Cracks in the muddy-caked earth
An ant crawls
Noisy children at play
Beyond these compound walls
I reflect on the day
How so much of it felt
I was wasting away
In this prison of self
In time out
In its corner
Of paradisiacal
Trials, and still want for nothing
Do I
Undesirable

Not just the absence of light
It’s much worse
An inhabited netherworld
Feel it immerse
You in lonely, forlorn
Raging storms
Of despair
Impecunious
Broken hopes
Beyond repair
To awake
The nightmare
And to dream
The escape
From desertification
You can’t cultivate
A thirst you can not sate
No, despite how the torrential
Rains inundate
The virulent,
Unruliest
Throngs of diseased
Masses begging
And praying
On prostrated knees
The gods still send their plagues
Further north from the jungle
As millions enslaved
Still
To climate-change hunger
Succumb to the rumbling of tummies
Imploding
The bloating unsightly
An air of foreboding
Still looms over me
Not a cloud in the sky
And when blinding
The sun in it
Opens my eyes
To a scenery
Stretching and rolling
Serenely
I can’t help but stare
And at peace
Give a sigh
I suppose there are places
Much worse
I could die

Long ago a creature
Of a far more primal sort,
Not fit to deem itself “a people”
Lived a nasty, brutish, short
Existence marked
By woe and ill
It reveled in recurring
Genocidal
Bloodlust for the thrill
Of an inherent need to ****
It was incapable of making
Gleaming cities made of gold
It barely scraped two stones together
Starting fires in the cold
To call it thriving
Would be lying
To the modern, honest man
Without some product to be buying
Or some money in his hand
Because today
We have forsaken
Savage ways
We have no stake in
And we only claim possession
Of the things we haven’t taken
Through the force of arms alone
Like troglodytes
With clubs of bone
For mass destruction
Weapon threats
Now keep the peace
A fallout zone
Unless the beastly race forgets
His place
Within society
And in this perfect world begets
A discontent anxiety

Profanity firestorm
Thirsting to burst
I would curse you,
Condemn you
Lay waste to your warmest embraces
Erase
Your desires
Ambitions
Your joys
And your dreams
As your faithfulness
Falls to its knees
Before me
And your peace of mind
Mine
To wage war upon
Endlessly
Senselessly slaughtering
Every serenity
Bashing your brains in
And slurping the juices
Tearing your limbs
As your screams
Are my muses
And drink to your death
In insidious glee
Then dispose of what’s left
Of your faint memory
Yes a fate
So befitting
An error of life
A mistaken creation
Would I so delight
In exacting
Or to be exact
Executing
But here is where my
****** weapon’s
Concluding

Know what you feel
Nothing else can be known
But phenomenon donning
The bare naked soul
No intelligence
Wisdom
Nor fact
Or opinion
Can ascertain truth
Like emotion’s dominion
Appealing and pandering to
Inner vision
Externally, all-seeing
Eye of believing
Beholden to none
Of the sun
But the one
Burning brightest
Alight
Even if
Out of sight
Is the proof
That in you
All the universe moves
And moves through you anew
Until all that you know
Becomes all that you knew

Earth as it’s gleaming
In radiant splendor
It renders me speechless
Tongue-twisted endeavor
A pleasure I never felt
Ever before
And a severance with
A desire for more
If I could
I would share it
With all of life’s forms
And for them proudly wear it
A crown of sharp thorns
As my hurricane brain
Storms a gentle, tempestuous
Restive and festive
Pellucid perfectionist
Scheming and dreaming
What all lack of meaning
I glean to be me
In the solace of being
As fleeting as eons
Abscond out of sight
In the eyes
Of the chosen sun child’s
Delight

Recklessly decadent self-indulgence
Spent a small fortune
With nothing to show for it
Lusting in lonely nights
Take me away from this
Take all my money
And in return
Offer ***
Next to her lying
In some kind of drunken blur
Slurring my words
Of subconscious
Inside of her
Sating the craving
How long I've been waiting
For someone to save me
From endless enslaving
To raving and raging
Against the unmaking
Of me
I do not wish to be
This man
Anymore

