breath
As if you could inhale
The rest of time
Before you failed
Its test

The all seeing iris imperial city
The swiftest of stylus this side of the ‘sippi
The trippiest spittin’ Promethean hippy
Conspiracy theorist of eeriest verse
The despotic hypnotic black flag bearin’ Hearst
Still immersing myself in a poverty trap
As I grapple with lack of fact check cashing crap
Cryogenically frozen emotion vibes flowin’
From out my funk bunker boombox
Overthrowin’
Your global dominion opinion with ease
Shootin’ breezes with Tirailleurs Senegalese
I’m the kid wicked picket sign paintin’ Tom Sawyer
The ill eagle Taino privilege enjoyer
Still swoopin’ in mean on each **** I make clean
Pick the bones dry of serpentine oil green dreams
Then I bury what’s left of your money machines
With the pharaohs of old’s latest pyramid schemes

Closing walls and shrinking halls
Caffeinated wake up calls
Since satin dreams are just blank screens
And smiles come from ice machines
When Bible nightstand no salvation
For the outside world starvation
Abstract art room service cart
Can't clean the mess that is my heart
So the empty ceiling stares
By these lonely corner chairs
While I find nothing on in there
That would know or even care
For free breakfast care to join
Or just a spot of laundry coin
Before I spend the day in bed
To find no place to rest my head
No early check-out I assume
From Purgatory's hotel room

Stay the same
Let me learn
In burning
Let me turn
Insane
In vain discerning
Love is made
Where none now dare
To enter pain
I see her smiling
At me
Widely
Wildly gleaming
In her eyes
Betrays she might
Assume disguise
To try me on for size
Fits all
To please her
Beckon call

Must be something
About me
Appealing
Revealing
As much as I can
Only yields
More concealing
I’ve got it together
Make money,
Enough
And I’m not the worst looking guy
Life is just rough
If you catch a few peeking
Intuit their thoughts,
Even one in a million
Crack smiles I’ve caught
But as soon as it hits me
I’ve already passed,
And it’s back alone
Back to
What’s under the mask

You live out there
For awhile
And think about
Everything you left behind
When you get down
Below despair
She’s gone
Get over it
Beware
I’m pathetic
I get it
And really high now
I’m the third wheel
My guys
You know
I get down
I get mad
I get dark
I get all these emotions
You know
All apart
From reality
Barely
In gravity
Loved her so much
That I laughed
At her ghost
For the others
My mother
Can’t talk to her now
Don’t make jokes
Or I’ll watch you die slowly
And revel in pain
And feel nothing
Inside
As I burn in the rain

Left to discordant
Decay
Left to disarray
Iron fist’s
Fiscal bliss
Impotent  
Power play
Towers and walls,
Bits of coin
And coal mines
Lots of bribes
Underlying
More sinister crimes
And the party line
Drawing
More polarized
Borderlines
Warning signs
Blinded eyes’
Views of supremacy
Racial in nature’s
Dehumanist tendency
Make nemeses
Of the poor huddled masses
And kindles their fears
Like a downfall of ashes

When she laughs
I collapse
When she takes off my mask
I can’t ask any questions
Just in her muse bask
Hope it lasts
A next day
Though aware we are doomed
To be rock bottom bottles
In trauma entombed
Slip away with her
Maybe
To save me
Tonight
She inspires
These heartfelt emotions
I write
And induces a terror
Of never forever
Like no one I’ve ever
Yet met
And then severs
All ties from attachment
Like none of it mattered
Without even trying
She renders me shattered

To talk about history
First you need war
Lot of thinking before
Was the better reform
But beware it is tyrants
And conflict engaging in
Waging warmongers
Encased in the brain again
Buying it,
Selling it,
Seeking its heat
Or its cold
Either way
Always ends in defeat

Finish your thought
And I’ll tell you the problem
It’s shitholes still saying
This nation is great
When there’s so much more human
We have on our plate
Merely trends gender spenders
In ongoing races
To get to the bottom
Of cash system’s classroom
Outcaste standard test
Makes a mess of the cost of care
Valued at less
Than a greeting card, chocolate box life
Kind of rose
When it paints way more senses  
To feel the red prose
So keep toying with nukes
Like your insolent children
I play with the matches of infinite wisdom
As self-absorbed saviors of lovers unhappy
Pretend that they know what “in sickness” could mean
Why define “My Immortal” American dream
When I know you ain’t seen every scene on the screen that I’ve seen
But you know I believe that we both like the show
So keep watching the clock go right out the window
And go head over Helios, stop and then think
As you drink in addictions they’re making you sync
And then spill ‘em in history’s permanent ink

