Am I actually sleeping
Or resting assured
Am I truly at peace
Or some sort of unmoored
Don’t know nothing about me
Just how I would feel
If I left her without me
The rest is unreal
Now I’m too deep
Too far
To turn back
Even if
Shades of solitude
Often too
Hard to resist
But still vastly outweighing
My thrive in the dark
Is my strive
To undauntedly
Follow my heart  
And dispose of the key
That once locked it away
And get used to the growing old
Life
Day by day

The power of our words
More than ever
Consequential
Merely publicly  
Expelling them
Can earn yourself
A medal
Or a cancellation
Fee
Discontinued,
Disavowed,
Disowned,
Disposed
Dismissively
So how to speak
And what to write
Nothing I say
Is ever right
And everybody is a victim
Of appropriated
Plight
And all their trauma
Melodrama
Just a newsfeed
To recite
A misinformed
Discord
Disorder
Terms
Conditioned
To comply
So keep it scrolling
Keep me posted
Only if
You tell me why

You don’t seem like
The small talk
Kind
So tell me
What is
On your mind
And in your heart
What claims
Your soul
What urges
Can you not
Control
Withhold
What you’d prefer to share
What most in public
Wouldn’t dare
Divulge
If it indulges sleep
You can’t be sure
Your secrets keep
Or that I’d seek
To understand
Reciprocate
Your candor
And
Expect
My intellect
To match
Gratuities
Preferred
In cash

You think I’m unaffected
Disinfected from the plague
But I grow sicker
As we wither
And they bicker
In The Hague
So don’t mistake this
For indifference
Won’t enlist
In their campaign
Of genocide
And Bidenomics
And its proxy war
Ukraine
So keep decrying its inflation
Boast its by
The numbers game
I’d rather focus on
The ones who
Inhumanely
Test its aim
So don’t disown me
If I only
See an arsenal arrayed,
Object to pay
To play a role in its
Unjustified
Crusade

What divinities
Beckon me
This time
Enchanted
Enraged consciousness
In a shell of
Recanted
Positions all formerly
Formative
Certain
Result in this normal
Pejorative
Version
This boring
Embittered
Automaton
Person
More callous
More crass
Far less likely
To help
Unless it
Can enrich
My immortalized
Self

******
In my loneliest sorrow
Foreboding
Yet for
Her I do
Know I have to keep going

Atoned
For my failing
My feeling
Like ****
By unmaking myself
More becomingly numb

Then disowned
But immersed
In material worlds
In my alienation
Recounting the girls

I bemoaned
Of my heartache
Uniquely
Distinct
As if no other lovers
Expressively inked

Their enthroned
In eternal
Forevers unfolding
Just finally found mine
In her close to me
Holding

You’d think by now
I’d overcome
My undoing
Reclusive
Obtuse
Of no use
Just consuming
Indulgently,
Carelessly,
Selfishly
Sating
My lust
For the never enough
Stuff I’m craving
But they could all watch me
To no end devour
Avert their gaze
Flee from my gaping jaws
Cower
Before my voracious
Most wasteful
Disdain
In its hungry indifference
Treats them
All the same