Can't look at her now
Couldn't even back then
I don't know if she knows
If it happened
And when
I extended my hand
On that balcony ledge
And drew her into my
Burning flag-bearing pledge
My allegiance unfaithful
To her's in its purest
Convictions as graceful
As mine
Are abhorrent
Exhorting their pleasure
Two forms pressed together
Succumbing to Hedonist
Weakness
Whenever
It renders me deader
Than "death do us part"
In contrarian fashion
To what I Descartes
For the heart
Isn't really
The love that we feel
And if she really felt it for me
Was it real?
Was it even the same
Kind of strain
Of in vain
To express it to her
As the most welcome pain
I could ever again
Comprehend
Or explain
That to be without it,
Without her
Was the end

Some old
And some new
Songs remind me of you
And say everything I
Wanted to be as true
For the two of us
Just as conflicted,
Condemned
To be every bit broken as them
Till the end
But depending on when
That would be
Always seemed
The most imminent difference
For you and me

No together forever
Betrayal to sever
No secrets of weakness
We couldn’t make peace with
The love that we had
Was a fad
Clad in sad
And the shade of your blue
Only mixed with my gray
When so far away I
Could then let these songs play

It shouldn’t be something
Just to get through
But a skill to take pride in
As one of the few
With a craft to be reveled in,
Relished, enjoyed
And on rarest occasion
A weapon employed
Should a dire most need
For a war of words waged
Upon those who prefer
The more literal graves
For their victims and enemies,
Childhood reveries
I bury mine
In descriptive serenities
Remedies curing me
Of morose maladies
Banal, mundane
Every day
Gray realities
Splitting dualities
Self-contradiction
Cognitive dissonant
Lawless conviction
A chaotic orderly
Misanthrope humanist
Spiritual atheist
Radical pacifist
Gifted with empathy
And equanimity
Equally balanced
In stoic disharmony
So alive
Dead inside
Cynic sanguinity
Outspoken introvert
Mortal divinity
Half full of doubt
And half empty of faith
Powerless to bring change
But I try all the same
And when shamed by a world
Torn apart
Just like me
I am wholly at peace
As I write poetry

I never thought raw meat
Would be a treat
I could indulge in
Yet as chewy as it was
There has not from me yet
Expulsion
Of the seasoned slab
Of crimson flesh
From mouth
Or other end
I found the flavor
Rather savory
As down my throat
Descended
Several chunks
And shredded hunks
Of some poor creature
I refrained
From asking what
The people call it
Even in a foreign name
For there is shame
I feel, still craving
Yet another juicy taste
Of what I couldn’t **** myself
Nor have the right
To deem its fate

The former me was immature
Was ignorant
Was insecure
Would instigate
And derogate
And hate
And hate
And hate
Irate
At something always
In the way,
Some implacable
Dismay
As sullen as
The color gray
Torrential was
The constant rain
Despondence
I still can’t explain
A rabid beast
I couldn’t tame
In every smiling face
Was pain
Contained within
The joy we feign
And all escape attempts
In vain
Except an early
Ego grave

At first they’ll say
It’s set in gold
Longevity
No growing old
Prosperity
For everyone
As boundless growth
Eclipses sun
And underneath
Utopian
Pretensions
Lies the rot therein
Mutations
Modified to be
Perfection
Specimens to see
What we in all
Our vanity
Have made of genes
And cells
And DNA
And God itself  
Just fades away
Awaiting Brave New Worlds
In which
Our human nature
Is the glitch
And with it switched
For automation
No more signs of life
To station
Out in space
Among the stars
Replaced by colonists
On Mars
And flying cars
Are eco-friendly
All remaining species
Envy
What they promised
Was in store
For those who pay
A little more

Of all the things I’ve ever wanted
She alone is thee most vaunted
Daunting just to think about
The way she could
Leave me without
So much as breath
Swept up and left
For dead
Bereft
Of any longer coveting
The call of sirens beckoning
A reckoning
They can’t contain
Can’t fathom
Whispering my name
Seduction’s winner-
Take-all game
I’ve played
And won
And tied
And lost
Too many times
To count the cost
And so instead
Refused to spend
Another dime
On bedded dread
For freely she
Still haunts my head

Rainy seasons never end
Just render me a sodden mess
Downtrodden in unrest distress
Yet sleepy and somnambulant
Have bent me to their will’s intent
To from this place I will egress

And seek to leave the rest behind
These people need me not to care
To pity, sympathize or share
The burdens bearing down upon
Their shoulders as they carry on
And wear their rags of proud despair

And there among them, take my place
Embrace a way of life without
Utopias I dreamt about
But still a form of paradise
Despite the lack of love for Christ
An alternate salvation route