Spellbound by her radiance
My blue natural resourceress
My damsel in distress goddess
Her Amazoness princess kiss
Casts no drought apocalips
As her spoiled kids languish
In their ignorance is bliss
I try to dry her eyes' anguish

Of floods that pour from existence
Human condition hurricanes
Of pain her tempests weep in vain
As tears of capital disdain
To wash away the stain of gain
Poisoning her brain again
Pollute her womb's bloom as we play
This methane game another day

And force her to create instead
Four horsemen mounting steeds of dread
Nightmares that run the greed stampede
That sleep in heads and soil beds
And reap the dead and dying seeds
The growing hungry mouths to feed
Exceed the planting fruited trees
Still we believe we need not grieve  

Or mourn the lesser lost species
Mere casualties to devil's deeds
And all the weeds of Eden's Eve
At its root but one deceives
And fells her to bereaving knees
Where mortals know not what it means
To taste the breeze her spirit frees
Into the wilderness of dreams

This Holy Ghost is serpentine  
Forked-tongue, snake-oiled fear machine
Robotic slaves to industries
Still fueled by God complexities
With processors that just don't see
Or hear her songs of harmony
Life's ever-beating melody
She gives us temporarily

Home to some
Back in
The sun never sets
So just let me succumb
To the burden
Of glory
Then let me write only
My side of the story

When I still use my brain
Find the waves
At the source of it
Radiates
Respirates
Shapes
The discourse of it
Takes
Its exalted,
Alt-ego
Display
And devises
More challenging roles
To portray
More urgent
Admonishment
To beware speech  
Is remembered
But renders
The colors to bleach
So it’s not what I teach
No the words
Must be written
And through divine muses
Bring you to me
Smitten

Guess I missed my meat today
Still satiate
My need to slay
Shade-casting
For my ego play
With ruffled feathers
On display
The never nether
Worldlier
Than isolationist
Dissent
Lament my oldest friend
Adorns
Me in cocoons of decadent
Ecstatic status
Boost caffeine
The fiend,
The dream,
Anthropocene

End scene on the Neogene

Where life-distort systems sustain
The epidemic apathy  
The superficial philistine
Degeneration entertain
Apocalypse obscenity
When everything's a ******* screen
Explicit content can't disclaim
The creds will roll mentality
Director's cutting guillotine
Makes severed heads and zombie brains
Of our inane humanity
One more cliche inaction scene

Exit stage fright for Pleistocene

Where anti-social norms have changed
The prof pic of society
To this no-filtered drama queen
Waging a twitter war complain
On photobombing refugee
Hashtag #unfriendthistrendregime
Unfollow Insta-claims to fame
Of Snap-storied conformity
Emoticon artists convene
To sell their Tinder-kindled pain
For likes and robot empathy
Dead to the world as they live stream

Brief Intermission Holocene

Where modern man is just a game
Of media monopoly
Rich Uncle's *** of Disney schemes
Pinochhio's nose, knows no shame
When Apple's poison byte comes free
With Mickey Mouse ABC themes
No Goofy Fox News hound can tame
The Lion King Plutocracy  
As talk show ghosts in the machine
Project deceptive astral plains
Phantasmic family tv
What's real is once upon a dream

Final act Anthropocene

Where we're all dropping acid rain
In puff-puff gas complacent-sea
Raising the level of morphine
Numbing denial river veins
To drown the truth in ecstasy
From alcoholic gasoline
That's sold dirt cheap like frack *******
By FDA approved decree
So patch it up with nicotine
And then OD on pure disdain
For sober, bleak reality
An age of addicts on drug screens

Let curtains fall to wipe us clean

Since meeting you
Haven’t made
Much time to write
And to share with you
Can’t find
The one I would like
To express what it’s like
To in just a few days
Shift away from the doldrums
Of dreary malaise
To elation,
Excitement,
And eager sanguinity
Finding someone
Who can share
My affinity
For what a simple
Arrangement of words
Can bestir in two hearts
Thrumming like
Hummingbirds

It is true
When they say
You're not you
When you're hungry
It ruins your day
When your belly is empty
Of plentiful joy
Then the slightest disturbance
Can leave you annoyed
And in dealing with others
Be flippant and curt
And in making progress,
Listless and inert
It reverts you to primacy,
Primitive need
And converts sharing, caring
To hording and greed
And will lead you to do
What you wouldn't dare deign
To consider permissible
Ways to attain
Your next meal
When you hear
Only your stomach rumbles
Succumbing to them
Just as the
Cookie crumbles
Until irrepressible
Monsters emerge
To devour whatever in sight
Can encourage
You to
Once again
Crack a mollified smile
Until the resurgence
Beguiles the bile
And after a while
Elapses, redaction
For while it grasps
At your brief satisfaction
You think only of
What remains
You can ration
As later-on's pangs
Boomerang
Right back atch'ya
The moment the flavor
Can no more be savored
And cravings enslave you again
To the anger

