What this is
You’re dealing with
Emotions
Are no incident
But what you are
Cannot be changed
Cannot be snipped
And rearranged
Cannot be plainly
Simply
Gone
But can’t be right
To deem it wrong
If I have not
Been sliced by steel
And not been given
Time to heal
To feel
That this is truly me
Transitioning
Androgyny

Much has been lost
Has been wasted
In vain
Have I granted
More former
Engagements
A claim
Have I harbored
More harbingers
Of my demise
Was I born
Have I worn
This whole time
A disguise
Was I really there
With her
Do I awake
Days
Have unnervingly
Quickened
Their pace  
I’m afraid
That it goes
All for not
But our scars
And tattoos
As our bones
Feed the earth
And the life it renews

Maladies
I have a myriad
Period
Free will
Dystopian
Broken
No hope again
Basically
Sad by default
Feeling sick
Of existing
To quicken the pace
I submit
To an overlord
Order
I staunchly oppose
I’d force open
The border
But let the doors
Close
And can’t help
But adore her
As I decompose
Finding some last
Delusional
Semblance
Of purpose
In work
In abstractions
Attempts to
Convert this
Innate worthlessness
To constructively
Gained
From my fate at its terminus
Publicly
Hanged

Senescence in dissonance
Vanishing empathy
Shadow peripheries
Routine
Is sanctity
Memory
Failing me
Try as I might
To prevail
Something ailing me
Veiled
In impermanence
Desperate to last
As if rest of our lives
Before eyes
Hasn’t flashed
Past already
It’s heavy
The burden of knowing
The growing pain
Slows
When you cease
Undergoing
Imperative change
To the honeymoon
Phase
And with one simple phrase
Until death’s
How it stays

Boy
On his own
Now to find her
A home
Where it goes
From first steps
To the depths
No one knows
And despite how he fails
To exemplify man
She is with him,
She’d miss him,
Beside him
She’d stand
Should the aggregate good
Be excluded
From mind
And we turn
Face to fate
With the end of our time

Don’t let it settle
The thoughts into place
Lest you linger too long
In contemplative space
And let dwelling
Impel you
To stay in suspension
Remain in a state
Of immense
Apprehension
A tension
That stretches
And pulls you
Apart
Discontentment
Embitters
And sours
Your heart
Until want for not
Need no companion
Engagement
Embrace your relationship
Sinking estrangement