Gone long ago  
Up and vanished
From here
the bewildering wildlings
Never appear
Anymore
In the form
Of imaginative
Vivid images we
Had envisioned as kids
Overprivileged to live
In a kingdom of sky
In a reverie
Tucked into sleep
Lullaby
An illusory fantasy
Story belied
By the monsters beneath
The wars raging outside
Castle walls we sequestered
Our western ideals
Civilized since the dawning
of time
Isn’t real
And revealed to the kneeling
To its old and gray
Scientific divinities
Still on display
In decay
Preservation encasing
A once upon kind
Of design for eternity’s
Undying mind

Give thanks
To the drawing of breath
In each step
Of the liquid life
Passing your lips
To exist and be with
Those your love can’t resist
And regret not
Mistakes you have made,
And remade
Prices paid
And replayed
In your head
As you sought to redeem
Your transgressions instead
Of your blessings
In counting them
Maybe you’d see
There is little to fret about
No malady
Making ill
The unwilling
For granted, take health
Or to measure their worth
In material wealth

And as they moved through me
Subdued me
Removed me
From me
I was dying to be,
They renewed me
Imbued me with latent
Amazement
Awakened
By rhapsodies
Captive
Was I
To the fragrant
Effulgent, ephemeral
Flashes of brilliance
In clashes of titans
And gods of Olympus
Divining themselves
From ethereal epics
Eccentric
Poetics
Extant in their shape-shifting  
Peripatetic
Adventure to find
Where the sea
Meets the sky
Where a pure inspiration
Beholdens the eye

How quickly a year
Can elapse
Is astonishing
Make every moment
Worthwhile
Admonishing
Me
To be actively present
And pleasant
Each second
Or live to forget
The remembrance
In remnants of memories made
In sustaining
Begrudgingly forcing
Facades of equating
Superior intellect
Deigning to feigning
This greeting sincerely
A matter of act
To surpass the harassing
******* in class
In cacophonous braying
Displaying a crass
Disposition of *******
Herd-mindless en masse
Merely falling in line
Until their turn to die
Comes as natural to me
As the killing of time

We try to sound
Profound
As we
Expatiate
Not meaning to
Pontificate
Philosophies
We contemplate
More often end up
Platitudes
Convictions we assert
Assured
Of righteousness
And rectitude  
Conflating faith with certitude
In provenances
We conclude
Consensus from the misconceptions
Answers to subsume
The questions
Even if the faintest doubt
Still lingers on each word
Of mouth
And furtively betrays
Ideals
As easily
As Death reveals
Itself to all of those in time
Who claimed in life
Divine design
More absolute than its unmaking
Predicating
Their awaiting
Finitely
To resurrection
On hypotheses
Of heaven
Fallible
Incredible
Intangible
Untenable
But nonetheless
Congenital
Is man in all his arrogance’s
Gods upon a pedestal

Love is like
A house of cards
A work of art
That falls apart

What nobody else sees
Or can know about me
I divulge to the shadows
Unreservedly
An unvarnished self-portrait
Devoid of redactions
An honest account
Of my crooked transactions
A pact with the demons
To spare me from their
Maledictive libations
And impish fanfare
That befall me
Involuntary
When I try
To ask god why we die
And receive no reply
Only silence do I
Spy with my little eye
When I lie awake
Counting the ghosts
I descry

Sometimes
When I can't seem to sleep
I can write
Like a maniac raving
In slavish delight
To the barking mad
Lunacies
Loneliest night
Where I moonlight as me
And upstage other parts
That I keep under wraps
And entombed in the dark
Like a heart in a jar
On display in a bleak
Show museum
When I can't seem to sleep

And what secrets I keep Are all leaked to the public
But no one one among them
Would durst to be cursed
By my hex of depressive
Confessions immersed
In abysmal residual
Remnants of past
Strewn and scattered memories
Shatter like glass
From a cracked-mirror fist
Of what does it all mean
Still attempting to piece back
Together a dream
Just as broken as ever
Awoken to greet
The deceit I delete
When I can't seem to sleep

Merely reach for the pen
And allow it to speak
For the creature contained
In this well-mannered freak
Where by day it maintains
An illusion defusing
Conflictual bombs
All around me before
They explode into qualms
That I have with a world
In despair,
Disarray
Disrepair
And dismay once again
My disguise will betray
The real self
I withheld
But I'd like you to meet
The complete version counting
The seconds like sheep
In my true nature form
When I can't seem to sleep