We get up
We work
We in darknesses
Lurk
We of earth
We forget
We were stars
Before birth
We revert to
Desert
One another
In peril
We civilized people
Prefer to be feral
And where all the wild things go
We reload
And we bode
Of extinction
Instinctively
Sown
We are harvesters
Harbingers
Of the undoing
Pollutants,
Intoxicants,
Blood debts accruing
Our own bitter end
Our untimely demise
We are all
That the known universe
Can surmise
And perhaps we are fallen,
Condemned,
Walking dead
But in fight for our life
We are thee
Watershed

But they got’chu quiet
They program your voice
Automate your decisions
And tell you it’s choice
You can go to the store
Or just one click away
But it’s they who decide
Whose to die on D-Day
And it’s war that they want
So the fear sells consent
Then they bury your rights
In 4 walls of demented cemented lament
With their power, their privilege
Their laws they’re above
So I write like a hawk
And I speak like a dove
In service to causes
Too hard to believe
For a thoughtless prayer nation
Still bending the knee

So much more to them
Than animal
These humans who survive
On half a dollar every day
A god to pray to make them thrive
And feel alive
Sometimes, a vibe
That they describe and can personify
With what lives in
Their mind
Sometimes
A million ways to question why
We weren’t given wings
To fly
So high into the heavens
Where the dreamers go
To say goodbye

The walking-by whispers
Still indicate skeptics
The stares and the glares
Still augur no eclectics
Perspective's purview
Can see through
Just what
They assume never knew me
To keep my mouth shut
Lest another linguistic restriction
Prevent us
From seeing how little is
Standing between us
Except what is visual,
Mental and muted
And misunderstood
To be more convoluted
Alterity thoughts of
The ostracized other
When so much more unites us
As sister and brother
But how to explain it,
Convey it,
Display it
Seems next to impossible
When in dismay it
Becomes yet another
Rift, schism expanding
To separate us
As if from different planets

The first pit is of meaningless
Corridors of faithlessness
Through lonely caverns wandering
A labyrinth of pondering

Then desire gathers squalls
Through restless halls and chamber walls
A tempest surge of carnal lust
Eroding true love's kiss to dust

I hunger for her poison bite
Insatiable my appetite
My penance now an icy rain
Frost-blighting teeth consume my pain

So I seek shelter from the cold
In hollow warmth of things I hold
Possessed by tangibility
Expended in a gilded sea

Poured as rivers fraught with anger
Selfish souls in warring clangor
Smote hath I, the ego lord
Now my wrath confronts the horde

As fires still rage disbelief
For lies that fuel my hellish grief
Let flames of truth incinerate
This cross of nails that seals my fate

An image dripping violent red
From severed head and children dead
So Christ's blood my sword will taste
Just one more body left disgraced

By holy water snake oils
Corrupted wretches reaping spoils
Countless lives they have destroyed
Such excess sin must share the void

But not with I, the pulse of Death
No treacheries could freeze my breath
Past Satan's frozen form descends  
My consciousness to far worse ends

A tenth circle e'er to enclose
My wilting rose in starlit glows
No depths Dante would dare to go
Existence is my inferno

The moderate
Advocate  
Has a nice
Ring to it
But I don’t **** with it
In the abstract
I’m a backtracking
Can’t find the keys
That I lack
To make open the mind
Far and wide
And retract
Every former assertion
I claimed absolute
But there has to be truth
Or else what defines proof?
I exist
I resist
Suffering
What is real
I subsist
I persist
In still trying to feel

Take your best shot
I’ll await the sales pitch
But a purchase for me
Is a matrices’ glitch
And unless it reads
Resting witch face
On the shades
You can count me out,
Just browsing…
Maybe some trades
If you’re open to bartering,
Make me an offer,
Actually,
Just leave
The keys
To the coffer

Now she is fantasies
Sanity’s
Banish me
Vanish in
All the words left
I could panic in
All culminating
In one disrepair
How ungainly the weight
Of the burdens I bear
Could successes equate
Into failures I wear
Into depths I could barely
Escape from my lair
If she’s not
Everywhere
In my sight
And my mind
And she turns back
To look in my eyes
One more time

