Still nonetheless
Hurts
Your reversal
Of fortune
What’s up wit me?
Now you see
In full distortion
Was not what you wanted
Expressed
Or repressed
Miss me
Just keep me guessing
Hurts still
Nonetheless

Coward
You felt it
I know it
So chase it
Don’t ghost its
Verboseness
Its lack of embraces
Its pauses in places
Its stuttering
Muttering
Fluttering
Bumblebee
Try as I might
There is lonely
My lunacy
Solely
My infancy
Slightly matured
More inured to the suffering
Sooner you bring
More restored
By the solitude sorrows
I sing
Upon feeling the jolt
Of your poisonous sting

Worked hard for this bastion
With masterful
Craftsmanship
Forged
In a crucible
Of my undoing
Secured
Rest assured
In catastrophe
Brewing
Like cauldrons
Of storms
Like calderas
Of potions
Like maelstroms
Of mind
In a sea of emotions
I’ve courted disquiet
Cocooned in unease
A tumultuous riot
Adorned in oblivion
Shrinking like violet

Running out of
Ways to care
You win some
Lose some
Grin and bare
The failure
Incomplete successes
Life is making
Cleaning messes
Shame,
Humiliation
Stresses
More or less
A desperate plea
A cry for help
Since infancy
Along the way
Some tend to hear it
Seek your truth
Then come to fear it
So, I’m simply finished
Trying
Here on out
Just keep on dying

I am the imminent
Detriment
Human,
The eat the rich
Feed the poor
Final solution
Delusions of grandeur
Commanded
Beside
Shadow valleys
And alleyways
No place to hide
Nor a refuge
Awaiting
My ego escape
Just the alternate one
That looks good in his cape
And the gaping vast maw
Of the void opens wide
And there’s no place to run
And still fewer to hide
Now coerced to confront
Its indulge affirmations
Its many minds,
Many lives,
Infinite faces
I still play the game
And claim victory
Seamlessly
Seizing my darkest desires
Since infancy
Infamy,
Outcast,
Pariah
Expelled
And despite how deep into
The distance
I meld
There is no sanctuary
In which I confide
The unspoken
More vocal
Than no place to hide

Is this why I do
What I picture
Undone
Why internalized voices
All rolled into one
Like a gun to the temple
Corroding the psyche
Gets triggered in silence
Appearing unsightly
Unloading its violence
In public now
No chance
I’ll ever come quietly
Not so politely
Conveying anxiety
Try as I might
To cast doubt
And aspersion
There’s something unspeakably
Sinister
Lurking
And surfacing
So close
To breaking the skin
Is its
Solace in madness’s
Most aloof grin

Had it all figured out
On my way up
From way down
Commitments to change
Into willingly bound
Just to meet unforeseen
Redirection
Temptation
Throw it
All away
On a whim’s
Inclination
In case it should vacate
Holistic embraces
The pieces all present
But in the wrong places
Or forced into place
Where they do not belong
Now it’s stuck in my head
Like some kind of love song