There is just too much possible
Human capacity
Shrouded in secrecy
Sealed in mendacity
Boxed away, locked
In a crate
Where it waits
To reveal itself to
Unsuspecting primates
Unprepared to see through
Panicking panoramas
Of primitive man
In his going bananas
Default modern setting
Upon the discoveries
Later regretting
Forgetting mistakes
Of the past
As we make
A genetically-engineered future
At stake
Is the current world order's
Next failed
Nation state
And the fate of a species
Contingent on how
We all lose track of time
Living here
In the now

And now we write
The day away
Concluding it
Where it shall stay
Remain as but a fragment
Of what recollections
Happen
To be worthy of remembrance
In my preservation habit
Of a life no one
Need ever know
Yet still compelled
To something show
The glow of my lucid shadow
And even if
The only one
Who sees it is
What I've become
At least I find some solace
In believing it is found
By the erstwhile selves
Whom in which dwells
These letters
Leather-bound

This love/hate relationship
With
Human races is
Making me crazier
Than the creationist
Over and over
Repeating the verses
Conversing with ghosts
Who immerse them
In worthlessness
When in response
Only silence reverberates
And the faint something
Of nothing is heard
By the good word
Prevarication
Reassured
By the spirited leaders
Atop bottom-feeders
Still feeding their people
The crumbs of deceivers
Though stale it prevails
To curtail what the famished
In their desperation
Need filling
When vanished
Their saviors abandoned their
Faith itself banished
To turn to
And yearn through
The darkest night dim
Light's delusional hope
They'll be welcomed back in
A kingdom
Of the Perfect One's
Glory,
Behold!
Lording over their souls
Like a dragon does gold

In fantasy fallacies
Covetous malice is
Greediest deities'
Vanity palaces
Callous regarding
The weary and meek
The ostensible shepherds
Just wolves among sheep
Counting each of their
Unanswered prayers
Before sleep
Yet despair doesn't seem
To preclude
Pleasant dreams
Nor to render naivity scenes
To demean
What of logic and reason
Should clearly evince
They abandoned us long ago,
Haven't cared since
And their whereabouts
Unbeknownst
Mystery ways
Inexplicable how
They free will us
As slaves
The obsequious miscreant
False prophet faith
Inculcated in cults
Of a non-personality
Spreading its virulent
Indigent malady
Bow and prostrate yourselves
On your knees
Cowardly
Why fear what hasn't appeared
In the flesh
To be real
Why exalt higher powers
Except how you feel
Leaves me reeling,
Unraveling
Traveling
Gone again
Out to let go
And expose
Gods
As frauds of men

If I could be any known
Creature on Earth
I'd still choose to remain
The same human since birth
Have I been, and am currently
Will be for more
Of the time, only I
Can decide what it's for
What's in store
What awaits
To embrace
Me with only what we
Higher apes
Could lay waste
To rapacious,
Voraciously
Taking a taste
Of forbidden fruits ripe
With the sins we have chaste
For what other such beast
Could destroy and create
A feast for the gods
That we make
As we mate
Procreating the future
And sealing its fate
In a consequence drenched
In a floodwater's rise
Of the actions we take
And the plans we devise
To ascend to the skies
We can rationalize
The absurdest demise
And as chaos enraptures us,
Captures us, caged
We unleash feral rage
And bring order from chains
But are bound only by
An instinctual drive
To not merely survive
But as civilized, thrive
On our own two feet striding
To the other side
Of the lives of the billion
And counting
Supreme
Zoological,
Often illogical
Beings
With fallings as graceful
As "death do us part"
And with hearts that beat just
As abstractly as art
Can we render it all
With a sentient perception
A meaningless void
In a sea of depression
Or be overjoyed
By our manic expression
Of what makes us same
Makes us tame the insane
Makes us whole
Makes us all people, equal
Indivisible

The morning forlorn
After stormiest grays
By the rooftop is borne
The residual rains
A mellifluous sound
Pitter-patter atop
The tin ticking in rhythm
To my alarm clock
To be tranquilly roused
From intermittent slumber
Dispelling my scatter-brain dreams
As the thunder
Recedes from the night before's
Boisterous bellows,
Awakes to the break of day's
Mellowest yellows
And shades of the silhouette trees
At high noon
Complimenting the hues
Of my colorless blues
But contrasted against
Scintillating elation
Of past paradise's
Fragmented mentation
Demented dimensions
Of polychromatic
Prismatic
Ecstatic
Sporadic sense
Magic
The tricks that it played
On my mind
Automatically
Made in my image
A timeless depravity
Gravity swept off its feet
With a stroke
Of a heart so replete
With the ones that it broke
And oh how it wrote
Of lament penitence
To dispense with such beauty
I haven't seen since