To not smile,
Pariah
An aberrant
Miscreant
Misfit
Just trying
To speak with
This nitwit
But split with
What intellect
Left
I can find
In the weather conditions
Of my cloudy mind
My profession
Is obvious, no?
For why else
Would I dare go
Where others
Don’t care
To lend help
Unsolicited by
An archaic tradition,
A nationalistic
Hellbent
On submission
Like juxtaposed
Visions
Of master and slave
But reversing the roles
They so woefully
Play
Not the same
As one generates
What the will
Subjugates
To apposition  
The other
Can’t contemplate
Waiting and waiting
For fate
To come save him
And prostrate
Surrenders
His praises
Betray him
Allay trepidations
Of tepid impatience
For graves to at last
Come to make
His acquaintance

Don’t mean to be so
Enigmatic,
Ecstatic
Is more so
The mood
I am in
Around you
But so much to consider
Could be misconstrued
As relinquishing any
Game play
Upper-hand
When really I just
Want to you
Understand

Try to exist
And be one of the people
Pretending I'm equal
In effort I give
Just to live
And keep peaceful
Be calm with the kids
Who intrude into my
Personal introspection
And  pester me with
Their illiterate questions
Incessantly saying my name
Without aim
Without seeking to find
More that I might explain
I just wish they would go
Far away, and refrain
From frustrating me on to no end
In their game

Sick of feeling
Myself wither
Spewed it from
My shriveled liver
Winter takes a heavy toll
And lachrymose
Is my old soul
For I was once
So young with her
But can’t go back
To how we were
In love
It seems
Can disappear
Or was it even
Ever there?
Apparent in
Some kind of sense
To me
Or else
Why these laments?
She mentioned
I might be depressed
Expressing now
The evidence
Presentiments
Of no known cure
But burials
Of premature
Relinquished will
To carry on
Endure no longer
Dead and gone

In what dispelled reveries
Do we still dwell
Of what hells
Have we not yet escaped
To tales tell
Of the fell seeds awaiting
The turning and tossing
To forcefully waken
From paramours crossing
Diverging path hearts
And upon them embossing
The marks that remain
Ever fading away
To what we couldn’t say
As it resonates on
Across vast silences
Afraid
So I ask what
Forlorn warnings
Reject
Next attempts
To add more
To the discordant mess
And explore
Further out
Past the love
We’re without
At last casting
Out shadows
Of those that we lost
In doubt
That we could ever
Be floating about
Serendipity’s nebulous
Vacuous
Bliss abyss
And by some happenstance
Of most fortuitous
Feel like this
For someone else
Even more
Upon stars we could wish

It takes so much effort,
All my mental faculty
To see them equal
And deem it veracity,
Their brain capacity
Actually seems
To be emptier than
The most vacuous dreams
And my intellect screams
At the sky in defiance
But I can't deny
They are so absent-minded
At least in the ways
Of the sociopath
Who has grasped civilized
By the throat as its gasped
In the clutches of what is
Its ultimate form
I became
What it could be
An apex new norm,
But to them
I am just
Foreign ****,
Over-privileged
A money tree grown
In a garden of riches
Which just goes to show
How so little they know
Of the world as a whole
As they waste away
Playing their chattering role
Their ambition consists of
A ball and a goal
They aspire to be
What they're told
And accept
That in death they will pass into
God's divine breadth
Every breath they draw
Gnawing
On better addictions
Their language has less than
A dozen descriptions
No gifted musicians
Inspire their craft
All essentially cultural elements
Lack
And the fact is
They are just so different from me
Too condemned to this poverty graveyard
To see
That despite such a site
To behold
I am free
To be living among them
Harmoniously

You know it when you feel it
An ailment afflicting you
Slowly its symptoms,
Conditions take hold of you
Worsening sooner
Than ever gets better
Until you're a popsicle
Wrapped in a sweater
And weathering feverish chills,
Poppin' pills
As you're counting the minutes
To medical bills
Panacea prescriptions
That just makes me sicker
Than over the counter drugs
Killing me quicker
Than stuff off the streets
Uninsured of what health
Itself
Is just a privilege
Of wealth

It will still always be there
The sorrow incarnate
Explaining it would take
As long,
Disregard it
Forget it
Just let it
Come to its conclusion
The you and me
Romanticizing
Illusion
Or mostly me
Selfishly
Leading to ruin
What good ever happens
To dare I say love
Reveal itself to be
Still not quite enough

