Without turmoil
Turning from turbulent
Trials
To what I’ve compiled
In more secret files
How miles and miles
I’ve traveled and tread
To eventually find
What goes on in my head
Is a spiraling
Virally
Spreading
Contagion
The rage
Can’t contain
The mass grave
I am caged in
Before
In my bouts
Of capricious good luck
I have sought after
Found
Raking long in the muck
A compassionate partner
To clean up my act
To provide me a peace
I’ve so ceaselessly
Lacked

We all have a role to play
Function to perform
Within society
We try to be
A little less forlorn
About the whole entire
Universal
Existential
Crisis
Seeking purpose
From the worthless
Void
That even now
Must write this
Affirmation
Of self-righteousness
What validates the strife
A simple note
A memory
And in totality
Is life

I’m grateful
Is all I can say
On a day
Where dependence
Sustains me
And expertise may
Be the primary reason
I still get to write
Get to live to see futures,
Sleep soundly at night
Because I cannot cut
The afflictions from skin
Can’t return me home safely
From waiting rooms
Been
On the operate table
The last couple hours
As people who care
If I make it
Empower
My waking mind’s eye
To in vertigo
Know
That although
Limited
Not my time yet
To go

Look out
One last time
How it all
Just goes by
How I started here
No one
Afraid to be seen
Lacking confidence
Cognizance
It would soon mean
So much more
Than a job
Now a part of me
Robbed
And though grateful
A hateful
Irate
Inclination
I can’t seem to quell
To dispel
Its frustration
When duties I’ve taken
For granted
Retired
And services rendered
No longer required

I’m not scared anymore
I’m just tired
Exhaustively
Seize where it goes
Does my lowest point
Caustically
Seek to corrode
The empyrean edifice
Feckless kings’
Treacherous
Half-assed attempts
To seem not
But a nemesis
Rather the victim
The hero
The savior
The puppet in penguin suit’s
Bankruptcy wager

Check my ambitions
Of power and greed
For today I must write
What the histories
Read
Not what leaves me
Beleaguered by
Years of devotion
Implosion
Awhirl with
Conflicted emotion
On one hand
The wheel
Toward the road ahead
Steering
Just now I’m not paid
To set down the path
Veering
The other still reaching for
Lists to give
Tips
And a look back to see
The familiars I’ve missed
How I wished to keep
Rolling along
What I learned
A new town
The best spots
Play my songs
As I earned
An affordable  
Stature
An honestly
Modest
Addition
Opinion
On timeliness
Promised
A charioteer
For a castle beside
The vast shore
And horizon
Deep into
I’d ride
Down its corridors
Stride
In its passages
Hide
And its passengers
Welcomed
Their guide to confide

My overloaded  
Brain
Is short-circuitously
Sane
And drained away
Its finely balanced
Jenga tower
Pieces lay
All strewn about the floor
Defeated
I’ve conceded
Earnings needed
When the wellsprings that sustain them
Are supposedly
Depleted
And it seems
Despite devotion
To in service
Indispensable
Convenience
Kindness
Courtesy
Is not so fundamental
As to render it
An integral
Expenditure
To budget
And from livelihood
Parts of me  
Now they must cut it