Suppose I Should have warned you
We're impossible to ****
Composed of paragraphs
Our bodies are
The pages that we fill
And will precede us
For eternity
Preserve a lucid legacy
Remember us
If merely
In the dreams
Of our posterity
To follow free
As avidly
As writers on the storm
Of what we couldn't keep inside
Another captive minute more
and so in paroxysms
Scripted
Extrication from
The norm
An insurrection on
Existence
Indomitable
Resistance
And refused to come with quietly
A voice-suppression system
Raising volumes
Of our voluble
So much to say
But taciturn
Temperament
Defenses
Of the peace
For which we yearn
When turning tides of war within
To galvanize their inspiration
Often sought
But seldom found
Without an inkling's
Inclination
To encrypt it in
Eclipses
Of the cosmic joke's
Ellipsis
And persist in our struggle
To give life
To the unwritten

Stop me if you've heard this
Tired joke
Another time
Before I tell my own rendition
And deliver the punchline
With all the impact of
A ton of bricks
Pianos from the sky
Falling down upon your head before
You laugh so hard
You die
Upon realizing just how swiftly,
Just how quickly
It is taken
Could be minutes,
Even seconds
But you never will awaken
Once the Sandman claims a stake in
You, and tips the hourglass
As you descend within its grains
To plummet past a flashing past
Before your eyes is cast
Rewind
What then becomes
The conscious mind
To have so ardently endured
Travails and trials
Of absurd
Why did you feel?
Why did you love?
Why look for answers
Up above?
Why seek you for
More to this life?
Why even suffer
Wrong and right?
When from beginning
To the end
Knew all along
Never again
Could you forestall
Inexorable
Nor rise from its
Impending fall
From whence we crawled
Out of its depths
And slithered till we
Stood *****
Will be the one and only
Destination that awaits
So stop me if you've heard
The twisted
Sense of humor
Of the fates

The city light stars
Still appear to me scars
On the surface of Earth
More resembling Mars
Than the sapphire,
Emerald
Bejeweled sphere of life
With a white veil of clouds
To shield us from the light
Of the sovereign
Solar glare's
Untimely flare
And the holes
In the ozone
We can not repair
Nor can we reconstruct
Thawing glacial palatial
Ice capitals crumbling
In queendoms of Nature
The nature of humans
To topple it,
Profit it
Then in its place
Build a shining metropolis
Profligate in
Its consumption expansion
Suffusing, subsuming
The entire planet
New homes
From the old
To seek shelter from cold
Are those city light stars
Such a sight to behold

Is it just me
Or have things gotten better?
Returning to site
And they're friendly as never
Before have they treated me
With such respect
I find even most children
No longer reject
My innocuous presence
And patience it seems
To be even expressed
By erstwhile relentless
Antagonists testing
My patience each day
Prior to this surprise
Pleasant as it may be
I still can not surmise
If they finally welcome me,
One of the people
And learned to accept me
As different
But equal

Since when did the weekend
Become such a drag
Through the mud-sodden,
Down-trodden
Lack of hashtag
Merely lagging behind
The industrialized
Celebration of making it
More civilized
Advertised for the rest
To behold such success
And to flaunt its extravagance
Fanciest dress
To get messed up in public
With no consequences
Except apprehended's
Outlandish expenses
Now palisade fences
Like barricades render me
Stultified, dead inside
Life I pretend to be
Life of the party no more,
Who is that?
Former specter of my
Sordid, unsorted past
Which I long to remember
Its tenderest moments
The days I could actually love
Earnest romance
Seem now altogether
As severed from my
Memory as forever
Awaits me to die

Could have never imagined
Nor dare even fathomed
That hell could be found
On the living plane's planet
Yet in its appearance
Belies a deceptive
Visage of contented
Condemned to the
Reckoning fields
They are tending
Which seldom aflame
But to nurture the soil
No infernal blaze
Of eternal pains
Boil
The suffering seems to be lost
On the tenants
Who don't see the land devils'
Levels, the menace
Their sustenance nourishment
Share of the crops
Just enough to ***** out
Where the stockpile rots
If through wandering eyes
One can spy where it lies
And to what reapers' scythes
They owe such a demise
As this gradual,
Downward pull
Into the pits
For the one who has risen
From deaths worse than this
But to them it is home
Pandemonium only
To one who in Heaven itself
Was still lonely