Becoming the madness incarnate
Unvarnished
I harness
The darkness
Undaunted
Still haunted
By tremors
Of traumas and dramas
Depicting my manifold
Soul-crushing ache
And I do
Like you feel it
And feel it
And break
Momentarily
Sorrow devours
Empowers my muse
Then depravity’s
Desolate desert
Ensues
And too long has its wanderlust
Rendered me
Barren
Refined and enriched
As a crude oil baron
No care in the world
My compassion is spent
Because every last love
Soon enough
Is lament
To extents only writing
Can offer reprieve
And with this
Elegy
Dead to me
Her I grieve

Bury it now
After nights of conversing
The warning signs
Clearly laid out
In immersing
Yourself
In a cyclical
Mute repetition
Refute only what
Is unjustly
Contrition  
For we in our outpouring
White guilt and shame
Cannot take anymore
But still buy it the same

If only she knew
What I went through
To find her
Fortuitously
Nonetheless
Then remind her
Each day I seek only her smile,
Her laugh
To say something worthwhile
Crossover her path
Before my epitaph
Crosses over
Unknown
And all that I have written her
Not set in stone

If only retention
Had no imperfection
If hindsight was really
A hundred percent
And if memory served
With unswerving fidelity
I’d interact with linguistic celerity
Articulate
With impeccable eloquence
Confidence in what I say
With intelligence
Read back a book
In verbatim synopsis
I got this
Before
Any public speech topics
And not just
To ego boost
Boast of my genius
I’d merely make strengths
Of my know nothing weakness

Patience
Wait
Don’t ruminate
Too long
Worst case
Scenario
Her ghost inside the stereo
Stuck in my head
Nowhere to go
It makes decisions
For me
Whoa
Possessed
Abstract
Still ill-expressed
She resonates
Elates me stressed
For now wherever she may be
In part always controlling me
No rest
But not for wickedness
Her curse was laid upon me
Kissed

Try to be better
About being worse
Off alone,
Predisposed
To around the world roam
To be homeless sometimes
To remind me it’s real
The inherent strife
Clinging to life
As I feel
Like succumbing to numbness
To turn it all off
Shut it out
And in doubt
At your faithfulness scoff

Funny how trivial
Seems the dispute
That has kept us suspended
In disconnect, mute
In a silence, protracted
Extended, no ending
Exacted
But impact is felt
In the months moving on
From the years I have dwelt
In a sweltering cauldron
Of angst-brewing enmity
Condemning me
To a spartan solemnity
Tempting me with
The tirade
Hurricane
And a rain pouring only
On my head in shame
For in vain
Have I tried
To express it to you
And instead I've sustained
The charade of untrue
But not lying
Per say
Silly me's I withdrew
Like a caricature
Reassured
You'd be there
To be laughing with at me
And actually care
To comment and critique
On the facets and features,
That needed a tweak
To be squeaky clean sneakers
Or just so to speak
Of the torments
Enormous
Afflicting me so
Lying dormant in
More I learn
Less that I know

Heedless of warning signs
Beckoning risk
Building up
Expectations
Apart
Not adrift
Taking heart
In her dubious
Drawn to conclusions
Lugubrious
Gloom
Should the tomb
Come to ruins
A room growing old,
Fading out,
Fall away
If I go with you,
Run,
Or just ask you to stay
You would have to say no
For your future is brighter
Tonight though
It’s mine
That begins with a lighter

No sun today awakes me
To a country I don't know
No solace in the overcast
Shadows you impose
Upon the dreams of old
Only nightmares now unfold
Disguised as flags of patriotic
Stories never told
By your tongue of solid gold
Your wealth piled by the load
When all the soldiers had to go
Did you humble your abode?
No, you left us in the cold
And only got us fired
On a ******* tv show

While you sat upon your throne
And thought your little thoughts,
Licked your little fingers dry
Of all the wars we've fought
In the streets you've never sought
To help rebuild the crumbling structures
Just the ones you'd bought
And only sold your soul
To the devils you hath wrought
Deep inside you're black as coal
The gaping hole within this plot
Americans that you see not
In a mind so closed and rotten
To the shallows of its core
Lies these faces all forgotten

*All these words are nothing more

There is racial hate
I just learned it too late
And now unlearning ethno-states  
How we equate
Where we could have
Created  
A sameness
In difference
A listen first
Understand,
Then your opinion
Can freely be given
And your peace of mind,
Be released
From its prison

Spelled it out
All on the line
Crystal clear
I was not quite the same
Person changed
With you here
But who didn’t
Or doesn’t
Or wasn’t
Enough
For the person they loved,
Were unworthy to touch
And behold
And adore
And amuse
And delight
In the simple,
Sincere
Sentimental goodnight
And like each of the hundreds
Before were for her
If she’s even still reading
I cannot be sure