Don't drink it often
But when I do,
Wow!
I forget how it hits me
With such a jolt
Pow!
Like a shock to the system
A bolt to the brain
Enervated no more
All day long can sustain
An activity level
Atypical for
The reciprocal
Proximate cause
Proxy war
Splitting me at the seams
So fatigued
By the need
To feed on more salubrious
Gardens of greens
And tonight if I sleep
Will be with
An outpacing
Evasive maneuver
From thoughts are still racing
Through multitudes of
The senescence depression
Without it
Decelerating
My momentum
Abstention from
Communication pretension
With one sip is shifted
And lifted
From trenches
To crestfallen peaks
Of surprise I could even
Remain on my feet
Long enough to reprieve in
Revitalization
Of small conversation
A chat over coffee cups
Stirred, never shaken

Study me
Etch your recordings
And findings
Display me in cages
And book cases bindings
My kind did to yours
Far more worse
Inhumanities
When we spoke alien
Language
Profanities
All that was heard
All we saw
Was the enemy
Somehow at odds
With what we
All pretend to be
Not just a *******
Reflection
Of people
Behaving like animals
Eating their equals
And keeping the rest
In repressive states
Vexed
By the next culture war
To determine whose best

It creeps about seeking
A mouse to devour
Sniffing and pawing
It licks at the air
Half its ear has been torn
In a scrap of claws bared
A brief skirmish
With some
Other feral
Feline
Who might have been set to pounce
On a clean ****
But instead was left hungry
With nothing to fill
Its thin belly
And so
It continues to search
Gleaming eyes in the night
Are as bright
As a star
And I wonder
What goes
Through its mind
From afar
Try to beckon it over
To my open door
So my chronic rat problem
Might soon be no more
But it clings to the shadows
And scans about hawkishly
Prowling and preying
And eyeing me cautiously

Wishing you were anywhere
But here
Can be
A decent state to be in
If you can still appreciate
The kindnesses you're gifted
Without so much to part with
Or to donate foreign strangers
Who have been on the receiving end
Of their fair share of dangers
When displaced in distant
Destinations
Illuminations
Of the darkest spaces
All too often getting lost
In what I thought
Might find myself again
In Paradise’s cost
Another fortune
Disproportionately
My prerogative
Compared to millions out there like me
Who may have much more to give
Than take away
From every goodness sake
And goodest grace
The human race
Seems willing to embrace me with
Despite the dearth they make
A common trait among the masses
I am still content
To exploitate

Not blind,
But perhaps
Blind ambition became
The undoing for which
We remember their name
The ones who inspired,
Commanded great legions
But made far more graves
Than they ever made
Freedmen
With exploits of legend
Like food for the masses
And earth could be heaven’s
Equivalent rations
But flags they were wrapped in
Were packaged for sale
And utopian dreams
Weren't drawn to full scale
Only drawn to the power
Corrupting ideals
And then gone in the flames
Was the heart that it steels

Allow the unconscious
To freely express
What the rest of you chooses
To often repress
And expects will be met
With a world of resentment
By those who know not
What it means to be sentient
Be present and gifted
With all of its power
As from their own shadows
They run, hide and cower
Without delving into
The places they've been to
When their state of mind
Couldn't even begin to
Explain or refrain
From still trying in vain
To make sense of the universe
Hurting their brain
But a pain such as this
Of abysses consists
What is merely and nearly
Harmoniously
Reconceiving
History
Where all of you come from
And where you return
Is the same
So for now
Just continue to learn
How to be the best you
Of the highest virtue
And in come what may,
Stay
To that entity true

You know it when you feel it
An ailment afflicting you
Slowly its symptoms,
Conditions take hold of you
Worsening sooner
Than ever gets better
Until you're a popsicle
Wrapped in a sweater
And weathering feverish chills,
Poppin' pills
As you're counting the minutes
To medical bills
Panacea prescriptions
That just makes me sicker
Than over the counter drugs
Killing me quicker
Than stuff off the streets
Uninsured of what health
Itself
Is just a privilege
Of wealth

Hours evaporate
Outside the box
But I still think in terms
Of inside ticking clocks
What is locked away
Is my creative
Shortcoming
Undone
I forgot what it means
To have genuine fun
Always running to something
And from so much nothing
Or everything all at once
On my trail hunting
Me down with relentless
Pursuit of perfection
I want to be better than best
But still question
Exactly just what
Do I need to be more
Than the same silly kid
I don't know anymore

The outcast disheveled,
Bedraggled and weary
Strolls into town
Dragging his feet
Through the dreary
Disdain and contempt
Perforating eyes poke
Like a razor-sharp scrutiny
Dagger
The cloak?
Is what he can still manage
To keep under wraps
Of the cut from the beggar's cloth
King of the scraps
Kind of life
That subdues him
Seclusion recluse
In hermitic exile
To be of some use
Just to loosen the noose
Of the netherworld
He extricated
Himself
From its idle inertia
Stagnation he dwelt
In a stasis field
Reeling in
Static nomadic
Ideals of adventure
And methods Socratic
He queried and pondered
How could he employ
And perhaps someday feel
But an instant of joy
Yet the place that he found
Now the same
Leaves him bound
In its living hell spell
Like a mostly ghost town

Somehow abnormal
To not need attention
To not crave the warm,
Soothing touch
Of affection
Been left to my own
Plot devices
And vices
And try as I might
Nothing seems to excite me
Entice me
Lust used to ignite me
Rewrite me
Completely
But only for her
And for her
What we were
Is no more
My brief blush
With polygamy
Ended before
I could flirt with disaster
And court her calamity
After enraptured
By love in its vanity
I just watched sanity
Slipping away
And still unto the goddess
Of discord
I pray

Afternoon thunderstorms
Burst on the scene
But vanish before
But a lightning bolt seen
And all we can do
Is await it to dissipate
Listen to it
Hit the steel roofing corrugate
Anticipate when the sun
Again shows its face
Maybe this evening
A fleeting glimpse setting
And hopefully heralding
Midnight tranquility
No later torrential
Waking calls
Chilling me
Down to the bone
Guaranteeing tomorrow
I can't charge my phone
For the power again
Will be absent 'till when
I know not
Deprivation from
Illumination will end
And then I can pass time
Blankly staring at screens
Until afternoon thunderstorms
Burst on the scene again

So these are mysterious ways
That you work in
Letting there be light
But barely it's working
So dim is the bulb
No appliances charging
It's not even worth
Turning on
As I barge in
Excited, anticipating
What it brings
To devices long dormant
In futility
And my patience wears thin
As my frame ever thinner
When darkness is all
That comprises my dinner
Why can't it flow through
Unabated in full
Surging currents
That do
What they're supposed to do
It seems simple enough
All the power lines stand
So why doesn't it reach us
Precisely as planned
Economics allow
Is it too much to ask
For it
Right ******* now?!

The walking-by whispers
Still indicate skeptics
The stares and the glares
Still augur no eclectics
Perspective's purview
Can see through
Just what
They assume never knew me
To keep my mouth shut
Lest another linguistic restriction
Prevent us
From seeing how little is
Standing between us
Except what is visual,
Mental and muted
And misunderstood
To be more convoluted
Alterity thoughts of
The ostracized other
When so much more unites us
As sister and brother
But how to explain it,
Convey it,
Display it
Seems next to impossible
When in dismay it
Becomes yet another
Rift, schism expanding
To separate us
As if from different planets

An entry a day
To the traveler's journal
Demobilized in
A remote sanctuary
Continues momentum
Like pendulums swinging
Since feet remain
Stuck in the muddy
Moors clinging
To boots and to soles
Of his running shoes glued
To the ground
His legs hardly can move
Anymore
But he does
It because
To be stagnant and seated
Just pents up his energy
Not yet depleted
Completely on one more
Delusion crusade
Where these words come to life
Than as all things
Must fade

Stalling,
Protracting
Procrastination
To its limits before
I put pen to the pages
Engage with the latest
Of sapien traits
To sate its **** Deus
Ex Machina milieu
Of acculturated
Anti-natalist ends
Without means or wherewithal
The journey expends
A final destination
Where it can reside
Free of incarcerations
I've sealed it inside
Thinking mine
Is a mind
Of exceptional kind
And I must keep it safe
From the dumb, deaf and blind
But I see what they see
What they hear
What they feel
When I make these
Insanity
Fantasies
Real